Title: "Mya vs. Konoha's Geriatric Council - The Succession Intervention"
[Scene: Hokage's Office - The Brutal Truth Bomb]
The air in the office grew heavy as five-year-old Mya stood before Konoha's most powerful leaders, swinging her legs from a chair that nearly swallowed her whole. The Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, sat frozen behind his desk while Danzo Shimura and the two elders turned varying shades of red and purple.
Mya: (pointing at Hiruzen) "Third Hokage has a wife and two sons. He has a successor to inherit him."
Hiruzen: (chokes on smoke, eyes watering) "M-Mya, that's not exactly—"
Mya: (cutting him off, now pointing at Danzo and the elders) "So why you three didn't marry nor had children to inherit you?"
Danzo: (grip on cane tightens audibly) "You insolent little—"
Koharu: (face turning stony) "That is highly inappropriate—"
Homura: (visibly aging another five years) "Our personal lives are not—"
Mya: (plowing forward) "You know the war created many orphans. Can't you adopt one of them? Or just someone from your clan to be your successor?"
Danzo: (vein throbbing violently) "The affairs of ROOT are—"
Mya: (ignoring him, counting on fingers) "You are getting old. With time, you should prepare. At your age." (pauses, then casually drops the bomb) "Oh. You are the same age as my uncle."
[Reactions:]
· Hiruzen wheezes silently, shoulders shaking, tears of suppressed laughter forming. His pipe falls from his mouth.
· Danzo turns a shade of purple previously unseen in nature. His Sharingan arm twitches like it's considering activating itself out of sheer rage.
· Koharu inhales sharply, gripping the armrests of her chair so hard the wood cracks.
· Homura slowly removes his glasses and rubs his eyes as if hoping this is a genjutsu.
Mya: (blinking innocently) "What? It's true. My uncle says old people who don't plan for succession are 'selfish coffin-dodgers.'"
[The Aftermath:]
· Hiruzen loses all composure and laughs so hard he snorts tea out of his nose.
· Danzo SLAMS his cane down, splintering the floor. "SARUTOBI! CONTROL THIS—"
· Koharu stands abruptly. "This meeting is OVER."
· Homura mutters, "I need to lie down."
As the elders storm out, Danzo turns at the door, single eye glaring. "This isn't over, brat."
Mya: (cheerfully waving) "Bye, Grandpa Bandages! Maybe adopt a kid who'll visit you in the nursing home!"
Danzo's scream echoes down the hallway.
[Later, at the Uchiha Compound:]
Fugaku: (rubbing his temples) "Why do I hear the Hokage's advisors demanded an emergency session about 'insubordinate toddlers'?"
Mikoto: (smirking) "Our daughter is a national treasure."
Mya: (mouth full of dango) "I just asked questions! Old people are weird."
Shisui: (wheezing with laughter) "Mya-chan, you're my hero."
[Final Scene: Danzo's Nightmare]
That night, Danzo jolts awake in a cold sweat. Mya's voice echoes in his head: "Adopt a kid, Grandpa Bandages!"
He screams into his pillow.
THE END.
(Mya's Legacy: Forcing Konoha's elders into existential crises since age five.) 😂🔥