It was a sunny morning in the stables of a ranch outside of Axel. The sun shone over the moist grass, the birds chirped. And the angry man with a couple broken ribs and a swollen face glares at what could only be described as goddess sleeping with drool coming out of her mouth.
[Bloodshot eyes] (This blue bawling goddess did it again. She nearly kills me twice yesterday and then being the healer class she is, gave no relief to my injuries and left me as is all night. I can't believe how relaxed she looks. If I wasn't the gentleman I am I'd launch a sneak attack right here and get what I want, but no. I'm no such scum.)
[Happily, mumbles in her sleep] Hehehe suck it Leech.
Sleep talked the drooling goddess in her sleep, and Crim blood began to boil.
[Mumbles under his breath] [[Pain Of The Heating Oven]]
And the chains that made the spike full bed began to heat up ever so slowly.
(I'm a fucking idiot; I shouldn't have taught her how to use her powers until I had my way with her. To think her spell break would work on the chain; to think she could overpower me with buffs, worse to think she actually thought that up by herself. What am I supposed to do now? Her stats are gorilla level and even I can't contest with that, and now she knows how to mess with the chain, I got nothing to fight back. How the hell am I supposed to control her now? Gods and I haven't fucked anyone for over 56 hours now! I bet if I had died Idea been ascended to angel or something. But oh my does she sleeps deep, is starting to smell like roasted goddess in here.)
[Sloppily wakes up, yawns] Huh, eh what? Fire! [Jumps out of bed a runs like a chicken set on fire]
I like that fire in you, this will be a great day I feel it.
YEOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCHH! [[CREATE WATER]] Ouch what the hell you parasite leech!
Said the fried goddess with a blue afro, a wet pajama and smoke coming out of her rear.
Oh my, I just felt a little cold and tried to raise the temperature, but I guess I'd went a little too far.
Damn right you did! Look at me, I'll take ages to fix this hair, and my pajama now has a hole the size of my butt!
Well start getting changed then, we got to get some breakfast and then we have the quest that will finally make us rich.
Huh, Leech what happened to you? Why does your face look like a grape?
Don't fricking tell me you forgot what you did to me yesterday.
[Realization] Oh that's right, you tried to defile me twice and I'd beat your ass, twice.
[Veins popping] We can still go for a round if you like you gorilla goddess.
Kusukusukusukus! Neh, we gods shouldn't abuse the weak. I think you had enough for now. [[Sacred Heal]]
(Oh so she didn't forget to heal me, she left me like this on purpose. Prepare yourself tonight you punish-able goddess.) I like your pajama new aesthetic. It will be very practical for what I'm going to do to you tonight.
Keh! [Aptitude, sidelines Crim whiteout turning her back on him]
Aqua left the stall to change back on her clothes and Crim had to explain the fire and the broken stall wall to the owner of the farm, but the owner let it go in good will of the Frog Slayers. Megumin woke up to the commotion and all three lefts for the guild, whereas they walked inside a nearly empty guild and ordered a breakfast for three with the last of Crim capital. A breakfast that consisted of mostly salad, he played with his last coin while the hairs of his neck stood to no end when the waitress brought him his breakfast.
Here are your vegetable sticks salad my brave adventurers. [Forced smile]
Thank you, sis, time to dig in. [Punches table]
After a soft slam on the table, Crim who was slightly freaked jumped in place just as some of the living vegetables on the plate. Megumin snatched one of the vegetable sticks and dipped it in ketchup before she brought it to her mouth. She let a sadistic grin after seeing Crim got startled too.
I think that we should leave this place and run. Something's definitively wrong here.
Huh? [Aptitude]
Aqua slams the table and both Crim and the vegetables jump in place; she quickly snatches one stick of veggies and dips it in mayo before eating it.
What so weird about this? We got the place for ourselves and if you're scared then you shouldn't have walked in here so nonchalantly in the first place.
Yes, I know, but I was expecting her to kick me out as usual, and the way this place is so empty, something's definitively wrong…. Oh shit.
Wording my brave adventurers, how are you enjoying your meal this morning? [Forced smile]
Ehm oh its. [Reaches for veggie stick; the veggie stick dodges his hand] It's a lively meal.
Great, could I perhaps inquire in what quest you'll be partaking today? [Forced smile]
Ehm there's a new member that hasn't come here yet, so we are waiting for her before we decide.
I see, take your time. [Forced smile, walks away]
Oh so you invited a newbie right after you rejected me? Can I hit you with my Explosion right now mister Crim? [Slams table, snatches veggie midair]
Yes, hit him Megumin, he's surprisingly resilient, like a cockroach. [Slams table, snatches veggie midair]
(Oh my, so you do where aiming to get me killed. Crim will remember that you fallen goddess.) Is just a trial we owe this adventurer for saving our lives. But we gladly have you join the party if she can perform her role as a vanguard.
Hamp! So, you think I'm just some frail girl that can't go on a quest unless there's someone to protect her? [Slams table and snatches veggie midair]
I do what of it? [Reaches for plate of veggies, veggies dodge his hand with ease]
Ho now you said it, you'd have to beg me on your knees and then prostrate yourself three times a day every day to have me join your party! [Furiously slams table, pick a handful of veggies midair and dips then in ketchup before stuffing her mouth]
Yeah, apologize to her you heartless leech! And prostrate yourself every day before me too. [Slams table, picks veggie midair and dips it in mayo before eating it]
(You're the one that'll be doing the prostrating here, goddess.) So, will you be playing with your friend today Megumin? [Slams table, no veggie jumps] (These green sticks are looking down on me.)
We are not going to be playing; she's going to help me with my Explosion training. And that damn loner should have been here already. [Storms off to find her friend]
Hey Leech, aren't you going to ask Luna what's up, she's been glaring at you like she really wants you out of here for a while now. [Slams table, picks veggie midair, dips on mayonnaise and eats it]
Well she'll tell us when she's ready, my life has taught me to remain quiet when girls act like that. [Balls fist]
Crim let his raging fist drop on the veggie plate, crushing veggies and plate alike. The veggies let a cute squeak as they lost consciousness and Aqua jumped a little at the erratic episode the sinner was having. Crim picks the mayo and dropped it all over the broken plate with the knockout veggies and then ate a handful at a time.
And never forget your place, meal.
Crim let a smug grin as he chewed his food. Not noticing Luna standing enraged behind him. One guild ban and a broken plate charge later.
Oh, so now that everyone made some income, nobody wants to work, and some demon general moved around here, and all weak monsters have gone into hiding because of it. So, you want me to still work.
You can't even pay for a broken plate. I think I'm doing you a favor here.
Crim spoke all the way from the door to Luna all the way to the counter.
Leech this is perfect, we get dips in all the quests, and nobody is going to take one from us even if we leave it at the board. Let's go teach that demon general a lesson.
Said Aqua sitting at the table with a meal paid on tab.
Easy there Goddess Jenkins. We can't just let our savior hanging to go take on a demon general we just heard about.
Uhm I really hate you in particular, but a demon general is suicide for a loveless guy like you, even if lady Aqua has your back.
Nonsense, stick your nose in your own businesswoman. Now Aqua, pick a mild quest for when Darkness arrives and then we'll see about this demon general dude.
Aye, aye boss. [Salutes and happily skips to the quest board]
As time went by Crim and Luna continued with some healthy bickering while Aqua browses the quest board, and then.
I am so sorry I'm late. I found a shirtless man terribly beat like a grape yesterday and he told me about a blanket wearing mugger roaming the streets, and I just couldn't sleep until I found that violent criminal and lost to him— brought him to justice. So I stayed up a little late and overslept a little. Please reprimand me as much as you like for being late. [Confused mix of apologetic and pleasure]
(What a drama queen that buffoon is. How dare he trouble our savior like this when he's shirtless. Tonight, I'm going piñata hunting, and it isn't even my birthday. Still this girl seems weirdly familiar for some reason, and what's taking Aqua so long?) Don't worry we still haven't found a quest to take on. I hope you don't mind if is something harsh like dragon slaying or some kicking ogres out of their swamp.
Not at all! The harder they hit the better, humanoid lustful monsters preferred! [Panting]
Aha! I know now where I seen your kind before—
Hey Leech I found us a quest.
Hold that thought. Let's see, purify a lake quest.
That one's really important for the town right now. The waters of the lake have grown murky and stagnant, so dangerous monsters like brutal alligators have begun to live in the lake. To clear the quest, you'd just need to purify the lake, so you don't really need to hunt the monsters.
I see, and for what reason would you think you can purify a lake in the first place?
Ah common Leech, have you forgotten who I am? Not my archpriest self but my real self. Look at my beautiful flowing blue hair and my sky eyes and tell me. Common say it, who's gracing your sinful soul with her divine presence.
The sham goddess of debt and blue balling.
NO, your parasite leech! Water! I'm the goddess of water. Purifying a lake would be small task for someone like me.
Did she just say she was a goddess?
I been messing with her head, don't worry. I'll do it to you too if I feel like it.
Mumbled Crim to Darkness ear and she began to twitch excitedly.
So how will you go about purifying this lake again?
With someone as great as me I'll just need to touch the water for a while and everything should be fine.
Define while.
[Pokes fingers timidly] About twelve hours.
Our whole day on a single quest! How much did this paid again?
That's 3000 USD Eris you could have in your pockets, and quest usually take several days for less.
(Well that girl feels like an overly enthusiastic saleswoman today. Guess someone has to do some work around here for her to get paid.) Alright, you'll focus on purifying and Darkness, and I will protect you if those alligators show up, let's get moving.
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