I was satisfied with just showing my presence in the gathering and decided it was time to go home.
That encounter with Duck-Hwan was very awkward and impractical. He thought he was so cool but he messed up big time.
Maybe he'll never approach me again, is what I thought.
But the next week at school, during statistics class, he came to sit next to me.
What a bother!
I was already having a headache trying to forget Mike but here he was, creating yet another headache.
But hold on. Maybe this was the distraction I needed. I mean, I don't plan to indulge him or give him a chance, but if he insists on throwing himself in my direction, then maybe I could use him.
Not in the cruel sense, at least, that's what I told myself, but if talking to Duck-Hwan, if letting him sit next to me during classes, and tolerating his chatter gave me even a moment where Mike's face didn't invade my thoughts, then wasn't that a form of survival?
Still, even as I thought that, my chest tightened.
"Is there something you want?" I asked, turning my head to him but he simply smiled.
An awfully bright smile on a handsome face. Urgh. What was his intent?
"I saw a free seat and decided to sit there." He said but I stared at him blankly.
"We both know that's just an excuse you came up on the spot," I said, leaning down as I rested my chin on my palm. "So, why did you come sit here of all places? There are so many free seats around."
"Well," he rolled his eyes away. "I wanted to apologize once again and... Maybe start over."
Yeah, just as I thought. There's no other reason why he would want to sit next to me after the stunt he pulled the previous week.
He probably wants me to give him a chance to make amends and then try a different approach.
I didn't respond and simply stared at him.
If he were after a different approach, then I would welcome it, but... It was a bit of a nuisance.
Midterms were coming soon, and I needed to focus more on studying, but with Duck-Hwan's interference, he wouldn't be able to concentrate.
Maybe this was a bad idea after all.
But it didn't look like Duck-Hwan was going to back off just because he claimed not to have any interest in him.
After all, he already told him he wasn't gay and that he had no reason to have feelings for him but still... He wouldn't give up.
'I should just ignore him.' I thought to myself. 'Once he sees that I won't ever have any interest in him, he'll probably back off.'
Was what I thought.
But then after the first shared class, he met me again during the next class the next day, and on days when we didn't have any shared classes, he would find me in the library, cafeteria, or walking down the path of the cherry blossoms.
This Sunbae was such a great disturbance.
And then, one day, Duck-Hwan leaned in to whisper some ridiculous joke during class. I caught myself flinching, not because of him, but because of how my brain betrayed me.
These past few days, he had acted as quite the disturbing agent, and as well a distraction. Saving me the issue of reliving that night on a daily basis.
But this day, the way he leaned in, his breath itching on my ear and the warmth of it... I was completely caught off guard and his warmth immediately reminded me of that night.
Instead of laughing at his joke, not that I ever did, I rubbed at my temple, pretending I had a headache when really, I just wanted him to move back.
I didn't want to be rude, so I didn't say it outright, but... This was slowly getting out of hand.
"Are you okay?" Duck-Hwan asked quietly. His brows knitted together in concern, but there was still that same eager glint in his eyes.
It made me frown. I don't know if I was disgusted or simply loathed his efforts. Am I the bad person here? I don't know but... I didn't feel good entertaining his advances when I felt nothing from them.
I forced myself to nod as I said,
"I'm fine. Just didn't sleep much last night."
He smiled knowingly, like he didn't believe me but decided not to press. "Then do you want me to make sure you don't fall asleep in class?" he asked and I paused.
What? How was he going to do that?
"Stimulus works well." He said and I felt his hand on my thigh. My face twisted in a disgruntled appearance and I sighed.
Great. He was becoming even more bold. Another headache.
"It's fine," I said, pushing his hand away. "I don't plan to sleep anyway. Now, let me concentrate. This might be vital."
I turned away from him, hearing his quiet apology as he also turned to listen to the lecturer.
For someone older than me, he sure knew how to act childish.
Duck-Hwan wasn't the only problem I had to deal with. You know, with a Sunbae getting so close and familiar with a hoobae, and not just any hoobae, a top scorer and someone who rarely hangs out with his peers... That was bound to bring about talks.
So, each time he tried to walk with me, I could feel other eyes shifting toward us. Eyes I didn't want, whispers I didn't need, and a name I most certainly didn't appreciate.
And yet, despite telling myself I didn't want any of this and that I despised them as well as Duck-Hwan's advances, I didn't push him away. Not completely.
And that was because, though not completely effective, he took away most of my thoughts and so I didn't spend 24/7 thinking of Mike and that night.
Maybe I really was going insane.
Or maybe... I had been insane from the start.
I arrived home that day, sighing in exhaustion.
At least I didn't need to worry about anyone in my own house. There was peace.
"Oh dear, are you back?" Miss Hwang asked and I nodded, smiling at her.
"Yes, Miss Hwang. Did anything happen?" I asked, but she looked hesitant, rolling her eyes to the floor and then back at me, looking concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Well, it's nothing. Just... Your mother called." She said, and I clenched the handle of my bag, my jaw clenched from the sheer thought of my mother.
"And?"
"She's coming over for dinner tonight. And she's bringing a guest along."
Ah, could everyone just leave me alone already? I was tired.