[Unnamed character #4]
Whatever I do, it's never enough.
Yeah, like that song.
No matter how hard I try, it's completely utterly useless.
But that was long ago, now, I stand proud and tall. I deserve where I stand now, the 1st podium, the winner of all. I deserve all of this, all my hard work payed off, but...I'm becoming obsessed with winning to the point that I'll do anything and everything just to win. I hardly recognize myself anymore. Well, I don't care, I mean– who doesn't want to win?
After going through so many hardships, I won yet I want more, I need something more important to win on. There's always so much more than I can do, that I can accomplish.
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be known. I wanted my name all over the world, I never want to be forgotten. Even if I die, my name lives on.
I wanted to be unforgettable.
I'm not there yet...but, I will get there. The fear of being forgotten after you die kills me.
Here I am, watching people cheer for me. My family isn't here again, not that I care. They're always absent. Better go home so I can practice for a spelling bee competition.
Suddenly, a group of people swarmed the second-placed-winner. They seem so happy, still giving the second-placed-winner comments like: "You did so good", "That was amazing", and worst of all–"I'm proud of you". Why can't I get that from my own family?
At home, it's just another normal day. "I won the competition in Badminton." I said to my mother, knowing that she already expected it.
"Okay." She continues typing away on her laptop with the same expression every time I tell her I won something. Emotionless.
I hate it when they say that. They're never proud of me anymore, whatever I do does not impress them. I should've not became an overachiever. It sucks. Plus, I have expectations to reach and manage. How infuriating.
The door bursts open, my little sister runs to my mother. "I won third place in a poster making contest!" She screamed enthusiasticly.
My mother looked surprised and smiling. "That's my girl! I'm so proud of you."
...
Wow, I wanna pull my ears and rip it off my head and grab my eardrums and squeeze it so hard that I can't hear anymore.
Back at my room, I lay down on my bed. I keep staring at the shelf filled with my awards, certificates, thropies, medals and achievements. The first thing you'll see when you walk into my room is that damn shelf. I hate it, but... that represents what I am in real life.
Useless.
I'm nothing but an achievement to show to other people yet you can't actually do anything with me. I'm made to be bragged on about. That's my sole purpose.
I've been compared to other people. I hate that too. Even if I'm the one who's the "good example", still hate it. Fuck comparing.
Right. The spelling bee...
Hours later, I felt tired. I'm always tired. No amount of sleep can cure that tiredness.
I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't want to be an overachiever. It's too late though. I can't do that anymore, should've done it earlier.
I'm annoyed with myself. Why do I have to become the person I am now? I don't even have a social life, not even in school. No friends too. Focused only at my goals.
The next day, I won the spelling bee, of course. I decided to treat myself with a drink at a café.
I ordered salted caramel latte. It's alright. Then, I spotted a library across the café. Well, isn't that convenient? I need to study for a big exam next week.
Standing on the door, I hear someone telling a...story? Meh, I'm still going in.
When I went in, 4 people stared at me. "I'm sorry, is this a private library or are you doing like those library activities? I can leave if you guys want." I keep having a yappington.
"It's okay, darling. You can join us if you want to." An old lady suggested to me, she was also the one who was telling them a story.
I felt suspicious. "Is this a cult?" I asked. They giggled. "Is it not?" Umm, this is embarrassing.
"Nope, come child, sit down." Welp, if I'm gonna die today because of these strangers...I don't really care.
After sometime, they weren't actually a cult nor they tried to kill me—quite surprising if you asked me. Very surprising. They're actually very chill. I'm not going to lie, I could be here all day.