The time was 9.30 pm, and slowly the elders, one by one, exited the event, bidding goodbye to Rowan and wishing him good luck. I was in the same place, didn't budge an inch, and my eyes were glued to Rowan's every move. Someone at the party was very happy after witnessing the whole thing, and the smirk he wore deepened with every action by Rowan. Briefly, my eyes fell on Davis, who was staring right through me, and his smirk widened at my situation.
My eyes ignored his existence and once again knitted to Rowan, who was smiling shyly around his family, and Isabella was acting all goody-goody. Rowan was looking radiant when I entered the party, and now it's doubled; he is looking remarkable with those shiny eyes and also with that vibrating smile. There was shy small talk between Rowan and Isabella, redness for no reason, awkwardness between them, and trying hard to connect through words. Rowan was over the moon. Isabella made sure to stick beside Rowan, like a princess, and today, she made sure to look like one with that long pink dress, looking absolutely stunning.
Finally, the event was free from elders, including Rowan's parents, but his sisters stayed back. The music was loud, cheers were coming from everywhere, and the perfect party vibe took place in no time. Rowan was the first to open the champagne, and everyone, once again, cheered in full energy. The dance floor was full, drinks were passed like water, and in no time, the crowd went half-naked. Rowan threw his blazer somewhere, and soon he was surrounded by his group of friends. The drinks were passed, the games were on, and the music blasted with a full high beat. Rowan cheered along with them, ecstatic, and he was excited for his new journey and for his future.
Rowan's and Isabella's hands were intertwined, and both were proud, like they rightfully belonged with each other. Something ignited in me when I saw their hands. "Jealousy" is a simple synonym word, but I knew I felt more than mere jealousy. I couldn't take this whole atmosphere anymore; suffocation was palpable. I dashed toward the exit for air to get control of the whole situation and to run from everything. If I stay one more second, I may lose control of myself, and disaster is inevitable.
I closed my eyes when I met with the cold air, muted the sound, and exhaled a long breath. I tried not to think about Rowan's new development, and especially his new trophy, Isabella. He is happy, and it's not because of me. I am not the reason for his happiness, and I will never be. He is the most important person in my life, but it's not the other way around. He gained his importance too soon, without doing anything but with only his presence. The most heartbreaking part is that he can manage and can move on in his life without my presence. I don't know how my future will be without him or his persistence to be in my life through various means. I don't know how to handle anything anymore, but the show must go on.
I inhaled sharply and exhaled my breath slowly. For now, I shouldn't react to anything, and also, I couldn't because of boundaries and fences. This whole ordeal should never get to me, but I know somewhere it's rooted and will grow slowly. I called my driver and instructed him to drive toward the airport.
After returning, the first week was stressful, dealing with the memories, so I got more involved in gym equipment and books. The memories of Rowan haunted me for a few days, and the only good thing was that I could remember this one, not like other nightmares. My nightlife is coming back to life with full force and with backup. The same week, I thoroughly dug for information with my friends and got to know where I could find good things and where my kind of parties would be held. They were the most affluent guys, and with a flick, they collected and shared with me.
The call flow was less; here and there, I would receive messages and video calls, which turned into once a week or twice at most. Communication was groomed based on convenience. I couldn't keep expecting effort from his side, so I tried to keep up with the track, but most of the time, his phone was engaged. A person doesn't need to be a genius to know what's cooking with him.
I did my best to ignore how I felt and tried to pour my energy into my studies and other stuff. If I am blank, things start to eat me up, and I can't afford any setbacks at present when my dad is consistently on my back. Our tactics might be different, but that man will get what he wants. I want this cycle of mine to be over without any drawbacks, and the only question is when exactly I will be done and control everything. I don't think my father will let me handle anything that easily, and meeting his expectations is a long-term errand of mine.
As the lecture finished, I rushed out of the class to get some air; that room is like a cave, always hot. I thought by this time I would be getting used to these whispers, giggles, and so on, but no, I am as stubborn as hell. My cell started vibrating, and at the same time, someone tapped on my back to get my attention. He got my attention, but in the wrong way; my glare forced him to take a step back from me, and he awkwardly smiled to ease the tension. Once again, my cell started vibrating without me checking the caller ID. I received the call and was greeted with the giddy voice of Rowan. I rolled my eyes at that. "Guess where I am." I scoffed over the call. "As usual, you are no fun, and I have just landed." I was perplexed about the information. "Shall we meet? It's been months, and I really miss you." Is he here? Meeting means he should be. He came across the globe for what? Just to meet me? Whatever the case, I was moved a little, and so many things that were running in my mind didn't matter anymore.
I shared the location of my apartment and made my way after bidding goodbye to a few guys. I was giddy the whole way and excited at the same time. It's been nearly three and a half months, and I've only seen him through video call. One time, he was in a hurry, and I missed savouring his topless nudity. Lucky me.
By the time I reached the apartment, Rowan was already at the front gate, beaming with a smile. He practically ran when he saw me getting out of the car, and the first thing he asked was. "Can I hug?" I was taken aback for a second; that's a strange request, and I am totally ok beyond a hug, too. Deep down, I know everything is acceptable from my body and me when it's Rowan. I nodded slowly at the request, and the hug came with force and was tight. My body slightly vibrated at the touch. The hug was not suffocating, and my muscles relaxed at the sensation.
We started walking toward my flat. "The day before yesterday, while having dinner, my dad informed my mom about his business trip, which I usually ignore, but when he mentioned the place of his meeting. My interest piqued, and I am here." Rowan solved the mystery of his visit, and I hummed in return. "He is at the hotel, and the meeting is in the afternoon. I am accompanying him to the meeting." I was surprised at that. He is not planning to take the head of the seat but is claiming it step by step. My respect was higher, and I really admire his idea. In this generation, everyone just wants to conquer without homework and hard work.
Rowan and I entered the flat, and for some reason, Rowan didn't budge from the entrance. I stopped my steps in the hall and saw Rowan, whose mouth was wide open. I didn't get why. "Wow, you stay in this luxury apartment? This is not only huge, but also damn perfect and suits your taste." How does he know my taste? I know I am not that obvious, and he reads me like an open book, which I am not. Rowan didn't waste a second and started checking everything by himself. Thank God for making himself comfortable. I silently occupied the couch and left him to explore.
After 10 minutes, Rowan sat in front of me, breathing heavily. My caretaker placed juice and snacks in front of Rowan. He started sipping the juice, his eyes roaming around the flat, and I do not get why he liked this flat so much. It's exactly like my room in the mansion, plain and simple. "I started to take part in meetings, and I handled a few," I hummed in return. "It was tough, and I was afraid at the beginning. I thought I would collapse in one of the board meetings when I saw the directors." I chuckled at that. The directors will rule and ruin us if we let them. We should always have some kind of leash on them. "Now I think I am ok in handling a few things and being involved in decision-making." I nodded in return. A little more hard work, a bit of confidence and smartness—that's all he is lacking.
We were silent for a while, and he was in his thoughts; of course, he would be. There is a long road ahead of him; no spoon-feeding would work other than hard work, dedication, and his hold on to a few things. "You are the base, and no one should shake you." His eyes met mine, and there was confusion. I didn't repeat my sentence; I don't think I should, and that's all the encouraging words he can get from me. Slowly, he nodded his head, and I don't know whether he got the depth of my sentence. "You mean no one can shake me, but I can, right?" Well, he is not that dumb, but he needs to prepare thoroughly for this journey, or else it will be a dead road. "I will work harder than required to make my family proud, especially my dad." I scoffed at that; it's always about dads.
"Well, I am graduating next month." My eyes went wide at that, and he chuckled in return. "Time flies, I know, and I have reserved a seat in the front row for you. You are coming, right?" His voice went slow and weak as if I would say no to his request. Well, I wanted to; this was sudden, and I have a lot of other reasons not to attend this graduation thing. He looked expectantly at me with pleading eyes, and I couldn't just say no to him, to his face at least. I don't know which day it is going to fall on or whether I could make it or not, but I know I am going to attend at any cost, by hook or crook.
This is what I was talking about; he is the base of my life, and everything is at his mercy. He can destroy me completely if he wants, or we can build whatever this thing is together. It's in his hand, and I have completely surrendered. He is not aware of the power he has over me; once he does, I don't know whether he will be the death of me or whether there will be a new beginning.
"I should probably get going before my dad starts calling me." Involuntarily, my eyes fell on my watch; it's been like a few minutes. "Yeah, I know it's been a few minutes. We need to travel two more hours to the meeting spot." Another two hours—that's a hell of a journey after owning a private plane. "I wanted to invite you personally; that's why this small detour." I was dumbfounded on the spot when he said that. He did this much of the circus just to invite me. Is he out of his mind? "My dad scolded me for an hour straight." He pouted at that, and I groaned in a low voice. Show some mercy on my south parts, which jerk and twitch at small actions.
He stood up from the couch and started walking to the door. "I thought of exploring the city with you, but after the meeting, we are returning." I nodded, and we reached his car. "I will come once again when I find time, and you are taking me to every damn tourist spot." Well, that will be my privilege, and I hummed in return. "Goodbye, Morris." He got in the car, and he moved along with the car, giving a final reminder of his graduation ceremony.
I stood at the same place, watching the car, still it's out of my eyesight. My mind was gullible and not able to grasp the whole situation.
Rowan's presence has strongly started to shape my life and has also gained more power over me. I don't know whether I am letting him or he is barging in, but the consequences are only borne by me. His few minutes' visit masked my ache, and his smile reassured me. His constant presence is provoking and igniting many things, which I try to hide somewhere deeper. He is not responsible, but somehow, he is held responsible for my situation. He didn't reciprocate nor have any tiny thing over me; still, his presence and small conversation only poured more things on what I already felt. He is not doing a thing to provoke anything in me; still, his eyes and smile are pulling me in without giving me a choice. He is doing things without even being aware of them, small gestures, making an effort to be in contact, and many other things, not letting me move on from him, holding me like a hostage.
He is showing me hell and also happiness without doing anything and everything. I highly doubt my survival mode.
Please, someone, tell him to show mercy on me. I am still young, and he has sworn to take me on a trip of every emotion that runs on this planet.