Tanya Von Degurechaff. That was my second name; the name that was dubbed as Devil of the Rhine, the White Silver, a Mad Dog.
And in this life, she was given a third name by her new mother.
Nagisa Namikaze.
The Japanese were both familiar and unfamiliar, and she suspected she might have come to a different region of Japan she was unfamiliar with. She never expected she would live a third life, and go back to Japan out of all place. Considering the furniture, the materials, the technological advancements around, she can assume it was at least close if not in the modern era.
And for once, she thought she had won even if she died back then.
Modern Japan is far easier; she has amassed countless years of work experience and she believes she can climb the corporate ladder once more and finally get her peaceful life with a restpectable position in society. And this time, no more subpar coffee.
'Being X, you can never make me bow to you. Even if I die a third time.' Nagisa vowed to herself, her eyes darting around searching for any sign of Being X that usually appeared as a nutcracker figure. At least there was no sign of that being for now.
"Ara~ Nana is so lively." Ayase Namikaze, the mother of two, let out a chuckle. Her short blond hair and blue eyes are striking given that she was speaking japanese which didn't fit the image of European she had.
Nagisa looked at her with an analytical purpose, trying to find out her living circumstances. And then turned her gaze towards the brother of hers that was a year older.
Minato Namikaze.
Minato took a step forward, and once again pinched her cheeks. "Nana! Nana!" Minato called out with joy.
'Can you stop already!', Nagisa's words come out as baby voices that only make Minato pinch her cheeks more. And worse, her mother didn't think there's anything wrong with it and wouldn't stop him.
She took a deep breath. She had gone through this phase before in her second life. She just needed to be patient, then take this period of being a useless infant as a kind of rest and temporary respite after years of combat. Still, being an adult in mind and soul; then having your cheeks pinched and people talking to you like an infant was a kind of mental torture.
She let out the breath. She had done this before, and she just needed to do it again. Her tensed shoulders relaxed slightly as she accepted this temporary phase of infancy.
The months passed by with nothing to note on the outside; but inwardly Nagisa had learned that this 'Japan' is far from the Japan she once knew.
She took mental note of her specific environment, figuring out the technological, social and cultural structure of this place; listened intently whenever her mother brought her around the village; named Konoha, and chatted with other mothers about their lives.
"He has not returned for months. I feel worried sometimes." Ayase lamented. She looked at her child swaddled in clothes, feeling a heavy sense of anxiety.
"I wish he could see his daughter." Ayase muttered. Her husband hadn't been able to stay and was absent when she delivered. The chatter continued.
"I heard the conflict at the border is getting worse… My husband is stationed there. He hasn't sent a single letter for weeks." One of the women spoke.
They each share their own worries. And from the conversations she heard over the weeks and observation of her surroundings she figured out the time she was born into was far from peaceful.
And there was mana; or in this world it was called chakra and those who used them were Shinobi. She figured the military structure of the village; with skill, qualifying examination and possibly merits distinguishing the shinobi between Genin, Chunin, Special Jonin and Jonin.
That being said; she had no plan in joining the military this time. She noted conflicts between shinobi remain closed between shinobi; civilians are spared. It was logical given what a Shinobi could do with chakra, and non-shinobi wouldn't be able to contend unless they had access to cold weapons.
She was planning her peaceful life, step by step through academic excellence, business acumen, and climbing the corporate ladder while staying far away from anything related to the battlefield.
While Nagisa was contemplating her plans, Minato rushed over with his little feet to disturb her again.
"Nana-chan! Blehh." He stuck his tongue out, trying to make his little sister laugh. She just glanced at him coldly, raised the rattle in her left hand and delivered her judgment to his forehead.
Minato yelped in pain. "Kaa-san! She hit me!"
She smirked in amusement. At least she had a better start in this life compared to her second. Nagisa learned to handle Minato, crawl, walk step by step and finally gain semblance of freedom within a year and be able to communicate in actual words.
She masked herself and pretended to be a normal child like her blood brother to not cause any unforeseeable events.
***
Alas, her plans couldn't keep up with reality.
The news came a few weeks after Nagisa's first birthday. Ayase held the letter in her hand, trembling.
"No… no… dear…" She held herself against the door, tears flowed down her cheeks. Minato walked up to her, pulling on her skirt. "Kaa-san? What's wrong…"
Nagisa put down the newspaper in her hands, looking over. She felt a sense of annoyance in her chest seeing her in such a state. It would be detrimental to the household unit. Though, the event was not unexpected. She had considered the possibility of their father not returning.
Ayase did not tell Minato about the matter. "N-Nothing, Minato… There's dust in my eyes…"
Minato looked at her, and saw the way she hid the letter in her pocket. Combining with the way his mother muttered the word 'dear', he figured out the truth. Minato hugged her. Tears well up in his eyes before crying silently himself.
"Minato, don't cry. It's all fine-", Ayase was visibly panicking, not expecting him to cry.
Nagisa sighed, she stood from the chair and went to them. She didn't feel anything to a father she never even saw, still, she knew what to do in terms of emotion management.
She went to her other side and held her other hand.
Ayase's breathing stopped for a moment. She looked at her son, then at her daughter. Her lips trembled as her legs couldn't hold herself anymore.
She broke down and cried, grabbing her children close.
They stayed there for minutes before Ayase held herself together again. The world still had to go on. She stood, told them to wait for a moment as she went to prepare dinner, dragging her body like a robot to continue what a mother was supposed to do.
Minato watched her back for a long time before turning to Nagisa. "Nana-chan…"
"I know." Nagisa just said it. Minato held his gaze for seconds.
"Aren't you sad…" Minato asked with a broken voice, since he noticed she didn't cry.
"I never met him."
"Oh." Minato didn't get angry, he didn't make a fuss. He just accepted it. Minato was different; he saw his father and remembered him enough to feel the loss.
"It will be okay." Nagisa added.
Minato nodded. For the rest of the day, the house grieved.
***
Another year passed. Minato already started to help around the house, trying to ease the burden of their mother. The death of their father and their mother's condition pushed Minato to act less like a child than he was supposed to.
Nagisa noticed he was less playful; but he still pestered her at times to play. She just followed whatever he was up to considering it was psychological wellbeing management in her view.
Minato was already able to use complex vocabulary, write full sentences and even do simple arithmetic and start teaching her what their mother taught him.
Nagisa just pretended to listen and made herself appear as a fast learner so she wouldn't need to keep pretending to be incapable, a different kind of annoyance to keep.
Their mother often gazes through the window, staring at nothing as if waiting for the dead husband to come back.
Nagisa thought it would come to pass and her plans wouldn't be affected.
She was wrong, unfortunately.
One day, a shinobi in a green flak jacket visited and had a private talk with Ayase. His expression was unreadable. Despite being made to stay in her room, she pressed her ears to the door to listen. Minato next to her was also doing the same.
"What? How bad is the situation…"
"It's like this…"
"..."
Nagisa bit her thumbnail in sheer annoyance. She heard enough. Ayase was a shinobi; and she was going to go out there leaving them. It was ridiculous. But in a sense she understood the logistics of it.
A Jonin was a valuable resource, and Ayase being one warranted the higher ups to move her despite her being a mother of two young children.
Ayase couldn't refuse the order. She called her children after the man left. She hugged them both, telling them she would be leaving for a while in a few days.
Nagisa could see how shaken Minato was. He understood enough too. He didn't beg her to stay, knowing it would just make her sad more. He pretended to be okay and told her they would wait.
But a part of her was already thinking of the worst that could happen.
Ayase left eventually. Only the aunty next door would visit them at times, checking on them.
They waited for months. Letters came every week, then every month, and ceased to come at all after 6 months.
Nagisa felt a sense of trepidation. Even though she had thought of the possibility, it was very uncomfortable and annoying for this to happen.
The confirmation of her death came in another week. They were never told of the specifics, only that she was a hero and her name carved on the monument.
When they visited the bodyless grave, Minato's composure broke completely.
"Kaa-san… you said you would come back…" Minato kneeled on the dirt, shaking like a leaf.
Nagisa was not used to comforting a child. She could have used words to encourage soldiers, but this was another matter.
"Nii-san." She called out, placing her hand on his shoulder. The least she could do was tell him she was there.
She let him grieve for parents she couldn't grieve. They were later arranged to an orphanage, since they were still small children that wouldn't be able to take care of themselves.
She sighed. Minato changed in subtle ways only Nagisa would know. He still appeared bright and smiled around other children in the orphanage. But only she knew his smile was never quite the same. The years passed by, the pain was left behind in the past, and life goes on for both of them.
When they were 6 and 7 years old respectively; they finally got to return to their own home considering they were big enough to take care of themselves. And they were made to enter the Ninja Academy.
Nagisa cursed seeing the registration slip. There were normal academies for civilians in Konoha, but apparently orphans were automatically registered in Ninja Academy. They had no legal guardian and thus no say in the matter.
She bit her lips. Her plan was ruined. No, her perfect plan was ruined. It was still salvageable.
She was considering if she could pretend to be inept at being a shinobi, so they wouldn't make her a shinobi. That way she could use her intelligence for other areas. She had assets left behind by their parents too. The wealth amassed by Jonin should be considerable.
She stopped biting her thumbnail. Her mind froze for a second as she realised the crucial point.
The assets…?
She frowned. She realised what was wrong. They couldn't access it, not until they were considered adults. And who knew if the assets left would be intact once they did, no one can guarantee it was left untouched by the people who managed assets of orphans in the village.
Rage that had been long forgotten started to rise in her chest realising the shitty circumstances. She couldn't fully trust Konoha to keep their asset intact.
"Damn it."
***
On the first day of the academy, they were first tested on basic literacy and basic knowledge. Many who didn't pass were separated for those classes. She and Minato were the smaller portion that didn't need those.
They were taught the basics, introduction of topics. What a shinobi was, what was chakra, how they train.
They were taught that physical exercises combined with meditation would be the first steps and that would be the majority of what they would do early on.
After rigorous physical training, they would meditate to feel the physical energy that was used, feeling the energy, and mold them spiritually to induce the energy called chakra.
The leaf holding exercise was used in conjunction.
On first try, she sensed it, and through her countless experience with mana coursing through her veins in her previous life, she managed to do it first try. She felt it through her; chakra. The leaf stuck to her forehead for a second. The instructor turned his head sensing something.
But when he looked, the leaf fell, and Nagisa stuck it to her forehead again and pretended as if nothing happened.
'Close... I was almost caught.' She didn't expect her past experience would be this helpful for her to conceive chakra. But it was fine. No one found out.
She was still mulling over her path. Should she pretend to be incapable of being a shinobi? She already had enough battles and blood in her hands. Konoha is a prosperous village. She was not an orphan in a rundown rotten place. She had a good chance at graduating as a genius civilian, not a shinobi. And yet, the option was still filled with risks. She had been assuming she could face those risks considering they had assets left behind for them. But now it was too uncertain.
When they returned home, Minato continued with the meditation and exercises. Seeing that irked her.
A part of her wanted to tell him he shouldn't even entertain the idea of being a shinobi, there's not enough benefit of being a soldier when there were other options. But their circumstances were fragile. Orphans with legal guardianship placed on Konoha's administration.
Add to that, the horror of this village and the shinobi world was they let children as young as 10 graduate as a Genin. It was worse than even her second life. At least she was an exception then. But in this village, child soldiers were normal.
She had investigated over the years about how this village works. Corporations and businesses are mostly family owned and controlled by various shinobi clans. Work opportunities were scarce for civilians with no background and any connections.
She had entertained a thought that through her experiences from previous lives, with countless ideas to start businesses if she needed, she had a fair chance at building her own life. But it was filled with risks and uncertainties. It was too easy for her to fail. And once she did, with no backing, it would be impossible to climb back up. As for accepting a low grade common job where she could only live paycheck to paycheck?
It was too low for her.
She cursed at Being X. It was the same in this life. The only reliable option to get a respectable job with a clear ladder to climb was through the military again. She bit her lips, then let go. If she was intending on this path, she would choose the specifics differently.
She could become a shinobi, and still there were options for her to eventually get into relatively safe, respectable, well-paid and low personal risk positions. She already identified a very lucrative, relatively safe, had a high demand, and very respectable position over the years of asking around.
A medical-nin. Too valuable to lose, work in the backline, and had a good administrative path.
She may not be the most outstanding in terms of learning a deep subject such as medicine, and she would never claim she was any such genius; but she had confidence at competence. And this was medicine with chakra involved. And from her research the most important aspects were chakra control and knowledge. She would take the chance.
While she had made a decision on herself, Minato, who had no idea what he was roped into, still needed to be addressed.
"Nii-san. You don't have to become a shinobi." Nagisa had to speak up.
Minato stopped his meditation, then looked back at her.
"We already lost our parents. We don't have to follow their steps." Nagisa added to convince him. Minato can get a normal civilian job that was enough for survival. She didn't expect Minato to be like her and gave him that leniency.
Minato looked down for a second, then looked at the portrait of their family.
"Nana-chan. I know."
He looked at Nagisa after a second. "But… Konoha can be peaceful because of people like mother and father. They fight so many of us don't have to. I understand them. So I want to become a shinobi."
Nagisa clenched her fist for seconds, then let go.
"You don't know what a real battlefield looks like, you are just a child." She said with a cold tone without meaning to.
Minato flinched slightly. He never heard Nagisa speak that way to him. He couldn't utter a reply and looked away.
"Out there, you have to kill and be ready to be killed. It is not as honorable as they make it to be. Think properly." She turned her body away and left him alone.
A part of her told herself it wouldn't matter what Minato chooses. It wouldn't affect her logically speaking no matter what. But that discomfort remained.
"Tch…" She closed her eyes for seconds, trying to calm the nerves that rose in her chest.
She had to admit, she already considered him her brother, watching him grow up, pestering her, and being the person she had been around with for years. Psychologically, she was attached. That was why it was irritating.
And even if she wanted him to not become a shinobi, how do she tell him to stop training, stop practicing, and let himself fail purposefully just to avoid this route? She couldn't articulate it, and in her own view it would be very difficult even for her to pretend incompetence
While she was lost in thoughts, she sat up then sat cross legged. Out of habit, out of needing a way to anchor herself and clear her nerves - she also meditated, molding and forming chakra within herself.
Feeling of power coursing through her veins grounded her, it gave her a sense of security she was used to by having power. Power she had needed back then as a soldier. She couldn't simply not touch it when years of her life had been about needing power for survival.
'To become a medic-nin, I will need to master chakra control.' She was determined to continue with her own practice.
***