Q: What do you do when you see a blazing flame about to burn you?
Run, obviously. Why would I stay there only to get burned?
Q: But what if the flame looks beautiful? Do you think you can run? Or will you be caught mesmerized by its embers?
I may get enamored for a while but I'd still run. If I get caught and burned, it's the end.
That is the normal reaction for such an answer, but then why is 'my' answer different?
I want to get close to that blaze, even when I know it would burn me. Its embers are pretty enough to make me stay still and watch it till it completely engulfs me.
The embodiment of that blaze was the man I spent my first night with. A one-night stand.
He was hot, so hot that I knew he would burn me if I went too close but I did. I was so close that I felt I was melting, not just the places he touched, but my mind and heart altogether.
For the first time, my mind was shut, my innocence flew out the window and I was left with an unexplainable feeling.
I ate the forbidden apple that opened my world to something different from what I had been living my entire life.
"Ha-Joon, the class is over." My classmate sitting next to me for the lecture said, nudging my shoulders a bit and I raised my head.
I had fallen asleep, again. And my thoughts, my dreams, were filled with just one scene.
A scene filled with devastatingly sweet echoes of sin.
This was dangerous. Very dangerous but I... I just couldn't forget no matter what I did.
Two weeks ago, I gave my body to a stranger.
It wasn't supposed to mean anything. I mean, I was just a young homosexual guy who wanted to be held by another man and get the thrill of it, so I met someone I had never met before, a stranger, so that my secret would never be exposed to those around me.
We went by fake aliases, so we didn't know each other's names. We made no promises, either.
We simply... went with the moment.
Just heat and sweat in a motel room that smelled like blissful sin.
But strangely enough, that night that shouldn't have meant much meant everything to me.
His touch still haunts me. I could feel my skin tingle whenever I thought of the places he held.
His whispers, his smirk, and especially those eyes... They surrounded me and ruined my thoughts.
Even when lying on my bed with the fan whirring above my head, I could remember the exact way his lips brushed my collarbone, how he gripped my hips like he owned them and how he never failed to ask me how good it felt.
I blushed.
My skin burns whenever I think of the way he murmured filthy things into my ear, his voice all smoke and control. He had total control over, not just the situation, but my body as well.
It was as if I was hypnotized and that was why I lost myself in that moment.
After that day, I never thought I'd see him again.
Hell, I prayed I wouldn't.
Because the part of me that wanted him again? That part terrified me more than anything else.
If I saw that man again, the urge to be entangled with him once again and fall into a world of sin would definitely envelop me.
I sighed, trying to calm my nerves.
It was better to relax because I didn't have anything to worry about.
My secret was safe and I wouldn't have to see him again. That was what I thought.
But fate doesn't give a damn about my thought process and decided to screw my life over.
It was a Tuesday. My mother had just returned from a trip, bright-eyed and oddly glowing with excitement, something I don't see every day.
She texted me to come downstairs, saying she had someone important to introduce me to.
I didn't have any expectations and didn't have any idea who I would be meeting.
I thought I'd forget whoever it was after I said my greetings and returned to my room.
But... How could I forget?
Not when he had a face like that, eyes that smirked before his lips did, and a body that could set your body on fire even from miles away.
I wasn't expecting the man I slept with to be sitting on my couch, sipping tea, and smiling politely at my mother like he belonged here. Like he was family.
My body went cold.
My lungs stopped working and I couldn't breathe.
And then she saw me frozen at the foot of the stairs and said in such a casual, innocent way, while being so painfully unaware.
"Ha-Joon, this is Tae-Hyun, my fiancé. And we're getting married in a few days, so get ready."
I could barely hear anything after that. My heartbeat was deafening and my ears won't stop ringing.
Just what was going on?
I nearly staggered, but I managed to maintain my balance and looked up, only for me to meet his eyes. Once again, my breath was caught.
His eyes were dark gold with a knowing and wicked look as he met mine. And I saw it. That little hint he was trying to pass across.
He recognized me.
And worse, he didn't look guilty. He looked hungry.
Like this was a game he was playing and both my mom and I were on his little chess board.
He knew the moves we were going to make and had his counters planned.
He smirked like I was already his. And the worst part? Some twisted part of me wanted to be.
He was dangerous and I... I was drawn to this danger.
Just... How did I get to this point?