Nightmares. Dreams that bring out a sense of terror and fear, with you most likely being in a situation that you would rather not want to be in. Yes, Nightmares. Something that I get every night when I sleep, lest I die of exhaustion.
It's a terrible thing you know? Nightmares. It's like killing people. Once you kill enough, you don't seem to care anymore, Fear and guilt now replaced with exhaustion and anger. The explosions? The sights of dead men? The pure screams of terror and agony?
I don't feel anything towards it anymore. I'm rather indifferent now. As I find myself desperately fighting for my life in my sleep, with the specters of the dead now clinging on to my shoulders, their weight seemingly heavy enough to crush a man.
Yes, The sights of war and demons mean nothing to me now, for I get them every time I go to sleep. What I don't get however is scenes of peaceful images, Of my family, of a situation in which I didn't need to fight. A situation that I wanted, desired, coveted desperately.
So when those scenes come? Well, I suppose that it's only natural that I feel fear, because I deeply cherished those things. I don't want to lose them after just getting them, and that makes me truly terrified indeed.
Life is hard as is, there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel at least a semblance of peace, right?
So imagine my surprise, my fear when I awoke in a seemingly modern bed, in a seemingly modern room, with a seemingly modern alarm clock ringing, assaulting my ears with that dreadful fucking noise that I absolutely hated, even in my time in Chiba before the war.
I could only say nothing as I looked at the ceiling in shock, stupefied as the gentle rays of the morning sun shone through the windows next to my bed.
With deadly silence, As I slowly get up, not sure what to make of this scenario, A new scenario, one that I wasn't absolutely getting mauled to death by a fucking shovel.
The bed creaked slowly as I silently got up, the bed sheets now falling down, not directly on top of my body.
"..."
Looking directly down, I notice a strange thing.
I was in my pajamas.
...But, why?
What the fuck was happening?
Studying my surroundings more intently, I noticed many things.
One. I was sitting atop a queen sized bed. It was huge, much too huge for a guy like me.
Two. The walls around me. They were painted pure white, with no signs of age or degradation...Meaning that I was possibly in a modern home.
Three. The modern appliances and furniture around me. The Bedside cabinets? The small lamp? The TV that sat directly atop the dresser on top of me? Yeah, this was definitely a modern scenario that my sick brain decided to place me in as a cruel joke whilst I sleep Uncomfortably in real life.
...As I sit there, already scared of what my mind wants me to say, I notice it.
A Fourth thing.
The gentle hum of a woman, along with the faint sizzling of a frying pan. The combination generating a...pleasant waft? The hell? Oh this was gonna be scary as fuck. You see, the worst ones were realistic, where you could touch the things around you, where you could smell the things around you.
Where you weren't just another NPC in the middle of a war, but an actual human that had things happen to you.
I hated that.
The aroma launched a pretty heavy assault on my nostrils as my stomach couldn't help but rumble, with me feeling the pangs of hunger as an aftereffect.
Tch.
Great.
Who was it? My mom making me breakfast?
No, It couldn't be. This wasn't my room though. I would know my room, and this wasn't it.
So, who was it? What was it? Was I having a nightmare about Home? Or simply having a nightmare about living in the modern age, free from the effects of war?
If so, then who was the woman?
Tch.
Fuck it, Might as well get this fucking thing over with. It's like a formula you see? Hit me with things I want, see me desperately hang onto them as they slowly start to fade, leaving me a broken, pitiable man in the aftermath, and cue me waking up with a cold sweat and a lurch in my stomach.
It was simple, but quite effective. It was something I wanted. Something I desired so fucking desperatly. Something that tortured me to no end when I didn't get it.
It was the perfect foil to me.
And I was powerless to stop it.
That's why it was perfect.
With a growl, I tiredly got off the bed, the tiredness in my eyes never seeming to leave, even in my dreams. The cold wooden floor met my bare feet, giving me a little shock at first, but I simply shook it off, shaking my head in disapproval at my inner psyche for torturing me like this.
Walking to the door, I noticed that It was slightly ajar. Saying nothing, I opened the little fucker and in response, it let out a little annoying creak. I merely sigh inwardly at this, this dream was so far too realistic for my liking. Something that never boded well.
With a grimace, I steel myself for what could possibly be beyond the door before continuing out, My mind seemingly ready to take on anything.
I was greeted with the sight of a living room, not a shitty one either, like a good one. With good couches, a coffee table separating them from a high quality flatscreen tv.
I raise my brow at this.
One step in and I already wasn't liking this, makes the punchline harder I find.
The humming of the mysterious lady got louder now as I continued to make way to the source of the daminginly good smell. The smell getting stronger, and the humming getting louder as I inch my way closer to the source.
One step.
Two steps.
Three steps.
I get closer and closer now, finally entering the kitchen before I stop, completely shocked by what I see. My mind is effectively blown to bits now as I freeze up in terror.
You see, SHE was there.
Sofiya Pavlovna is currently making breakfast with a happy hum, her long hair down and free as she hums a Russian tune.
"..."
My mouth freezes in shock and awe as I simply...stand there, frozen.
The hell?
What is this?
What-Why?
Not even fighting the soviets did I freeze up.
Not even fighting the Mujaheddin did I freeze up.
Not during the entire war did I ever freeze up even ONCE!
So, what was this?
Why?
Why the fuck am I freezing up now?
And more Importantly, why was she here?
Why did I decide for her to appear in my dream?
I want nothing to do with her! It's not like she appears enough when I'm awake or anything, It's like the woman's out get me or something!
So..Why?
"Hm-hm-hm~" She hums merrily enough before stopping, catching me out of the corner of her eye.
I can only watch in disgust and terror as she makes a surprised face, then merely smiles at me as she quickly turns the stove off and rushes to me.
"Honey! You're finally awake!" She says with an enthusiastic grin, with a face of pure warmth and joy.
I blanched inwardly.
Grabbing my hand, I still say nothing as I look at her in shock.
Her hands are ridiculously soft and gentle as she leads them to her stomach.
"Now, I know that this is kinda a shock...But I can't wait anymore! It's too important, I have to tell you now!" She says, With a build up of tears in her eyes.
"I'm Pregnant!" She says, with the tears now free flowing as she happily pulls me into an embrace.
…
…
…
BOOM.
See that? That's the collective sound of my brain right now.
I cant...I can't say anything.
I've completely frozen at this point, my body stiffening up as she holds me tight now.
Ugh god, the amount of warmth and affection she's displaying her makes me want to barf.
No, In fact I want to barf. This shit is making me feel nauseous as fuck!
Have I finally lost it?
Has my mind fully fallen into degeneracy as it makes me dream of me, getting a woman that I barely even know, much less like, Pregnant?
Why?
The fuck is wrong with me?
Like, do I need to schedule a visit to the psych ward?
Has being alone finally cracked my inner psyche, and this was just it's own way of telling me that I need some companionship?
Why?
This is cruel, even for your standards god!
She brings me out of my shock as her hands gently cup my face now, Bringing me into a fierce, passionate kiss.
Fuck!
I gotta do something! This is getting WAY to outta hand, even if it's a dream!
No, Scratch that, This is a fucking nightmare!
Me and her? God no! I would rather blow my brains out before I even entertain wanting HER company!
The Kiss was passionate, and much like a fire that burned bright, quickly extinguished as she pulled away, looking at me with an abashed face now. Her honey glazed eyes were locked unto mine as I struggled to say something, anything!
"..I'm Uh...going out to get a pack of cigarettes."