I was at Rowan's house. It's been almost two months since we met after the football match. I was too busy with exams, which I have finished. After that, I had to prepare for the entrance exam, and I invested a significant amount of time in the project. I needed reasons to keep my distance and also to calm my mind after the football match. Thinking was not working, so I kept my mind occupied to stay sane.
My mind kept repeating the specific incidents, rewinding itself for no reason. I know I am missing something; there is more to the story that is beyond my reach. I want to go deep into the root, fetch the things, and at least understand the matter, but I couldn't for obvious reasons.
Rowan's caretaker ushered me into his bedroom, saying he would be late because of football practice. I nodded to her and headed toward his room on my own.
As I entered, I took a glance at everything, and there were no changes. Everything looks the same; things are content in their usual place. Whether they are in the exact location or on the floor doesn't matter. I was irritated at a few items, completely forgetting it's not my room. I sighed. I thought of occupying the bed, but for some reason, my leg carried me to the study table. It's for the best, I guess.
I grabbed a random book and started flipping through the pages to pass the time. It's been a few minutes, and I thought of texting Rowan when the door opened; a maid entered carrying snacks. I am not a snack person. I wanted to groan about holding back when I saw fruits. Someone had taken my eating preference to the shore.
I ate the fruits while flipping the pages, and it was 10 minutes. I am into the book; I am already bored. Nothing piqued my interest as I studied the subject thoroughly in the last semester. I placed the book back on the shelf and glanced at the remaining books. No book grabbed my attention. I placed the half-eaten fruit bowl on the desk and walked to the bed. It was an uncalled-for thing to do, as I had made up my mind not to occupy the bed a few minutes before.
As I sat, a yawn escaped from me, and this is always the case; maybe this bed understands me better than my own bed. I further proceeded to get more comfortable, and I was out by pressing my forehead into the pillow.
I cursed so many times today, starting from the football practice, when it was dragged on for no reason, but our captain and coach want us to be perfect for the upcoming match. I cursed once again. While in the car, Dante was waiting for me for half an hour, which made my skin crawl.
For the past few days, our meeting was cut too short due to our busy schedules. No conversations, hangouts were rare, and he didn't even attend the party that was held by us after winning the match. After the match, he kind of vanished. He is too busy studying, with exams and everything, but these days we drift too much. Even I didn't make much effort to stay connected. I dropped messages here and there and made a few calls: that's it. I was busy too, but it feels like I should have put more effort and stayed connected.
After so much forcing and pleading, he agreed to meet, and today was the day. I thought I was free once I was done with the football practice, but I never expected it to drag on so long. I cursed the whole time while practicing, thinking about Dante.
Once the car stopped in front of the mansion, I ran toward my room and barged in. I opened my mouth to apologize, but closed it slowly when I saw Dante sleeping. What's with this guy? And my bed was beyond me. This is the second time I found him sleeping in a most peaceful way on my bed. It's a pleasant sight to greet. I sighed at the door, not knowing how to react at the sight. I had all apologies lingering on the tip of my tongue, and I don't know what to do with them.
Slowly, I entered the room and stood in front of the sleeping figure, who was dead to the world. I folded my hands on my chest, and one hand moved toward my chin, thinking thoughtfully. One could only sleep this way when they skipped for a longer period. I started to get worried about his health, the side effects of his sleepless nights, and his mood swings because of it. I don't know why the doctor failed in curing him; with the money floating, his father could have done anything. His dad may look and act like a gruff person, but I don't think he would neglect or take anything related to Dante lightly. I bet he has done everything, but no result. I didn't know that was even possible with everything so advanced nowadays.
My eyes never left the sleeping figure and lingered on Dante, and I don't know why it was always hard to take my eyes off him, especially when he was not watching me. I sound like a perverted person, but I wasn't. A few things just happen without prior notice or without my knowledge. I huffed when things were not clear, and it would get on and off by itself without my consent.
I scanned my room and grimaced at the scattered items. The way he behaves, Dante is a neat freak for sure. I can guess how Dante felt when he saw my room. I tried to be nonchalant about it, but I made a note to keep my room always clean for the sake of sleeping figure.
I was tempted to join him, but once I remembered the incident that took place at Dante's place, I gave up the idea. Is it a good idea to stand and stare at him like this, instead of doing better things? He may classify me as a pervert once he opens his eyes. I sighed once again, my eyes still on the sleeping figure. How he was breathing was beyond me. Is he even breathing? Should I straighten him up? I pondered so many things while standing, but never found the guts to act on them.
I am not getting why my legs were glued to the place. Is it because we met after so many days? Did I miss him that much as a perverted character to kick in? Nope, neither are the cases; I am just too lazy to move from the place, maybe because I feel too comfortable at present. I nodded solemnly at the thought.
Dante stirred a little and groaned into the pillow. One thing was confirmed: he was not dead. He took a deep breath while holding the pillow and turned his neck to either side, and once again, he groaned by adding a curse word. His neck was stuck, I guess, and he can curse, too. He slowly sat down, jerking his neck with a kick to either side, and it was set. Wow, the bone cracked when he jerked the neck, and I went into shock for a second. I swear I'm never going to try that in my lifetime.
He began to stretch his body and slowly opened his eyes. I stood there without moving an inch, watching everything without blinking my eyes. What was so fascinating was beyond me. Our eyes met, and he was momentarily taken aback, like the first time, when he was dead on my bed. His eyes began to roam around my room. Once he was confirmed, slowly his right hand went upward, saying hi to me. I smiled at that, and I mirrored him.
"I think you have fallen in love with my bed. Why won't you take it with you? Maybe your sleeping problem will be solved." By saying that, I sat on the bed. Dante chuckled at that. I can make stupid suggestions all the time if no one mocks me in return, and Dante definitely doesn't fall in that category. "We are a great combo, don't you think? You are silent and a genius, and I am talkative and funny. Yeah, I may not be funny much, but hey, still, I can always try to be." He squinted his eyebrow at me. "What? Don't you think? The silent one and the talkative one are a good combo." I argued just to drag the conversation, which had no humor. I don't think there should be one all the time. I want to be pointless while talking and meaningless. I don't want to be judged for that or laughed at in my face. I want to be reckless once in a while with no behavioral syndrome and fuck-off attitude. I wish I could be that guy, and I know I couldn't be.
Davis always cautioned me that I am too lenient, soft, caring, and too impulsive for today's world. It's my weakness, and I should get a hold of these features before it's too late. I don't know why, but I heard it too many times from him. So many times, I have considered his words but never thought of implementing them.
"You stink." My eyes went wide at the thought. Jeez, I thought of bathing once I saw Dante and totally forgot the main part. I didn't meet his eyes and ran toward the bathroom, shut the door hard, and then fainted.
My eyes were on the closed door. I should have held back those words, I guess, too straight words to throw in someone's face. Rowan must have been embarrassed, but that wasn't my intention. I reminded him of what he missed after the practice. Normally, these things would have irked me, but strangely, they didn't; his sweating face was causing me discomfort. So, naturally, for him too, and I gave him a reminder for his own sake.
I spent half of the day only sleeping and waiting for him. Lazy day: it's good to spend this way once in a while if you are full of energy, and I am recharged as I had a good hour's sleep. No nightmares, no aftermath after sleeping, and no sweating. Peacefully waking from sleep is something that should be blessed in my life. These days, once in a while, I am blessed with that.
This is the third time I have had such a peaceful sleep. Only once did I sleep with Rowan, but the other two times were on his bed. Now, I don't know what to conclude or how I am going to explain this to the doctor. I am not running to Brandon, who is a bloody good-for-nothing guy. My dad is getting something in return for the amount he is charging, but no improvement in my case. I really want to chop the guy and cut him into pieces. God, I am sounding savage, but Brandon deserves it. His superficial speech and his baseless points only give me stronger reasons. That guy really needs to change his profession; one of these days, I am going to strongly suggest to him and make sure that he is taking my suggestion seriously. I may talk all I want, but I can't act on it because of my dad, as he is a sucker for that doctor. I don't know what my dad saw in that timid guy. The connection is impeccable. They both had instant attraction when they first met. I could just see through them. Still today, I am not able to make out whether things clicked because of their dicks clicked or because of their pathetic family life. One is a widower, and the other is miserable in his family, a great combination.
"Stop glaring at the world." I was stunned at the words, and my eyes went wide. Did he just repeat my dad's words, the same way? I faced Rowan, smiling at me while rubbing his hair. I gulped at the sight. Thank God, he had covered before coming out of the bathroom. "Don't look at me like that; you were." I huffed at my obviousness.
I had a purpose for this visit, and it totally slipped my mind. By taking a deep breath, I rehearsed the statement that I had scratched and formulated from yesterday. It was simple with a few words, yet my mouth was sealed for some reason. It was usually sealed, but today I want to open my mouth to speak with him and inform him about my move. I never thought things would be this hard. Sealing my mouth on purpose and opening my mouth with purpose are both equally hard. Both are my decisions, yet nothing is working in accord nor anything obeying me. I exhaled a long breath.
"I am moving." More words would explain everything to him, my situation and the reason why I am moving, but I just couldn't. My throat clogged. I hesitated to continue further, and there was fear of losing something. What was it exactly? Was it even mine in the first place? What would I lose?
Rowan stopped what he was doing and gave his full attention to me. He had many things to ask; there were questionnaires. "Moving?" I sighed at that. "For higher studies." He slowly nodded his head. We stayed silent for a while, and it wasn't welcome this time. I didn't like this silence.
"Where? Is it far?" I nodded at that. "Is it Morris's thing or something? You are too young to go somewhere, right?" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in the process. "How many years?" I don't even have an answer for that because my dad didn't discuss that. I need to move only that part that was cleared, not the rest of the thing. I shook my head in return, and he sighed at that. "When?" "In two days." "What? He was in shock.
Before coming, for a second, I never thought things would be this hard and painful. Rowan's reaction was somewhat expected, but not mine. As the second passed, everything was getting hard, suffocation sucking everything in me, leaving me drained. Well-rested energy was drained. "That was sudden." I don't know what to say to that. Before I was ready to go anywhere, my dad only told me to grab a seat within the country. All of a sudden, he decided I need to study miles away from everything, and I don't know why I have a second thought about that and am contemplating it. I don't have a choice over here; contemplating doesn't take me anywhere, but something in me is holding me back from giving in completely to the idea of vanishing for God knows how many years.
"We will be in contact, right? Will you inform and visit me whenever you visit the state? You can also give me full information about the university and other things. If possible, I can visit too." I was blown away by the statement and very much surprised. He's got to be kidding me, visiting me when I am so far. He is too good to be true and to associate with someone like me. I slowly nodded at that, still in shock.
I stood up from the place as I started to feel too much suffocation. I wanted to spend the whole day with him; I cleared my schedule just to be with him, but it was getting hard as the second passed.
There was a goal when I stretched my hand in front of Rowan. Befriending him, enjoying the friendship part, and knowing how everything feels in friendship. Things were ok; everything was going accordingly. If there were only friendship, I wouldn't feel what I am feeling right now. This is something else, entirely different.
I started to feel irrelevant things, more suffocation than before. The possessiveness will loom, the touching is addictive, and these days, there is jealousy for no reason. Something is happening, and for the first time, I am afraid.