Later that day at the hospital.
[Hyperventilates] HUAAAAAAA where am I?
Please don't move too much, you were apparently knocked out during the cabbage harvest.
What? Wait where's my money, I mean the cabbages? Where's the leech?
He's at your side Aqua, thought it doesn't look like he'll wake up anytime soon.
[[Sacred Highness Heal]] Wake up you parasite leech what happened to my money!?
[Hyperventilates] HUUUUUUUU cash! Where what how, where the hell am I?
The hospital, what happened to the cash balloon?
Shit the chain is back to normal!
Eh the cabbages were taken by the adventurers after you two got knock out.
What!?
And did you two see my explosion. I never had a chance to hit so many targets before. I even went up tenth levels.
No, I didn't see your firecracker—Explosion since I was too busy with the cash.
Same here. But you said the adventurers took our cash!?
Yeah, I fell face first after using my magic and stayed there for fifteen minutes until someone picked me up and tossed me in the guild cart. I was so blinded by the desire to use Explosion that I lost track of you two until the adventures tossed your bodies on the cart with me. They were spitting at you two and when the blond sis from the guild came, they told her you two charged headfirst and got taken out by the cabbages. The blond sis also punched Crim in the groin for some reason.
THOSE FUCKEEEEEEERS!
MY MONEYYYYYYYY!
Wait you two can't leave yet.
Aqua and Crim shot out the bed in hospital wear with their butts spilling out the back and took their clothes. They turned back to each other's and began to change in a hurry. Crim didn't even tried to peek at the goddess and they left the hospital like a dust devil. Later at the guild hall.
AHAHAHAAh check this coin purse out, it's spilling.
We never had a harvest where not a single cabbage managed to escape after all.
Oh my goddess I still remember the way those two looked when we took then out that cabbage mountain. I've killed cockroaches that looked finer HAHAHAHAA!
At the noise and cheerful audience, the door was kicked open as a man and a goddess flew inside in drop kick motion.
GET OUT!
SHUT THE FUCK UP! Where the hell is my money!?
Hand it over you bandits!
The guild quieted down as everyone cut the boisterous laugh and began snickering deviously.
Hey, what are you two talking about? You have to bring in the cabbages to get paid around here.
Yeah, all you did was get knocked out the moment the fight even started. What money are you even talking about?
You son of bitches got guts to be talking to me like that. Will I have to take it straight out of your pockets?
You touch even one of them and I'll have you sent straight to jail. How dare you speak like that to the people who save your lives! They even paid for the cart service and you're healing out of the goodness of their heart.
Fucking lies! I captured all those cabbages, every single one of them! And this son of bitches hit us with a spell and stole our loot!
Shameless! I see the lives of a million Neets, and I've never seen someone do something so shameless. If you don't return our money—cabbages this instant, I'll make it so the water in your toilets never flushes again!
Wait lady Aqua, is this man really telling the truth?
Of course I am, these fuckers stole our catch after we nearly got crushed to death by the cabbages. Matter of fact the cabbages alone won't cut it anymore. I noticed how the surroundings turned red before a loud bang that spread the chains and caused the cabbages to spill over us. One of you fuckers did this. Hand him over this instant! Who's the fucker that hit us with the Flare spell!?
Yeah! Hand over the mage that casted Flare… Flare spell?
Yes! That red glow, followed by a loud bang and explosion, that's definitively a Flare spell! I see Clara use it a thousand times. Hand that mage over. I'll crucify him on the chains and roast him alive!
The guild went silent for a moment before they busted laughing out loud in unison. Luna began to clench her fists as her blood boiled ever more.
There exists no Flare spell in the entire world. To think I'd even believed you for a moment. Get out before I call the guards.
The tone in her voice exudes a cold anger like Crim had never seen before. She was not joking, and he couldn't find a way to retaliate to her. He and Aqua left the guild as the laughter grew ever louder.
WHAAAAAAAHHH, they took our money! Those heartless monsters took our money Leech what are we even going to do now WHAAAAHHH!?
Forget them; I'll beat every single penny out of their pockets if I ever see them wandering the streets at night. For now go back in there and bring us a new quest. I'll fucking hire a detective to hound that Flare mage and kill him once I find his identity!
Are you two all right? The nurse said you shouldn't have left the hospital like that.
Megumin.
Oh, little girl, sorry we forgot about you back there.
Mister Crim, if you don't stop calling me little girl, I'll start calling you just the same as Aqua does. But what happened, did you manage to get the reward?
[Sights] Sorry Megumin, those bastards took all the cabbages as if it were theirs. Nothing was left for those that weren't around.
What!? I was taken away too, does that mean I get nothing either!?
Whyyyyyyyy!? This is so unfair! I was going to get a bed in a hotel tonight. I was going to escape the sex hungry leech. Whyyyyyyyy!? [Cries]
(This bitch was really planning something uncalled for.)
This is preposterous! I took all those cabbages out with my magic. I even have their numbers in my adventurer card to prove it. [Walks inside the guild]
(Poor little thing fainted from overwork and had to be taken to the hospital. I'd bet it felt like she did all the work just to have her effort stolen away like that, still to even steal from a little girl like this. Maybe I should go Robin Hood on those losers.)
Crim and Aqua began to walk around in circles until Megumin came out looking dejected.
The guild lady told me that even if I had the kills of all the cabbages, that it was a rule I could only get paid for what I left at the collection point. And she was [Teary eyes] even generous enough to give me a participation bonus of 500 USD Eris for what was shown in my card. [Trembling, cries]
This is all my fault; I allowed this to happen.
(Oh, so you had something to do with this. Tell me what it was right now so I can drag you inside that dark alley with a clear conscience.)
I should have never trusted those lowlife's adventurers. They completely stopped looking at me with hungry lustful eyes since the party yesterday. I should had known something was wrong with them if they can't even appreciate the beauty of a true goddess.
(I was an idiot for thinking she could even be right about being wrong. Those adventurers probably saw what you did with your boyfriend money yesterday and lost interest in you. I know it takes mighty sex drive to put up with you. But since you really didn't do nothing, you get to remain holy until tonight at least.)
I can't let this drag me down. I am the mage that will conquer the world through the pact of Explosions. Besides I went up tenth levels just today. Let us make haste and pick a new quest while is still afternoon.
Oh right Megumin you wanted to join our party.
Yes. You said you missed my stellar performance, but at least the number of enemies defeated on my card should be proof I can deliver great results.
That's true, she really did hit off a lot of enemies, and these cards can't be forged.
(Well she did collapse from exhaustion. I bet she went around whacking cabbages with that staff for a whole hour while we were unconscious. It's three in the afternoon right now and it was nine in the morning when we took on those cabbages. Poor little thing. I swear I'll make those adventurers pay for this.)
So Aqua seems to like the idea. What say you mister Crim?
(Honey you just can't see the drama like I see it right now. A dysfunctional family where only the useless mother can cash for rewards and a father that's not allowed inside the establishment premises. The good for nothing mother goes to collect the pay and sits at the bar to drink everything away, the cute and poor little daughter who wants her allowance to buy her favorite cheap sweets at the local pastry store. The poor daughter begs the mother for some allowance, and the alcoholic bitch retaliates and abuses her. Enraged the gallant father breaks inside the guild completely disregarding he's banned from the premises and ready to tear the bitch wife a new one. And the useless bitch cries abuse and domestic violence until the authorities take the father away whiteout hearing a word from his side. The history reaches the bad ending with the father in jail, the useless mother getting what she wanted, and the cute daughter left with no one to protect her from the bitch mother abuse. I can't have you live through a drama like this Megumin.)
Crim put up a serious face and answered.
Sorry Megumin.
Silence had befallen the street outside the guild as even the adventurer peeking through the windows had quieted down. Megumin eyes tear a little.
[Slightly crying] What is this, is this because you couldn't see my magic. Just pick a new quest and I'll show you just how powerful an ally I can be. I swear I'll make you drop your jaw with my powers, let's go. [Walks for the guild]
It's nothing about power. I bet you're an excellent mage and that card even proves it. But this is just not a safe environment for you. I'm sorry.
So that's it. You think you're doing me a favor by abandoning me just like everybody else? Fine then I'll become a mage so powerful and well renowned that I have you begging me on your knees to let you join my party! [Storms off crying]
You make me sick sometimes. I wish I'd let you burn in hell.
Ah be quiet you. YOU CAN COME HAVE MEALS WITH US WHEREVER YOU'RE HUNGRY!
THERE IS BETTER BE ONION DUCK TONIGHT! [Storms off pouting and slightly happier]
Keh [Spits] guess you at least have a conscience.
(Bitch if I wasn't for you, I wouldn't mind her joining. No wait a minute, party members. I don't need to keep Megumin away from you. I just need an adult party member that can enter the guild and take the reward money off your greedy mitts when we collect, and I can handle you the rest of the time.) Let's get us a new party member right away.
I take it all back. You weren't even thinking about forming a party and the moment you reject an innocent girl you start wanting for one. It taints my holy aura to even be seen around you. At least let her sleep with us.
(Oh sharp suggestion my goddess, but there's a conflict of interest in that choice. If she's around I can't grant you your unholy punishment. If I offer to make her a spare bed inside another stall of the stable you might complain that I make one for you too to get away, and if I say how I can't manage three beds then you just go sleep with Megumin and my plans all crumble. I love the little girl and I'll do my best to be prepared for adoption as soon as possible. But don't forget I'm a hell bound sinner at soul. I have priorities, and my priorities need me a divine booty.) You misunderstand me my self-proclaimed goddess. I just realized that an extra party member will make it easier to protect Megumin.
That's right! If we get someone strong like a crusader, Megumin wouldn't have anything to worry about even if we… HEY WAIT A MINUTE! Why didn't you think of something like that to protect me too!?
(I like to see you suffer.) You got me for that, I just don't think I could protect you both by myself. I'm what Clara would call a glass cannon right now because I can't level up.
Keh [Aptitude] if it bothers you so much just go apologize to Luna.
Never! And also, who are you my fine lady?
Uhm hello, I couldn't help but notice how you two were talking about wanting a party member to fill the role of protector. And I'd like to join your party.
(Yes! A break at least, finally something works out.) But of course, my fair lady, huh wait weren't you the one leading the charge on the cabbages?
Yes, I was, until you caught everything yourself with those roughs and painful chains of yours. And the way you teased me and all the adventurers afterwards. I just could see it in your face; you're the perfect man for me. [Beet red, heavy breathing]
(Oh my where have I seen this behavior before? But wait she's one of those thieving shits, let's be a little harsher with her interview.) I hope it is not a problem if I could see your card first, you know since you all where incredible useless and did absolutely nothing in that quest where I majestically caught everything. I'd like to at least know you're worth the dirt under our shoes.
[Trembles in excitement] Y-yes of course here's my card. My name is Darkness and I am a crusader.
(As expected, I can read but I don't know if these values are good or not.) Hey Aqua you read this for me, also blondie, where were you when we visited the guild just now?
Oh I just got back from helping the farmers. After I dug you two from under the cabbage mountain I went to help the farmers at the collection points. You two looked real hurt so I paid a cart to take you to the hospital and left you in the care of some nice adventurers. Uhm why are you two crying?
Welcome aboard Darkness! You're officially a part of the party from this day and forever onward!
Yay! New friends. I'll go bring Megumin back right now, we are going to have a lot of fun questing together.
(Shit I slipped up!) No wait now that I think about it, we can't just have her come if she's not capable of looking after herself. We'd just get her killed and I won't be the man who led his benefactor to her—
What the hell are you on you parasite leech? She a genuine crusader, the role made for protecting others, and her defensive stats are even higher than my own.
(You should be ashamed of yourself; you're a goddess and there's a low-level mortal walking all over you right here.) Stats and class mean nothing; I'm living proof of that matter. However, that doesn't mean we won't bet her for what she's worth. Come see us tomorrow morning at the guild and we'll take a quest to see if you can fulfill your role with us alright.
Y-yes of course, why this feels like a rejection yet not at the same time? I can't help but crave to see what you have in store for me tomorrow. [Walks away in ecstasies]
Why do I feel like you're trying to isolate me from anyone that comes our way? [Covers breast, scornful eyes] What are you plotting you perverted leech?
(Oh my, she's real sharp at the worst times. It is already hard enough as it is, at least I want one more night of us alone before it starts getting crowded around here. Who knows what I'll do if one of them offers you to stay at their place. Tonight, I'll perform your sacred rites and then we move on whatever's next.) You have such a nasty opinion of me. If I really wanted to do anything to you, you'll be facing the wall inside that alley right now.
Aqua jumped away after she seen the alley she didn't even thought of as dangerous before. Crim let a sadistic cackle.
Anyways we need to perform a quest since all we have is air in our pockets. Pass me your card, it's about time we put your skills to good use.
Huh? What do you even mean you sex offender leech? I can use my skills just fine by myself.
The card or the alley self-proclaimed goddess.
Aqua handed her adventurer card immediately. Crim was slightly offended by her eagerness.
Let's see, you got your healer skills and some buffs too… Why the fuck you never buffed us before?
Huh? Why would I even need buffs? My stats are high enough to handle anything this town has to offers, and I'd never thought of loveless you as a combatant, so why would I have to spend my precious mana on buffing you?
Because I'm more of a combatant than you ever will, and you got defeated by the weakest monsters around here. From now on if I don't hear you spamming and stacking these buffs the moment a fight breaks. I'm expending my turn lashing you!
Hiiiiii! [Trembles, cries, terrified]
Now you seem to have tiers to all your priest skills. You have the normal tiers and then the Sacred and Sacred Highness tiers which are marked with some strange cross. What does that means?
Well isn't it obvious, the Sacred tier as its name implies is a category only us gods or those who earn our favor can use. And the Sacred Highness tier is my most powerful magic that only I can use. As the one and genuine goddess I am. Well now aren't you impressed you shitty leech? If you are, you should start by treating me more nicely, handing all the reward to me out of goodwill and praying three times a day to me, also join my sect too while you're at it.
I won't be doing any of those things, but I do find this impressive. Yes so impressive that from now on, if I ever see you use anything below Sacred tier. I'm expending my turn lashing you!
The useless goddess back pedaled away covering her butt from the dangerous leech, teary eyes and the fear of getting lashed sipping trough her ass cheeks.
Other than buff and priest skills I see the seal magic that you used, one provokes skill and something called spell break. What does that last one do?
Oh that thing, it just negates all magic and skills.
Crim: I think I've heard you wrong but let me double check with you because I have at least a modicum of mage mechanics understanding. Did you just say this thing right here can negate all magic and skills?
Sure can, I could do anything from break barriers to stop a winged beast from flying with that spell, and I can use my divine tiers with it too.
Unbelievable. I'll say this just once so listen carefully. I know you have no incidences on this particular category yet, but I still say it anyway. If a single spell U OR skill gets successfully casted by an enemy. I'm expending my turn lashing you!
What's wrong with you, you bully, meanie! Why do you have to be so mean to me!?
Because I feel like if I don't do this, you wouldn't even bother using a fraction of your real power. So I'm putting the pressure on you if that means we'd survive enough to get to bed.
WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO BED WITH YOU!?
You my dear, remember?
Oh right, but it's nothing like that you hear.
[Exasperated sigh] Well lastly your stats are really high. I can tell because I've been comparing them to the card from Darkness just now.
See, I told you I was a goddess.
Yeah, I know, I brought you here remember? Thought I find it pathetic that a level 12 crusader had higher defense stats than a god. Also, your intelligence was like a third of hers. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Hmmp! [Pouts angrily] You don't even have stats to begin with. I bet you have all around meliorism and your intelligence is below beast level.
(I'd like to lash her right now for that remark, but I fear it loses its touch if she's starts felling it wherever she opens her mouth.) Tell you what. I'll pretend I didn't hear you just now as my good deed of the day. Now your mana pool, is ridiculous, it is about the only stat that's godlike in you.
Hey!
It feels endless compared to the mana pool I've seen in Darkness card. And with the value cost of your skills I bet you would physically tire yourself of casting before you run out of mana. Lastly there's your useless original skills like God Blow and God Requiem. I know what one does and given the other comes from you rather than your class skill tree. I don't give a fuck what it does, it's probably useless anyways. Huh wait there's another skill tree in here. Party tricks skills?
[[Nature Beauty]] Did you see? These are the skills of a goddess loved by everyone. It is essential to strike happiness in the heart of my 7 billion followers around the world.
Whoa that's a lot of followers wasting away their faith. Say wasn't there a better tree you could put your spare points into? Like a seduction tree, with skills that increase sluttiness or bed technique?
Give me back my card right this instant you degenerate leech!
[Hands card over] One last thing Aqua, why are you level one? We killed a bunch of frogs, so what the hell?
Huh, that's not how it works silly, only the one that defeats the monsters gets the exp.
Jesus Christ! What happened to exp sharing between team members? Does this means you'll have to do the dirty work if we want to power you up?
Bah just pick an undead slaying quest and I'll show you what am made of.
(Well she did have undead slaying spells in there.) Very well, you pick the quest since I can't enter the guild. Just make sure it pays well, I don't care how difficult it looks. I want money.
Got ya, I'll get the hardest most profitable quest of the board. [Sets off skipping and humming]
Crim crossed his arms and looked at her happy figure as she skipped all the way inside the guild. He couldn't believe how cheerful she was after he had nearly threatened her to become competent. She couldn't have just forgotten everything could she? Is what he thought when he saw two young adventurers exit the guild with a strange face. The blonde whispered "Brothel" and Crim forgot about the quest and began stalking the two on instinct.
Hey Dust, don't be so loud, what if someone hears us?
Ups sorry Keith, is just I got so exited thinking about it.
(Ho ho ho, don't be shy my boy, speak your heart out.)
Crim had used the chains like a grappling hook and was following from the rooftops. He was crouching down majestically as he sharpened his hearing to listen below at street level. He gave the vibe of a pro.
Your sure nobody is following us, I can feel my hairs standing up. Like a dangerous predator is following us to our nest or something.
I have Far Sight and Enemy Detection on for a while and I can't pick anything here on the streets with us, we are clear.
Hehehehe, I can't wait for tonight. Thank goddess for that rotten tomato looting all the cabbages or I wouldn't have the money to pay for the brothel services.
(FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I forgot I was broke. Whyyyy!? Am I just supposed to follow them and suck it up until I have cash? No there must be a way.)
As if on cue, Crim began to hear a voice coming from one of the alleys near Dust and Keith.
Oh boy so much money. With this I can live off easy for the rest of the year.
A roof tile cracked under the red shoe of a man who launched himself to pick a blanket hanging out to dry, and the man jumped in the alleyway right behind Shirtpecs.
[Deep voice] Greetings filthy criminal, my name is Blanket Hood. And I'm here to steal all your money!
HUAAAAAAAAA! SHIT! I thought my heart was going to stop! But what the fuck is up with this town lately, can't a man walk down the streets without fear of getting mugged?
[Deep voice] No he cannot, now hand it over or dial the tooth fairy.
Ha you disgusting mugger, who do you think you're messing with? I am a level 9 adventurer. Lord ShirtBLUAHARG!
Blanket Hood jumped at his victim and began delivering blow after blow to the hapless adventurer. Shirtpecs pockets where so stocked that with every punch dozens of coins fell to the ground, leaving a satisfying clink and clank sound effect. Blanket Hood could not resist the sight and cut short the barrage on Shirtpecs to drop on the ground so he could pick the coins.
(This guy is like a fucking citizen of the Mushroom Kingdom, he drops dough when you hit him.)
Ugh! This level of violence and brutality, you're that rotten tomato aren't you!?
[Still picking coins, deep voice] Huh, what wild accusations are you making over there? I am who I am, lord Blanket Hood and nothing else. I'm the righteous thief that steals from bastards like you in order to help the needed like me.
That's just plain greed and selfishness you shit!
Hey there's a commotion over here. Holy shit a ghost!
Somebody call the cops!
(Shit too much attention. I have to pick the pace and resume beating on that money piñata before the—)
POLICE, STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
(Shit I should have checked if there where Smurfs around before going Leroy Jenkins on the piñata.)
HA HA HA! What now filthy mugger? Your time is up! Get him officers!
The guards began the chase and Crim had no choice but to leave with what he had in hand.
Ouch ouch ouch HEY! Why the hell are you arresting me too?
Silence! If you're around then you totally had something to do with this!
This is bullshit!
Half the guards began to arrest Dust who was resisting arrest and the other half followed Blanket Hood around a corner, whereas they lost sight of him completely as if he had vanished.
[Takes off blanket, hangs blanket to dry] (Shit that was close, there's only one of then left and I can't risk him cancelling his plans, common be a man and let go of your buddy.)
Keith help me! Come to the station and help me clear my name so we can visit the local together.
Rest in jail my dear friend. [Last rites face]
YOU TRAITOOOOOORR!
(Sorry kid, it isn't a fair world.)
After everything calmed down Keith resumed walking for the mysterious brothel while Crim continued following through the rooftops. Keith finally froze in front of a café by an alley. Crim jumped down the roof and began to walk up behind Keith.
Hey Keith, how's it going.
Ah shit is you. How did you found this place? I thought everyone agreed to keep it a secret from you.
(That guild is really asking for a death sentence.) I have my own sources. Now what are you waiting for, let's go inside.
Perhaps slightly encouraged by an older looking aquantise, Keith regained his courage and walked inside the café with Crim. Inside it was what any café would look like with tables and such, but there were a lot of waitress in really scandalous clothing, and the costumers where all males. Each sitting at different tables while filing formularies rather than eating something. Keith was making a drool face and Crim was just holding his laughter at his cute junior.
Hello, I take it by your looks that your new here. Allow us to guide you through the process.
A succubus girl came and took Keith off to a table, and the one present took care of Crim.
My you have the look of a man who knows what he wants, I like that. We are a Succubus café, and we provide our customers with erotic dreams. Adventurers risk their life fighting monster only to go back and live in the stables where there's no privacy to perform the act, and if one where to try a move in a female companion. The other adventurers would just beat them up on the spot.
(I like to see those bitches try. If anyone comes whiting me and the goddess it'll be a bloodbath.)
Also there have been the cases where some adventurer tried to make a move anyways, and the girl pulled out a knife to [Scissors sign] with his [Sausage sign]. There's also a story of another adventurer trying and being sent flying to the wall after getting hit by powerful skill.
(Ouch poor bastards. Huh wait a minute; I'm the second bastard aren't I?)
Please fill this form with the details you'd like us to make you see, and in exchange we charge a small fee and take some of your vital energy. Don't worry; it is not enough that it would interfere with your day to day work.
[Holds formulary up] I see, so is like a really lucid dream. Can it be anything I like?
Yes anything, as detailed and forbidden as you like.
Excellence.
Crim filled the formulary and left after paying the fee. The succubus gave him the warning that he shouldn't drink too much, because he wouldn't be able to see any dreams if he was in deep sleep. She also congratulated him for being the first man to ever want to defile a holy goddess even if it was just dreams, and told him he'll make an excellent devil once he goes to hell someday. Crim returned happily to the guild after remembering he had abandoned his goddess.
Where were you hic? I was waiting around for an entire hour now. [Drunk]
How are you even drunk? You didn't have a cent in your pockets.
It's called a bar tab silly. Now look at this and praise me. I got us a quest to hunt a zombie maker hic.
This doesn't look like it pays that well.
But is local, the other quest for undead are days of travel away.
Excellent choice my goddess. I knew you had it in you. Also, I've some cash now. I gracefully helped a grandma cross the street and she left me a portion of her grandson heritage in gratitude.
Whoho! Let's go hunt us some undead and party all night when we return.
Sure, just let Megumin know tonight meal is going to be a little late. I'll await you at the rendezvous point.
And so Crim left for the cemetery under the cover of nightfall. There he slept until something began to shake him awake.
Why are you falling asleep in a cemetery you? I thought you'd be keeping watch until I got here.
How funny of you. What point is for me to keep guard if you're the one that has to do the job; I am just here as backup.
Listen here you—
Their banter was interrupted by some strange lights that began to ascend to the skies. Crim and Aqua looked around and caught notice of six walking corpses stumbling across the cemetery and a hooded figure standing at the center of a magic circle. A strange white light would come out wherever the corpses steeped inside the light.
So that's the zombie maker, go get them my—
Aqua had already left.
Hey what the hell do you think you're doing here you lich!? Whatever it is stop it this instant I command you.
Heh? Wait who are you? No wait what are you doing, don't destroy my magic circle, I need it to send the restless souls of the death to heaven. Wait please. [Hangs on to Aqua waist pitifully]
Huh? Sending the souls to heaven, who needs a lich to do something like that? Look I'll do all in a breeze. [[Turn Undead]]
A magic gold light enveloped the entire cemetery and all the restless souls where sent to heaven, except for.
OWEEEEEEEEE! [Collapses with see-through corners]
See that, that's how we gods do it, now as for you.
Stop it you rabid goddess. I think we should hear her out.
How mean.
Aqua: Are you stupid Leech? This is a lich, the king of undead, their filth of the filth that abandons their humanity to become immortal a rue the lands for eternity.
This looks like a delinquent goddess abusing a poor girl to me, let's hear her out.
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