The church bells reverberate through the streets with all their might, making the windows and my body shake. It's a sign that the day has dawned — or at least, that's what they say.
Still lying in bed, I hear the silence being torn apart, signaling that everything is about to begin again.
The same noises, the same beam of light slipping through the crack in the window. I know it's just sound, but I've always felt it carries an omen within it. As if it doesn't just echo, but rouses me. It calls me. It forces me to open my eyes.
Another morning, the same simple routine. I get up, wash my face, brush my teeth, put on my neatly folded school uniform that still smells faintly of fabric softener. Even though each morning is the same, I used to think I could live like this forever.
And when I think of "forever," I take the same path, heading towards the old school. Just to find the same person, along the same road. And when I see her… the monotony feels worth it.
Her beautiful face. Her delicate skin. The scent of roses that clings to her hair that seems to follow her wherever she goes. She is my goddess, my muse. Walking beside her is a privilege I don't deserve.
Even though this is just another day, just another walk to the same place, with the love of my life by my side, my heart feels restless.
I've been like this for a while now, and I can't understand it. Life in this town could be described as pure and beautiful monotony. I ought to be used to it by now, yet it still makes me uneasy. As we walk through the narrow streets and alleys, Iris by my side, my eyes drift away from her. I can't keep my eyes on her for too long — it would scare her. It scares me, too.
I don't want her to hate me. I don't want her to pull away. So I look to the side.
And when I do, I'm always snared by the same sight: the same buildings, the same streets, like I've lived all of this before.
"You live this every day, you fool," I think to myself.
But even so, it's not just repetition. It's sameness. Absolute sameness. The same stories. The same paths.
Still, I can't complain. Iris, my goddess, walks with me on this path. A path I wish would never end.
After staring at her back for too long, I glance away—embarrassed. That's when I see it: a black cat. Staring directly at me.
"Hey, come on. I don't want to be late today."
Iris spoke with that velvety voice of hers that always disarms me.
When I looked again, the cat was gone. There was no reason to worry.
A little further ahead, at the convenience store, someone had left one of the TVs on. It was mostly static, but I could still see our bodies. It must have been a security camera.
"Wow, yay. We're on a stage…"
Iris is so cheerful. She always says strange things.
Step by step, following the path with Iris, a chill runs down my spine. When the wind hits my face, that same shiver runs down my spine—just like yesterday. Or was it today?
I watch the leaves dance. I watch Iris smile. It's always the same. Too much the same. This perfection weighs on me. Why do I still feel restless? Why do I keep staring up at the sky like I'm searching for something? For someone? Sometimes… I feel like the sky stares back.
I must be losing my mind. Madness. But even so, my body still trembles. I try to focus my mind on the present. On who I am. On her.
Looking at Iris, a thought crosses my mind: 'What should I do for her to love me?'
No matter how hard I try to figure it out, I can't find an answer. I feel like I have no control over anything—especially not her feelings. Honestly, I'm not sure I even have control over myself. I wish I could be somewhere peaceful with her. Just the two of us, holding hands, taking in the view. But I don't have that kind of power. All I can do is dream.
Does she want the same thing? No... that's impossible. A guy like me isn't worthy of a goddess like her. But what if…
"Iris… have you ever thought about… breaking the routine?"
After minutes gathering the courage, that was all I managed to say. Asking her if she loves me, if she wants to marry me, spend her life with me—none of those words could pass my lips. I know I'm a coward. But… I don't want to sound like I'm too emotional.
"No. I love our days just the way they are. Why do you keep asking that?"
Wait—what? I've wracked my brain, gone over all my memories, and I'm sure: I've never asked that before in my life. Did she get confused?
"I never asked you that… remember?"
She didn't answer. Just looked away, like she didn't hear me. Or maybe she was just being her usual distracted, mysterious self. What was she thinking about? I don't know.
Looking around again, I spot another black cat. It's the second one I've seen today. It even looks like the same one. Maybe it is. Maybe it's following us. Either way, I don't care.
Like every school morning, the streets are quiet. But something feels off. Too quiet. Calm, clean, silent. I can't even hear the wind, nor the stirring of any animal. Everything's so beautiful, so bright. A tranquility and beauty so ephemeral it fills me and frightens me in equal measure.
"Come on, you're so lazy today!"
Breaking the silence, Iris called me. I looked at her and saw the horizon, which highlighted her ineffable beauty. Sun rays were covering her hair, revealing her sweet smile.
Even in front of such beauty, my eyes kept looking for the horizon. Always the horizon.
And so it went on throughout the monotonous day. Always looking into the distance, at something I don't know what it is. The fields and mountains far away are things I've never seen up close, I've never touched them. At the same time, for some reason, I fear to chase them.
The village, surrounded by dense forests, is very far from civilization. It's dangerous to take risks. It's dangerous to go out. Yet, still, why do I find myself staring so intently at this horizon?
...
Looking, again and again. I see its faint light.
Night is on its way, but I can see something… It's like a wall…
"Ghhh! What!?"
Just when I thought I saw something strange, a flash appeared. My eyes didn't burn, but my vision was blinded for a few seconds… Those seconds felt like eternity.
But when I open my eyes, I was no longer in the same place.
"How did I get here?"
No matter how much I think about it, I don't remember walking that much. It had already gotten dark, and in my hands was an old candle, which I probably used to get here.
Here? Where exactly am I? And why did I come with a candle? I could have used my flashlight, that would have been more practical.
In the background, I hear a faint sound of thunder, indicating that rain is coming.
Pointing the lit candle and looking around, I could recognize the walls of this building. This is the old abandoned hospital of the city. It's just a few kilometers from the village, but how did I get here?
No one visits it because it's forbidden. Some say that demons reside here, and there are legends that this place grants wishes to people. I don't believe in any of that nonsense.
There's no electric light, and the path leading to this place has been overgrown with weeds and trees. The old, decrepit gate is locked with a padlock. But looking at myself, my clothes are also different from before.
Does that mean I went home and don't remember?
My boots were muddy. That means I really walked all the way up here. Looking back, even with my candle, I can hardly see anything. Just damp trees.
The city lights should be on and visible from here, but I couldn't see anything. There's a small path to the left. I can't see where it leads.
Ignoring this strange forgetfulness, I suppose I must have come here to think. To wallow in the fact that I missed the chance to talk to Iris. I've been having some strange feelings lately, and this place is completely deserted.
Looking at the big iron gate, I can't figure out how to get through it. Even pushing and kicking it hard, it doesn't budge. There should be some side entrance I can use to get in.
And as expected, there was actually a window. Broken, probably by some vandal who crashed in. It's probably not a good idea to go into places like this.
But then, the sound of thunder that was in the distance started getting closer. The rain, thin but icy, began to fall on me. It's not going to be good to be soaked at this hour of the night.
Even though it wasn't right, I climbed in through the broken window. A few minutes wouldn't hurt anyone. I just needed a place to stay.
However, as I stepped inside, silence. No sound of the rain, the wind, or thunder. It was like the world had died, vanished. Looking back through the window I came in, I couldn't see anything, even with the candlelight.
The rain probably didn't just stop, so it was better to hang around for a bit, until it was safe to go back.
The place was very clean. The ground, decorated with blue-patterned tiles, broken in several spots, still held up well.
A metallic sound echoed off the walls, probably from the rain trickling through the pipes. In fact, the smell of metal is prevalent in this place.
Nothing seemed out of place. And perhaps that's the strangest thing. Even so... something in me knew it was better not to stay too long.
A few minutes had passed since I walked in. The cold kept getting more intense. The silence here is, in many ways, unsettling. It feels like my ears are stuffed with something I can't quite describe. I feel like I'm slowly sinking into a silent ocean. Which is weird, considering there's a loud storm raging outside, I guess.
I'd better check my pockets, since I'm wearing different clothes. Maybe there's something useful, like a cell phone, so I can call for help. Looking at each of them, in the left pocket of the coat, there was a golden lighter. That must be what I used to light the candle before getting here.
Knowing that I have another, more controllable source of light is a relief, but it's better to save it just in case I need it. I'll just use the candle for now.
Even though I've noticed it before, I can't hear any sounds, neither from animals nor anything else, except the metals on the walls. The atmosphere here is gradually getting colder. The heat from the candle isn't enough.
Come to think of it, there might be a warmer place nearby. Following this thought, I take my steps towards the dark and desolate place. There must be a map I can use to locate myself.
Walking through the corridors, the sound of my footsteps echoes for a long distance. The sound of metal dripping down the walls was no longer audible. Looking at the candle, which I was holding in both hands, protecting the flames with one of them, it trembled and stirred, like someone breathing. It was the only sound that accompanied my footsteps.
Looking at the corridor I had been walking down for a few minutes, it was clear that the hospital was surprisingly well-preserved for an abandoned building. It almost looked like it had been in use until just yesterday. Even the peculiar smell of hospital antiseptic still faintly exuded.
There was little dust on the tables, gurneys and metalwork and hardly any visible marks of the passage of time, such as rubble, mold or decaying walls. Even the color seemed vivid. The floor was clean enough to reflect my image – pale, blurry, and trembling.
Arriving at the entrance hall, there are inscriptions on the walls. Dates, names and phrases written on the walls with graffiti. Things like: "the war will never end" and "There was a hole there. But it's gone now." were written. Perhaps poems or messages left by people who have sheltered here in the past, like me.
In the past, this place was used as a war hospital. People don't talk about what happened, or about the patients who never left. They were part of the past, consigned to oblivion, just like the hospital itself a few decades later.
Looking to the left, there's a small, dusty doll lying forgotten on the floor. I don't understand why it caught my eye.
*Clang* a metal sound reverberated. Unlike the previous sound, which resembled drips on an iron pipe, this one sounds much more like something falling to the ground. It came from upstairs.
- Hello, is anyone there?
Silence. Again.
After a few minutes, a similar sound reverberated once again from upstairs. If there is someone here, I need to make sure. I'm afraid of being caught off guard.
Following the exaggeratedly long corridor, I reached the staircase. Going up to the second floor, there's something strange about it. The corridor, which should be similar to the one I'd just walked down, gave me a strange feeling. It didn't seem to extend as it should. You expect the walls, ceiling and floor to run in parallel lines, forward, but the perspective seemed distorted at every step, as if it were twisting slightly off-axis. Maybe it's some kind of visual hallucination, but it's scary.
Walking a few meters, I saw what I imagine caused the noise. A stretcher lying on the ground. It doesn't mean there's anyone on it, as it only seems to have fallen on its own with the force of the wind. Next to it is an open door leading to room 208. For some reason, a morbid curiosity seized me, so I entered the room.
Despite my expectations, it was just an ordinary room. But on the wall, there was a small piece of paper, hung with a ribbon and on it was a short poem:
"There are no doors.
No ground. No time.
Just instant. Always the same instant.
I speak - or I think I speak - and something listens.
But it doesn't answer.
I'm naked, kneeling in the middle of nowhere.
Space pulses around me like a bubble without walls.
Why have I been left here?
I beg.
For pain. For the end. For meaning.
For anything to prove to me that I'm not alone.
TU FUI EGO ERIS"
"Tu fui ego eris… What a strange language. Could it be the person's name?"
Since I don't have time to waste, I'd better ignore all this and go back to the lobby. Maybe go back to the window where I came in and see if it's still raining.
*Clang* Taking a step into the darkness, I bumped into a stretcher a little way into the room and knocked it over. I should be more cautious from now on.
I walked a lot further than before, or at least it seemed a lot further, to reach the stairs, but rounding the bend in the corridor, there were no stairs at all. Just another identical corridor.
"How did I get lost like that?"
Unfortunately, I've always had trouble with maps and the like. But this place isn't a labyrinth, so it's strange to get lost.
As a precaution, I'm going to let the candle wax fall on the floor and mark a X where I can see it. That way I can go back if I find a dead end.
I've been walking for quite a while, but the corridors all look the same. It's like space is folding in on itself, keeping me in place. I can't see the end of the corridor because the candle doesn't illuminate it very well
When I looked down, "that's not possible" was the first thing I thought. The same mark, an X drawn with wax, was on the floor. I had returned to the same place. However, I don't remember turning.
"What the fuck is going on?"
This thought came out loud and echoed down the empty corridor. I've never felt so alone as I do now. I genuinely just wanted to be home.
Going further, since I had no other choice, I started trying to open the side rooms, but I couldn't do it at all. Finally, I found one that didn't have a door.
But there was something about it that gave me goosebumps and filled me with deep unease. The floor was full of footprints. And the size and type of footprints were... just like mine.
I'm sure I haven't entered this room before.
Could there be someone else here?
As the room was empty, I kept walking. The corridor stretches in a straight line. Smooth. No cracks, no marks, no end. Pale walls. Dense silence. Air that doesn't move.
Sometimes I pass wheelchairs, leaning against the wall. Empty and immaculate, as if they had never been used.
At other times there are stretchers and a monitor that reflects the candlelight.
I haven't seen a door for a long time. Just gentle curves that bend the corridor to the same side. Always the same side.
I made other markings to see if I was passing the same place. But I haven't seen those marks again.
Even after a long time, my body doesn't hurt. And that scares me more than if it were hurting.
I walk. From time to time I stop. I lean my forehead against the cold wall. I whisper: "Can anyone hear me?" And the silence answers. Or almost does. Like a choked sound that never quite breaks free.
I don't know how many turns I've made. I don't know how many minutes - or hours - I've been here. Everything seems the same. But not at the same time.
Some pictures feel strange. Every time I walk past them, they look different. I know I'm not crazy to think they're more crooked.
Sometimes, when I turn another corner, I think I see something standing at the end of the hallway. A dark, motionless silhouette. But when I look again, it's just me, reflected in some polished surface. Watching myself. Or... being watched by myself. The one watching me, my reflection, for some reason is close enough to see me, but never lets me see him clearly.
The candle burns noisily, but its flames seem to be fading. More than half of it is gone and it's a resource I can't afford to waste. I don't want to be at the mercy of the darkness.
I walked down the corridor for far too long. There seemed to be no end - until there was. A sigh of relief burst from my chest, fragile and unexpected.
Before me: the stairs. So down I went. Because the corridor offered me nothing but the same.
I went down to the second floor. I don't want to stay here another minute. However, looking closely... this floor is identical to the one I was on before.
The same floor, the same markings and items. Everything is the same. There's also a staircase that goes down one floor. This makes nonsense. It shouldn't be possible. I'm sure I only went up one floor and there's no basement in this hospital. So what kind of joke is this?
So I decided to go down again. If my mind is playing tricks on me, all I have to do is go back down to the first floor and get out of here immediately.
But in doing so...
Again...
The wax marks I left earlier are there, in the same place.
...
After much reluctance, I just accepted my fate. I'm trapped in this place.
I tried countless times to find a way out, but all I managed to do was, in every possible way, end up back in the same hallway where I left the wax marks.
This is a nightmare, it can't be anything else.
My body began to show signs of exhaustion. I couldn't sleep properly due to the cold and the aching in my muscles.
The windows are all jammed. I tried with all my might to open them, but they wouldn't budge a single centimeter. They didn't even scratch it. I tried throwing a fire extinguisher at the glass, hoping to break it, but all I did was hurt my hand, and it didn't work.
I can't see anything out there either.
The room where I've been resting for many hours has no windows. The ceiling is low, made of cracked concrete, stained with old dampness. I can even taste the mustiness from the smell.
Three light bulbs hang above me, motionless, like blades about to fall - but which never do. They don't flicker, they don't buzz. They just shine constantly, without fail. But because of the light, I can save my fire. I've never been afraid of the dark, but I don't want to be in it.
It's unusual for electricity to still be flowing in an abandoned building. Even if it comes from a possible generator, time should have made it no longer able to operate.
The floor creaks under my bare feet, as if something is stirring beneath it, waiting for me to move again. My boots were torn long ago, but I still keep them nearby in case I need to go out. I check them often so that no spider gets in and surprises me later.
As there's a danger of being attacked by rodents trying to bite my bare feet, it's best not to go without shoes for too long.
There is a second door. There always has been. But there's no handle. I've tried punching it, kicking it, shouting from behind it. Now I don't try anything anymore.
There's a chair in the center of the room. And a chair is made to be occupied, so I sit down. Standing gives me the feeling that I'm being... watched. There are no windows, I know. But there is something.
I don't look up. I did, once. And I swear on everything I have left that the light bulbs were lower than before.
If only they'd go out. If only the light would go out. If only this nightmare would end once and for all.
I'm completely out of my depth and I can no longer trust my own sanity. This thing I'm experiencing certainly isn't real, I want to believe that it isn't. I want to believe that I'm sleeping peacefully at home.
I said I couldn't sleep, but I tried several times. I can't just stay awake, so I tried to sleep and managed to for a little while. This place is so still that I can't even tell how much time has passed, let alone how many hours I was able to rest. But one thing I know for sure, an entire day has gone by and it just hasn't dawned.
At various times, I returned to the hellish corridor. The stretcher, positioned somewhat far from the door, the same wheelchairs in the middle of the corridor, and a room, which I don't remember being open, with several monitors turned off inside it. I didn't dare go in. I have a bad feeling about it.
As much as this marked corridor is imprisoning me, it's still the most familiar thing I have.
But soon, I'll have to do something.
My mind hurts. Thirst and hunger are killing me. The rain that fell earlier helped me somewhat, but I don't even want to think about it at the moment.
When I rack my brain, a word comes to mind: "Tu fui ego eris". For some reason I feel it has something to do with that.
The room with the monitors is the only one I haven't visited yet. Maybe it's my only way out...
Ignoring my bad feeling and going to the room, I feel that the corridor seems even longer than before. Slightly curved, as if the whole building were on a slope, announcing the fall that is about to take place.
When I reach the room, there's a monitor right in front of me that flashes. I just can't tell if it's just something in my head. But there's something strange...
As I get closer, I swear I can see something familiar. Looking closely, it looks like me. The room is unlike any I've ever been in. Is it a recording?
The image is unstable, you can't see properly. To be honest, my eyes have been very heavy since I came here.
Suddenly the screen flashed brightly. And a face appeared in a flash.
It was so fast that it would be hard to tell who it was, but I'm sure I know. It was a face I would never mistake.
Iris.
As a few days pass, I wonder if she's looking for me. If she misses me.
Perhaps this is a divine sign. A sign to continue my search for a way out.
Even if the whole layout is confusing, there must still be some way out of here. If I try different patterns, will it be possible to find a way out of here?
My first attempt will be the staircase. But instead of always going down to the same floor, I'll go up.
Slowly, with each step echoing strongly down the empty corridor, lit by the candle that was almost at its end, I climbed the stairs, praying that the plan would work.
And for some reason, there were no wax marks. This indicated that it was a different floor. Given the absence of another staircase to climb, this must be the highest floor.
Walking down the corridor, I tested all the doors. None of them would open. The windows were closed with bars that I couldn't remove. There's no way out through them.
Just when I thought there was nothing I could do *creak* I hear the sound of a door opening.
At the end of the corridor, illuminated by a red lamp above, a sturdy door opened.
I had no intention of going back to the stairs and all that madness again, but the feeling of not being in control, of things only seeming to move when I take the right steps is deeply unsettling me.
But at the same time, I feel like I don't have much choice.
As I approached the door, I smelled something strange.
The corridor next to the door was damp and slowly being flooded with fetid, bubbling water from inside.
My feet sank into the warm mud. The stench is rotten, yet familiar—like the stench of meat left in water. It was a well-lit spot, but the thin, cold crust of fog that hangs over the place makes it difficult to see.
I remember going crawfish hunting in a swamp with my father. That smell etched itself into my memory. And this place looks a lot like it.
Trees rose up and filled the whole room, obscuring the view.Twisted, they seemed to contort themselves to the shape of the room, because the ceiling, although high, wasn't high enough. At least it looks like a ceiling to me.
But how could such a place be inside a hospital room?
The place, although strange, is full of animals, like the rodents I found in the corridors.
Even if the water in the swamp isn't fit for consumption, what comes down from the leaves is probably clean enough. I'll ingest it with caution.
...
I've been walking aimlessly for many hours now.
Wiping my hands clean of blood and grease, I decide to return to the room with the lamps on the ceiling.
I have no idea how many days have passed.
Ever since I discovered the swamp, I haven't made much progress in my search for a way out. This place feels like an endless labyrinth without an exit.
I'm too exhausted. I just accepted that there's no way out after all.
My candle has been gone for a few days now.
I've memorized the path from the swamp to here. When you follow the path correctly, it always takes you where you want to go, except to the exit.
After a long time exploring, I found the room with the window I entered through. I don't even remember how I got there and I'm sure it was the right room, with the same walls and floor, but there was no window at all.
There's no reason for me to keep trying to escape. My only goal is to survive until something happens. All I have left is this lighter, with little fuel, which I'm avoiding using.
I sleep when my body feels tired. If I take that as a way of counting a day, I've probably been here for 15 days.
Water is rare. Only in a few taps, pipes and trees. It always tastes terrible. Some days, it even rains inside. Nothing surprises me anymore.
... Sleeping with my face pressed against a wall covered in mold, my chest shudders. The sensation is familiar, but I don't want to open my eyes.
However, the vibration kept coming through my ears. The familiar sound, which I felt I heard earlier, reverberated through these old walls of an abandoned place. It was the ringing of the church bell.
The church was far, far away. There was no way the sound could reach here.
Even if I hear that sound, nothing will change.
"Come on, you're…"
For a moment I heard a faint voice utter a clipped word. A dream because I was half awake? Perhaps a hallucination.
But that voice, I know who it belongs to. I could never be wrong about that. The voice of my beloved.
It was her voice. I know it was. But... if it really was, why did it speak like someone who saw me from the outside?
Even as I wonder about this, my mind zeroes in on one important thing I'd forgotten: I need to find a way out of this place.
Walking through the familiar place again, I remember a few interesting things. In front of a large white door, with two markings on the right-hand side, there is something peculiar. When I tried to go through it for the first time, a little hesitantly, the lock engaged, as if someone was holding it from the other side. Another time I kicked it hard, pushed it as hard as I could and it wouldn't budge. Later, I reached it calmly, moving the handle, confident that it was unlocked, and it opened smoothly, taking me into a room that was strangely familiar, even though I had never entered it before.
The same didn't apply to other doors, just this one.
This building, however chaotic, follows some kind of rule, an order. If I know what to do, I'll gradually be able to move forward. I hope, no, I'm sure that there is a way out.
Inside the room, as I opened the door I mentioned, I remembered that on the floor, below the left foot of the stretcher, the one closest to the entrance, there is a small false bottom hidden by the loose flooring.
I don't know exactly how I remember this, but my mind has been confused for some time.
Hidden in the floor is a key that opens a door on this, the third floor. The door, even if it doesn't go down, takes me to the second floor. Following the laws of physics or space is not exactly what this place, which seems like a vivid dream to me, needs.
The number of monitors began to increase significantly every time I passed a corridor. I tried to fool myself that everything was the same, but I can't ignore that. Nothing is the same.
When I think of Iris, of my house, of the past, my head hurts. I get confused, because I can't remember clearly what happened before I came here. However, I have dreamt some strange things. I dreamt that I was with Iris and that she accompanied me inside this place. I'm absolutely certain that I entered here alone, but the memory is so vivid that I can no longer trust my recollections.
I also began to remember many things that didn't happen, but I'm sure it was me experiencing everything. It was my hand, my voice, but somehow, it also wasn't me. That's what made me figure out how to open the door, even if I didn't want to.
In my dream, I remember saying to myself the enigmatic words "Tu fui Ego eris." I think I understand a little more now what that meant. You can't escape destiny. But who decides fate?
The first time that door appeared, I had to go through the corridor, up the stairs, cross the swamp, exit through another door, open a window, return to the original corridor, because the window led not out, but in, and then reach the destination. If I don't follow this order, I'll be stuck in a loop that will throw me back to this starting point until I follow the rules.
With the key in hand and ready to start, right in the corridor, something caught my eye. I picked up a shard of mirror I'd been keeping as a makeshift knife—I wanted to test something. I looked at the corridor, which seemed to be distorting, turned around and pointed the mirror at my back. I couldn't see much because of the dim light, but...
In the mirror, the hallway looked just like it did when I first arrived—empty and clean. But when I lowered the mirror and turned around, there were stretchers, wheelchairs, and lots of monitors scattered around, along with dirt and debris everywhere.
It's like this place was alive and reacting to me, cynically distorting reality right before my eyes.
I don't know if this will help me in the future, but I feel like I can't stay here much longer.
Following the right path, making sure not to mess up my steps, I reached the door. Big and red like blood. The white door frames were adorned with two pentagonal lamps, like the ones used on old street posts. Their purple flames lit up the area, making it impossible not to notice, especially in this darkness.
Slowly, I put the key in the door. The sound of the latch opening sent shivers down my spine. With my right hand on the huge, cold oval metal doorknob, I opened the door.
A strong flash filled the place. I couldn't open my eyes. But after a few moments, I found myself in the entrance hall. But there was a noticeable difference... the lights were on.
My eyes were so used to the darkness that I barely used my lighter. And in the middle of the hall, there was someone.
Sitting in an old wheelchair was an unexpected figure, looking tired, as if waiting for me.
"You arrived early this time."
That voice is unmistakable... soft, tender, feminine.
"Iris?"
My heart skipped a beat. I wanted to run to her, to embrace her, overjoyed to see a familiar face after everything I'd been through, but my feet refused. Something inside me told me this wasn't right.
"It's always the same, isn't it, my love? But what's wrong with that? Why do you want to leave me?"
Iris started saying strange things as she got up from the chair.
"I didn't say I want to leave you. I was just…"
"You're going to say it, you always do. And you always come back... In the end, it's you who can't change, my love."
'Desperate to see you,' was what I wanted to say, but Iris cut me off. It seemed like she already knew what my words would be.
She started to move slowly in my direction. When she got close, her eyes locked onto mine. There was something different about them. She'd never been so violently seductive and terrifying before.
Actually, maybe they're not that different after all. It was just me who couldn't face her like that, up so close.
Touching my chest with her delicate hands, I felt a shiver run through my body and even a certain reaction. My heart was pounding harder and harder. I couldn't think straight.
Did she just call me love? She had never called me that before. Was this really the Iris I knew?
"You always make that face. I love it."
Iris then hugged me tight. I couldn't think of anything else, just trying to control my impulses. I didn't want her to think I was some kind of pervert.
But, what is she doing? Has she been stuck here with me this whole time?
"Did she really stay stuck here with me all this time? That's what you're thinking, right, my love?"
What the hell was that!?
But before I could wrap my head around her saying exactly what I was thinking, her hands, which were previously on my back, started roaming my body, moving towards my mouth.
"Don't overthink it; that won't help you. But hey, you can choose any way you want to get out of here. I recommend that door over there, to the left. You'll have fun, I promise. See you later."
She said it so convincingly that I didn't think twice; I just obeyed. But before I left, I had to ask.
"Iris… if I go this way, will I… get out of this prison? Can we be together?"
"You need to stop asking the same question all the time."
Saying that, Iris stopped talking. She wasn't going to give me a clear answer.
As I passed through the door, I found myself in another strange place. I was outside, more specifically in the village.
Looking back, the door I came through has disappeared. There's no turning back, is there?
This is the same place where I used to see Iris every day. Looking around, I don't see anyone. It's dark, but it's not like it's nighttime; a thick, dark cloud is hanging in the sky, blocking the sun. The streetlights are barely illuminating anything.
I want to find someone who can help me. Iris is acting strange, and I'm scared to go to her house. But I know someone who can help me. Mr. Cho, from the candy store, who stays open late. He'll definitely be there at this hour.
As I walked to the store, I started feeling uneasy. When I got there, I saw Mr. Cho.
"Hello, how can I help you?"
"Sir, please, help me!"
"Hello, how can I help you?"
Usually, when I talk to him, I just tell him the candy I want. But now, he's just repeating the same thing over and over. This can't be happening. Did I not get out of that nightmare?
The lights in the place started to flicker frantically and the ground was shaking, like in an earthquake. Even so, Mr. Cho kept repeating his same phrase over and over, without any pause.
Looking into the store mirror, there were several people around, and everything was well lit, but when I looked at the seats, there was no one there. Yet the floor didn't stop shaking.
Stumbling around, instead of a menu, there was a book. The beginning said: 'The church bells reverberate through the streets with all their might, making the windows and my body shake. It's a sign that the day has dawned — or at least, that's what they say. Still lying in bed, I hear the silence being torn apart, signaling that everything is about to begin again.'
It was the story of my life, narrated in detail, ending right at the moment I'm in now. This has to be some kind of joke.
"So… what did you think of that direction? This isn't a dream?"
Iris's voice spoke to me from behind the counter, where Mr. Cho had originally been.
"I don't understand…"
"Of course you understand. Come here."
I moved in, as she asked, even though it was tough to walk in this condition. Her seductive voice made me lose a bit of my reasoning.
"That in your hand, you know exactly what it is. We can't deny who we are. But the truth is always in front of those willing to find it. And after passing through that magnificent place, something was revealed, to me and to you. We can live our love; it's our chance for happiness. You just need to stop running away."
Iris's expression is different. She's not the sweet girl I knew anymore. She was talking loudly, euphoric, as if she had been hiding these words for a long time that she seemed to have rehearsed to say. She kept talking:
"I was so scared to say it. I was so scared of being rejected. But when you shouted that you loved me, I had to find a way. A way to make you not leave. I love you too! I dream of our children, but every time, they disappear when you go away! I want you to stay here with me, forever!"
Her words scared me. Does she love me? Does she want me to stay? Why would I leave if I can be with the woman I love so much? However, she hadn't stopped talking yet. Tears started to fall from her beautiful face.
"But no matter how much I want it, no matter how many times I try again and again, you always, always choose to leave me."
Why?
Why would I think like this?
Why choose to leave?
Why choose a freedom that might not even exist?
Why not stay here, in this world of lies, with a beautiful woman crying and begging me to stay?
Why am I having to fight against my heart when the choice I always wanted is right in front of me?
I just don't understand myself.
Wiping the tears from Iris's face, I did something I never thought I'd have the courage to do.
Bringing her face close to mine, I kissed her with all the strength of my feelings. I didn't want her soft lips to stop touching mine.
Her small body leaned into mine over the counter. It was like a dream coming true.
Even with the woman I love in my arms… I still feel restless. But this restlessness is something I have to forget.
Something I want to forget.
Even if I wished it could last longer, our lips parted. But when we did, we were no longer in the village, but back at the hospital. In the room with the window, where it all started.
The day dawned and the rain was gone. The breaks in reality, the mess, and everything else had vanished. The earthquake had completely ceased.
Iris was looking at me, not understanding what had happened. She seemed relieved and happy as she hugged me with all her strength, crying with her face on my chest.
"You said you wanted to be free... that you couldn't stay…"
"We'll be together here, forever."
Iris tried to speak while crying. My words were sincere, in their own way.
Holding her in my arms, I saw that the hospital looked normal. I no longer felt like I was dreaming. In my hand was the lighter that had helped me so much during those tormenting moments. But I decided it was time to leave that behind and tossed it away.
I wonder if that was the best decision. My past self wouldn't have accepted this. I would have fought to the death for freedom, and all I did was accept. Just that. The key to peace was simply stopping the search for an escape.
The poem I read was about that. How, in the end, we're all trapped by something, a cycle of beginnings and endings.
Leaving the hospital, hand in hand, Iris and I arrived at the village. Since the path was long, I had plenty of time to think. The memories of my other 'selves' became clearer to me.
In the past, I was in love, but I really wanted to get out of this place. In the end, on a whim, I shouted something I had kept in my heart for many years, but not to her. I didn't know she was listening. And those careless words, even if sincere, would become shackles that tied Iris to me.
On my last day in this village, I went to the hospital because there was a legend that this place granted wishes. I wanted her to be mine, but I also wanted to disappear, to run away. She came after me.
Iris couldn't leave the village. She wanted to stay. I didn't.
Her wish for us to be together came true, just as mine did. I left, not from the village, but from reality itself, to a place that wasn't like what I was in.
On several occasions, Iris tried to convince me to stay, but who would stick around in an illusory nightmare? I know, I'm a coward. So I ran away. I ran back to a past that only existed in my memory.
And over and over again, I made the same mistakes, like a dog chasing its own tail, unable to see how futile my actions are and how inconsistent I am.
Accepting Iris's illusion may seem crazy at first. This world, even if it seems real, is just a product of fragile and insane minds. But I've made my decision. If this is my punishment for playing with feelings, I'll take responsibility. I'll live and be happy in this imaginary world.
You can judge me all you want. But if you were in my shoes, wouldn't you make the same choice? A perfect world, created just for you?
You might ask me 'and now?' and I'd say: 'I don't know. Whatever you want.'
You can imagine a happy life, or a horrible one, full of tragedies, it doesn't matter. This memory will keep me alive in your mind, and that's what I could consider true freedom.
You could also have mercy and erase me, pretend I never existed. Make me just an echo of an unimportant moment. Silence then would be my end, without pain, without cycles, without lies. It would be a kindness to someone who's already tired.
...
The next day, another simple morning. I wake up and wash my face, brush my teeth, put on my school uniform, neatly folded with a faint scent of fabric softener. Even though every morning is boring like this, I say I could live it forever.
"What are you thinking? You're very quiet."
Iris said, looking at me with a smile. Her beautiful face, soft skin, the scent of roses wafting from her hair. She is my goddess, my muse.
I said I wanted to break out of my routine... I fought and hurt myself so much, without realizing what that meant. Fighting, running away, and feeling afraid, that was the routine. I'm finally getting out of it now. This is what freedom means to me: the choice of my own prison.
I held your hand tightly and kept walking.
"I'm not thinking about anything."
I lied. And for the first time, the lie sounded like the purest and most beautiful truth.