Contentment, A state of happiness and satisfaction.
Something that I'm not too overly familiar with.
Yes.
There were very few times in my life in which I was genuinely, 1000 percent happy.
...This?
I guess this was one of those few times.
My sister hugged me for what seemed like the longest time.
It was so… Surreal.
I swore I could hear her heartbeat, Feel her slow, steady breathing as I hugged her tightly, never wanting to let her go.
"...Hic!"
?
She was… sobbing?
She didn't say anything, only hugged me tighter as she sobbed.
…
I…
When did I ever take this for granted?
Man, I've been a terrible older brother haven't I?
To that revelation, I can't help but let out a pathetic chuckle.
A chuckle devoid of mirt, and full of defeat.
Oh well, When I get back, I suppose I'll make it up for her by taking her to the 31 or whatever the hell she wants me to take her.
…
I know.
I know that this isn't real.
I know that this wouldn't last.
It's just…
It's just that I want to see my family again dammit!
Mom? Dad, Komachi?
I...love them.
...I…
I want to see them again.
I just want to go home.
Soon enough, Komachi disperses in my arms.
…
Sigh.
I sigh as an ak47 appears in my hand.
Scratch that.
I double sigh.
A thin, large mirror appears in front me.
Hah, I look like a mess.
What greets me isn't a young, cynical high schooler with dead fish eyes.
No.
I see a young, broken paratrooper, with somehow even more deader fish eyes.
The blue beret rested, slightly slanted atop my head.
That damned blue beret.
My fatigues are worn, Scratches and holes all over it.
My boots are worn as well.
Hell, The young man I see in front of me looks worn down as well.
My hair is also slightly longer, I have a little stubble now, if that counts for anything.
…
Sigh.
I can't do anything but sigh in defeat.
The mirror's reflection changes from me to a battlefield.
…
Looks like there's no rest for the wicked huh?
As I begin to take my first step, a hand on each of my shoulders stops me.
Stopping in my tracks, I slowly turn my head to look at the newcomers, Raising a brow as I do so.
…
It was Saika and Zaimokuza.
…
I say nothing as I look at them now.
My hands trembled.
They said nothing as they hugged me.
I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.
I return the hug.
Why?
This?
This was a fucking nightmare!
My lips trembled as I held onto the two guys that could be described as my actual friends.
I want to go back to them.
I want to be that cynical, cocky, arrogant rude kid at school again.
Not...This.
Anything but this.
I don't want to lose them.
…
Sigh.
The two of them disperse, much like ashes to the wind.
…
My rifle feels heavy in my hand, it's like I can't even grip it properly.
Ah. That's right.
My hands were still trembling.
I should be well adjusted to the weight of my rifle right now.
But for some reason, It still feels weird to grasp, after all this time.
The mirror showed me depictions of the battlefield, out of it leaked death and the sound of gunfire.
Sigh.
I really can't catch a break after all.
"Yeah yeah, Hold up. I'm coming."
I walk towards the mirror each step of mine becoming harder and harder to take.
Until finally, I stop in front of the damn thing.
Sigh.
With one final glance behind me, I make my way back towards hell.
And what a fucking sight that is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"..."
I say nothing as my eyes flutter open, The tiredness and sleepiness never truly leaving them.
Great, more this this fucking shit again.
Sigh.
With a sigh, I check my watch.
I squint my eyes as it takes a moment to adjust to the darkness.
… 2 hours and 8 minutes?
Hey, that's a record if I've ever seen one.
I prop myself up on my roll.
I sigh once again, taking a momentary breather.
…
My entire body was trembling now.
I was too tired to do anything about it.
…
It's okay.
I'll wait it out.
It's still outrageously early in the morning.
I've got plenty of time.
…
Tch.
I wait it out, and soon enough it stops.
Sighing, I slowly stand up, and start the only semblance of a routine that I have in this god forsaken hell hole.
I grabbed my one and only steel canteen, instant coffee and a mug. Along with a whole lotta sweetener…And also my rifle.
What? You can never be too careful. I mean,, The enemy were camped further ahead in the pass for god's sake.
I refuse to be caught dead without at least a rifle in hand.
With a scowl, I leave my little tent and head towards the campfire. My ak47 slung over my right shoulder.
I walk before I see her. Hestatiing a little before growling a little in dissatisfaction.
Why?
Why was she there? Sitting around the fire?
Do you know what time it is, woman? For the love of god go to sleep.
Hah.
Whatever, She's only one woman. What's there to be scared off?
Silently, I take a seat furthest away from her, hoping that she doesn't notice me.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
She noticed me before I even managed to sit down.
With a frown on my face, I pour water out of my flask and into the steel canteen.
I then set it next to the fire, taking a seat in the process.
Now all I had to do was wait.
"..." The woman looks at me, and for a moment opens her mouth, only to shut it again.
I say nothing as my eyes watch the dancing flames.
"...I spoke to the men about...The incident yesterday." She said slowly, looking at me guilty.
"They are… very apologetic." She said, wording it carefully.
I scoff at this.
"No need to lie, comrade Pavlovna. In their eyes I'm just a stranger." I say while looking at the dancing flames.
"N-no! You're wrong! Really, they're actually grateful for what you did-" She spoke up now, trying to reassure me for something I didn't care about.
"Are they? Or Are you grateful?" I ask with a raised brow, looking at her now.
"..." She doesn't say as she purses her lips together, as she looks away uncomfortably.
"..." I keep quiet, electing to not speak.
It's not like I have anything good to say anyway.
"...L-look! It'll take some time, but they'll get used to you! They're good men!" She with an exasperated look in her face.
Silently, I poke and prod at the fire, Knowing that if I reply to her, it would be nothing but insults towards her and her men.
"..." She falters at my silence.
"...Is it because of the savage insult?, I'll have you know that I don't tolerate an discrimination in this unit at all! I already dressed Borris down for that!" She said nervously, trying to get me to lighten up.
"..." I look at her with a raised brow now, confusion in voice.
"What-" I manage to say before I get cut off by an explosion. A mortar explosion.
Shit!
Me and her both quickly stand up as the alarm is sounded, all the men now scrambling to grab their rifles now as small arms fire can be heard.
She has a mixture of shock and confusion on her face as I quickly look around, trying to get a better read on the situation. Her lips are pursed as she just stood there, no doubt contemplating on how this shit happened.
…
Fuck!
Don't misunderstand or anything, I'm not a white knight. I already can't sleep well at night because of the shit I have to see, I'd rather not add another one to the mix.
Grabbing her arm as I swear, I pull her out of her trance as I drag her to the nearest building for cover. Of course, the woman doesn't keep quite as I drag her, indignantly demanding to know what I'm doing.
"Wha-? Yuri! Let me go!" She said, surprisingly more shocked than angry. Huh, that's new. If I tried this shit back home, I'd no doubt be slapped and brought to a police station in handcuffs.
I don't reply to her as I soon make my way to the fucking building. With a forceful kick, I bust the damn thing open and push her inside, rather forcibly I might add, but that's neither here nor there. We were getting shelled for god's sake! This was not the time for gentleness.
A nearby explosion rocked us nearby as she looked at me with a look of...awe? Adoration? The fuck? No, that can't be right… All that sleep is really getting to me. Much so to the point where I'm hallucinating huh?
Another explosion brought me out of my contemplation as I looked outside, a scowl on my face.
Tch.
Pretty soon they'll stop bombarding us and send in the main attack forces.
"Don't die." I say quickly to her before I quickly leave the building.
Unslinging my rifle, I head towards the Picket line, a scowl on my face.
Folding down my stock, I ran to the makeshift cover that the pickets had set down earlier in the day.
Explosions rocked the earth as debris and flew all over the damn place.
ARGH!
Shrapnel from a nearby explosion flew and dug itself into my leg, Fuck that stings!
Tch.
Gritting my teeth, I shrug it off and make it to the makeshift wall of rubble that was classified as defense worthy.
THUD.
I set my rifle down on the wall and aim down the sights, already looking at the area in front me.
Explosions still rocked the camp, but after a couple of seconds it stopped.
Shit, now it was going to get serious.
For a couple of seconds, silence was in the air.
The only thing that could be heard was the groans of the wounded, and the cackles of fires that weren't put out.
Smoke and blood was in the air now.
Tch.
I click my tongue in disgust.
…
The warry silence drifted in the air before the tree line in front of us flashed with short bursts of fire.
Bullets whizzed by our heads as I saw one or two guys got hit by the sudden, disciplined enemy fire.
Screaming, They fell down wounded.
Of course, I didn't even bother to look at them, my eyes still aiming down the sights of my ak47.
Ah, I see one.
Holding my breath, I pull the trigger.
I see the faint outline of a man suddenly fall.
I didn't even linger on the outline for a second longer, my sights already aimed at someone else.
Firing, I kill yet another man as I see the faint outline drop.
Taking cover, I pause for a moment. The bullets flying by as I do so.
Now that I think about it, They aren't really moving up. Instead they opt to stay in the tree line ahead of us, taking cover and firing at us instead….It just...seems half assed really.
And didn't they also attack us a little bit too quickly as well?...Something fishy is going on here! With my back against the wall, I look at the rear. Holes from Mortar explosions were everywhere, and people were scrambling to get to my position.
I raise a brow at this, the vehicles were seemingly fine, If fact, they were providing us supporting fire to try and help us repulse the attack. Strange…
I know the enemy, I know that mortars were a rare and highly valued commodity that was just starting to appear in their ranks. I know that if they decide to attack with these mortars, then they would capitalize on it, not wasting even a single shell.
…
They were hesitating, It's like they weren't in control.
I know these fuckers, The only times in which they started a fire fight was because they had an advantage over their foes. So why? Why opt to stay in the tree line? Why start a fight like this? This isn't something that they would usually do.
…
I furrow my brow now as the fire intensified, the air thick with bullets….No. It couldn't be, right?
…
Sigh.
For now, let's just beat back these fuckers alright?
With a scowl on my face, I sharply bark my orders to the guys near me. Normally I'm not one to shout, but in this situation? Where the sounds of gunfire and explosions were deafening? Yeah, fuck talking normally.
Folding up my stock, I let out an exasperated, rage filled sigh. Dammit! I haven't even had my cup of coffee for the day, and now the Buddha throws this at me?
"Cover me." I say as I leap over the wall, Bullets landing dangerously close to me now as I make a desperate run to the tree line, My ak47 ready to fire at any time.
FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Bullets whizz by my head as I start to see my enemies more clearly from the treeline. The flash from their muzzles give them away as I run, my leg stinging me as I do so.
As I get close, I immediately dive for the ground. It's not a concrete bunker, but hey, that's something right?
I am straight up not having a good time right now. A look of anger on my face as I pull out a grenade, Looking at the tree line that is now right in front of me, I throw the damn thing at the area with the most muzzle flashes.
Shit this is dangerous! I don't even have a helmet (I'm still waiting for a replacement) Hell, the only thing I have on my head is that damned fucking beret.
Bullets land dangerously near my face As I crawl up, stopping me temporarily as I whip out my rifle, aiming at the enemy now.
BOOM!
About damn time!
Taking advantage of the explosion, I start firing, in short bursts at anybody I can see. After a couple of bursts, I roll over to the right. If I stay in one place too long, they'll figure out where I am, and I don't know about you, but that's generally a bad thing, especially in war.
As soon as I roll over, my previous spot was lit the fuck up. See? I'm always right. Anyways, I start crawling up to the tree line, getting dangerously close now as I see the enemy more and more clearly with each and every crawl.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see it.
An antenna jutting out of a radiobox just barely visible behind a tree. Of course, somebody was wearing said radio on their back, but that was exactly what I was looking for. With a scowl on my face, I quickly run up, gunning down anybody I see until I make it to the tree's.
Men fall around me due to my gunplay but I don't care, I'm only thinking about that damned radio man now. I grit my teeth as I reload my gun quickly, hastily pulling the rack back after I jammed the damn mag inside the damned thing.
With a heavy sigh, I steel myself once more. And rush the position that the radio man was in, I saw them almost immediately. Without batting so much as an eye, I pull the trigger and gun them down instantly.
Hastily, I take cover behind the tree that the radio man was behind. Glancing around quickly, I don't see anybody around. I raise an inquisitive brow at this strange.
Strange.
…
I keep quiet as I pick up the receiver for the radio, putting it against my ear as I listen in on intently.
Granted, My farsi wasn't as good as my already rough enough russian, but I picked up a word or two, sentence here and there. Enough to understand basic orders basically.
"....Do you read?...Do...NOT...retreat!...Americans...to...valuable...Drive them out!"
…
Shit.
What the fuck is in this fucking pass?
As I hold the receiving between my shoulder and my cheek, I hasitly pat down the militants body for any clues pertaining to this situation.
Ah.
My hands hastily grab the document as I stuff it into my pockets, this is a secret tool that will help ME for later. (Emphasis on me)
After I'm finished, I grab the receiver and speak into it. The key I found was confidence. Even if you fuck something up, If you're confident most people wouldn't even question you. This was something that I had learned back at home by observing those fucking normies.
Sigh.
I can't believe that I'm going to pull off an act that Normies would typically do. How the mighty have fallen eh?
Whatever, now was not the time for monologuing and self loathing. I can do that later.
"Pull back. Stop attacking. Enemy hinds approaching. Retreat." I say coldly, calm and composed.
"What? Enemy hinds? Brother, we must pull back!"
"What? No-"
"Fall back!"
"Listen to me-"
"Retreat!"
"Hey!"
"By Allah, I can see them! Run!"
I can't help but let out a little smirk as total chaos unfurls in the radio chatter. Their fears in the almighty Hind was after all, pretty justified. Those things can take a punch, and kick you in the nuts in retaliation.
Sheesh, I'm starting to get a cold sweat just thinking about it.
I put the receiver down as I continue to take cover behind the tree, Already seeing the enemies starting to fall back in a panic.
I still point my rifle at the retreating enemies, Out of caution of course, Just in case any of those fuckers decide to stop, shoot and run again. Luckily, none of them try to pull a stunt like that. With a grateful sigh, I lower my gun slowly.
After a minute or two of waiting, I decide to risk it and start walking back to the camp. Making my way through cover to cover, I silently creep back to "Allied" Lines.
As soon as I get close enough, I break into a run, keeping my head low as I sprint back to the camp.
As I get closer, I see them more clearly now. My soviet Allies. All of which had a gun aimed on me. Sheesh, what a way to greet a fellow comrade~ But to be fair, They don't like me all that much. So I can give them a pass for this transgression, just this once.
"Halt!"
Hah?
These dumbasses seriously don't know who I am? Can't they fucking see me? Are they just blind?
"It's me you fucking dumbasses." I say with an annoyed scowl, slowly walking to them now as they still aimed their rifles at me.
BAM!
A bullet flies by my cheek as the velocity of the little shit grazes my cheek, cutting me and soon drawing blood.
Immediately, I stop. Something is wrong. They all look at me with contempt and suspicion now as I stand there, and in turn, stare at them. Was I compromised? If so, What did I let slip? What went wrong?
One wrong move and I'm dead...Fuck!
I stand there hesitantly, scowling at them now as my brows furrow. My dead fish eyes glaring at them now as they look at me, With eyes of contempt and hatred.
Now, As much as I want to pull my Rifle out on them, I know that the only outcome from that option is me riddled with bullet holes. So far now, I play it smart and cross my arms, keeping my hands away from my weapon.
I say nothing as I stand there, thinking about what could have possibly led me to my current predicament. Did Johnny snitch? No. He has no reason to. I helped him, and he's helping me by keeping his mouth shut. So why? Why did this happen?
"..."
The air was thick and heavy as it was tense, the weight of it all already enough to crush a man should it actually materialize for real.
They continue their silence as I continue mine, None of them daring to speak while I don't even bother. They haven't shot me yet, so of course there's some doubt….
Sigh, Very well. It might not be much, but at least I have some wiggle room. Now, all I had to do was wait. Why wait you may ask? Well my dear viewer, the key to any argument is patience. And that involves speaking first. You see, If you're in control, you need not speak, just wait. If they speak first, you have the upper hand in the situation.
So all I need to do is play it cool, wait until they speak then formulate a response and a way to escape this shithole of a situation that I've found myself in.
"What is going on here?" Oh? To my surprise, it wasn't the men that spoke, it was her.
The woman looked pissed, Indignant as her brows furrowed in rage.
Hm? So this happened without her knowing?
I continue my silence, studying the expression of the men in front of me warily now as they pause in the face of the woman's wrath.
"K-Kapitan!" One of the men say nervously, gulping as she looked at him furiously.
"What is the meaning of this? Why do you have your rifles pointed at a comrade?" She practically hissed. Sheesh, remind me not to get on her bad side.
"He's a traitor!" One of the men says, pointing at another comrade.
"Comrade Makarov watched him through the scope of the dragunov, He says that Yuri here made a break for a radioman and picked up the receiver and said something, something that made the enemy retreat."
"It's true Kapitan! He's a traitor!, a spy!" Makarov says with an eager nod, his eyes wide and innocent as he looks at the woman.
Sigh, So it's gonna be one of those times huh.
Frustrated, I pick a cigarette from my front pocket of my fatigue shirt. What? It's not like the enemy were still around, their fear of the all mighty hind made sure of that. And besides, If I'm gonna get shot, Might as well enjoy a smoke.
Sofiya Pavlovna has every reason to trust her men, to go along with what they say. After all, They are right. What I did was mightily suspicious. They don't trust me, They never will. Because I'm just a stranger in their eyes.
They make an extremely logical argument. Hell, it would defy all logic if the woman doesn't have my shot. I definitely showed anti soviet behavior with my little charge up the treeline. And all for a fucking piece of paper to.
Lighting up my cigarette and taking a drag, I wait for that final shot to ring out. But surprisingly, It never does. With a raised brow, I look at her. I'm met with a patient expression...she wants me to explain myself?
Why?
I don't know you, you don't know me. So, why woman? Why wouldn't you trust your men? Why would you want my side of the story? That sounds extremely illogical and fool hardy, hell, I can take advantage of you, completely lie to you. So why?
Now, I may be determined to survive, to go home, but I know when my foot is in a grave, and this was one of those times.
Tch.
Very well Woman, I shall indulge you just this once. Regrettably, I'll have to get rid of a piece of the puzzle, but I'm smart, I can figure this shit out given time.
With a slow drag, I take out the document that the enemy was holding and speak low, controlling the volume of my voice, and the tone of it.
"I saw the radioman, figured he was the one relaying orders. So, I rush the treeline and fire at the enemy. I make it to the radio man, kill him, pick up the receiver and tell them that our hinds are coming in. They panic, and run. I found this document on the radioman." I say slowly and clearly as I toss the folded up document to her.
"But that doesn't-" Borris suddenly says, before I manage to cut him off.
"What? A siberian savage can't be educated and speak a little farsi?" I say, glaring at him. As a result, he gulps a little at this as I continue.
"I don't know about you "Comrade" But just because I'm from the urals, doesn't mean I'm an illiterate savage.You know next to nothing about me, and yet you're already jumping to conclusions like a caveman. If anything, I'd say that you lot are the traitors. One little thing that you can't understand and you're raising your rifles at it. Sheesh, All of you are major liabilities." I say with a click of the tongue. Actual disdain leaking into my words and sinking into them like venom from a snake.
"..." The woman says nothing as She looks at the paper, then to me. Her eyes study my face as I keep my hateful scowl.
"...Lower your guns." She says finally, a sigh now escaping her soft supple lips.
The men say nothing as they lower their rifles, saying nothing as they look away lamely, much like children haven been caught bullying others.
I manage to keep my mouth shut as I walk to them, hopping the wall and making my way back to the campfire. Sheesh, I'm this close to washing them down. But now isn't the time. I just barely escaped with my life, better not to do anything to jeopardize it.
With a sigh, I drop down next to the campfire, and find my canteen of warm water. Sigh. I dig through my pockets to find it. Slowly and tiredly, I pull out my instant coffee pack and tear it. Pouring the contents into my canteen. Normally, I'd pour the water into my cup, but I can't seem to find it, and at this point, I'm much too tired to look for it.
Thankfully, the creamer was still near my canteen, exactly where I dropped it. Opening it up, I lazily pour the contents into my canteen as I pull out my knife.
See this? I pride myself on never having to resort to desperate measures such as close quarters combat, I merely gun these fuckers down the moment I see them.
And because of that, My knife has never gotten dirty, no blood, no debris? Nothing. This knife is clean and pristine as the day it left the factory. Which means that I can use it for this!
…
Sigh, I slowly mix my coffee with my knife now as I puff out smoke from my mouth.
Sheesh.
I don't think I can take much of this anymore.
I'm just so fucking tired of this bullshit.
Now I don't have to worry about my enemies shooting me, but my comrades as well! Great. Just fucking great!
I grit my teeth As I take a drag with one hand, slowly calming down a little bit as I watch the coffee mix into the warm water, turning the clear liquid into a shitty liquid brown. Just like my fucking life eh?
As I slowly mix my coffee, I hear footsteps coming from behind me.
Great, what now?
I don't even bother with turning around, or hell, even saying anything, A scowl still on my face as I stir my knife in my canteen.
"...You're wounded." A soft, familiar voice said. Ah, so it was her.
"...What? This, Nothing a pair of pliers, vodka and hot water won't fix." Was my simple reply. Hah, I was so pissed off that I completely forgot about the little bits of shrapnel in my foot.
"No. We have to get you treated." Was her straight forward reply. I can hear the tiredness in her voice. So, you to huh? Well to bad woman, I have no intention of playing along with your games. So you can, in American terms, fuck off.
"It's nothing to worry about comrade Pavlovna." I say quietly. Resisting the urge to sigh or sound annoyed.
"No. I order you to get treated." She said, with some steele in her voice
"..." I pause at this.
Slowly, I stop mixing my coffee and stand up, still holding my canteen. Looking at her, I give her curt salute as I make my way to the medical tent. My furrowed look does not once change as I slowly walk.
"...The men are better than this you know, just give it time, They'll warm up…" She slowly trails off her sentence as I walk, ignoring her as I take a drag with my free hand in the process.
I avoid the holes that those damned mortars leave on the ground, The stench of gunpowder still thick in the as I make my way through the camp.
The closer I walk to the medical tent, The more moans and groans of the wounded I hear. I grit my teeth at this, I never did like the fucking medical tents. I'm already plagued by the sights and sounds of these poor bastards in my sleep, there's no need for me to experience it in real life as well.
I slowly take another drag as the stench of iron slowly fills my nostrils now as I stand in front of the medical tent.
I pause for a moment, steel myself and with a sigh, Open the tent flaps.
Hah.
As expected, My Life is so wrong.