- I felt a sudden, cold shock rip through me—like a blade slicing flesh. I couldn't tell if it was a sword or a dagger, but the sensation of my stomach being violently torn apart was unmistakable. Hot blood surged through my veins. I could feel it seeping into my back, creating a warm, sticky pool. My breaths came in shallow gasps as my vision slowly started to blur, the edges of my sight growing dimmer with each passing moment. Someone stood before me—the one who had caused this pain. I could sense his presence, even though I was unable to make out his features. It felt as though an unseen force was cradling me, holding me in place, even as I teetered on the brink of consciousness. I strained my eyes, desperate to make out his features, but they remained blurred, obscured by shadows—like a puzzle I couldn't solve.
. Why did it feel like I should know him?
A storm of emotions—fear, confusion… sorrow?—raged inside me, but I couldn't grasp their meaning. As the world around me started to fade to black, he said something—but I couldn't quite catch the words. I felt myself slipping away from the world around me.
That's when I woke up—again. My body lurched forward, gasping for air as if I had been drowning. The same dream. Always the same. I pressed a trembling hand to my stomach, but there was no wound, no blood—just the ghost of a pain that shouldn't exist. My skin was damp with sweat, my heart hammering against my ribs, my stomach twisting as if the injury had followed me into waking reality. The room was silent, yet the air felt thick, suffocating—pressing against my skin as if the walls themselves were holding me captive.
A sharp sting drew my attention. My nose was bleeding. Just like last time. Just like every time. It was just a dream—I knew that. And yet, my body refused to believe it.
Carefully, I slipped out of bed and tiptoed out of the dorm room, trying not to disturb my peacefully sleeping roommate.
***
I was just an ordinary girl from an ordinary family. As an only child, I had no grand ambitions. At that time, my only goal was to study hard and get a good job to secure a stable future. So, I studied and studied until I finally earned a scholarship to the most prestigious high school in the country. However, since the school was far from home, I had to live in the dorms.
It was the day of the school entrance ceremony. I arrived at school the day before and spent that day arranging things in my dorm room. It was supposed to be a two-person room. The other bed remained untouched. According to the dorm head, no one else had applied for dormitory housing this year. For now, I had the whole space to myself until another student arrived. The room was mine alone. The thought gave me a brief sense of relief.
"At least here, I could live the way I wanted."
As I sat through the principal's speech, a realisation struck me – no one but me applied for school dorms … That meant all the other students were locals… no one here knew me."
A strange mix of comfort and unease settled in my chest.
After the principal's speech, the freshman representative began speaking. I was so sleepy at that point that I started to doze off.
"Hey, can you hear me? Hello?"
A voice pulled me back to reality. I blinked, startled, as the girl beside me shook my shoulder gently.
"The ceremony's over," she said with a small smile.
Embarrassment burned at the back of my throat. I had fallen asleep. Still, she didn't seem to mind. We chatted a little, and before I knew it, we had decided to check the class lists together. We were in the same class. I felt relieved for some reason. So, we went to find our classroom together.
Class A was located at the corner of the hallway. By the time we arrived, the room was already filled with students. A group of girls waved in our direction, and before I could react, my friend (whose name I had forgotten to ask)pulled me toward them.
"Hey, this is my friend,"
She said, flashing me a grin as she waved her hand at the girls.
"Don't worry, you'll fit right in."
But "I wasn't sure if I could fit in—not yet. I had always been good at blending into the background, but now it seemed like everyone expected me to take the spotlight.
They seemed nice—but was I ready for this? Every instinct told me to stay quiet, to blend into the background like always. But the girl's expectant gaze made it impossible to walk away. So, against my better judgment, I stayed. That's when our homeroom teacher arrived.
She was a fair-skinned woman with long hair tied back in a ponytail, which made her look younger. She was tall, but from a distance, she could almost be mistaken for a high school student.
"After introducing herself, the teacher began calling out our numbers to assign seats. When she reached mine, I found myself in the very back seat, thirty-nine. I glanced to my right. Empty. The only unclaimed seat in the room. I wondered who, if anyone, would take it. This was a mixed school, but the number of male students seemed low compared to the number of female students, probably around ten to fifteen boys in our class.
Monaka, whose name I finally learned when the teacher took attendance, sat in front of me, and her friend group occupied the next row.
After the roll call, our homeroom teacher, Mrs. Hasuki, taught us English during the first period. Then, several other teachers came and introduced different subjects. Between lessons, students gathered to chat and gossip about various things.
Monaka and her friends did the same. And somehow, they made me join them.
During lunch break, Monaka and her friends—whose names I still struggled to remember—invited me to eat with them. I hesitated, glancing at the quieter corner of the cafeteria where I ate alone yesterday. But… maybe just this once. While having lunch, they talked about all sorts of things, and for the most part, I just listened.
I had to admit—it was… enjoyable.
Monaka, in particular, was quick to chat with everyone, laughing easily and making it seem as if I had always been part of their group. I appreciated her warmth, but something inside me hesitated. She was friendly—too friendly. People like her always were. I'd seen it before—smiles that faded when you weren't useful anymore. Was she different? Or was I just setting myself up for disappointment?
"Was it really okay to lower my guard? To believe, even for a second, that I belonged here?"
After lunch, we had another four periods before school finally ended. Monaka was a member of the media club, so she went to her club meeting. Her other friends, who were in sports clubs, left for practice.
So, I returned to the dorm alone.
That night, I saw it for the first time—the dream.
***