I was back at the rooftop, I wanted to breathe, have a clear head but I ended up crying, nothing felt right, I know life wasn't supposed to be the way mine was, but I don't seem to find a way out or know where to begin, I wiped my tears as they fall, enjoying my silence, my loneliness, as if my life wasn't sad enough, dad sent a text, about how I was rude to mom and its not acceptable, I cried new fresh tears, sobbing loudly, it felt suffocating that I got up, I wanted to do something to ease it all, to feel a little relief, during my frantic mad search my eyes landed on another of my problem, zayden stood there, staring at me, carefully analysing me.
We stared at each other in silence, not a word was said but the need to feel had vanished as quick as it came as I set my eyes on his bruised hand, I tried to see his face from under the hood but I couldn't.
"Are you ok?" He asked with his croaked voice and I want to lash out, to tell him I don't need his pity, his care but the way he asked, like my pain hurts him, like he could feel how hurtful my life is.
"Do you ever forget to feel?" I asked instead
"Everyday," he whispered back after a few seconds of hesitation, I sniffed and turned away from him, going back to my previous sitting position.
The silence was comforting to me, his warmth, hearing him breathe next to me was comforting, it's almost like I could lean on him, but I held myself back, we are not that close I thought.
He flexed his bruised hand, and I turned to face him. He wasn't looking my way, just ahead.
"Your hand, there's blood," I mumbled stupidly.
"Don't worry," he muttered without turning to me.
"It's mine," he added in a whisper before looking at me. It must have been the face I made, my expression.
"I didn't..." I cut him off with a shake of my head.
"You don't have to explain," I whispered.
"No one ever does," I added before looking away, anywhere but him. The way he stared at me tugged at my heart, like he wanted something, but he's scared to ask.
"I came up here when i can't feel," I began again.
"Why are you here?" I asked him, I can still feel his eyes on me.
"To make sure that your feel" he whispered, very quietly, i turned to him, his hood down, his face a work of art, perfect in every way and he have that expression again, what does he want?
"You always have this look," I whispered, and he looked away from me, pulling his hood back up.
" You don't have to hide it from me. Just tell me what you want to say," I whispered. He chuckled, a sound sweet, but I felt it's bitterness biting hard.
"I think that would burn more than the fire" he whispered looking up at the sky, I frowned, the fire, for once I wandered off my self pity and imagine his own pain, how he is hurting.
"Do you ever think?" he paused, glancing at me.
"We are in an illusion, created by us, that we survived something we shouldn't, and we just Wander around, pretending to not be ghost?" He asked still looking at the sky, I want to hug him then, tell him how sorry I am for what kairo did, tell him he can take his anger out on me and I will forgive him but I can't, I am scared suddenly to loose this, him talking to me, being here when everything is closing in on me.
"You survived, and you're not a ghost," I whispered instead, and he looked at me, I couldn't see his eyes well, but I felt them.
"No?" He questioned, and I nodded.
"Ghosts don't bleed, you do" I whispered, he laughed and I was lost in how innocent that laugh sounded, how sweet and childish, like it's a kid laughing, I didn't know I was smiling.
"You should smile often," he whispered, and I turned away from him. He turned my head back to face him.
"It's healing," he whispered, and we stared at each other. He was under his hood, and I barefaced probably the ugliest one out there, but we understood each other, and that's all that matters.
The day took a different turn than I expected, no matter how hard I want to be suspicious of Zayden, I can't help but feel safe, with the way he held my head, the way his thumb ran over my lips and the way he relaxed, moving so close to me that I eventually for the first time since we met, relaxed into him, felt safe and in an emotional trance that I have never felt before.