I didn't want to get up. I wouldn't have woken up in the first place if it weren't for the alarm. I decided to snooze it for five minutes, which I didn't even notice because it was ringing again in an instant. Although it sounds a little weird, it's like someone's calling me—
" Will you get up for the love of god?!"
That's when I notice the blanket and pillow I'd been hugging are missing, and my sister is digging her nails into my shoulders.
"W-wait! Stop it, Amaya!"
At least, my words are heard when I beg for mercy, and the pain finally stops… Or so I'd say if she hadn't been digging them into me for so long…
"I told you to stop doing that, you fucking idiot."
"I'm so sorry Snow White doesn't want to wake up."
I'm still too sleepy to blame her for that, so I'll let it go for now...
From there I got out of bed, and started taking out my clothes to get dressed.
I don't really have much variety, it's all t-shirts, sweatshirts, and regular pants.
It's not my fault I have such a bad fashion sense, although it is.
"Oh, and Dad said if you don't eat breakfast, he'll take away your computer. That way you'll stop watching porn and hentai..." said my sister, who was still in my room after such a violation of my rights.
" And why do you say that as if you don't see it?"
"Good point…"
There's no need to be so honest, there are MANY things I don't want to know about you, my friend.
By the way, I completely ignored what else she had said to me, apart from ignoring her as well.
As I walked past his face, I opened my closet and grabbed a beige sweatshirt and some random pants.
Now I can start getting dressed. I started taking off my pan-.
What is Amaya doing that she won't leave?
" Are you going all northern now?"
"I was just thinking of another insult to throw at you, but I give up," Amaya blurted out, with a hint of disappointment.
Ah, but he doesn't leave without making an unnecessary comment, now even smiling. "It's not like it's worth it to see what a pitiful little bug you have down there."
She said it in a mocking tone, of course, before leaving the room and closing the door.
Before she left, all I had time to do was sigh.
And let it be known that I already know it's short down there.
I don't get along badly with my sister; in fact, she's undoubtedly the most valuable relationship I have.
Amaya is the oldest by 3 years, so we're more or less on the same level, plus we share a lot of tastes and humor.
She says I gave it to her, although she probably would have been the way she is now if I weren't there, except I wouldn't be able to show it.
The only downside to her existence is that she physically abuses me, and my friends might tease her or say that my sister will make us a family, and by "friends" I talk about one specific guy.
It's not as if Amaya and the rest of them don't get along, there are times when she even goes out with the group too, but she mostly hangs out in her room.
I do practically the same thing, except I go out more than her, I think.
I left home with Amaya and we took the train together.
Luckily, this is the only thing I have to do to get to class, since there's a train stop near my school. But Amaya has to do laberynth-level-of-traveling to get to college, according to her.
I was only a week into the second trimester, but I was already tired, my face spoke volumes.
Well, it's a lie, when im not cheered up, I tend to have a tired face and a calm/weak tone of voice, everyone who sees me for the first time asks me if I'm okay, my mother asked me daily.
I'm already in a bad mood just thinking about it...
As soon as I got to the entrance, I could see a familiar group acting stupid.
"Bro, you owe me dinner for almost a month! If you don't bring it tomorrow, I'm going to tax you!"
"It's you, lol. The three of us know I was the one who won that game."
"You don't even believe it yourself!"
"..."
There goes =@º\' again telling &$%"! to give him back his money...
They've been like this for a week, but it still makes me laugh.
Although I find it funnier that _¨*^?¿· is just staring at the ground. He really doesn't want to get involved
It's not like I don't do the same, but oh well.
"Hey."
"Ah, halo!"
"Hello!"
"H-hey."
Like that, my usual group of friends was toghether once more.
As usual, the rest of the day goes by like any other, if it weren't for the fact that in 4 days we're going to an anime convention.
I'm not going to say much right now, but I'm really excited to go. This is my second time going to something like this, and I've been wanting to go since the beginning of summer, although only &$%"! is going to go. The rest in the group didn't like it the last time we went.
Honestly, it would be 10 times better if my sister came, but she says she doesn't want to, and no matter how much I pestered her about going, she always ended up saying no. I stopped asking after the fourth try.
There are still 4 days of school left…
Classes are usually boring. The only interesting thing is a manga-like argument about a loser who owes a kid 1,000 yen.
What a familiar situation. It'll be fashionable to owe others money.
Anyone would think of having a typical day that could be taken from a comedy or romance manga or anime, but life isn't usually that entertaining.
In my case, it's even harder to have something like that, since =@º\' usually plays basketball during recess. Although it's also my fault, since I always go to the library.
Literally only one girl uses it. I think her name was Tsukiyomi. I've never spoken to her, and I never will.
We both know the other exists, but we never do anything about it.
That part is usually the only interesting part of the day.
I read anything, and when the bell rings, I go back to class. The teacher changes between classes are short, so we don't get to talk much.
It's a waste, since this year we are all 4 in the same class.
After another productive and entertaining day of classes, I took the train home.
I've been in the habit of listening to music for a while now. I always do it on my way back. As for my friends, their parents pick them up, or they don't need to take the train, so I don't have anyone to talk to.
Speaking of talking, I'm surprised that I'm only able to bring up topics of conversation with Amaya. I'd always struggle, either with them or random people.
Even with similar tastes, you run out of topics after a while. Ahh, how beautiful the magic of brotherhood is! I love my sister! In a sister way, tho.
We mostly talk about video games, anime, and series, although from time to time she talks about more "serious" things like the news or less strange things, so to speak.
Ugh, I sound like a Siscon saying this…
One can only sigh after hearing such a monologue in my head.
The rest of the day was even more normal.
I ate, locked myself in my room, talked to my sister for a while, read, played something, and then went to sleep.
Whenever I think about it, I have a rather boring life if you look at it from the outside.
In the end, what would be interesting about reading how a kid jerks off and wastes his time?
I don't see the fun in that, though I can't say much. There are much stranger things out there.
Amaya is surely one of those things.
After dinner, while I was reading a novel, Amaya came into my room, and for some reason she stared at me without saying anything.
"Am I uglier than usual, or less handsome than usual?" I replied to her silence
" Probably both."
I'm as sad that you're right as I am that I can't say the same to you.
I'm serious, if I ever get a girlfriend, let her be just as pretty as her, but without sharing my blood, please.
" And you're coming for something else besides that?"
From there I put a bookmark in the book, waiting to see if he really wants something or not.
"… N-no, I just wanted to see if you were okay…" she said in a slightly faint and timid voice, although she wasn't blushing or looking to the side, "It's silly, really…"
"And what is that silly thing?"
"… Um."
"Yes?"
"Can I sleep with you?"
"And where is the hidden camera?"
"Nowhere!" she said, slightly irritated, "It's just… I haven't slept well in a while, and I've been trying things to try to sleep better, and…"
"No need to make excuses. Just say you're in love with me, and-"
"I knew I shouldn't have asked…" And that was the end of her embarrassment, now she just sounds irritated and disgusted. "It would really be nice if you could talk like a normal person once in a while."
"Okay, yeah, sorry."
"…"
"…"
"S-so what do you say?"
"Mh?"
I 'd forgotten about that.
"Ah, well… it's not that I don't care, but at the same time I don't really care." I put the teasing aside, and the moment I considered what she said, I felt a little confused.
I continued, "It's kind of weird. Not that you'd ask me in general, but that you'd ask me at your age now."
I don't mind if she sleeps with me; I'm not disgusted by her or anything. The only thing that might bother me is that she's my sister , and she's already 18.
And I'm not saying this because im a pig who's going to grope her at night! It's just weird. Although, maybe it's a joke.
"But I'm serious! I really want to test whether it works or not." What a quick way to resolve my doubt.
"Yes, yes. I can believe you. You've woken me up enough at night for me to believe you, especially when I was little." She's ruined my entire night more than once. "But if it works, are you planning on sleeping with me every day??"
"Uhh… well, no. But I can just copy you…"
"Copy me?… Ahhh, okay." I smile at her, knowing what she's talking about. "And then you made fun of me."
"Y-you don't have to hold it against me…"
After that, she went to her room, saying she had homework to do, and that she wasn't sure if she was really coming or not. She still looked like she'd die as soon as she layed on my bed, and not because of the smell... Im pretty sure my bed smells fine.
As night fell, and after we had had dinner, she showed up in my room again.
I was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I was practicing the secret art of being bored. This isn't the first time it's happened to me.
Instinctively, my sister looked up, seeing my keen interest in the upper foundations of my home.
"Wow, the ceiling is made of ceiling." he commented, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
"And your plastic breasts are plasticy enough too."
"At least I have something to do instead of staring at the ceiling!"
"Oh, so they are plastic?"
"No! They are not!"
"I see. Well, there's a reason they're so small."
"I'm going to kick you in something that's much smaller."
I don't think it goes without saying that Amaya was already regretting opening the door.
"Well, then what are you going to do?"
"…Can I even?"
"Yes. Don't worry."
" If you do anything to me tonight, I'm going to kill you, and then I'm going to tell on Dad."
"Do you have such a bad image of me?!"
" Bad is an understatement. Anyway, don't you have a bad impression of yourself in the first place?"
"I've said many times that using the kind of things I'm telling you about is unfair!"
"In war, anything goes!"
Amaya was already wearing her pajamas, and I had been wearing them since I ate, when I got home from class.
"Well, kicking you out of my room will also work."
"No, not that."
"Okay, but you sleep on the floor."
"Weren't you going to do that?"
While we were throwing bombs at each other, she came over to me and sat on my bed. I was still lying there. She started to speak normally now, asking me a question.
"Are you going to sleep soon?"
"I was thinking about doing it now."
"Sleeping because you have nothing better to do?"
"Yes… I really hate that I've told you so much about myself."
"But now I haven't used it with bad intentions!"
The moment she walked in, the room felt much warmer than before. Talking so casually is so fun…
"…"
"…"
"…So, can we sleep now?"
"If you like."
"Okay. Now move away, I don't want to be on the edge."
"This is how you treat me after letting you do this?"
At the lady's request, I got out of bed so she could get into it.
"Im sure I'll wake up lying on the floor…"
"Trust me, I'm not going to do it this time!" she said as she wrapped herself in a blanket.
"Hey, I have to get in too."
"Well, get inside quickly, otherwise the cold will get in."
"How cold are you talking about, you just got in!"
Just like she had done before, I got into bed. The moment I did, she turned around, facing away from me.
"You didn't take long at all!" I said, surprised.
"I-I don't want to see you lying in bed!"
"Yes, I don't deny that."
"You would die to see someone like me lying with you in bed, don't lie!"
"...I don't deny that either, but you're my sister, so it doesn't count!"
"I hope so!"
Now I have nothing to worry about, since we're not facing each other, even though we barely had any space.
My bed was a little small, so our backs were necessarily touching.
Let it be known that I am hugging a cushion, and that at no time will I let go of it, or turn around.
What worries me is how we're going to wake up.
Not because someone gropes the other person, or because they wake up on the floor, but we both move around a lot at night.
We can end up on top of each other, or one person doing a handstand while the other supports them.
It happened to us as kids, though, that's exactly what we were doing. We were too young to think about these things.
Although she did get upset if I woke up lying on top of her
Either way, we both fell asleep relatively quickly.
1.
I couldn't take my eyes off of what was in front of me. I had to call someone, ask for help.
I was afraid, I was desperate.
I was surrounded by darkness.
But in that darkness, a light approached me, a light in the shape of a hand caressed my face.
I could feel how warm it was.
Thanks to it, the darkness dissipated, and only I remained.
But before I could thank it…
My alarm was going off. As always, at the same time.
My back hurts…
What's not as usual is that they've replaced my glorious, yet treacherous, mattress with a smooth, hard, and cold one.
"..."
I slowly got up from the floor, since if I did it straight away, I'd get dizzy.
When I stood up, I turned off the alarm, and stared at the reason why my awakening had been so unpleasant.
She's taking up the whole bed, with the sheet wrapped around her legs, hugging the pillow, with half her shirt lifted, and her bra sticking out from underneath her…
Anyway, how do I wake her up?
I can literally do whatever the hell I want, so as a person with a modicum of decency, I just shake her.
Now that I think about it, how the hell did she take off her bra?
I don't want to know...
" Come on, Amaya…"
I started shaking her a little harder, until she woke up.
"Mhhhh…" After a soft grunt, she yawned, only to realize it was me waking her up.
"… Why are you waking me up?"
"Because you fell asleep, maybe?"
"Fuck, I'm not going to be able to shower anymore…"
Apparently, she left her phone in her room, which is why she didn't wake up sooner.
I don't think her alarm would have woken her up anyway.
Amaya sat on the bed a little lazily, and as she placed her hands behind her on the bed, she directly touched her bra.
She looked blank for a moment, and then I started to fear for my life even though I hadn't done anything.
"..."
"Okay, but what about this little present here? Tell me, why aren't I wearing this?"
That tone doesn't amuse me, sister.
"How could I have taken that from you when I probably slept more than you! Besides, I slept on the floor."
"...I don't trust you, but still, you're right." At least she calmed down.
After that, she told me that she ended up sleeping well, but she's just in low spirits.
She's probably getting her period or something. I'd better not mess with her today.
And so I did, until I got to high school.
It's not that we don't talk about anything, but, as always, it's irrelevant stuff, and we tend to talk little.
This isn't a novel where a new girl comes to class, or a romantic comedy between enemies.
Likewise, it would be a pain to be here without friends.
...I feel really bad about what I said ...
That's probably how she feels.
I've always been worried that Amaya doesn't have any friends, and I think about it from time to time.
She's a shy person, but at the same time, she doesn't show much interest in trying to meet new people, just like me. I hope she's doing well in high school.
I'd also like to help her, but in the end, I just cause her more problems.
I always end up venting myself, and she's always the one who comforts me.
There's a reason she knows me so well for. I'm like an open book when I'm with her.
He's a better person than I'll ever be.
She doesn't deserve to be alone. I don't see it affecting her much, though, but she's also a little more withdrawn than usual.
Doesn't she trust me enough? Or is it because she doesn't want to hurt me or upset me?
It's probably the latter. And if she hasn't said anything to me, it's because she's fine. I trust her.
"..."
Without warning, someone put their arm around my shoulder.
"Hey."
"Oh, hi."
It's &$%"!, and behind him are =@º\' and _¨*^?¿·.
"What's wrong? Are you more besotted than _¨*^?¿·? Have you not slept, or are you still thinking about yesterday's question?" &$%"! said in a mocking tone.
"Oh, no, I was just besotted."
"Could you come up with something funnier…"
"Like what? Do you want me to say that I saw you hiding in the courtyard reading an ecchi manga the other day?"
The moment I said that, =@º\' started laughing, _¨*^?¿· just smiled a little.
"You know I don't have anything like that."
"So what's hidden in your dresser?"
&$%"! was silent for a moment, not embarrassed, but annoyed.
"Under your mattress, in the top corner.", &$%"! responded with an even bigger threat.
Now, even _¨*^?¿· was laughing, though, in my defense, only a little!
With a straight face, I extended my hand, offering &$%"! a handshake.
"Let's call this a draw."
He accepted it, and responded with a serious tone as well.
"No, I win."
"Third drawer, under all the junk you have in there."
As I said that, I started to feel my hand being crushed. How rude of him.
Just because it was me, it already hurt twice as much as it should have. I don't like being weak, but I'm not going to try to change it. I don't have to.
"I think it's a good idea to call it a draw." he said in a calm, friendly voice.
"Okay, okay, sorry. But stop it!"
Even if it was verbal, I don't know why I get into these kinds of fights.
In the end, I always end up losing. With my crystal body, it's not right to physically abuse people!
In the fourth period, before the break, we had a tuition class, which was hardly a class, as it was like an extra break.
People couldn't stand up, but they could speak. All thanks to the teacher, who did nothing. His hard work is appreciated.
Of my friends, the only one I'm sat close to is &$%"! , who's behind me. At least =@º\' and _¨*^?¿· are together too.
I was reading, instead of talking to &$%"! , since he was doing yesterday's homework, and today's homework at that.
Obviously, I was reading a light novel. At that point, I assumed everyone but my friends had a bad opinion of me, and I didn't care.
Amidst the noise, the teacher unexpectedly raised his voice.
"Everyone be quiet for a moment!"
The class fell silent almost instantly. He didn't sound angry, but he did sound a little serious.
"You know I'm leaving this class for you to relax a bit, but every now and then you have to work. I've taken out a worksheet so you can—"
The entire class cut the teacher off with a chorus of boos, and the teacher silenced them again.
"Ejem. The worksheet is about what you want to do with your future. Be honest and take it seriously, you're all already old enough, so you all should care about what you're going to live from."
And so he handed out the sheets one by one. Honestly, I was debating whether to leave it blank.
"What are you going to write, Riku?" said the voice behind me.
"Oh, well, it'll probably say I don't know, or something like that."
"You really don't know what to do yet?"
"It's not like I'm late or urgent. Besides, I'm sure I'm not the only one."
"If you weren't the only one, there would be more people who wouldn't be writing in class."
After &$%"! said that, I glanced around the class.
I realized that literally everyone is writing except for the two of us.
"So you know what you're going to do for a living, &$%"!?"
"Maybe I'll go into something related to film or photography. I've told you this several times, haven't I?"
"That's true…"
More than once I've looked for a job I could go to that I'd enjoy, because I'm not going to go to something that requires a lot of studying, or that I find boring.
Not because I'm doing badly in my studies, but because to do that, I'd rather shoot myself.
In the end, I lied on the application form. I wrote that I was going to study something about economics, which is honestly what I think I'd stand the most. Within reason, of course.
This may seem irrelevant on the surface, but it's what worries me the most.
Lately, I've noticed I'm not getting anywhere. What do I have to do to find what I love so much?
Later, after class, the four of us went to the dining room.
Normally, when the 4 of us get together, we go out to the patio, but today, neither &$%"! nor _¨*^?¿· had brought food.
_¨*^?¿· He doesn't normally eat at recess, but today he was hungrier than usual. Oh &$%"!, had just forgotten about bringing lunch.
We all 4 decided to stay here, since it was hot outside.
"Hey, &$%"! Have you bought 'Super Smash Bros', or not yet?"
"No. Are you that eager to play it?"
"Yes!" I said enthusiastically, "I want to beat you all up, like in the last installment!"
"Of course, since you can't even handle _¨*^?¿· in person, you prefer to humiliate us by playing."
"Ehh, no, I think he could beat me in a fight, =@º\' "
Whenever we met, we did it at &$%"!'s house.
His parents are very nice, and he was the one who had all the multiplayer games.
Sometimes we just meet up there to hang out for a while. I'll never turn down a place to sit and be comfortable.
"I feel bad asking my parents for another game. They've already got about three this month."
"But we all paid for it! And besides, you took your share out of your savings."
"Well, if I feel like it, I'll ask them ag-"
Suddenly, someone slammed a table while shouting.
"I'm not fucking amused!"
The cafeteria looked like a funeral. Everyone was looking in the direction the shout was coming from.
The one who raised the voice was a studient, more specifically, a punk. Probably one of those who've repeated once or twice a year, and he was with a friend of his.
At the table, sitting to his left was another kid, who looked like a nerd.
He had nothing on the table, and he looked like he was about to leave.
This smells like a mess to me. Ignore them, Riku.
"I-I already told you I don't have it."
"I told you yesterday to bring it! I've been telling you for two days!"
The older boy sounded angry, although he seemed to be exaggerating a bit. The nerd, on the other hand, was scared and nervous.
"That's it! You have to give us the money, you fucking brat!" One of the friends behind the punk added fuel to the fire.
"I'm not going to let this go!" With that, the boy grabbed the nerd by the arm, trying to drag him away.
Uh? What's this, Disney Channel? Since when am I in the 80s?
The oldest had just taken advantage of the moment when there was no teachers here.
The rest of the students had stopped watching the scene. I guess they didn't want to get into trouble, or they weren't interested in what was happening.
I'm surprised, since people like to poke their noses into everything.
Well, there was someone who wanted to poke their nose into the matter.
=@º\' , believing himself to be a hero, stood up from his seat.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I rebuked him in a low voice.
"If you want to stay here, go ahead, but let me go."
I tried to stop him, but it was like talking to a wall.
"You don't have to get involved in things like this. You're not going to come out well!"
"Look, all I want to do is vent about the last game. It's not going to be that bad."
=@º\ headed toward the bully. After thinking twice, &$%"! went after him.
"If I don't go with you, you're sure to cause trouble."
And now they both want to pick a fight?! They may be physically fit, especially =@º\, but it still seems silly to me.
It's not like we're kids, someone will get up and find a teacher...
Both _¨*^?¿· and I sat there. I didn't want to get involved, and even if _¨*^?¿· wanted to, I don't think his shy mind would let him.
Even though they're going, I'm not going with them just because they're my friends. I'm also a little embarrassed, and I'll only do more harm than good.
"We'll have to call a teacher..." _¨*^?¿· said. "...I suppose you want me to go get one."
" You can wait. Someone will come with a teacher, and if not, they'll know what they're doing. Besides, a teacher can't fix this by a long shot. It might stop it, but it'll probably happen again in the future." I made that very clear, for the record.
"Who do you think you are, besides a clown, to just wake up like that?" Seeing how =@º\ and &$%"! were approaching him, the bully started to focus on them.
"Someone who doesn't have two brain cells, unlike the rat in front of me."
"If what you want is to turn me on even more, then let's go to the fucking yard." Fuck, now he even sounds more pissed off. At least he has enough sense not to start hitting each other here.
Both &$%"! and the bully's friend stayed behind each other, although they weren't covered by their backs. It was as if they were the tank's support.
It didn't take long for them to leave the cafeteria, heading straight outside.
I could have supported them, or tried to stop the situation, but I didn't want to go through that trouble and I left them aside.
I'll apologize later. Or should I even apologize? Is it wrong not to want to fight with others?
And isn't it already too late to act? I mean, it's been six minutes since they left. But, still, no one really did anything.
Even though I wasn't about to do anything, someone decided to get up.
"I'm going to find a teacher." he said to me before leaving the cafeteria.
Wow, I guess this is serious then. All the more reason not to get involved.
In the end, half the class was staring at the kid the bullies were messing with, and the other half was staring at me…
What are you looking at? Did I do something strange?
Although, I wish you would stop doing that.
The eyes looking at me decreased, but there were still a few.
I think I'm going to go.
Although it didn't last that long, I did feel more guilt than I should have after that last bit. Besides, it had been 8 minutes since they left, and 2 since _¨*^?¿ left.
"…Ugh, fuck…" I whispered before getting up too.
2.
The bully was already prepared to start the fight.
They were all in a secluded corner of the school.
It was the perfect place to be if you didn't want to get caught doing something you shouldn't.
Just before the older boy could do anything, =@º\' spoke up.
"Why were you asking that boy for money?"
"Ahh?! What do you care?"
"Tell me."
"Are you backing out now or what?!"
"I'm going to give you the money."
"...?"
The boy dropped his aggressive stance and relaxed his body. He and his friend were surprised by his response. He hadn't even expected it.
"But first tell me, why did you ask him?"
"Well, you see. Two days ago I nicely asked that kid for 1,600 yen, and he said he'd give it to me. But, as you know, I'm still waiting for it."
"And you're just talking to him like that because of that? He doesn't even owe you."
"But he promised me! A promise is a promise, right?"
=@º\' sighed. "Look, I'll give you those 1600 yen now, but leave that kid alone, okay?"
"Make it 3200!" said the bully's friend.
"No. I'm going to give you the 1600. Either you take that, or you're left with nothing."
"I think I like the offer my friend made. Either you give us the 3200, or there's no deal."
"Two thousand. That's the most I'll give you."
"You heard what I said. If you don't give us the money, or if you complain anymore, we're not going to put up with it anymore."
&$%"!, a little fed up with the situation, stepped forward and intervened.
"Isn't it better if we just give you two thousand?! You'll walk away with more money than before. Even if it's not much, it's something."
"Well…"
"And shit!"
Taking advantage of the fact that &$%"! wasn't behind =@º\', the bully's friend approached him and punched him in the face.
&$%"! He didn't expect it, so he fell on his butt to the ground.
The blow caused his nose to bleed, which was surprising, considering how skinny the boy was.
=@º\', pissed off, tried to approach the brat, but the bully got in the way.
"I guess you're not going to give me anything, huh?"
"I'm going to give you what you wanted. Something to warm you up." said =@º\', as he got ready.
When I arrived, it was all over a long time ago.
I knew where they were going, because it was the most hidden place in the institute.
Just by looking at the scene for a few seconds I could understand what was happening.
Only the bully and =@º\' got into it, although &$%"!'s nose was bleeding, so I don't know who started it first.
&$%"! is holding =@º\' , who, like the other, wants to continue the fight.
Luckily, the retard's friend isn't that stupid and is also holding him back.
The two involved in the fight were a little unwell, although it was nothing to worry about.
"That's enough, Soeyu!"
" Haven't you had enough already?! And I'm fine! My nosebleed isn't that bad!"
Just as I tried to approach them, a voice was heard behind me. It was a teacher.
"What happened?"
He was coming with _¨*^?¿ , and it seemed they were asking me.
I turned to look at him and answered. "No, I just got here, but…"
There, I turned around again, now looking at the problem.
As soon as the teacher saw them, he went straight to stop them.
The professor gave us all a good lecture. I know it wasn't directed at us, but he gave it to _¨*^?¿· and me too.
When he was done, he took the four troublemakers. I assume they went to the infirmary first, then to the principal's office.
The only thing that pisses me off about all this is what I heard as they walked past me.
Before they left, someone said something.
" Thanks for the help, Riku."
No one in the group was looking at me, but I knew it was directed at me. It was =@º\' who said it, with a clear sarcastic tone.
I understand that he's angry, but it bothers me that he's the one saying it, especially after saying that I could do nothing if he wanted to.
I didn't do anything wrong. They were the ones who wanted a fight, and they kept fighting for a while.
They only have the right to blame me for being a coward. The only one who's done anything right is _¨*^?¿·. That's all they have to complain about. They wanted to fight and got interruped, after all.
I'm not going to take it seriously. It makes me feel bad that he sees me like that, but what can I do? You can't think straight when you're that angry.
Besides, we're friends, right?
For the rest of the day, =@º\' and &$%"! were in the director's office, along with the other 2.
At the end of the last hour, &$%"! entered the classroom. As soon as he did, I went up to him.
_¨*^?¿ told me he had to leave early so he could keep an eye on his younger brother, so it was just the two of us in the group.
"What did they tell you in the end?"
"Well, they told the kid who was following Soeyu and me that they were going to talk to our parents, and we were going to stay for seventh period after school, me for 1 week and the other one for 2.
" =@º\' and Soeyu have been expelled for a week. They even called their parents in the middle of the conversation." &$%"! sounds clearly annoyed.
"I understand my punishment, but it pisses me off that =@º\' got expelled the same way as that retard."
"What did you expect to happen? You couldn't solve something like that by talking, much less with people like them."
"Anyway, nothing would have happened if _¨*^?¿ hadn't gone to a teacher."
"I know you're angry, but it's not like we can blame him."
"But I knew we were going to get have everything in control. Besides, we're not retarded, if we see that we're going too far we'll stop, whether the other one wants to continue or not."
"He didn't do it with bad intentions, he did it with your best interests in mind."
As we were talking, &$%"! walked over to his desk to grab his backpack, and put it on his left shoulder.
"I understand you wanted to help, but we could have solved everything ourselves. Didn't you see how we were trying to get them to stop fighting?"
We both started leaving class.
"And you wanted to leave there with your nose bleeding, and with those two people hurt in the face a couple of times?"
" The nurse would have kept quiet. I feel like she's sometimes too nice, but it's in everyone's best interest if she doesn't say anything."
"Even so, I don't think _¨*^?¿ did anything wrong."
"Do you want us to blame the director?"
"Well, no, but he shouldn't have punished you in any way, not even =@º\'"
"We've already told him the whole situation, but he told us it didn't matter, since we went with them to the corner, instead of looking for a teacher. He said it nicely, so...
" You could also say that I didn't do anything, but I followed =@º\' , and we started picking a fight. Now that I'm hearing it a second time, it makes sense. Though it still bothers me.
"The only one that didn't do anything is you. _¨*^?¿ brought the teacher, though I'm surprised one didn't come sooner, and you haven't done anything."
That he emphasized that last point made me feel a little guilty that it had ended this way, even though it wasn't that bad.
"I don't think my parents will ground me from going out or going to the convention. They'll probably understand."
"Yes. I can't wait for Saturday."
"Right? I'm getting a little impatient from waiting so long."
After talking for so long, we quickly reached the entrance. We stopped for a moment to change our shoes.
"You don't have to stay today?"
"No, they told me starting tomorrow.
He paused for a moment before changing the topic.
"And, going back to the convention, were you going to dress up as that in the end ?"
"Mhh, I'm still not sure. I know I bought it, and it would be a waste not to wear the cosplay, but I'm really embarrassed."
After leaving our school shoes in the lockers and putting on our own, we left the entrance.
"I'd love to see you wearing that. Although it would be weird if you were wearing cosplay and I wasn't."
"I don't think so. Anyway, if I were wearing it, I'd be the weird one, not you."
"I hope so."
As we crossed the entrance to the high school, we stopped in front of it.
"Well, we'll talk more tomorrow."
"Yes. See you later."
"See you tomorrow."
We both said goodbye to each other, and started walking home.
3.
"Ahhh…"
I sighed, tired of today, even though I haven't done anything. I haven't helped at all.
I've only made my presence be and little else. I haven't helped at all.
I've even contributed only negative things. I feel bad, even though &$%"! said I was right not to go.
I could have stopped _¨*^?¿ and let the conflict resolve itself, and at least then no one would have been punished.
But if they hadn't punished anyone, those two idiots would have won, right?
I want to believe I did the right thing, but I could have done better.
What I did wrong was not showing interest in the situation itself.
Eventually, someone would have sought out a teacher.
It doesn't matter that I got up first. Even if _¨*^?¿ hadn't gotten up, someone would have. At least, that's what I want to believe.
The people. Was it because I didn't get up out of shame?
No, I just wanted to avoid the situation, as it was a nuisance. I didn't want to do something I didn't need to.
If it's okay not to act, why did =@º\' say that? Could it be that in the end it bothered him that I wasn't going to help him, or that I didn't stop _¨*^?¿ ?
I hope it's the latter, since you don't have to know me well enough to know I'm a fearful person. First of all, I don't know what we have in common other than some tastes and bad jokes.
I want to believe they're my friends, but the more I think about it, the less we have in common.
The only people I don't get that way with are &$%"! and Amaya. Is that all it takes for someone to be my friend?
What is it that led us to become friends?
I'm not saying this because I don't like them, but more than once I've thought about what would have become of me if I hadn't met them, or if we had suddenly stopped being friends.
Do I regret not having done anything? I don't feel like I did with Amaya. I don't feel bad, or burdened…
Maybe I could make up for today by doing something good…
" Mh…"
Yes, I've decided: Today I really want to help Amaya.
I'm not going to cry. Even if I'm a crybaby, I won't today. I'm not going to vent or tell her nonsense again.
She may act just as cheerful, but her tone of voice sounds more tired and weak.
I must be paranoid. It's probably because of my studies. Is that why she asked me yesterday?
Do studies take away so many hours of sleep from you?
Whatever it is, I want to do it. I just hope this spirit lasts until I get home.
Sometimes I'm surprised at how easily I get discouraged about things.
When I got home, my father wasn't there, and my sister hadn't arrived yet.
I guess I'll eat alone today. I'm not complaining; I like it better this way, to be honest.
After eating, I waited for Amaya to arrive, shower, and rest for a while.
I don't want to be a nuisance by trying to help her either. It's quite ironic of me to say that.
I tried to pass the time however I could, all the way up until 6 PM.
I think it's a good time to go bother her. I stopped playing and left my room, taking advantage of the fact that my father hadn't arrived yet.
In the end, I'm going to mess with her...
I was thinking about that as I went to her room. It was on the same floor as mine, the first floor, just at the end of the hallway.
I started to notice the atmosphere was a little off, and by off I mean I couldn't hear Amaya talking to herself, or doing anything else.
I know I'm worrying too much. I end up hurting myself if I think like this.
When I got to the door, I opened it a little, making as little noise as possible so she wouldn't notice, and looked through the gap.
The only light came from the window, which was covered by a shabby curtain.
"Amaya? Are you awake?" I asked quietly.
"Yes. Tell me." She answered softly.
She was lying in her bed.
She had her back to me, her face toward the wall. She wasn't covered up, but she looked like she was going to sleep.
I never expected that the words 'Napping' and 'Amaya' would eventually be used.
"Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?"
"No, I'm just a little sleepy."
Seeing her like that, I decided to go in without turning on the light and sit on the bed.
If I wanted to, I could stroke her head. No, leave me alone, intrusive thoughts.
"Have you come for something?"
" I just wanted to know how you were doing."
"…"
" Is it so weird that I care about you?"
"What's weird is that you don't talk about yourself afterward…" he said in an annoyed tone…
I'm going to leave the period jokes aside, I don't want to screw up.
"… Sorry for…"
"You don't need to apologize, in the end you'll relieve me too."
What a contradictory phrase, considering your tone a few seconds ago...
"Oh... well, anyway.."
If I continue like this I'm not going to get anywhere la-
"And, Riku."
"Yeah?"
" What do you think about me?"
"Huh? About how I see you or how I think you are?"
"Yeah, something like that."
There was a brief silence, during which I considered what to say. After shaking off my embarrassment and remembering what I'd said on the way home, I decided to speak.
"Well , if I tell you the truth, I often think I don't deserve you because you're so good. You're kind, sometimes you know how to put yourself in someone else's shoes.
"You always do everything you're told to do, or what you're supposed to do, and you help Dad with various things around the house.
"You're also good at studying; you never neglect it. You have a good personality, and respectable tastes and opinions. I really like that we have the same tastes, but even outside of my own interests, they're still very respectable.
"You have a good mentality, even if you can be a bit pessimistic at times. Deep down, you always care about others. You always want things to turn out well, even if you don't think they will.
"Overall, I think you're a nice person and worth getting to know. On the other hand, I—"
I ended up deliberately cutting myself off, so as not to fall into the same old hole. When the silence followed my monologue, Amaya asked me a question.
"Do you think I'm... uh... easy on the eyes?" Amaya said, embarrassed, her voice a little louder than expected.
"Do you think you're not? And you don't have to say 'easy on the eyes' either. Do you think you're pretty?"
"I-I'm asking you! God… So, am I pretty or not?!" The moment she asked it like that, Amaya's ears turned a slight red.
Even though she struck a chord, she's still that nice. She's cuter than... erm... yeah, she's very cute!!
"Yeah. It's not over the top, but you're above average. Although that's not the most important thing."
"You really think so?"
"Yeah."
I would have asked, "You don't think so?" but I stopped myself.
She'd tell me to fuck off if I said that.
"It's weird you should ask me that. You've told me a thousand times that you don't care what other people think of you, right?"
" ...Did you really come here alone for this? Aren't you going to cry for me and let me comfort you?"
It may be true, but it's not something you should say out loud. I already know that.
"I want to stop doing that…" I said with a regretful tone.
" I don't say this because it bothers me, but whenever you come here, it's either to be silly or to cry on me. Although, I don't want you to stop…"
"Doesn't it bother you?"
"No. It doesn't really bother me. It may be in bad taste, but I forget most of the things you usually say to me after a few days, so it's not like I have a huge burden thanks to you."
"Well, what happened yesterday must have been a miracle…"
"The fact that?"
"See? A miracle!"
"Oh, I know what you're talking about!" Amaya had stopped speaking in that tone I'd heard her use lately, and especially now.
"J-just to be sure, it was something about your impression, wasn't it?"
"Ping pong! Correct answer!"
For my part, I was using a much softer and lower tone of voice than normal.
It's a shame I have to force myself to do this voice. Can't I just speak like that naturally?
"How silly." She let out a giggle along with that comment.
"Yes, I am."
After a few seconds, she continued speaking.
"It really feels good to be able to do something like this, and then have it work out. I always feel like I'm not doing anything, but when you walk out of my room, so calm and happy, I can't help but feel relieved and content.
" I can see how it hurts you to cry, but the rest of the time I just see that you need to relax, and that's your way of doing it."
"Relaxing while I cry? It doesn't make any sense."
"No, not at the time, but afterward. It happens to all of us. Don't you always notice that after crying you feel better, like relieved?"
"Well, not really. If I feel better, it's because of you, at most."
"You're very mushy today, aren't you?!" My sister blushed again.
"Does it bother you?"
"...I'm ashamed."
"If you want, I can stop."
"...You're good at leaving me in bad situations." She said with a slightly annoyed tone, although she was still blushing.
"I take that as a 'yes'?"
"...Yeah."
"…"
" A-Anyway, back to the topic." Amaya paused briefly before continuing. I suppose it was to calm herself.
"I think what you're looking for when you cry is that specific moment."
"Don't excuse my problem with controlling my emotions as a master plan to relax."
"I'm not saying that's the case, it's just what I think. Maybe you're just a baby, which isn't a bad thing if you know how to control yourself when it's time to do so. I think that last part is something you need to improve, little brother."
"Don't call me that!"
"Why? I can't call you that?"
"I don't like…"
"Hehe, now you 're turning red."
"And when did you turn around?!"
Amaya was looking at me with a goofy smile. She looked like she had a neurological deficiency. And yet she looked beautiful! Anyone who calls me a sissy is just ignorant!
"Well, anyway, I can stop doing it if you want. At least, I want to stop doing it."
"Doesn't it feel right to you?"
"...I wouldn't know how to explain it."
"Well, you're doing it now."
"Hey?"
"You're talking to me about yourself right now. You don't know why you don't want to vent to me, do you?"
"It's not that I don't know, it's that…" I just don't want to say it.
I already know what you're going to answer.
'I'm just causing you trouble.' 'I feel bad receiving but not giving.' She'll always answer, 'It's okay.'
"If you don't know how to explain it, you don't have to force yourself. I just want you to know that we can do it whenever you want, even now."
"But I don't have protection..."
She doesn't seem angry, especially because of the really bad joke I made in her face. She even seems satisfied. Only, she doesn't completely convince me.
"If you're in the mood to say that, and I'm calm enough to say that I'd rather be raped than do it with you, I don't think either of us is wrong."
"No, you're wrong. We're both very crazy."
For a moment, we stared into each other's eyes, and soon we started laughing.
I was still worried that she was hiding something from me. She probably is, but I want to leave her feeling happy, if possible. I don't want to ruin the moment.
"Ha... really, you have some great ideas."
"Same here."
We took a moment longer to breathe.
"If you don't mind, I wanted to watch a movie I had on, and I wanted some popcorn—"
"Oh, so when I walked into the room I didn't catch you watching porn?"
"You've already lost the moment and the grace. No, that's just not funny. And why does it always have to be something dirty? What a pig."
"Sorry."
She gave a thumbs-up. "Apology accepted!"
"And no, I'm not going to bring you popcorn. You make it."
"But I don't want to go downstairs. I'm already lying down, comfortable in my bed."
"You're going to have to get up to put on the movie."
"Well, you put it on for me."
"Okay, but first, you have to let me pet your head."
"Die. I'll do it myself."
Amaya, faced with my completely innocent and not at all impulsive comment, got out of bed.
The moment she did, I brought my hand up to my face. It covered half of it.
Then I started laughing, like I was a villain. I also put on an exaggeratedly villainous voice.
"Haha! You fell for my trick card!"
"What?!" She played along, her voice equally forced and exaggerated.
"By giving you that condition I wasn't looking for a reward, but the opposite!"
"...?!
"When I told you about that offer, I knew you were going to give up and stand up on your own!"
"Isn't that literally part of the deal?!"
"I see you're much more naive than I thought. Even if you have rejected me, I would have gone and made you some popcorn and put on the movie. But you went ahead and decided to get up on your own!! Now that you're up, you don't have the excuse of being comfortable in your bed!"
Amaya, seeing my argument, raised her index finger and began moving it from side to side, clicking her tongue in time with her finger. She was saying 'no,' but to what?
She raised her arm and pointed at me. "You're the only one who's deluded here!"
"As?!"
"Yes! Don't you realize the irrationality of your argument, Riku?"
"There's no way my argument has any holes! It's a lie, a feint!"
" Why do you assume I'm going to go make some popcorn?"
"Huh?"
"I may be going to turn on the computer, but at no point did I say I was going to go downstairs!!"
"It just can't be!!"
"Yes! Now, since you're the one leaving my room, you're doomed to bring me a big bag of popcorn!"
"No, I'm not going to do it." I stopped using the villainous voice the moment I said that.
"...At least I tried. I'll come down myself."
Amaya was about to get off. Before she left, I opened my hands in front of her.
"Are you okay? Is something wrong? Don't go and confess no. I'll tell Dad"
"No. This is solely and exclusively as brothers."
Amaya smiled. She took a few steps toward me to hug me.
"Ahhh, you smell so good."
"Both you and your words stink..." She stopped hugging me after I said that. After that, we both left her room.I went to my room, and she went down to the kitchen.
I'm glad I went. I don't know if she was tired or depressed, but I hope she can feel this cheerful for at least a little while longer.
As I entered my room, I thought about what I could do. I couldn't think of anything I had pending, despite having 100 things to do.
After a while, I decided on the last thing I thought I would end up doing: Cooking.
I don't know how to make many things. I can only make four dishes, two of which are pre-cooked.
For that reason, I opted for the best option, the dish I know how to make from scratch: Curry rice.
What I usually find most difficult is the sauce, which in itself is the only difficult part.
Before I started, I looked for my mother's recipe book. She left it here and never came back for it.
I prefer to think of it that way rather than as a parting gift. I don't want any of her gifts.
Even though I do it with love, it'll probably come off more like a joke, since it didn't turn out very well last time.
Although not burning anything is enough for me.
It didn't take me long to do it, because it's not a hard recipy. Anyway, I finished around 7 PM, which is a little later than usual.
I was very worried about everything, and I was constantly going over the recipe to see if I had done something wrong.
The curry didn't turn out very well, but I'm grateful the rice didn't burn. I don't even know how I manage to make it.
My dad usually arrives at 8 PM, and since we had to wait for him for dinner, I had plenty of time to do other things, like take a shower or read a little.
I should have made dinner later...
I'm sure it'll be cold when we have dinner. I tried to prevent that from happening by keeping the rice and curry covered, to retain as much heat as possible, but it probably won't do any good.
My father arrived half an hour late. I was on my phone, waiting for him in the living room.
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Riku."
We aren't very close, but we don't hate each other either, or at least I don't hate him.
He does his best, and even after everything he's had to put up with, he hasn't exploded at me or my sister.
When I was younger, he used to get very angry and had a hard time controlling himself.
He's improved a lot now. Or maybe he's just holding back.
Whatever he's doing, I think he's a lot more mature than before.
I don't have the right to say what being mature means if I'm not mature in the first place. I just think he's a good father, even though he works too hard. He should stay more time at home, it would be good for sis.
I hope what happened to my mom didn't affect him much too.
"How were you at work?"
"Fine, but I got carried away more than I should have. It's my fault you're going to have a late dinner. Sorry."
"No, don't worry, I made dinner."
"Really?" You shouldn't sound so surprised either...
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind. And I hope I did it right, hehe…" I let out a nervous chuckle as I placed my hand on the back of my neck.
My dad came over to put his hand on my shoulder.
"Heh. No, you did me a big favor, thank you."
I couldn't tell if he was laughing because I'd gotten the wrong idea or because he thought I was worrying too much.
We started setting the table. Dinner, as I expected, was cold, so we had to use the microwave.
Our house is practically a Western house. The doors to the living room and the yard are still sliding, but the floor is a wooden platform.
"Riku, tell Ayama to come down for dinner."
"'Kay."
After I finished setting the table, I went upstairs to get my sister.
Yelling her name to get her to come down wasn't going to work, since her room is too far from the stairs. Adding to the fact that she's quite deaf, I always have to call her.
As I went up, I stood in front of his door.
Knock Knock
There was a brief silence before someone answered.
" What?"
"Dinner's ready."
"I'll be right there, just give me a moment."
"I don't want to wait, because I want you to try the food I've made with my sweat and tears!"
As I finished that sentence, I opened the door to find Amaya sitting on the bed, looking at her computer.
An anime was playing on the screen. There were two shirtless men hugging each other.
Very manly, if you ask me.
Although my opinion didn't make my sister feel sorry for me.
"I told you to wait!!"
She screamed, angry and blushing.
From that moment on, my life began to be in danger. Instinctively, I closed the door, just as the beast began to get out of bed.
"Yes, yes, take all the time you need!"
That was the last thing I said before she opened the door and, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, forced her way into her room to do unspeakable things to me.
" Someone beat me up." That was the first thing I said, in a pained and exhausted voice, before sitting down at the table.
She only hit me lightly, although the only thing that bothered me was that she dug his nails into me until a little blood came out.
It was from that point on that I stopped taking it as a joke, and I noticed she was genuinely angry. I don't know why, but it put me in a bad mood.
The attacker stared at her plate, still embarrassed, although I'm not sure if it's because of one thing or another.
"What did you do to her?" My father, for his part, wasn't angry at anyone. He had a calm tone, which, consequently, calmed us both a little.
That's it, Dad. Defend your youngest son, who has been brutally abused.
And as soon as I came out of my delirium, I realized my father was asking me.
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
"I didn't do anyth-"
"He came into my room without permission." my sister said, interrupting me and incriminating me.
"Isn't that what I always do?"
"Well, yes, but this time I said not to come in."
My father sighed as he understood what had happened.
"And why did you have to hit him?"
"Because… I wanted to. He deserved it, at least a little. And I didn't hit him very hard either."
"You went too far with the nail thing. I don't mind if you hit me hard, but I don't want you to dig your nails into me like you always do."
"…" Amaya didn't answer.
It was Dad who answered for her.
"One of us didn't listen, and the other let herself get carried away. I'm not going to do anything to you, because it's something you both have to work out."
With that, my father didn't even look at either of us. We already knew what we had to do, but we didn't want to say it out of sheer embarrassment.
Not that we have any other choice.
"...Sorry I hit you."
"Sorry I barged in."
"...Oh, I thought you were going to say something weird."
"What else am I going to say? I'm not going to suck up to you for something like that."
"No, forget it, it's better if you just ignore it…"
With that, I stared at her.
"What are you looking at me now?"
"It was yaoi, wasn't it?" A grin appeared on my face.
"I really want to hit you again!"
"Calm down, both of you. I know you guys get along, but start eating. It'll get cold again if you keep going like this."
"...Yeah." we both said simultaneously.
The rest of dinner was more normal. No one said much during dinner, and they didn't say anything about the food.
I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. Maybe they'll keep quiet so as not to hurt me. I should ask.
"Is it good?"
"Yes." my father replied.
" Well, yeah, it is fine fine. Why do you ask?"
"Riku made dinner today."
"Really?!" I'd appreciate it if you weren't so surprised.
"Y-yeah…"
I had no choice but to admit it. I didn't know making dinner was something I could be embarrassed about. Every day is a new experience.
"…That doesn't mean the dinner is now bad." Amaya said, more timidly.
I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but saying it that way, especially after saying it's good, makes it seem like everything I cook tastes bad.
It's not like I've had the opportunity to prove otherwise...
A dinner where no one talks would be abnormal, but it's not good to talk too much either. That doesn't mean I still prefer to eat alone.
After dinner, I started doing my homework. After a while, I stopped doing them and took a break, and thanks to my impeccable memory, while watching TV and reading,I ended up forgetting they existed.
I always imagine myself forgetting existence itself. What would it feel like to have a blank mind? I think that day would be the most boring, yet the happiest, day I'd ever have.
Not having to listen to myself has to be the most rewarding experience I could ever have. There's a reason I love sleep so much.
It's not like I hate myself, though. Whenever I've messed up, I've fixed it as best I could. That doesn't mean I consider myself a good person either.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I think of myself, because other people will see me in a completely different light. Usually a good one. My grandma was the one that saw me best as a kid, not because she said I was a bad boy, but I feel as if she was right with what she said.
Unfortunately, no one will ever be able to know me. Ever.
I was reading in bed. I'd managed to get hooked on a light novel, and when I feel like doing something, I usually end up reading it.
It doesn't hurt to distract myself. It makes the wait until Saturday more enjoyable.
If I continued like this, I'd end up disappointed. Having very high expectations is bad, as they're usually unreasonable or exaggerated. That's why I prefer to calm down.
In the background, a voice sounded behind my door.
"C-can I come in?"
She's my sister. She'll be here for me to sleep with again.
I like doing it, not because she's a woman, or because she's my sister, but because it keeps me from getting depressed at night. I don't have the chance to do it if my head's busy.
" Yeah, go ahead. I'm not looking at anything on my computer," I replied in a mocking tone.
She opened the door and walked in before answering me.
"You make me regret ever saying sorry…" she said, looking to the side, a slight blush on her cheeks.
"So, are you here for the same reason as yesterday?"
"No. I realized what we did was really weird, especially considering our ages. I just wanted to say goodnight, like always."
"If you don't want to do it because you think Dad would think something weird if he saw us like this, don't worry. He knows we're not that kind of people. It's not like it's unpleasant, anyway."
"…And why are you so defensive? Did you really enjoy your evening last night?"
"For once, I'm being serious…"
In the end, she decided to sleep in her room, like the supposed adult she is.
I can tell you, that girl is more childish than I am, not immature though. I admire how mature she is when it's time, and she's only 18.
Even though she said she wouldn't do the same thing again, she sat next to me while I was tucked in and lying down.
I put the book aside, as if I was going to continue reading. I'll probably go to sleep after this.
" So, do you want to talk about something else?"
"Well… erm… I wanted to ask you, what could I watch…
"…And I'm not going to watch Re:Zero again." I think my exaggerated smile and enthusiasm gave away that I was going to say this.
"Ugh…"
"I wanted something to watch now before I go to sleep."
"Do you mind if it's a movie?" I knew what she was going to say.
"Nah, go ahead."
"It's called 'I Want To Eat Your Pancreas', it's my favorite movie."
"Is it an anime? I've never heard of it."
"Yeah, it is."
She looked satisfied after answering her.
"Okay, I'm going to watch it right now."
Before leaving, Amaya approached me to give me a hug. I'm as embarrassed to ask for it as I am to give it, but simply receiving it makes me feel alive.
And not in a dirty way. Sometimes, for some reason, I feel like I'm becoming distant from her, so this is a way of reminding myself that's not the case. Just this once, I'm going to take the embarrassment out of it.
"Amaya."
"Yes?"
"I love you."
She smiled slightly, but didn't blush at all.
"I love you too."
In the end, we both ended up smiling at each other. I honestly don't know why I want to have a girlfriend if I appreciate a relationship like this 100 times more.
It's probably because I'm a slave to lust. I wish I didn't think about things like that so often.
I didn't do anything else that night; I went to sleep as usual, although it was quite difficult for me. If I had to guess, it took me two hours to fall asleep; I had a bad time.