I woke up before Chris in the morning.
I didn't want to wake him, so I quietly got out of bed, made myself a coffee, and sat by the window. I picked up my phone and scrolled through some social platforms.
Chris had a flight at noon today.
He was going back.
Two days passed so quickly—it felt like just two hours.
That's how I am with you, dear Chris. I never get enough of you.
Chris's phone was on the table in the living room. It buzzed a couple of times.
I thought, "Who's messaging him this early in the morning?"
It ate away at me inside, but I had no right to say anything—
After all, I had my own shameless Felix chapter.
About 30 minutes later, Chris got out of bed and came into the living room.
He said "Good morning."
His hair was messy, he was just wearing a t-shirt and boxers.
Like a magazine cover. Even in the morning, he looked so handsome.
Damn it, I thought.
He checked the time, looked at his phone, but didn't type a word. Didn't even reply.
"Let's have breakfast quickly," he said. "The airport's far. I need to be on time."
We ate in a rush and drove to the airport together.
Along the way, he kept holding my hand every chance he got. Kept kissing me.
When we arrived at the airport, he went through the first gate, and I gave him a tight goodbye hug.
He said he'd call me as soon as he landed, and left.
Once again, I was the one watching him walk away.
Chris, you always come and go.
And I… I'm always here.
Have you noticed? It's always me who's standing behind you.
Why doesn't this change?
Why can't I ever catch up to you?
Saturday night, while we were drinking wine, your words came back to me:
"If we're not married to someone else by the time we're 35, then you and I should marry each other."
Why did you say that?
If you were willing to marry me at 35,
Why not now?
And why are we marrying other people then?
What changes at 35? Do our personalities settle? Our lives?
Did we lose each other's trust completely—
Your laptop story, my Felix mistake—
Did we break something permanent?
Were we supposed to grow wiser by 35?
Or… were you going to get your fill of other women,
and I of other men—
And then we'd console each other?
What did you mean with that sentence?
I don't understand you, Chris.
You were never clear.
Not once.