My mom said it best, "Love is something that you can just feel in your heart and when you meet that special person, you'll know who you are meant to be with.
I've questioned the concept of love since that day and have wondered if we are just a delusional species that tries to make up random concepts. If I can't feel it, can't touch it, can't smell it, taste it, or see it, then what is love?
We base our entire existence on the things that we can make sense of. But love isn't one of those things. If only I could feel the love that everyone talks about then maybe I could expand my thoughts.
But in the end all love is a sack of shit made up to excuse our stupidity.
I've never felt any love towards anyone. Not even my own family.
I sat in my chair looking at the pale white celling paying no mind to the man supposably trying to brighten the young minds of the future. I could see in the eyes he had no desire to be here doing what he was paid to do, someone like him had been long gone from who he once was. He was a failure.
I continued to ignore his loud voice until the bell rang. As I got up from my seat, a rough hand grabbed my shoulder, it was Orson. He was my "Friend," we had met our freshman year in high school. He was a friendly person who was very gregarious, but he was still outcasted by the popular kids. But nevertheless, he still had a good number of friends.
I on the other hand was struggling to talk with others, people here at this school are too boring to me, the amount of useless crap people talked about made me want to kill myself, but I kept my mouth shut and I eventually met Orson. Out of the hundreds of people I ever met in my life he was the only person I wanted to kill with my bare hands, he never shuts up.
I wanted to fit in with the others, so I pretended to have friends, so I don't look like a loser. But at this point I'm going to kill him. We left the classroom and headed down to the cafeteria. Inside hundreds of students were talking and relaxing. I hated it. Too noisy.
We sat down in the middle of the area eating the lunch we bought from the school. Two tall guys around my height sat down at our tables. One was built like a super athlete, he had blond hair and diamond blue eyes, the other one was slightly skinnier and had short black hair with scarlet red eyes.
Their names were Sampson and Thomas, well known around the school as the two hottest guys. Sampson was obsessed with his workout regime and refused to eat anything that would make him gain fat and Thomas was a person like me, unlike the other two much quieter and had lifeless dead eyes. He too saw Orson as annoying and wanted nothing to do with him if I had to say he was the only person I thought of as trustworthy and useful.
Hey, so I wanted to ask you guys a question. When do you think any of us would get a girlfriend, we are attractive guys but we've yet to meet any women. Orson asked.
The table was silent. Orson dropped a shell on everyone. Thomas was staring at his plate while Sampson was busy looking at the wall.
Orson kept on looking at everyone for answers but he would get nothing from anyone.
With all due respect to you Orson but you are the only one who needs to worry about the issue of getting a girlfriend. Me, Sampson, and Trevor can all get girlfriends, but we don't really need them.
Orson seemed visibly shaken up by Thomas's words and had tucked his head down in shame. After lunch ended, we all went to our respective classes and did the same thing every day.
The same boring teachers, the same boring lessons. When the day ended me, and the rest of my friends decided that we would meet on the rooftop of the school. Orson wanted to discuss something with all of us.
When I got up to the roof, I saw that Thomas leaning against the railing and Sampson was sitting on the floor with his right hand on his right knee.
I didn't know what was going on, but they were pissed off. When I walked up to them, they said that they had been waiting for some time and that Orson was taking forever.
Our school ended at 2:30 and the time I got up to the roof it was 2:50. The reason for me being late was because I was busy helping one of my teachers with some afterschool activities, but what was taking Orson so long.
Just as all of us were going to leave the door slammed open and Orson stood there with an ecstatic look on his face. Me and Thomas looked at one another signaling that we were leaving. But Orson shut the door before we could get out.
"What the fuck is this Orson?" Sampson asked.
There were veins popping out of his head and his hands were scrunched up like he was going to kill Orson. I couldn't blame him we all wanted to kill him.
"Good news guys I got us invited to a mixer after school next week on Friday!"
We all looked at each other confused with what was going on. A mixer? How did he manage to pull that off, someone like him would never get invited to an event like this. Also, we were underaged for something like that. Thomas asked the questions that I thought of. Apparently because of how much Orson liked to talk it managed to get him and the rest of us invited to the mixer. Also, he planned to get us fake ids for the drinking that would happen.
After our meeting ended, we all walked home together, we lived close to one another so walking together became a routine. There was an intersection where we had to go our separate ways. Me and Thomas lived closest to each other and so we went to the right together. Sampson went to the left and Orson went straight north.
Me and Thomas didn't talk a lot, but we were closest to one another. Me and him related to each other and saw love as something completely useless. When we met in the 8th grade, we were both loners and had never tried to even interact with each other but then our teacher had us work in pairs for a project and paired us up together. From then on, we just clicked together and developed what some would call a friendship.
After we departed to go home, I thought to myself, why didn't I feel anything around them. They were supposed to be friends but for some reason I don't even know why I can't feel anything. I feel nothing and can't seem to care for them.
When I got home, I smelled something that would melt any man. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom and sister cooking while my father was sitting down working with his computer. The moment they saw me their eyes lit up. Unlike me they have emotions and care for others.
I find myself wondering how I'm related to them, we're nowhere near similar, my father Brandon is a fat slob who would never be able to compare to me in terms of looks and my mother Rebecca is a gorgeous woman who cares to much about pathetic people.
My sister Carla is a complete incarnation of my mother she is a beautiful woman who is too kind for her own good. My father is too simply pathetic to be around in this world. Another waste of space.
As I ate my food, I couldn't help but see my sister glancing in my direction several times. When I caught her in the act of looking, I gave her a fake smile with everything I had.
Then my parents dropped a massive bomb on the table, something that caught me and my sister off guard.
"Me and Your mother decided to divorce. We know it could come as a shock to you guys, but we were having separate ways of thinking and moving on would be best for everyone."
My sister held her hands to her face and tears were swelling in her eyes. I on the other hand just stared at my father, I couldn't think of the reasoning behind this, he was lucky to get a woman who would like him for who he is, much less a woman like my mom. My sister was visibly crying and repeating something I couldn't hear. But I saw something that confused me. She was smiling, and it wasn't an ordinary smile it was the grin that someone like the devil had but I chose to ignore it.
"So, what happens now." I asked