Kevin felt his mate for the first time when he was ten. It was not the all-consuming feeling the warriors described around the fire when telling stories of finding their fated ones. It was a dull, thumping pain in his chest that made him stop mid-drill. A hand flew to his sternum, his brows knitting together in a knot of confusion. It hurt. Not that it was unbearable, excruciating pain, more like a dull ache that made him wonder how bad it was for the person on the receiving end.
Just the thought of it sent shivers down his spine
That someone somewhere in the world was experiencing something equally unpleasant. And somehow, somehow their pain has reached him
It was said by the elders that the Moon Goddess blessed each Beast Born with a fated mate. Not all however, found theirs. Death claiming some before fate allowed them to. Some their own people keeping them from each other, through wars, oceans and ancient boundaries. Some never even learning their name. But it was always there, a thread connecting one to the other since birth
Among wolves most only felt it after coming of age, when their wolfish instincts matured. Exception being a select few who sometimes felt strange emotions before their maturity. But no one had ever felt their mate's pain for years!
When Kevin asked his grandmother if it was normal she only frowned before kissing his forehead
'It means the moon has entrusted you with something precious."
That hadn't explained much. Life went on, morning drills with his father, lessons with the elders, hunting and politics, learning to become the future Alpha of his clan. Their pack one of the oldest beast tribes left on earth. Long before men built their pretty kingdoms of stone the world belonged to the beasts. Great tribes roamed every corner of the land, the canines the forests, the felines the savannah, the aves, the skies, the piscene the seas. Others claiming mountains, rivers, desserts and swamps. Some long gone and others turned to something unrecognizable.
Men thought them myths. Which was exactly how the beasts tribes wanted to stay
Centuries ago men had discovered what beasts hearts could do. Beast blood could make spells come true. Soon enough coexistence had become impossible. Hunters trespassing borders for profit. Witches bargaining for beast organs. Warlocks kidnapping beast children for twisted experiments. Whole villages disappearing in the night. Beasts tribes had hidden, deep within the forests and mountain valleys, behind ancient barriers guarded with moon magic, and inside civilizations no man could find. But still danger lurked. Rogue beasts, wolves without packs, lions without prides, ravens cast from their flocks raiding settlements. For some claiming territory, for others chaos
Peace was a concept only grandparents told their pups about at bedtime. And Kevin had grown up knowing that every adventure outside the territory could be their last, which made the pain behind his ribs impossible to ignore
Every morning, afternoon, and night Kevin listened
Some evenings after a hard training session he'd just lay on his bed, not bothering to change clothes, and listen. The distant- thump- thump that usually lulled him to sleep better than any cradle song
Other nights he wondered about them, about who they were. Did they like climbing trees? Were they clumsy? Did they hate vegetables? Were they another wolf? His imaginings changed every week, but the only thing that never did was that he adored the one he'd never met
"You've got that stupid smile again."
Steven flung an apple at his face. Kevin caught it
'I was thinking.'
'About your mysterious mate?'
'No.'
"Liar," Steven snorted. "You have been staring into the distance since five minutes."
'I wonder what they are doing?' Kevin said ignoring him
Steven groaned dramatically. 'Oh, Moon save us.'
'Our little brother is hopeless." His twin Stephan murmured
'He is ten.' Steven said
'Already whipped.' Stephan added.
Kevin chucked the apple at him. Stephan ducked. Steven gripped his stomach laughing. Within seconds the three brothers were rolling on the grass wrestling each other trying to pin the other down
"Boys!"
Their father's voice boomed throughout the training yard. Three young heads turned to see the Alpha standing in front of them, arms crossed in an exasperated stance, stern for precisely three seconds before the corner of his mouth twitched
"You three are impossible.
He grabbed Stefan by one ear and Steven by the other. Within the minute Kevin received the same treatment and the three of them marched towards their mother, complaining about their father, while other wolf warriors laughed at them. Kevin was the loudest to complain.
Years went by, the pain never disappeared, only changed. Stopped being the sharp stabbing sensation and turned into an old scar that occasionally tingled. Sometimes Kevin would wake up and not feel it, only to panic, sit up, pressing a hand against his chest. Where was it? What happened? Was his mate—. And then minutes later the familiar sensation would return. He never admitted it, but he should have been happy that the pain was getting better – it probably meant that his mate was doing well. Instead, a selfish part of him wished that they wouldn't, because it meant that they were alive and therefore in pain
"You realize this isn't normal, right?"
One evening Steven asked, as the three brothers lounged on their grandfather's bed after training
Kevin shrugged.
'I know'
"I have never felt my mate." Steven said
'we won't until we come of age.' Stefan added. 'we are older than you.'
'I know.' Kevin said, avoiding his eyes
'You probably imagined it.'
'I didn't.
'You were ten.'
'we aren't saying you are lying. But maybe you imagined it—" Stefan sighed.
'You think I am crazy?" Kevin stood up
'No, I think you're an idiot.
Kevin shoved him. Stefan shoved back, Steven muttered "Here we go again," as a fight broke out
Outside the world only got darker. Borders between beast kingdoms were in constant turmoil, rogue attacks became bolder, whole settlements disappeared. Human hunters got bolder, deeper into forbidden forests, witches capturing shapeshifters children were common news. All of it tightening its grip around Kevin's chest. Somewhere out there his mate was and he couldn't do anything but listen to the 'thump'
One summer afternoon everything changed. Kevin was training near the waterfalls that bordered the east of their territory when he heard laughter. Someone was swimming. Curious, he followed the sound and found a boy surfacing from the water, shaking the droplets from his messy brown hair
Something about him seemed familiar to Kevin, his wolf perked up immediately. Hope explodes in his chest
The boy noticed him and grinned. "You scared me."
"Sorry."
"I am Devon."
"I am Kevin."
Devon talkative enough for both of them, laughed heartily, asked embarrassing questions, dared Kevin to races that he always lost. He was a bit dumb, a little too trusting and utterly kind. Kevin found himself looking forward to every afternoon at the waterfall, for the ridiculous conversations and simple reasonings. Maybe this was it.
That good mood died the same evening. Kevin was alone in his room when agony ripped through him. He doubled over, a sound escaping his lips before he could catch it. He couldn't breathe.
Tears spilled down his face - for loss, grief, and despair that wasn't his. Yet, he felt everything.
When it passed the pain was still there, deeper than before.
Kevin wiped his face. His mate was grieving.
He almost asked Devon the next day. The words reaching his lips but he hesitated to say it aloud. Are you my mate? If it was Devon he would say something- wouldn't he? So Kevin waited. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. They kept meeting each afternoon. Never once talking about fate and mates. Maybe they were too young to know. Hope refused to die entirely
Nearly a year later, Kevin learned that pain could always get worse. He was sitting beside his mother at breakfast. When his vision blurred and he couldn't breathe- horrifyingly familiar to that evening, a year ago- only magnified until it consumed everything else
His mother caught him before he hit the floor
"Kevin!"
He couldn't answer. Something terrible had happened to his mate. Something that couldn't be helped
Hours later he found Devon waiting beside the waterfall. His eyes were puffy, his hands shaking
"My mother," Devon whispered. "she died this morning."
Kevin's heart lurched. For a heartbeat everything seemed to fall into place, surely-
Then Devon started to cry, his grief fresh, but the agony inside Kevin didn't change. It had started long before Devon cried and remained the same. Without any variation
Devon wasn't hiding anything. He never could- everything he felt was plastered on his face
Devon wasn't his mate
Kevin wrapped his friend in a silent hug. "I am sorry."
Devon cried into his shoulder until sunset. When they finally parted his chest still ached. His mate was somewhere beyond the horizon hurting.
And for the first time Kevin understood that fate could make you care for someone deeply without them ever being the one your soul searched for. As a friend.