I should've known.
The moment Lila texted me to meet her at that fancy little café she liked, where everything was tiny, expensive, and smelled like money, I should've known something was wrong. But no. I foolishly walked in smiling, hopeful, even thinking maybe I'd ask her about her birthday. I was such an idiot.
I hadn't even sat down properly before she hit me with it.
"I'm breaking up with you."
I blinked. "What?"
She didn't even flinch, eyes sharp like a dagger aimed at my chest. "I'm breaking up with you Noah. Do I have to use a speaker?."
At first, I laughed. I legit thought she was joking. I mean, we were fine, weren't we? We even spoke that morning. No signs, no warnings, nothing.
"Wait, seriously? Why? Did I do something wrong?"
She tilted her head like she was trying to be gentle. "Because, Noah… you're pathetic. And I can't keep pretending. I mean I have tried to but it's pretty exhausting not gonna lie."
The smile froze on my face. "Excuse me?"
She leaned back, all calm and poised while my brain was already slipping off its axis. "Do you want me to be honest?"
"No," I said, too fast. "Actually yes. Wait, what the hell are you even saying?"
"You're broke," she said with no hesitation. "You work a dead-end job with no promotion in sight. You dress like you've given up on life, basically blending in with the background. You lack ambition, drive, edge, danger, anything exciting, really."
"Okay, okay, I get it but, "
"Also," she continued, sipping her drink like this was a casual Thursday chat, "sex with you is like drinking warm almond milk with a bible next to the bed. Your idea of getting rough was turning off the lights and whispering 'yes, baby' once."
My ears burned, something worse than embarrassment setting in. "Lila, what the hell?"
"I mean, I've tried to carry this relationship," she said, like she deserved a medal. "But I'm tired, Noah. You're like… background noise. Your hugs feel like I'm being wrapped in lukewarm laundry that smells like misery."
I was spiraling. "Okay, okay, listen, I can change. I'll work harder. I'll be more assertive. I'll dress better, I'll be more confident, I'll work out, I'll, fuck, I'll even get a second job if that's what you want." My breaths came in heavy and desperate like my pleas. "I'll do whatever you want, in bed, out of bed, I'll read books, watch videos, hell, I'll get coaching! Just, Please Lila don't do this. I love you."
"Noah," she said, giving me a pitiful look that is somehow worse than all the insults I had been getting. "there's no point."
I stared at her, stomach twisting into knots. "Why? Why not?"
She smiled.
"Because I'm already fucking someone else. Isn't it obvious?"
Time stopped.
I think my soul left my body and floated to the ceiling to watch the rest of the conversation with popcorn.
"You're, what?!"
"He's amazing. Gives me butterflies just looking at him. He's rich. Smells like sin. When I see him, I get wet instantly." Her smile grew sweeter, her gaze shifting to an invisible image at the ceiling, hands clasped together like she was talking about our Lord savior and Christ.
"You?" Her gaze dropped back to me, smile dissolving into a dead-pan expression. "You make me dry, Noah. Like the Sahara. Cactus in a drought. Not even a mirage. Should I continue?"
I just stared at her, dumbfounded, like she'd just kicked me in the soul and then asked me to thank her.
I blinked. "…I was going to propose to you."
"Oh." She sipped her latte again. "How awkward."
I laughed. Bitter and hollow. "Was it ever real to you?"
She tilted her head. "Not really. I dated you out of pity. But now even that's not enough."
I wanted to throw up.
She stood, graceful as ever, and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill from her wallet. "I really tried my best to fall in love with you Noah but, " she stopped herself like she hadn't been stabbing me mercilessly with her words. "Good luck on your next attempt at dating. Maybe aim lower next time."
She dropped the bill on the table like she was tipping a waiter and walked out. Just like that. Click, click, click in her stupid designer heels.
And I sat there. Alone. The warmth of the building mocked me. The Café buzzed on around me, people chatting, typing, sipping, living.
And I sat still, feeling like the world had ripped open beneath me and swallowed me whole. The woman I loved two years only, barely tolerated me.
I stayed there until the coffee turned cold and bitter, like everything else. Would it be unfair to myself if I walked into an incoming truck?
Then I got up and dragged myself home, replaying every word Lila said like a death sentence on loop, carrying nothing but shame, heartbreak, and the ghost of a proposal ring in my pocket.
I got home and the silence hit like a brick to the face.
My studio apartment looked exactly how I felt, depressing, cramped, and dimly lit. The kind of place that said, "Hi, I've given up, please ignore the dying plant In the corner." I didn't even bother turning the light on. Just kicked my shoes off, collapsed onto the bed face-first, and let the emptiness swallow me.
She really did it. She left me. The love of my life, I felt a dull ache spread all over my body like I had been re-injected with the words she said to me.
I laid there for a moment, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think. But of course, my phone had other plans.
Ping.
A Twitter notification.
I grabbed it, hoping, God, I don't even know what I was hoping for. Maybe that she changed her mind? Maybe she tweeted something like "I miss you already"? Something stupid and naïve. Because God knows I'd forgive and take her back instantly.
But no.
It was a photo. A goddamn photo.
Lila. At a party. Dressed to kill like always. Sitting on some guy's lap while kissing his cheek.
My breath left my body.
The man she was kissing didn't look real. Tall. Sharp-jawed. Dressed in something that probably cost more than my rent or existence infact. He looked so non-chalant, like a god among mortals, while I looked like a sad sitcom extra who got cut in editing.
Lila had captioned it "Babe" with a single red heart emoji.
Of course she did.