Hell.
I would be the first to admit that, given all I had done, when I died, I thought I would have been invited to the Pure World. That was where all my family was...
But no...
It had to be my luck I found myself in another world's fucking afterlife. What the hell? Why do I have this curse?
Unfortunately for me, I never had a chance to figure out how to arrive in the afterlife I belong to. No... Those assholes at the gates had to judge me instead!
And their standards here were far more prudish.
I was thrown into the void, with no chance to return home.
Funny thing was, I was treated well here in hell. Didn't matter who it was. Demons, Imps, HellHounds, Succubi, Sinners... It didn't matter.
Soon as I arrived, he brought me in. He cared. He tried to help me return home.
...Wasn't successful, but still...
He was still searching! After what felt like hundreds of years!
...Long after I had given up...
I accepted that I was stuck here in this other world's Hell. I was okay with it. I had a new purpose anyway.
To protect the denizens of Hell, no matter how fucked up some of them might be. It was starting to become rather endearing... Occasionally...
But most importantly of all...
I would make the Angels suffer every time they descended into Hell.
This was my home, and I would protect it with everything I had!
They better damn believe that!
[ X ]
"What the... There ain't shit in this place! Not a damn thing here of value!"
"Shut up, you idiot! Let's take what we can and get out of here!"
Two blue eyes fluttered open to stare into demonic, lustful, crimson-hued eyes.
"Every fucking morning with this," Naruto rolled his eyes, unable to palm his muzzled face. "And of all mornings, the day after the purge? You bitch."
"Good morning, handsome!" The Succubi seductively cooed, drawing her finger along his chest, trailing to his chin. "Was it as good for you as it was for me? Or did you forget me?"
"I never get that wasted, and I'm not that dumb. Even if I hadn't just laid down, I am keenly aware of who and what holes I fuck. ...And I don't put my dick in stupid... ...Usually." Naruto scrunched his muzzle upwards and growled, noticing two imps looting his kitchen.
The Succubi glowered, sitting on top of Naruto. The two looting imps chuckle, causing her to shoot a nasty glare. "Hey limp dicks! Hurry the fuck up!"
Naruto's gaze sharpened. Choosing his words carefully, he stared directly into the Succubi's gaze. "Let me make this perfectly clear to you and your friends. Since I'm very tired and want to get back to sleep, I'll be nice to ya. You have five seconds to get the hell out of my apartment, or I'm gonna put my knife in each of you."
"Ooohh... Mommy likes." The Succubi giggled, giddily grinding her hips on his unclothed body. "Which hole do you want..."
"You and your kinks, you stupid Succubus skank! Whatever!" The taller of the two imps groaned and palmed his face, stopping his momentary rifling through Naruto's possessions.
"Just keep him restrained long enough..." The second, short imp rolled his eyes, attempting to keep his associates on task.
Only to be interrupted by a long howl of pain and the Succubus staggering toward them, bleeding profusely from a stab wound in her ribs.
"Fuck!" The Succubus screamed, glowering before a wicked smirk graced her delicate features. "If I knew you wanted to create another hole to fuck..."
"Okay, no." Naruto chopped the Succubi's neck. Her body flopped onto the floor like a sack of spoiled potatoes.
"Huh... So that's how you shut her up." The imp blinked before contemplating the new information.
"Nah, that works on everyone. You might wanna try shoving your dick in her mouth to shut her up. That trick usually shuts any lip up for most Succubi." Naruto grinned before he wiped his combat knife clean on the taller imp's shirt.
It took him a second to recognize what had happened.
"Hey, you asshole! My outfit costs more money than your entire apartment!" The tall imp hissed, ready to jump Naruto.
"Probably." Naruto shrugged off the comment, glancing around his small, one-room apartment before shrugging again. "Not gonna complain. Rent's cheap. Good bed. Better than cheap brand shit ya wearing."
"Oh, I'm going to enjoy putting another hole in you and then fuck it!" The tall imp lunged toward an uncaring Naruto.
Only for him to stagger back, holding his face as blood poured from his broken nose.
"Fuck!"
"Heh? What happened?" Naruto feigned ignorance as he looked back at the taller imp. Glancing down at his elbow, he noticed a hint of blood splattered on his golden-tinted fur. "Gah, gross. You should be more careful. Ya walked into me!"
"The fuck I did!" The imp roared, lunging yet again.
And falling flat on his face as Naruto casually tripped him.
"You fucking cock..." The imp started only for his words to silence as Naruto stepped onto his back before planting his bare foot directly on the back of his skull.
The imp didn't finish his statement.
He understood his place.
"It's been a helluva night," Naruto blandly stated, the imp beneath his feet groaning as he ground his face into the floor. His attention, however, was focused entirely on the last member of the gang standing. "I don't like doing this shit. I just got done fucking those damn angel all night and you guys come in and try to rob me?"
"Um..." The last imp standing was unable to find his words. He wanted to comment on what he said, but a raw hellish intent pressed down upon him, drawing his gaze into Naruto's.
And fear surged through his very being as Naruto's cerulean blue eyes shifted to a crimson tint.
"It seems like I'm gonna have to teach you bastards the hard way."
[ X ]
The slums... The dregs... Whatever this place was called. He hadn't thought he would have had to set foot here.
This was hell, and he, Lucifer Morningstar, found this apartment complex atrocious.
Why did he live here? How did he live here? What demon alive would willingly live here?
"I shouldn't be surprised." Lucifer sighed, a somber expression adorning his features as he gazed about the carnage.
Somehow, he didn't think the angels touched this place.
Probably because they knew what lurked within. Didn't want to piss him off any further as he was slaughtering them.
"Aaahhh!"
Lucifer stepped to the side, hearing glass shattering above. Three bodies crashed to the cement below, and the glass rained down upon them.
All battered, bruised, and bloodied. Bones broken and skulls smashed.
"Still alive," Lucifer tapped the butt of his chain against each of them, checking on their conditions. They groaned, causing him to grin menacingly. "You all should consider yourself lucky."
"You walked into the maw of death and survived. He must have been merciful today."
[ X ]
Naruto was grateful that caffeine was considered an addictive drug on this Earth. He wasn't sure how he would get through some days without coffee.
He barely drank the stuff back home! But in this place!
Oh, he needed it. He fucking needed it.
Thankfully, the idiots hadn't looted his coffee machine. Bastards did try to loot the cup Charlie gave him...
"Good morning!" An alarmingly chipper voice announced their presence.
And Lucifer Morningstar was standing at his doorway, admiring the blood stains and the cracks of the door partially off its hinges.
One of the few people who tried to make this place bearable.
"Ah, morning, Luci. Let me get dressed." Naruto waved while taking a sip, motioning over to the coffee pot. "Would you like a cup?"
"Oh, yes! That would be marvelous!" Lucifer responded, proudly planting his cane onto the floor before whistling. "And take your time. Allow me to relish the view."
"Still don't swing that way," Naruto retorted, opening the cupboard for his cups, only for the entire cupboard to fall over and crash onto his counter. Naruto only sighed, dragging his hand on his face. "Of course..."
"Well, not to worry, I always have my own." Lucifer lifted his right hand and, with a flick of the wrist, a portal rifted open, depositing a pristine coffee cup into his left. And with a flick of his hand, he brought the coffee pot to him and poured himself a cup while his expression hardened. "Alas, as much as I would love to lounge and admire your glory, I'm here on business, old friend... But first..."
"Is your TV working? Might be easier to explain if you witness what I fear is about to happen."
[ X ]
"Fuck me..." Naruto stared in agasp at the musical he was witnessing on the television. He could only grimace before sighing. "I mean, I get it... I put that notion in her head, but it doesn't work here! I tried!"
"Despite the futile nature of her endeavor, you must admit, it is quite a noble goal." Lucifer nodded in agreement while taking a sip of his coffee.
Nodding as well, Naruto chugged his cup of coffee. With an intent stare, he locked eyes with the ruler of Hell. "Guess that's why you're here. I put those ideas in her head with my stories... It should be me to stand at her side."
"No."
"Heh?" Naruto jerked his head and queerly lifted an eyebrow. "Wait, wait, wait... You're telling me you came out all this way... Just to tell me what Charlie is doing and not expect me to do something about it?"
"Well, that would just be stupid, now wouldn't it?" Lucifer laughed and shook her head. With a flick of his wrists, a business card flipped into his fingertips, and he presented it to Naruto. "I'm here to recommend you for a job that happens to be near the hotel. Charlie is more than capable and can look out for herself. However, I would appreciate a pair of eyes watching her from a distance, my old friend. Consider this one last job..."
"For I am close to cracking the code in the ancient texts. I may get you home yet."
[ X ]
This place was somehow shittier than his apartment complex.
That was impressive.
He was thankful he didn't need to find a parking spot around here. It would have been hellish to find one...
"That is my spot! It's the only spot we have to park! Get your ass out of it!"
Naruto gnarled his teeth and growled, his ears curling onto his head. Who was causing such an obnoxious ruckus?
"Don't see your name on it." Naruto's search quickly came to an end, and his gaze locked onto a group of individuals.
Well, two individuals were seemingly the cause of the noise, while another three paced past them and inside the building.
"It's right fucking there you pile of grangernous shit!" A rather tall imp motioned both of his hands toward the parking spot. In particular, toward the writing that happened to be crossed out.
The name read Blitzo...
The person he was supposed to try to get an interview from.
"I don't see anything, shrimp." A tall and buff Sinner brushed the imp off. "Go find another spot. I've got business to deal with..."
"Excuse me," Naruto interjected, pointing toward the Sinner's luxurious car. "That junk yours?"
"Who the hell do you think you are... Huh... Aren't you..." The Sinner snarled, turning toward Naruto.
His eyes began to widen as recognition set in.
Naruto grinned. He didn't know who the hell this was, but they knew who he was. Good.
"Oh, nothing in particular. Just trying to help my boss park his rig." Naruto whistled, holding up his right hand to show he was spinning a metallic ring of some sort on his finger.
And on closer inspection, the two demons knew what it was.
The pin of a grenade.
An explosion roared, sending shrapnel from the Sinner's car flying around them. But the Sinner was captivated by Naruto's eyes as they flickered red. "Now, if you wouldn't mind moving your junker from my boss' spot..."
"I've got business to discuss with 'em."