[Unnamed character #3]
What's the purpose of living?
We were born and then what? What happens after that? Were we just born to suffer then die? Are all of these religions made just for the sake of our delusions that there's an afterlife?
Everyday's the same, like a simulation that never ends. Same routine, same place, same faces, nothing's different.
I want my life to be a rollercoaster, not a damn carousel. It goes round and round rather than up and down.
Maybe, I'm not meant to be here or maybe, I am meant to be here. Do I have a purpose in this world or am I just another soul bound to follow the world's play? I don't know how we just live like this, if this'll keep going—I will cease to exist.
Someone please answer my endless questions for I am overwhelmed by this damn thoughts.
I wish to stop thinking, my mind keeps blabbering. It talks and talks, it never runs out of things to say. I wanna take my whole brain out. Why do I have to be the unlucky one who's mind keeps talking? Keeps me awake every night. I keep thinking that I can't think properly. To this topic to that topic, I simply can't keep up with my own mind. I have to do something before the time runs out.
My mind is against me, everyone's against me.
...
Can't I have a moment of peace without my mind ruining it?
I guess, I'll get on a train and take an unlikely quiet walk.
I've been walking from a city to another until I stumbled upon a humble library.
I opened the door and was completely hit by my mind's comments: Are you seriously setting foot on a place you don't belong?
I stopped and closed the door again, still outside. I turned to leave. Then, an old lady opened the door from the inside and looked at me. "Are you coming in, darling?" Her voice loud yet somehow comforting.
"Yeah, yeah...sure- I guess?" I avoided her gaze.
One more thing I hate than my mind is socializing, it's so hard to do. I can't even do basic things because of my poor social skills.
Too awkward in conversations, too shy to do shit, too forgetful to remember anything.
I'm fucked up.
The old lady just stood there, waiting. Not saying anything at all. I slowly walked up to the door, my hands in the pocket of my hoodie.
Once inside, I saw two people (Unnamed character #1 and unnamed character #2) having a conversation. I sat beside them, listening, ready to judge.
"Hey, what you doing?" One of them said (Unnamed character #2).
I stared at them for two seconds. "Uhm, nothing?" I awkwardly turned away.
"You sound so unsure." The same person said.
I didn't respond.
The old lady sat down on her chair. She's probably a librarian.
"What's your name, dear?" She asked me. I told her my name quietly.
"My name's Solace Dalila, where are you from?" She asked calmly, holding a book on her left hand, flipping the book's pages with the right hand. I answered her question again.
The other two people introduced themselves to me. Unnamed character #1 is quiet and they look quite gloomy while unnamed character #2 is more outgoing.
They keep yapping and yapping, trying to include me in their conversations. Whether it's serious or just pure nonsense, they still included me.
For the first time, I felt something new, I met someone new, I wasn't left out, my mind not saying anything.
Right then and there, I wanted to cry. To let them know that what they were doing was helping me in a way that I can't understand.
For the first time, I felt seen, I felt like I've known them for years and years based on how comfortable I am talking with them...even though I just met them 10 minutes ago. I don't know why, but, I trust them.
My difficulty in communication vanished like they were never there at all. Talking to them feels unreal and somehow magical. Is this perhaps a dream?
Maybe, this walk was worth it after all.