Nefretiri
It's too much.
Regardless, Taylor was already a better sister-in-law than the one I had.
"Yeah, just a bit." She had no idea. "And... I'm not sure about everything. I mean, I'm married, and... it seems wrong to start something with someone I just met."
"I get that... but... you are going to give him a chance, aren't you?" Taylor pulled back, hiding the hope she didn't want me to see. That should've set off alarms, but it didn't. She wasn't trying to manipulate me—something I knew all too well—and her concern was genuine. "We're asking for a lot, but... it's not just Ivan. It's me and everyone else. Would you be willing to give us a chance, too? I think... you and I can be friends."
"Friends..." I repeated the word with more longing than I imagined I could muster, aware that it was a dangerous idea.
The only friends I had left were Liam and his family; even then, Maggie's the only one who counted. Sarah's my teacher and much older than me.
My old friends walked away from me when I moved across the country, and there's no guarantee they'd pick up if I reached out.
The muffin-tops were never friends. The Norths tried to force a relationship between us, but that failed spectacularly. That left Melissa, and I'd never call her a friend.
"I don't think I can decide in a single day..." I was careful with my words, not wanting to imply something, but I wanted to stay. "I might... need some more time. That doesn't mean I'm agreeing to anything!"
"Yay!" Taylor squealed, launching at me for a hug.
It took me off guard, and I stiffened.
Werewolves seemed very comfortable with touch, but my conditioning saw it as a threat.
It wasn't only Ricky. Melissa was very hands-on when she visited, making things uncomfortable. She was friendly, which guaranteed my life was easier for however long she was there.
Have you ever met someone who didn't hide the fact that they're attracted to you? There's nothing wrong with that, but she was always dancing on the line of inappropriate.
This isn't the same, though.
"Thank you! Thank you!" Taylor's joy radiated, but the hug was simply a friendly gesture. "This is going to be great! I swear, give me three days, and you'll never want to leave!"
"Should I be concerned?" I laughed, glancing at the bassinet. Penelope should've woken up, but she stayed asleep.
'Your daughter knows to trust them. You should do the same.'
'You're going to place all your decisions on an infant who's only a week old?'
'Her instincts are better than yours. When Ricky was around, she woke up to everything. Even when he sneezed. Yet, she's at peace here. That means something.'
"I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to deal with all this..." How would they feel once they found out I might be certifiably crazy? "It's not just Ivan. All of you say I'm something important and..."
"Don't worry about that!" Taylor sat up again, her face morphing into something almost professional. "I'll talk to Ivan tomorrow. He'll talk to everyone; they won't bring it up until you're ready. Besides, even if you take the title, you'll have lots of time to learn. You could take five or six years before anyone would expect you to know what you're doing."
"Really?" That took some pressure off me. I thought I'd have a few weeks or months, but you could learn a lot in that time.
"Yeah, it's crazy to ask you to learn everything in less time. Look at doctors and lawyers. So, just focus on you and Ivan. That's already plenty."
"Yeah..." my stomach flipped as I thought of him downstairs. "How do I process him? I mean... this bond. How do I trust that it's me and not magic?"
"The fact that you're not having a nervous breakdown is a good start," it was so easy to talk to her. I could imagine us doing this every night and never getting bored. "Most humans who learn about the mate bond don't take it so well. They hear the word magic and freak out."
"Well..." might as well be honest. "I'm... a sorceress. So magic isn't a shock, but the bond? That's a different story, and... It's so weird to have these feelings in my head. I just met him..."
"A sorceress?" Taylor's eyebrows rose so high I thought they'd jump off her face. She wasn't expecting that. "That's... damn. The moon goddess doesn't play around, does she?"
"What do you mean?"
"Uh, well... A lot's going on at home. Magic is a sensitive topic. Nothing to worry about, but it makes sense Ivan would have someone like you as a mate. You need each other..."
What she didn't say said more than if she'd screamed it. Ivan's hiding a lot more about the magic situation.
What are they afraid to say?
All who learn magic understand that we'll face two battlegrounds if we share what we are.
People want power, or they reject it, and everything associated with it. Either way, was I ready to deal with that?
No.
In the magical world, I'm a student and a weak one. So, I'm not prepared to face a political mess, let alone a magical one.
"You think we need each other?" She'd seen us interact for about an hour, and the experience hadn't turned out well.
"Of course. You don't see it yet, but the rest of us do. Ivan's changed since he met you. There's a reason he got the nickname Ivan the Contemptible. He earned that, but after a few hours with you, he's the most relaxed wolf I've met. Do I think he's still the asshole who'll insult a royal prince and make him cry? Yes, he did that, but I've never seen him so... alive. You and this precious pup did that. He's affected both of you, too. You act surprised she's so peaceful, but she's happy. You can't deny the facts. Look at yourself."
She had a point.
"I'm not ready to call you my sister-in-law..." I started carefully. "But... I have to admit you're better than my last one."
"I'll take that. And I imagine things were bad?" She kept her tone light, but the graveness of my situation sucked the calm out of the room. Even Penelope grunted in her sleep.
"Yeah, but we don't need to discuss that." Eventually, I have to, but not tonight. "I want to pretend that's not an issue."
"Done. We'll pretend they don't exist." She clapped her hands, treating my words as if they're law, and part of me wished it was that easy.
"All of you keep treating me like I'm something important. I'm really not." The exhaustion hit me again, and that second wind disappeared.
"You are. You brought life back into our sad little lives. Everyone in the pack feels it, even if they don't understand what's happened. Ivan won't be able to keep this a secret for long."
"He is?" Was he doing that because I didn't want everyone to know?
"My brother doesn't share like other people..." I didn't miss the hesitation. Taylor didn't want to give me too much negative information about Ivan. "He's really generous unless it's something that belongs to him. I'm not saying you do, but... well, he doesn't want to share you."
"Should I be worried?" Ricky's possessive, and sometimes, I appreciated that fact. His family might have strange ideas about being inclusive, but Ricky wasn't interested in letting anyone else have me, not even his mistresses.
"No. He's just not going to want the pack to take your time... That's too bad for him because we are going shopping, and we're not having him drag along. There are some baby shops I want to hit and I don't want to hear him complain about us using his credit card."
"You don't have to spoil us..." I'm not used to this kind of treatment. "Everything you've got Penelope is more than..."
Knowing what I knew, could I tell her no?
"It'll be fun," now she was trying too hard. I didn't want to bring something up, especially if she didn't want anyone to talk about it. "He told you... didn't he?"
"What?" I won't deny this. I have an awful poker face.
"It's okay... I figured he would..." She shrugged as if it were nothing, but even she couldn't pretend. "I don't want you to think I'm using your daughter as some kind of surrogate. She's my niece, and I love her for that... Even if... you decide not to be with Ivan... she's still going to be my niece, and I'm going to spoil her rotten."
"Ivan... didn't tell me much." I didn't mean to look guilty, but I'm invading something personal for her. Something I have no right to. "He just mentioned you'd been through a lot this year."
"All of us have, but it's okay. Things are getting better. The moon goddess has a light and dark side for a reason. It'd be nice if things always worked out, but... sometimes they don't." Taylor played with a ring on her finger; instinctively, I knew it was for her baby.
"What was their name?" I asked, feeling stupid for it. The last thing she'd want is to talk about the child she'd lost. "If... it's okay to ask."
"Eric... He would've been two months old now..." How is she holding it together? I couldn't.
Not knowing what else to do, I moved closer, wrapping my arms around her.
There was nothing I could say to express how sorry I am, nor another way to soothe her pain.
Could I tell Taylor that Penelope was born under similar circumstances?
Isn't that rubbing salt into the wound?
My daughter should be in a NICU, attached to tubes and fighting for her life, but she's healthy. I don't know if magic or just luck kept her safe, but I'm forever grateful. Taylor lost her child and didn't resent Penelope for being who she was.
She was doing the opposite.
"I... almost lost Pen-Pen..." I didn't let her go, afraid to look her in the eye. "She came early, and I was terrified. I... can't imagine what you went through, and..."
A surge of energy forced itself through my body before I could tell her I wished I could make it better.
It's been a while since I lost control of my magic, but it's also been a stressful day, and control wasn't at the top of the list.
The spark started along my spine; the anchor reaching for something to grab hold of.
It used to take longer, and the tether was distant, but it happened almost instantly this time. I tied myself to it, and the magic rushed through me with a strength I've never experienced.
That's never happened, but it helps the magic move without restraint, traveling along my nerves and veins until it reaches my hands. There's no real thought in what I'm doing, just feelings and desires to ease Taylor's pain and help her heal.
Ironically, that's my most practiced skill.
It only lasts a few seconds, but as I pull away, I feel a layer of dark energy slipping off the-wolf's body.
'Dark magic...' Someone was doing some very baneful spells on Taylor, and I'd just absorbed them.
"What's that for?" Taylor looked more relaxed, the bags under her eyes disappearing. The tension in her shoulders was less, and I wondered if she even realized she was holding onto that darkness.
"You needed it," I shrugged, not wanting to tell her what I'd done. If magic's a delicate subject, announcing I'd just done a spell wasn't a good idea. "Could you... not tell anyone what I told you? I mean... Penelope's okay... It was scary, but..."
"As long as it doesn't hurt her..." she glanced at the bassinet. "Sure, I'll keep it between us. And Nefra? Thank you. For... I don't know."
"Funny, I was going to say the same to you... but for not letting me fall when I thought I was going crazy..." That moment in the parking lot, when she handed me the tissues, helped me hold on to my sanity, and then when she asked me to put myself first, "I know it's late, but I'd really love a shower."
My stomach tightened, the first warning sign that the magic was prepared to let go.
There's no time.
"Yeah, you can use Ivan's bathroom." Luckily, Taylor didn't notice the signs that I was about to pay a heavy cost for what I'd done. Good. "You have your own bathroom, but it only has a tub... unless you want to take a bath."
"No, I'll pass out..." Or drown. "Shower is good."
"Okay, well, let me grab you some clothes. I guessed your size, but they should fit. If not, you can borrow Ivan's shirt. One of them will be a nightgown."
I followed her out of the room, grateful Penelope was still fast asleep.
Five minutes later, I was in the master bathroom, leaning against the door in so much pain I was ready to scream.
I didn't know Taylor was holding onto that much magic.
It wasn't there before.
Had she known?
No, it was all over her, but meant to hurt her, not others. Whoever cast it on her wasn't using her like a weapon.
That was cruel and dangerous.
Why would someone do that? How many enemies did this pack have?
The chill's down to my bones, as if I've sat in the snow for hours. Even as I turned the water temperature up, I couldn't get warm enough. Stripping was like getting naked in a blizzard.
'Hurry! You need this.'
Water was the safest way to eliminate energy, so the faster I moved, the better.
I've never had backlash hit me so fast.
The second I'm in the massive shower, I'm on my knees, throwing up. Yet, it's not food.
Honestly, I don't know what it is. Tar or slime? It could be, but it tastes like a thousand cigars mixed with gasoline.
What was happening? This isn't normal.
'This isn't payment!' It couldn't be.
Magic makes demands of you, and what I'd done for Taylor wasn't this intense. This was something else. Something... sinister.
The first pop catches me off guard, my wrist twisting in an odd position before righting itself.
Images of a girl who couldn't be older than five, who looked like a mini version of me, fell off her bike and landed on the sidewalk, breaking her wrist.
The same girl got a paper cut, and it appeared on my hand. The blood mixed into the water before the skin closed. As if it had never been there.
Scraped knees, bruises, cuts, and accidentally hitting something hard enough to leave a temporary mark. I felt it all as if it were happening then and there, accompanied by flashes of memory.
Sometimes, there were people to help me with it, my mother's lips kissing it better, telling me it was okay. I don't recognize the others, not even the man with the same eyes as me, but seeing him hurts my heart.
Who is he? Why does it crush me to remember him?
Was this the magic Ivan thought Ricky used, leaving my body?
'Why does it hurt so much?'
'Foolish, foolish girl.' The voices in my head mocked, but there was a hint of panic it didn't want me to hear. 'What's the first rule of magic?'
'There's always a price!' But it shouldn't be this!
'You unlocked a fraction of a spell and expect it to be nothing? You're in the lands of a king. His power is beyond your capacity right now. It amplifies you. Now, you'll pay the price for that kindness.'
No!
What did that mean?!
More came flooding back, and it wasn't child injuries anymore.
A thousand knives of pain stabbed my insides, reminding me of worse moments.
Acid covering my fingers, leaving agonizing burns, bite marks along my skin as if something with fangs was using me as a toy, and the same repeated bruises appearing and disappearing, leaving the echo of constant fights I never won.
'We're not even to the actual pain yet, Nefretiri Jordans. This is just the warm-up.'
Sadly, they weren't wrong.
"IVAN!" I screamed his name at the top of my lungs, even as a memory of a different boy flickered across my thoughts. He said I'd be alright, carrying me into a building.
Who was that?