Adrian Vale died.
Not valiantly. Not tragically. Not even impressively.He tripped over the cord of his gaming chair, slammed face-first into his monitor, and the last thing he saw was Steam asking him to update again.
When he opened his eyes, he wasn't in a hospital. He wasn't in Heaven. He wasn't even in Hell. (Although, to be fair, Hell probably had better tech support.)
He was floating in a glowing void, surrounded by confetti cannons and a giant holographic wheel spinning in front of him. Above it, obnoxiously bright neon letters flashed:
"CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED FOR REINCARNATION!"
Adrian squinted. "…Oh no. It's gacha."
The wheel's options blinked in bold lettering:
Demon Lord Slayer Pack – Infinite Strength!
Dragon Emperor Edition – Comes with Harem DLC!
Immortal Sage Bundle – Infinite Mana + Complimentary Beard!
Café Management Simulator 3000 – ???
Adrian pointed. "Okay, seriously, what masochist puts café management next to world-ending power builds?"
The wheel spun itself before he could object. Click, click, click— and, naturally, stopped dead on:
Café Management Simulator 3000.
A trumpet fanfare blared. Fireworks erupted. A banner unfurled from the void itself, reading:
"Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a Multiverse Gaming Café™! Please enjoy your eternal afterlife of customer service!"
Adrian stared. "You've gotta be kidding me."
A booming voice cheerfully continued:"Warning: Failure to meet sales quotas may result in foreclosure, repossession of soul, or reincarnation as a mop. Thank you for your cooperation."
"…A mop?!" Adrian yelled. "That's not reincarnation, that's forced janitorial duty!"
The void didn't answer. The wheel disappeared. The confetti cannons went poof.
Adrian was left floating in silence, dreading whatever nightmare was about to load.
And thus, his new life began—not with a sword, not with spells, but with an espresso machine, unstable Wi-Fi, and an AI system that probably hated him already.