My father died when I was 14 years old. I had just entered senior high school then. But I don't think I was any different than how I am now.
The cause of my father's death? Well, a car accident. And he died along with his mistress.
While it did seem like a simple car accident, knowing the kind of mother I had, I knew she had a hand in it.
At that time, though, I didn't know she was responsible.
I didn't know she was so bitter that she would rather kill the man than let another woman have him.
To my mother, love was just a means of obsession to her.
And once she was obsessed, she grew mad.
That was probably why she didn't know how to love me, her only child.
She didn't carry me like other mothers carried their kids with love and warmth. She didn't even pet me when I got hurt.
With those red eyes of hers, she looked down at me like I was a disgusting worm that crawled out of her body.
And as such, I never expected anything from her.
I gave up on her very easily. I think it was good that I did. Instead of trying to prove myself to her, waste my life, and then still end up disappointing her, I decided not to care.
I knew from a young age that nothing I did would please her.
As for my academic excellence, I don't do it for her.
I simply want to make myself the best so that once I am done with school, I won't need to rely on her for anything.
I just... Wanted to be the best for myself.
Anyway, after all that, I came to know about my mother's little secret. Well, not exactly a secret since she never planned to hide it, not even from her child.
Her interest lay in younger men. Since she was a widow with a filthy ton of cash, she decided to fill the void in her heart with guys who were old enough to be her son.
Strong, handsome, and well-built younger guys.
I saw her coming in with one of them one day. I was just in my first year of college and wondered why she, who was rarely home, came back that day.
I thought the man who came in with her was a guard or something but when I saw her pulling him into her room by his collar, I felt something was wrong.
I wasn't peeping. I just needed to pass her room to get to mine down the hall. And so while I walked past, I heard moans. From her room that was slightly open, I could hear groans, moans, and heavy pants, as well as other noises that I shouldn't have heard that day.
My only saving grace was that I didn't see anything because those noises were already enough to give me nightmares.
Then the next time she came in with a young guy, I knew he was her lover.
Not just because he seemed to be only two years older than me, but because he was utterly shameless. During dinner, he sat next to my mother and when I bent to pick up my fallen fork, I found his hand sliding into her dress through her thigh.
I immediately lost my appetite and went to my room.
If my mother was going to have these sexual relations, then could she not do them in front of me?
She stopped coming home soon after bringing two more on two different days, but after that, I came to understand my sexual orientation.
The men she brought back, the well-built and handsome men who looked like they could lift two women on their shoulders with ease... I thought of them a few times and got hard.
They turned me on so much that it ruined me. I grew depressed. Not because I had fantasized about strong hands holding me, but because it was due to the men that my mother brought back that turned me into this.
I was ready to blame my mother because only then did I feel better.
And now... My mother was coming home.
If she was coming with a guest then it was probably one of her lovers.
They don't last long. According to what I know, my mother spends a night or two with them, and if she liked them a lot, she did it with them a third time.
But after that, it was done.
'I wonder what the point of bringing them to her own house is when she'll drop them as far as lightning.' I wondered.
Do I even have to come down for dinner?
I don't want to.
She should have dinner with her guest alone and then leave me alone.
I was disgruntled and disgusted, not just at my mother but myself.
What if I get attracted to the strong features of the man she was going to bring back?
I was already in a crisis thanks to 'Mike', and I didn't want to lose my sense of self.
Thanks to being exhausted from school, I couldn't study for too long and started feeling drowsy.
I rested my head on the book I was writing on and drifted into sleep in a flash.
The sharp beeping of my phone's notification somehow woke me up, and I raised my head with a start.
"I slept?" I was surprised that I didn't even go to my bed.
Was I that wasted?
"Ah!" I drooled on my jotting note.
I began to frantically clean it when I received yet another notification.
I picked it up and frowned seeing it was a text from my mother.
How rarely she texted me.
It wasn't even dinner time yet and she was already here.
I sighed and got up.
'Better just show my face and disappear when the excuse of studying.' I thought and headed for the door.
I walked downstairs, lazily, not knowing that what I was going to see was going to change my life for good. Rather, it was going to bring about a whirlwind of change.
Whether it was a good change or a bad one... I think I'll have to find out.