Ivan
"Why do you think you're crazy?"
Grabbing her hands again, I rubbed her fingers, wincing as I felt how the ring cut into her skin. I fought against the urge to kiss her hand, my need to heal her almost overriding common sense.
No one told me it'd be this hard to fight the mating instinct. The wolf inside me didn't care about boundaries and patience. This was his female, the mother of his pup, and his soulmate.
It was our job to protect her and keep her safe. We couldn't do that if we waited for her to accept us.
However, the man in me knew better.
Nefra didn't owe me anything. She didn't have to accept me. I needed to earn my place as her man.
We're soulmates, but my wolf's instincts had to slow down.
We looked obsessed—which we were—and needy.
I wouldn't be one of those wolves who lost their minds and let their instincts dictate everything. At least I'd try.
'Already failing at that.'
"Why am I crazy?" Nefra's whole body shook as she laughed, as if my confusion was funny. "It's the middle of the night. We're in a park eating burgers and fries. I just met you this afternoon, and you helped me leave my assassin husband and one of his many mistresses."
"And that makes you crazy?"
"Yes!" This time, tears fall from how much she's laughing, and I won't lie, I'll never tire of hearing that sound.
"We got the better end of that."
"This is insane. I should've told the cops what you were doing, but I protected you, and I still don't understand why I did that!" Wiping away the tears, Nefra sat beside me, swinging her legs. "I should fight this, but I'm not. People don't do this. They don't get kidnapped and nod along like it's a good thing."
"I am not kidnapping you!" Holding up my hands, I tried to defend myself, but Nefra wasn't buying it. "I'm not!"
"Then what do you call it?"
"Rescuing...?" Yes, I'm full of it, but I didn't want her to look at it like this. True, I'd taken her from the store, and technically, it's kidnapping. However, we can't summarize what happened into a single word, especially since that word will put me behind bars. "Intense support? I'll even go with aggressive relocation."
"Whatever you call it... I shouldn't be here, but I am..." her smile contradicted the severity of her words. She was right, but she wasn't sorry about it either.
"I would've agreed with you a day ago. I would've argued that everything I've done is too extreme, and it's not supposed to be like that, but... now I get it." Leaning back, I stared at the moon. It's too large to be a crescent but not a full moon yet. My mother and grandmothers would have PowerPoint presentations of what every phase meant and how it affected us, but I never paid enough attention. Now, I'm sorry I didn't. "I can't help wanting to protect you... Or... having this connection to you. But... I don't want you to worry about me forcing myself on you. I told you before that we'll go at your pace. But... I can't help caring... about you."
If only it ended with caring.
"It's not just you..." Nefra rose again, clearly unable to stay still. The evening air wasn't stifling, making it more pleasant than earlier, but both of us wore jackets as if it were nothing. "This is just... the last straw. My entire life is a series of chaotic events. I'm a sorceress, but I can't tell you where it comes from. My past is a lot of blank spaces. My husband is a serial killer from a true crime show, but I'm not the wife who didn't suspect what he was. I'm just the one who stood by and let it happen."
"Nefra, you didn't-"
"I did. Why? Because he'd kill me too, and I didn't want to die." Her lower lip trembled while her body slumped. "Everything settles around you, and the universe makes sense to me, but I have no clue how to process that."
I shouldn't preen after that.
"Tell me about his mistress, the one from tonight." The best course of action was to move on. We could fight all night about blame, and neither of us would win.
"Darla?" Even in the dark, Nefra's face looked green. She did not like this woman, and I didn't blame her. I'd heard the bitch. "She's Ricky's favorite. If you saw her, you'd leave to go after her; she's that beautiful and-"
"Don't say that again," I cut her off with a snarl, my fangs cutting my lip for the fourth time tonight. "I'll never, ever go after someone else. I'm yours."
"You didn't see her," I don't think she meant for me to hear that, but I did. When I grabbed her and pulled her toward me, she yelped, surprised by my speed.
"Don't doubt yourself. Everything about you is perfect. You're every fantasy I ever had, you check every box, and there is no one who comes close. This Darla is a hag with warts and orange skin. What I want to understand is why she's so important..."
"Did you not hear the part where I said she's gorgeous?" Nefra insisted, but I'm almost convinced I actually managed a compliment. The corner of her mouth was fighting to turn upward. "Women have gone under the knife because she walked into a room. I've seen them go on extreme diets and buy the most torturous corsets known to man to force themselves to be like her, and all she has to do is wake up and flip her hair, and she's perfect. Ricky's not that deep. She's got a round ass and perky boobs. And she never tells him no. Ever."
"I'm not impressed." It's not that I can't tell a girl is attractive; I just don't react anymore. It's an odd sensation because I could do it yesterday, but it makes my head clearer now that I only see Nefra. She's the scale, the bar, and the unattainable goal. No one comes close. "And I have no doubt he's a simpleton, but he doesn't seem like the guy who'd trust you with a flake, especially one who seemed very interested in your behavior."
"She's weird like that," Nefra relented, moving an inch closer. "She's always giving me advice about keeping him happy when he's not around. Jackie and Stephanie don't do that. They... Stephanie treats me like her personal assistant, and Jackie's mission statement includes making sure Ricky hates me as much as possible."
"I have a theory for why he keeps them close to you," I was playing on a hunch, but something didn't add up. "You said he has other women, right? But they don't stay with you?"
"No. The others come and go." She looked confused but interested, so I kept letting the ideas fester.
"How much do you know about them? The ones who stay with you?"
"Not a lot… I never tried being friends," not that I blamed her for that. No one should be friends with people who help to ruin their lives. "And their families? They're all in the same circles. The sort of people who have private clubs and talk about bloodlines and stupid stuff like that."
That opened up more possibilities, none of which assured my concerns.
"So they're all friends," and that brought up a question I wasn't sure to ask.
"Yeah, and it's uncomfortable to be around. I told you. Ricky's dad has a harem and his mom's not just friends with them. They're besties. They do everything together: shopping, lunches, parties… No one blinks an eye at it."
"Could they be mates...?" It's possible, but unlikely. Multiple mates isn't an impossible thing, but this sounds nothing like that. "No... Do they all have that same bond?"
"No," she spoke with certainty, her eyelids growing heavy as she considered my question. "I'm sure they're not."
"Humans don't always sense the bond…" I didn't want to question her, but she seemed so sure.
"They're not. Why try to force them on me too?" she had a point. "I'm not mates with any of them… Is it possible to have more than one person?"
"It's rare, but it happens." It made no sense. Nefra's right. She's not their mate, or they'd be mine too, and I wasn't drawn to the female or bastard when we were int he house. "What's it like when they're there? Do things seem different? What about after?"
"Why?" Her eyebrows scrunched up, wanting explanations I'm not ready to share. However, this is important, so I stay silent, waiting for her to give in. When she does, her shoulders slump and her lips smooth out, making her seem sad instead of confused. "Depends on who's there. Stephanie... I always feel sick when she leaves, but it's because she puts me on these weird diets. Jackie? Relieved... But that's because she's awful. Darla? After, it's usually when things are the calmest. Ricky just gets clingy."
"I think... they used magic on you."
"What?" Nefra's heart rate rose as her body stiffened, but she tried to seem calm.
I'd thought about it after we left the house. I'm not an expert on the mind, but I've seen soldiers after injuries that affect the brain. Even the coldest heart can't look at them without experiencing some level of grief for them.
Nefra showed no signs of having brain damage, but there was the concern about her hearing voices. It could be a mental health thing, but also a magical one.
"I might be wrong, but it's strange that you have no memories of your past. Unless... could he be giving you drugs?"
"No..." She looked unsure. "Ricky doesn't use magic. I'd know. I can... sense it."
"But he doesn't have to use it himself, does he?" With the stash of potions I saw in that basement, was it so unthinkable? "I'm just guessing here... but if you're willing... My friend Luke has a clinic in San Diego. That's where we're going. He's got the best doctors on the West Coast. They can run tests."
"You..." Biting her lip, Nefra grabbed her drink from behind her but didn't drink from it.
"I don't think you're crazy," I guessed. That's what she feared. I was when someone said it to me. "But you were living with someone dangerous who has access to things that can kill supernatural creatures like us. I'm going to play it safe."
"Why would he do that, though?"
"I don't know, baby," that wasn't entirely true. I had some ideas about why. "To control you? He has access to things like that, so keeping you in check would've been easier if you were magically bound... We'll figure it out. Luke has a lot of connections. We can talk to a witch... if you want."
"I... know someone who could help." I waited for her to elaborate, but she didn't.
"How are you feeling?" Tonight was overwhelming for both of us. Magic was a sensitive subject, but the asshole using it to control my mate was an added layer of problems. "Do you feel any different?"
"Yeah, I feel different," with a sip of her drink, Nefra rose and turned to face me again. Taking a chance, I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close. She didn't fight me, sighing as she fell into my lap. "I'm in your lap... and Ricky thinks I'm home in bed. How much more different can it get?"
"I'd be watching TV with the guys and fighting with my sister about her spending pack money. I enjoy being here with you better."
"He'll come for me..." Nefra wrapped her arms around my neck, her lips quivering at the thought of her husband. "That's not a maybe. He'll come and..."
"I already told you. I'm not scared. Let him come. He's never faced someone like me."
It's not arrogance.
I've earned the right to be proud of my skills.
Two deployments to the Middle East, three major conflicts between multiple packs in the last three years, and the best record of dealing with rogue attacks with minimal casualties on both sides.
I can show mercy when it's deserved and when it's necessary, be a brutal monster. This asshole's made a living killing my people, but that's only more motivation to stop him. Now, I have to show Nefra that it isn't all hype.
"And if he hurts you or... your pack because of me?"
"We're not weak, and you've given me more intel than I've had for a lot of things. I'll be ready for him..." All of that was true. Her taking me down there and letting me know what kind of monster this Ricky was gave me an advantage I've rarely had. Yet, she needs to understand why I'll take the risk. "My priorities are your safety, but if we can get to know each other... it's all worth it. You're worth it."
"What if... what if you change your mind?" she tried to get up, but I held her still. It looked like Nefra was a runner. She didn't like conflict, which was alright, but I'd always chase her. "What if you wake up tomorrow and realize you've made a mistake? What happens to me and Penelope?"
I laughed until I realized she wasn't joking.
"That's not possible," I kept one hand on her waist but used the other to trace her face. It's the advantage of having night vision. The moonlight was enough to illuminate Nefra's beautiful face. "Why wouldn't I want you?"
"Because... you saw what he's done and-"
"You think I'd reject you because of him?" That's a brutal slap to my wolf and me. "No, Nefra. Nothing he's done or could do will make me want you less."
"What if this isn't about him? What if it's me?"
"What do you mean?" I felt something creep across our connection. Nefra was skilled at holding in her emotions, but this one was strong enough to reach me.
"I'm... difficult to be around." The lines on her forehead deepened as her nose wrinkled, a tell that her anxiety was rising. I'd noticed a nervous tic already, so I fought the urge to tense up. "What if you get to know me and realize you're wasting your time?"
"That's impossible." I shouldn't have scoffed, but it was ridiculous.
"Why? You don't know. I do things people find annoying, and I'm incredible at pissing others off."
"Like what?"
"I'm stubborn," she said as if it were some big secret. "I push people's buttons, don't hold my tongue, and people accuse me of having an attitude."
"Really? I hadn't noticed." I shouldn't have teased, but I couldn't help it. "You've been so meek and accommodating. No one would ever call you stubborn—hey! That's my arm! Okay, okay. What else?"
I pretended to rub the arm she'd punched as if it actually hurt. She had strength, but not enough to hurt me.
That seemed to fuel her annoyance, and her face darkened. Nefra definitely had an attitude, which was perfect because I did, too.
The last thing I wanted was someone who'd bow to my command.
"Okay, I'm selfish about sweets, especially strawberry ice cream. I watch the same movie five times in a row and skip to my favorite parts. And even though I never have money for it, I'd live at a mall if I could. I love shopping."
"Oh, no!" The sarcasm came, and I didn't bother stopping it. She was adorable if she thought that would scare me off. "You like shopping? It's not like I don't own a business and have a credit card! Or that my sister is also a shopaholic who took the job in the pack as supply manager just so she could shop! What shall I do with a mate who wants to spend my money? Maybe I should make more of it!"
"That's not funny," Nefra said, turning a darker shade, thinking I was mocking her, but I wasn't.
"Who's kidding? Look, I'm not a millionaire, but I make decent money. I own the pack business, and we stay busy. So, unless you're spending thousands of dollars every day, I won't mind you spending that money to buy the things you want. As for the ice cream? I'll just have to buy my own carton, and as long as you let me watch the movie once so I know what's going on, I don't care if you watch it a million times. Trust me, you'll get fed up with me first."
"I have more things..."
"How about you give me a chance to tell you some of mine first?" I felt more confident, even though I'm also terrified. Nefra was insecure and thought I'd reject her for things like that? She was a dream compared to everyone else. "I am selfish with food. Actually, I'm selfish in general. Don't enjoy sharing, especially my favorite things. I snore, and yes, it's a fatal flaw because there are recordings of me snoring, which sounds like a pack of wolves. It's bad. I have a mild obsession with hockey, watching, and playing. You'll never be able to take me anywhere without me arguing with someone and getting us kicked out, and... I hate parties. I've fallen asleep at the last four I've been to."
"You don't like people, do you?" Nefra's body relaxed, but she didn't let go of me—not in a way that made me comfortable, but that she didn't want to let me go.
"It's more that I don't handle bullshit well. I'm a straightforward guy. People aren't usually blunt like that, and I'm wicked with a backhanded compliment. I don't think about it. Just happens. So, I'm the champion here because if the worst I need to deal with is a sassy ice cream-hogging mate, who'll fill my closet up? I'm winning."
"What if it's just the bond?"
Ah, that's the problem.
"It's not. The bond doesn't create the connection. You have my attention, and that happened without the bond's influence. When I saw you, I couldn't understand why a goddess was crying. We'll get to know each other and take our time, and I won't rush you. I'll prove to you that this... you and me? It's right."
"Thinking I'm pretty doesn't make a relationship." She wouldn't trust me about that, but for once, I wasn't in my feelings. She wanted to understand me. That untied some of the mental knots I'd created.
'I don't need someone who agrees with everything I say.'
"It doesn't, but I don't just want your body... And I want your very stunning, curvy, sexy body..." Without blinking, I let my eyes roam over her, offering another silent prayer to the moon goddess. "I've always known I needed a strong mate. You think you're stubborn? So am I. Sometimes, I get an idea in my head and won't listen to anyone else. I'm not telling you that to make myself look better. It's the truth. I need someone who can look at me and tell me I'm an idiot without being scared."
"What makes you think that's me?"
"Because you've already done it," letting her go, I rested back on the table with my arms stretched. Nefra had to balance to stay on my lap but decided just to move up some so she could lie across my chest. "I'm sure you would've had me chasing you in my car all the way back to your house if your leg wasn't killing you. You were scared of that asshole, and you still faced me down. Come on, you nearly bit my finger off when I offered you a fry. You're my equal, and I can already see that. You're strong, brave, smart, kind, and incredibly intimidating when you lower your voice like you did at the store. We're perfect together."
It's been a while since I've been so honest about myself. Even my therapist hasn't gotten so much in a single sitting.
Nefra needed truth, and I'm more than willing to hand it over. She's all those things. I'm self-aware, knowing I can't live without those traits.
After that, we sat in comfortable silence, processing what we'd discussed.
It was a better stopping point, and I considered telling her we should leave. The food's cold and the day's caught up with us. Sleep was calling, and I doubted Nefra wanted to sleep in the truck.
"I'm twenty," Nefra suddenly spoke, snapping me back to reality.
"What?"
"I'm twenty," she repeated, resting her arms on mine and getting close.
"Twenty-five," I caught on quickly, offering her my age and thinking of what to say next. "April 13th."
"August 28th," she paused, smiled and leaned in. "I like blue."
"I'm more of a green guy." This is a fun game. No one's bothered learning anything about me, not like this. "Peanut butter cookies are my favorite dessert."
"I prefer cheesecake..." Nefra pressed her body against mine, but I didn't move. That we were this close and comfortable was more than I could expect, and I didn't want to ruin it again. "I hate Thai food."
"Never ever give me cooked pineapple. They're disgusting." I didn't move in, giving Nefra the reins. There's a common misconception about dominant wolves. Everyone assumes we don't enjoy stepping aside to sit in the passenger seat. That's not a problem for me. Nefra can explore the limits of her boundaries, and it doesn't bother me. "I'm allergic to salmon."
"Weird... I can't eat shellfish."
"So... no seafood?"
"Most fish are okay..." she let her lips brush mine, and the getting-to-know-you game changed direction. "I love jellybeans."
"Interesting... I have a bag in my truck," I didn't want the game to end, but I couldn't ignore her lips. "I really want to kiss you again."
"That's not a new piece of information..." Nefra's tongue traced my lips, and I lost it, growling and capturing her mouth. It wasn't rough or demanding, nor soft and hesitant. This was something else. Curious, hot, and wanted. It's the kiss you get when you know there's a connection and what you have isn't just a passing moment.
'Enjoy it while you can...' the stupid fears in my head spoke up, even as I shoved them away. 'You still haven't told her the truth. Not all of it yet.'