SILENT HUNTER A Metroid/Marvel Crossover Crack Fic
When an average guy dies in the most embarrassingly mundane way possible—choking on a hot pocket while simultaneously tripping over his cat—he expects the afterlife to be peaceful, boring, or at the very least, non-existent. What he absolutely does not expect is to wake up encased in advanced alien armor, possessing a burning hatred for the Galactic Federation that doesn't even exist in this universe, and finding himself in a back alley in New York City surrounded by confused muggers who have made the worst decision of their very short remaining lives.
Now trapped as Sylux, the mysterious and perpetually silent bounty hunter from the Metroid universe, our protagonist must navigate a world of superheroes, cosmic threats, secret government organizations, and an alarming number of people who want to either recruit him, study him, or kill him. Armed with the Shock Coil, the Lockjaw, and an inexplicable urge to never speak more than absolutely necessary—which turns out to be almost never—he carves out an existence in Marvel's Earth while various parties desperately try to figure out what the hell he actually is.
SHIELD thinks he's an alien threat. Tony Stark thinks he's wearing knockoff technology and takes personal offense. Nick Fury has seventeen different files on him, all contradictory. Spider-Man keeps trying to make small talk during fights. The Avengers can't decide if he's a villain or the world's most antisocial vigilante. Thanos's forces learn to avoid the strange armored figure entirely after several traumatic encounters.
Through it all, our protagonist maintains Sylux's signature silence, communicating primarily through intimidating stares (through a visor, somehow still effective), aggressive body language, and occasionally shooting things. He discovers that being a mysterious silent hunter is surprisingly effective at keeping people from asking uncomfortable questions like "where are you from" and "why does your armor look like nothing on Earth" and "seriously, can you please say something, anything, this is getting unsettling."
This is the story of a man who has been given incredible power, thrust into a universe of gods and monsters, and has decided that the best way to handle it is to simply refuse to explain himself to anyone, ever, while becoming increasingly irritated that people won't stop trying to talk to him.
