Ghost Money – Pilot Episode: "ATM From Hell"
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Cold Open
Ghost was thirty, broke, single, and horny in that order. He lay sprawled across the torn leather couch of his ex-roommate's apartment, staring at the ceiling fan wobbling like it wanted to end itself more than he did. His boxers had holes. His phone was on 3%. His wallet carried nothing but lint and expired condoms.
Salina, the roommate who kicked him out two weeks ago, had let him crash "temporarily" only because he swore he was leaving in the morning. She poked her head out of her room now, curlers still in her hair.
"Ghost," she said with that tone women use when they're seconds from murder, "rent. Money. Jobs. Do you understand these words?"
Ghost groaned. "Do you understand the word 'recession,' bitch? I'm a victim of the economy."
"You're a victim of laziness." She slammed her door.
Ghost sat up, scratching his beard. He mumbled, "If I had money… everything would be solved."
That was when the cursed ATM across the street flickered like a horror movie prop. Its screen flashed INSERT YOUR SOUL PIN.
Ghost stumbled outside in his slides, still in boxers, clutching a beer. He pressed random numbers. Nothing. He kicked it. Sparks shot out.
"Yo—don't electrocute me, I'm too broke to pay hospital bills!"
The machine beeped. The slot opened like a mouth. A suction force yanked Ghost face-first into the ATM. His legs dangled out, kicking. He screamed, muffled, as the machine swallowed him whole.
Inside was not wires, but a glowing vault dimension—money floating in the air like golden feathers, green bills orbiting like satellites. A glowing HUD burned itself into his vision.
HUD Online
Welcome, loser.
Power: Infinite Money Growth
Condition: Complete Missions. Gain XP. Level Up.
Starting Reward: $0.
Rate: $100 every 30 minutes per Level.
XP Required: 800 per Level.
Ghost blinked. "What the actual f—"
The vault exploded in light. He shot back out of the ATM, face-planting on the sidewalk.
A glowing balance counter hovered in his sight: Balance: $0. Level 0. XP: 0/800.
Ghost coughed, spat blood, and laughed. "I just got powers from overdraft fees."
Cue the intro theme: fast-paced hip-hop beat about hoes, bills, and interdimensional cheating.
⸻
Act 1 – First Mission
Ghost was pacing the block when the HUD dinged.
Mission Alert
Client Request: Find out if her man is cheating.
Reward: 800 XP.
The client popped into existence—a Latina MILF wearing a silk robe, heels, and way too much lip gloss.
"My husband," she said, shoving pictures of a buff guy at Ghost. "He's sneaky. He's always gone. I think he's smashing my sister. Can you find out?"
Ghost shrugged. "Cheating investigations? That's my hero arc?"
HUD: Yes, dumbass. Do the job.
Ghost snorted. "Fine. But when I get paid, I'm buying pants without holes."
⸻
Ghost tailed the husband into a cheap motel. He peeked through a cracked window. What he saw made him choke on his beer:
The husband wasn't banging the wife's sister. He was railing a succubus—horns, tail, wings, and titties defying physics. The bedframe squeaked like it was confessing sins.
Ghost muttered, "Well… he's definitely cheating. With a tax-deductible demon hooker."
HUD popped up: Mission halfway complete. Evidence acquired. +400 XP.
Ghost pulled out his cracked iPhone, filmed a minute of demon-porn evidence, and texted it to the client.
The succubus suddenly snapped her head toward the window. Her eyes glowed red. She licked her lips. "I smell broke dick outside…"
Ghost froze. "Oh shit."
She teleported through the window in smoke and landed on him. He tumbled to the ground.
"You look tasty," she hissed, straddling him.
Ghost stammered. "Lady, I got $0. I can't even pay for condoms—"
The HUD dinged. Mission Complete. +800 XP. Level Up.
Balance Update: $100 every 30 min. Current Balance: $100.
Money materialized out of thin air, raining down on Ghost and the succubus.
She squealed, scooping up bills. "You're rich now!"
Ghost grinned nervously. "Technically, yeah. But this is rent money, not demon-hooker money."
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Act 2 – Level 1 Ghost
Ghost pushed her off and ran. His HUD kept flashing.
Balance: $100. Next payout in 30 minutes.
He ducked into a bodega, grabbed chips, and went to pay. When the cashier looked at him, Ghost just snapped his fingers—$20 poofed into existence.
Cashier's jaw dropped. "Yo… you just spawned money."
Ghost winked. "I'm a magician, baby. The trick is poverty."
⸻
Thirty minutes later, as he sat in a greasy diner, the HUD dinged again.
Balance Update: +$100. Total: $200
Ghost fist-pumped. "Hell yeah. Passive income. I'm an immortal OnlyFans."
At the next table, a couple argued. The woman yelled, "You're cheating on me!"
The man yelled back, "Prove it!"
The HUD beeped again. New Mission: Investigate diner boyfriend. Reward: 800 XP.
Ghost spat soda. "This is endless."
⸻
He followed the boyfriend later that night—straight into another woman's apartment. Ghost filmed, sent evidence, got XP.
Mission Complete. +800 XP. Level 2.
Payout Rate Increased: $200 every 30 minutes.
Balance: $400.
Ghost whistled. "This is better than crypto."
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Act 3 – First Flex
Back at Salina's apartment, she caught him grinning on the couch with a pile of bills floating around him.
"Where the hell did you get money?" she demanded.
Ghost smirked. "Mind your business."
HUD dinged. Balance Update: +$200. Total: $600
Salina's eyes widened. "You robbed a bank!"
Ghost: "Nope. I became one."
⸻
Suddenly, three cloaked figures smashed through the window. They wore demon suits with "Dimensional IRS" written across their chests.
"Ghost!" one bellowed. "You owe taxes on that conjured income!"
Ghost choked. "Taxes? On magic money?"
Salina screamed.
Ghost stood, summoning a stack of $100 bills from thin air. He slapped it across the lead demon's face.
"Shut up. Paid in full."
The demons paused, confused, then hissed and vanished.
HUD: Transaction recognized. –$200.
Balance: $400.
Ghost groaned. "My first expense is paying off Hell's IRS. Figures."
⸻
Ending Gag
Later that night, Ghost opened Salina's fridge. Still empty. He sighed, conjured a $5 bill, and taped it to moldy bread.
"Fine dining."
The HUD popped up: Balance Remaining: $395.
Ghost grinned. "I'm stacking. Next time, I'm buying steak."