ECLIPSO: "Greetings, lunatics and lunarians! Tonight's episode features a scheme of truly astronomical proportions. Behold, the Jester, who has set his sights on the ultimate prize... literally."
Jester stands on his rooftop, dramatically silhouetted against the full moon. He holds a pair of binoculars upside down.
JESTER: (To SCRUB-BOT 3000) "Behold, my metallic friend! That pockmarked, cheese-based marvel! For too long, it has hung there, judging us! Smirking with its crater-faced grin! Well, no more!"
SCRUB-BOT beeps, projecting a hologram of a moonpie.
JESTER: "Not to eat it, you simpleton! To own it! I will steal the moon itself! Then, everyone will have to look at me when they get all poetic and lovesick! My popularity will skyrocket! ...Get it? Rocket?"
ECLIPSO: "His logic, as always, orbits a different reality entirely. My viewership metrics are already spiking in anticipation of the inevitable catastrophe."
You: (Gasping, pointing at the TV) "He's gonna steal the MOON?! But... how?!"
Inside the lair, Jester unveils a blueprint to his assembled robots: RESCUE-O-TRON, SCRUB-BOT, and a dozen smaller, beeping, multi-armed worker drones that look suspiciously like they were built from toasters.
JESTER: "Phase One: We construct a gigantic... Shrink Ray! Why steal a big moon when you can steal a convenient, pocket-sized moon?"
RESCUE-O-TRON: "AFFIRMATIVE. CALCULATING ENERGY REQUIREMENTS." Its head starts smoking slightly. "ERROR. REQUIREMENTS: ALL OF IT."
JESTER: "Nonsense! We'll just plug it into the city's power grid! And by 'plug in,' I mean we'll use this!" He holds up a comically large, two-pronged plug attached to a mile-long extension cord. "It's foolproof!"
ECLIPSO: "The plan relies on a series of impossibilities, the foremost being that the city's main power plant has a conveniently located, correspondingly giant outlet. My archival footage suggests it does not."
The robots have jammed the giant plug into the base of a power line transformer. The Shrink Ray, a massive satellite dish-like contraption, hums to life, sucking power from the entire city.
Lights flicker and die all across Eclipse City. TVs shut off. Freezers stop freezing.
COMET GIRL: (Flying over the now-dark city) "S.A.R.A., what's happening? Is this Jester?"
S.A.R.A. : "Energy signature is massive and... pointy. Origin tracked. Also, my battery is at 5%. This is very undignified. I'm projecting a map to the source. And a low-power emoticon of my displeasure: >:( "
A frowny face hologram appears in front of Comet Girl's face.
COMET GIRL: "A shrink ray? What could he possibly want to shrink that needs this much-" She looks up at the moon, then back at the energy beam targeting it. "Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me."
You: "He's doing it! He's really doing it!"
A beam of pink energy shoots from the dish and hits the moon. The surface of the moon begins to warp and shimmer.
JESTER: (Spreading his arms wide, mimicking a certain avian god's pronouncements) "Behold! The night shall yield its greatest treasure! The celestial body is judged! And I find it... wanting!"
With a sound like a giant ZWOOP!, the moon shrinks down, down, down until it's the size of a beach ball. It plummets from the sky, landing softly in a giant net held by the robots.
Jester holds the now-personal-sized moon. It glows softly in his hands, its craters now just cute little dimples.
JESTER: (Cackling, holding it aloft) "MINE! The journey of the Moon Knight is complete! I am the champion of... of... huh." He tries to put it under his arm like a football, but it's awkward. "It doesn't really fit in my pocket. Khonshudidn't mention this part."
COMET GIRL: (Lands with a thud) "Jester! By the authority of the... well, me... put it back! You can't just unbalance the lunar cycle! The tides are probably having a panic attack right now!"
JESTER: "And why would I do that? I've finally achieved a real victory! I have harnessed the power of the--OW!"
He trips over the mile-long extension cord. The moon goes flying from his hands. It rolls across the roof, coming to a stop right next to a golf tee that definitely wasn't there a second ago. A single, nine iron leans against it.
JESTER: "...I don't even play golf. And I'm pretty sure this isn't one of the 'avatars' Khonshu told me about."
ECLIPSO: "The path of the moon's champion is fraught with peril... and profoundly silly obstacles."
S.A.R.A. : "Scanning celestial object. Gravitational pull: minimal. Psychic echo of millions of werewolves: confused. Suggested action: Putt it."
COMET GIRL: "Don't you dare! That's a celestial body, not a Titleist!"
JESTER: (A mischievous glint in his eye. He picks up the nine iron, holding it like a sacred staff.) "You know... the suit might have been cooler, but this'll do. The moon must return to the sky! The night must be protected! Or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention during the god-whispering part."
He takes a wild, cartoonish golf swing, his body spinning like a top.
JESTER: "LET THE NIGHT SKY ONCE AGAIN BE WHOLE! ...FORE!"
The club connects with the moon-ball. Instead of a thwack, it makes a deep, resonant GONG sound, like striking the giant crescent-shaped staff of a vengeful deity.
The moon shoots into the sky, growing back to its normal size with every foot it gains. For a brief second, the craters on the moon's surface seem to align into the shape of a giant, judgmental bird skull, before fading back to normal. It slots perfectly back into its place in the night sky with a soft POP, as if a cosmic lock had been turned.
The city's power flickers back on.
Everyone--Jester, Comet Girl, the robots--just stares up in silence.
JESTER: (Dropping the club, which vanishes) "...Hole in one. The travelers of the night are safe once more. My work here is done." He strikes a dramatic pose, then ruins it by adding, "Also, I think I pulled a muscle."
ECLIPSO: "And so the scales of the night are balanced. Not by a fist of vengeance, but by a nine iron of absurdity. The cosmos is a strange place."
JESTER (Sighs): "I was gonna make the Moon Light Bulb for my hideout." Glance back to Comet Girl Looking in the night sky to the moon "What's she doing?"
SCRUB-BOT 3000 (Plays a violin with rose petals falling out of nowhere): "Bonsoir, sir. The Cosmic Lady might be thinking of someone really close to her heart in the Moon Light~"
Jester blinks in STUPID and then launch SCRUB-BOT 3000 into the sky with the same golf stick he launched Moon.
JESTER: "Huh, I guess i can try playing Golf for a day." He stroll into his lair again.
Eclipso appears on screen, looking dazed. He's holding a small, glowing moon rock.
ECLIPSO: "Well, viewers... that happened. I managed to retrieve a sample from the... impact site. It appears to be a mixture of regolith and a high-grade polymer. I believe the term is... 'Top-Flite.'"
He tosses the rock over his shoulder.
ECLIPSO: "What could possibly top a lunar drive? A solar system putt-putt tournament? The theft of Saturn's rings for a cosmic game of quoits? Whatever it is, you know it will be chaotic! So stay tuned!"
You: "I hope he steals the sun next! But, like, to get a tan!" You giggle at your own idea, already dreaming of the next episode.
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Post-Credit Scene
The Shadowy Figure is analysing the moment Jester launched the Moon into the sky through a computer(obviously Jealous from him)
MYSTERIOUS VILLAIN: " How did he DO THAT!?" Noticing the camera "Ahem, I mean, Who even wants the moon anyways? P-Pathetic!"
The Screen turns black.
(dun Dun DUNN!!)
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