Jack was making Easter eggs for the game map at Tony's place when he suddenly received a call.
Jack glanced at the caller ID, thought for a moment, then answered.
"What? Coulson couldn't be saved?"
On the other end of the line, Nick Fury suppressed his anger.
"Did you do it on purpose, or was it an accident?"
"I did it on purpose by accident."
Jack's mouth was faster than his brain, instinctively catching the meme. After saying it, he slapped his own mouth reproachfully.
"Why are you so fast?"
"Ahem… my mouth was just too fast. It was an accident."
Nick Fury began his shameless performance.
"You seriously injured our agent. There should be some compensation, right?"
Jack was speechless. How could someone be this shameless? Still, curiosity got the better of him.
"Fine. What compensation do you want? A hundred free login draws?"
Nick Fury didn't hold back at all.
"Help me go to New Mexico to investigate a hammer that can't be picked up."
Jack was stunned by Fury's sheer audacity. He put on an angry tone and snapped,
"Do you think your face is a frying pan? That anything you say automatically sounds reasonable? I only let you talk because I was being polite. I'd be justified even if I shot you for illegal trespassing. Last time I let you go because I was worried you'd bleed green blood. Do you really think my house and Tony's house are your backyard?"
"I'm warning you for the first and last time. If you dare send people to monitor near my home again, I'll smash the load-bearing pillars of the Triskelion one by one."
Nick Fury replied indifferently,
"S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't monitor anyone unless they're a threat to the world."
Jack didn't care either. He couldn't take on the world yet, but soloing S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn't a problem.
As long as he leaked some of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s dirty laundry later, the issue would resolve itself, and he'd even become a hero who cleaned out the vermin—at least, that's how it works in American movies.
"I'll take responsibility for treating Coulson's hand. He's a good guy. If he were Director, he'd probably be better than you—at least he'd be easier on the eyes."
Nick Fury hung up.
His expression didn't change as he leaned back in his chair, thinking.
The purpose of the call had only been to test whether Jack knew about the hammer. Jack knew far too much, to the point that Fury subconsciously assumed Jack might know about it as well.
Unfortunately, today's conversation yielded nothing. Fury would have to adjust his strategy toward Jack.
Jack hung up, opened his contacts, and called Dr. Erik Selvig.
"Doctor, are there abnormal fluctuations in New Mexico?"
Selvig was surprised that Jack was still following his research and felt valued. But thinking of the day's monitoring results, he felt a bit disappointed.
"Yes. Jane and I are investigating abnormal energy fluctuations in New Mexico, but the results aren't ideal."
Hearing this, Jack knew they hadn't met Thor yet.
"I'll be there in an hour."
"Two hours?" Selvig asked in confusion. "Boss, are you in New Mexico too?"
"I'm in California."
Listening to the disconnected call, Selvig muttered,
"California? One hour? Is the boss coming by helicopter?"
"Erik, what are you mumbling about?" Jane asked.
Selvig turned helplessly to Jane.
"I told the boss that my niece doesn't like calling me 'uncle,' and he said he'd come personally to teach this disobedient niece a lesson."
Jane didn't care at all.
"Uncle Erik? Saying it like that just makes me want to say it even more. Forget it."
Selvig tried again.
"How about just calling me Uncle?"
Jane's assistant, Darcy Lewis, looked disgusted.
"Oh, Doctor, I didn't realize you were into that kind of thing."
Selvig was full of question marks.
"How did I suddenly become a pervert?"
Darcy explained,
"It's popular in Japan now. You call someone 'uncle' on the street and then go to a hotel."
Selvig and Jane both looked disgusted.
Jane quickly explained, worried Selvig would misunderstand.
"I just don't like it because it reminds me of my father. I didn't know Japan had that kind of culture."
Selvig frowned.
"It's a bad habit. Those people in alleyways just shout 'Daddy.'"
Now Jane and Darcy both looked disgusted and stepped away from Selvig.
Selvig looked innocent.
"You're overthinking it. As long as it's a man passing by—"
Darcy interrupted immediately.
"Doctor, we understand. At your age, having needs is normal."
Selvig covered his head.
"I meant that as long as it's a man passing by, they shout 'Daddy.' And I only went out for ten minutes to buy bread that day."
Then he muttered quietly,
"Ten minutes is obviously not enough."
Darcy pushed the bread toward Jane.
Forty minutes later, Jane and Darcy, preparing to sleep in the RV, heard a heavy object hit the ground. They quickly put on clothes and grabbed a taser.
"The electric blanket the boss gave me is really good. It's a bit hot," Selvig muttered from his sleeping bag in the lab.
Then he heard the noise again, accompanied by something like an engine. He pulled a handgun from the drawer.
The three met in the dark, nodded at each other, and cautiously approached the source of the sound.
An Iron Man walked out of the darkness.
Pfft.
A metallic clanging sound followed, and Iron Man froze in place.
"Darcy, why did you attack Iron Man?!" Jane grabbed Darcy's shoulder in terror.
Darcy spread her hands excitedly.
"I panicked! Wouldn't you be scared if Iron Man suddenly appeared?!"
Selvig hesitated.
"Boss?"
The armor hissed as it released air.
The helmet opened, and Jack stepped out.
"Your way of welcoming people is truly unique. If you wanted to charge me, this might take a few hundred years."
"Whooo are you?" Darcy stared in disbelief.
"I thought it was Iron Man. But it's okay—you're even more handsome."
Jack ☚ (≖‿≖✧):
"You're smooth. Selvig, give her a raise."
Darcy:
"Yesss~ I finally get paid!"
Jane shattered her fantasy.
"Your salary is six credits. I'll give you twelve."
Darcy immediately ran to Jack, hugging his arm.
"Boss look at them bullying me."
Jack looked down at Darcy, who was far prettier than in the movie universe. All of Kat Dennings' advantages, but with a mischievous charm.
Jack patted her head.
"You have two choices. Stay a little farther away from me, or become one of my wives."
Darcy instantly let go, her twins bouncing awkwardly.
"Boss, a raise is enough. I still want a proper love story. I don't want to be a mistress."
Jack wagged his finger righteously.
"You misunderstood. I said 'one of my wives,' not a mistress. The kind where we all sleep together."
Jane was stunned.
Darcy:
"Thanks, Boss. I still want to taste the bitterness of love. I'll come find you after that."
Jack frowned.
"I don't want leftovers. I'm traditional. My wives should be traditional too."
Jane (ʘ̆mouthʘ̥̆):
What a 'traditional' man.
Darcy reconsidered.
"Then after society beats me up a bit, can you save me a spot?"
Jack nodded.
"As long as you're still traditional."
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