Later on the plains outside Axel.
(This is ridiculous. According to the explanation I got from Aqua, here the cabbages come out the ground when their fresh and fly to die in a faraway land in defiance of getting eaten. Yes the cabbages are alive; I had to process that part while she made it sound so natural. I am seeing green dots flying over from the distance and I'm already feeling crazy.)
Here they come.
(The little girl stood in the front probably to deliver those words and then returned to my side. The loud adventurers charged at the herd of flying, oh god, oh goddess, the ridiculous horde of flying cabbages. The charge is being led by an over enthusiastic female knight in yellow clothing. If those things weren't literally 100-dollar bills flying straight at me, I wouldn't be here at all.)
This is the chance I'd been waiting for. Observe the fire power of a crimson demon Explosion and beg me to stay in your party!
(The little girl seems exited for some reason, well I don't blame her. In my world I had a friend that was all. I'm the dark god of shadows, please Crim run away before I can't contain myself any longer. And that was in my world, there's magic here. If this little girl can even use a firecracker spell I bet it would feel like a nuke for kids her age.)
Get ready Leech for this is the chance we been waiting for. This is where we strike it rich and live a life of luxury befitting our status. [Drools]
(See even my useless goddess is getting all serious as the avarice is gleaming in her poverty stricken eyes. But oh well that's enough fooling around. They say lemons, but I'll use anything that life throws my way, yes even flying cabbages. I just wish the adventurers turn around fast enough for me to see their faces.) [[Chains of Calamity Replay. Grand Fishing Net]]
The sound of thousands of chain links clashing against each other's reverberated loud and deafening trough the plains of Axel as they spilled out of Crim wrist at sound speed and shot straight for the flying cabbages before spreading in all directions and trapping all cabbages inside like fish on a net. The adventurers blinked at the sound first and when they opened their eyes it was already over. A silver net the size of a neighborhood caught every single cabbage and trapped then inside its glistering spike nets. In disbelief, everyone just followed the thin silver chain stretching overhead until they found the source of it.
AHAHAHAHAH OH YES THEIR FACES! LOOK HERE LOSERS LET ME TASTE YOUR—BUARG [Spits a gallon of blood All Might style, falls to his knee] I need healing.
What the hell Leech don't scare me like that! I felt like my heart was going to stop the moment I heard that noise.
Heal me you good for nothing goddess.
Oh right [[Heal]], but what did you just do?
[Gets up] Isn't it obvious? This is the result of my training yesterday. It was intended to catch large quantities of giant frogs and roast them all together, but instead I used it to catch ourselves that huge money bag. It's all ours. OURS!
YEEEEESSSSS! Goodbye stable and goodbye cheap bear, hello hotel five stars and Hennessey XO!
Ahahaha and the best part were their faces, did you see then? The moment they began following the chain all the way to me I nearly spit my sides out.
It is unfortunate you valiant adventurers couldn't get anything but that's how life is. The early goddess gets the dough! Today we party! Leech, Megumin, let's return to the guild and... Megumin?
E.X.P!
(Oh, shit I didn't startle her, did I? She mumbled something like P.T.S.D or something. I guess I should apologize and let her get a fair cut of the rewards at least, but now I got some other matters to attend to. I must rub it in the faces of all the assholes who laughed at me while I helplessly had to watch Aqua drink all my money yesterday.) Tell me penniless losers, how does it feel to be left with nothing after all your hard work? Isn't this the thing they call, Karma?
The fuck you said you rotten tomato! You need us unless you think you can carry all that by yourself!
As if on cue, the giant net began to round and float off the ground all the way overhead the adventurers and heading for the source, casting a shadow over Crim mocking self. Like a giant green and silver balloon, the cabbages banging against the small gabs in between the chain. Crim began to draw back some of the chain used and the cabbages got squeezed closer and closer until they couldn't move anymore and the net began to look like a twenty meters radius green and silver balloon.
E.X.P! [Walks to position]
Right under the colossal cabbage balloon and under the gaze of dozens of angry adventurers, right on the shadow and hit by the sunrays shining from the gaps of the cabbages and the net, there under that disco spotlight stood a buffoonish man and goddess in over dramatic villain poses, chain going all the way from the man right arm before folding a thousand times to form the cash balloon overhead.
Nothings left for nobody for I took it all AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
[[Nature Beauty]] Yes I'm a goddess, and I will live like a queen KUSUKUSUKUSUKUSUKUSU!
The evil couple laughs like the bad guys in a kid show right after stealing from the heroes near the end of the episode.
Ah I feel so happy and revitalized I could break out singing, and this time I will. My goddess, would you grant me this Valls?
Aqua: But of course, my sinner.
Aqua did a bow you'd see from a princess or a member of the high society and held the left hand of the sinner. Crim right was held high keeping the balloon in the air as he took the beautiful hand of the girl.
Now. [Clears throat] It might seem crazy what I'm about to say… Sunshine she's here, you can take a break.
I'm a hot air balloon that can go to space.
[Wraps left around Aqua waist] With the air, like I don't care, baby by the way.
Crim, Aqua: Because I'm happy…
[Claps] Come along if you feel like a room whiteout a roof.
[Claps] Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness, is the truth.
Because I'm happy.
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you.
Because I'm happy.
Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do.
The happy villain coupled dancing and spinning around while singing a happy tune under the glistering's sunrays of the cabbage balloon, failed to notice the red aura surrounding then. The adventurers biting at their swords in all anger as they felt mocked beyond belief by the ridiculous sight in front of their eyes, did not failed to notice the red aura forming over the cabbage balloon, and left the ignorant duo dancing and singing in well deserve ignorance.
[Chants]
Here's why.
Crim, Aqua: Because I am happy.
[Claps] Come along if you feel like a room whiteout a roof.
Because I am happy.
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.
Because I am happy.
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you.
Because I am happy.
Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do.
[Chanting]
Happy.
Bring me down… Can't nothing.
Happy.
Bring me down… Your love is too.
Happy.
Bring me down… Can't nothing.
Happy.
Bring me down, I said let me tell you now.
Happy, happy, happy.
Bring me down… Can't nothing.
Happy, happy, happy.
Bring me down… Your love is too.
Happy, happy, happy.
Bring me down… Can't nothing.
Happy, happy, happy.
Bring me down, I said.
[[EXPLOSION]]
Crim, Aqua Because I'm—[Crushed down by thousands of cabbages]