So, my work life changed. This place was a bit more crowded, with more people in management roles. It takes at least two serious months to get used to a new environment. In the meantime, I was still exchanging occasional messages with Chris and occasionally meeting with Felix.
As for Seth? I had no idea. He wasn't calling or asking about me—and I wasn't thinking of him either. Later, I found out that Seth had quietly gotten married. Maybe that's why he vanished. Marriage tends to erase your entire past.
One day, Chris called with a tone I'd never heard before—subdued and uncertain.
— 'They're sending our department abroad,' he said.
— 'For how long?' I asked, my voice catching.
— 'Two years. It's already been approved.'
That truth hit me hard. Two years was a long time. But for his career, it was the perfect step. He had no luxury of saying no—none of us really do. We all work for money in the end.
— 'I want to see you one more time before I go,' he added quietly.
— 'Come whenever you want,' I replied, not even hesitating. 'My door is always open to you, just like today, my love.'
Sometimes I imagine it—what if you showed up right now? Just appeared at my door. What would happen? You, in your 40s. Me, still the same. Would we fall in love all over again, with that same wild intensity?
Could we have learned something from the mistakes, the longing? Are we really wiser now?
I keep wondering, if you came back, could we really be happy? Two divorced people. Two broken hearts. Two parents. Yes, you guessed it. The last time I saw Chris online was about two years ago, sometime in 2023. There was a family photo—him, his wife, his child. I never looked at his profile again after that day.
Chris hasn't followed me for two years now. I don't search for him anywhere anymore. You know what? My first goodbye was in 2023. And now, by writing this book, I'm giving you my second.
Either I'll finally let you go… or I'll just be the only one left missing someone.
I don't know where you are, what you're doing, or even what you look like now.
Anyway—back to the younger me. The new workplace was strange. It was full of people who couldn't stand the sight of someone like me. It happens in many places. If you're beautiful and successful, there will always be a snake trying to bite.
I've been fighting so hard in my professional life. Taking every certificate, enrolling in course after course… I'm always improving myself. I've got what people call a smart brain. Numbers and I are friends. But that doesn't make life easier. It just makes you a brighter target.
I've seen envy up close—its fangs sharp, its tone poisonous. Yet I've never once been jealous of anyone. Man or woman. Not ever. It's a useless emotion. I try to convince myself it's something to conquer.
When Chris and I fought over other women, it was never jealousy. It was heartbreak. It was the pain of watching him throw away every tomorrow we could've had together...