Percy did not know how to date. That was what he realized as he went through his wardrobe, trying to figure out what to wear. He'd begun texting Aidan a couple weeks ago, and now that they were going on a real, actual date tonight, he had no idea what he was doing.
Percy had never dated anyone before Annabeth, and their initial relationship hadn't involved dating in the traditional sense. No one had asked anyone out, but rather Annabeth kissed him, admittedly for the second time at that point, and that was that. They were together. There was awkwardness, of course, but it hadn't existed in the company of casually dating. Percy had never casually dated before.
What did people wear? What did they say? What did they do? He used to think he was a natural with people, but now he was pretty sure that that had been a luxury afforded to him by a combination of natural charm and the confidence that came with glory and experience. The glory and experience were back at camp with his reputation, and his charm had abandoned him when the panic set in.
Part of him wondered if he should even be doing this. He felt like he was being unfair to Aidan by going out with him when there was a possibility doing so would make Percy realize he wasn't into guys. That thought gave him the urge to cancel, but then he remembered Aidan already knew Percy wasn't sure but had asked Percy out anyway. He'd be a jerk to undermine Aidan's autonomy by trying to decide for him. So he'd go on the date. He'd try not to make it apparent that he'd never been on a real date.
The front door of the apartment closed, and Percy walked up to Jason, plopping his head on his friend's shoulder. "You've got to help me," he moaned.
Jason took a hold of Percy's shoulders, pushing him back so he could see his face without letting go. "What's going on? I don't usually see you this distraught."
"How do I date?" he said.
Jason's eyebrows shot up. "How — What? You're getting back out there?" His face was conflicted between emotions Percy couldn't read.
"Kind of," Percy said. "I don't know if I'm entirely over Annabeth yet, but…" He bit his lip. "I don't know. I want to try dating again." He was far from ready to tell Jason he might be into guys as well. Even in his head the possibility of such a major shift in his identity was daunting.
"Good for you," Jason said.
Percy narrowed his eyes, searching his face. "You're holding out on me, Jace. I can tell. Stop worrying about what I'll say and spit it out."
Jason sighed. "It's nothing. I just don't want you to go on the rebound and get hurt."
"A rebound isn't what I'm doing," Percy said. "I'm not looking for someone to fill the void Annabeth left. The void is healing. I just...I guess I want to try doing this casually for once. Annabeth and I went straight from friends to an intense relationship almost entirely defined by war." Percy first recognized the truth in his words as he said them. He had more than one reason for wanting to go out with Aidan tonight. Another reason popped into his head, one he wasn't proud of. "And...and I guess part of me could use the reminder that I'm still desirable even without my accomplishments. That I'm enough without all of that stuff."
Jason's mouth opened, but he cut himself off before he gave the automatic response Percy's words had triggered. He swallowed, then said, "If you're sure, Perce."
"I am," Percy said. "So uh...How much experience do you have with dating?" He led Jason to their bedroom, where he'd laid outfits out on the bed.
"A little," Jason said. "I've been on a few dates since Piper. Nothing that went anywhere, though. Obviously." He scanned the clothes Percy had out, assembled an outfit, and handed it to him. "Wear that." He looked away as Percy changed beside him.
Once he was dressed, Percy checked out the ensemble in the mirror. He was in black skinny jeans, a soft gray V-neck, and an unbuttoned gray and green plaid flannel. The gray matched the shirt and the green matched his eyes, and Percy had to admit it was a snazzy look.
"Thanks, Jason," Percy said, turning around with a smile. "Like usual, you are much smarter than me."
Jason rolled his eyes, shifting his weight as if uncomfortable. "I'm not, Perce. All I did was pick out an outfit."
"A great outfit," Percy said, checking himself out in the mirror. Looking good made him confident.
Jason sat on the edge of the bed. "So who is she, anyway?"
Percy tensed, but his recovery was quick. "Oh, just a cute girl I met when I was out." The vague reply was suspect, and he hoped Jason wouldn't press.
"This cute girl have a name?" Jason said, which was a merciful question but still one Percy wasn't prepared for.
"It's, uh, Addie," Percy said, keeping it close to the truth so he wouldn't forget. His stomach twisted at the lie. He didn't want to keep things from Jason, but he wasn't ready to tell him the truth, either.
Jason was giving him a funny look, put off by Percy's off-brand nervousness, but he took the hint and dropped it. "Okay," he said. "Well, um, I hope it goes well." He scratched the back of his neck before walking to the kitchen to get a snack.
With Jason around the corner out of view, Percy heaved a sigh. He didn't know why he was so off-put by the idea of being upfront with Jason. He knew Jason wasn't homophobic, given that Nico and Piper, two of his closest friends, were gay and pan respectively. The desire was there to be open about the confusion he was going through, as he'd been experiencing an increasing want for Jason to know him and know Jason in turn. Yet something in the back of his mind made him hesitate.
He didn't have time to think about it right now. He had a date to get to.
Percy had gotten into a habit of only going to the same few restaurants despite all New York had to offer, so he let Aidan pick the place. The place turned out to be a cute coffee shop that smelled of fresh-baked pastries Percy was dying to try as soon as he entered. He was distracted from the pastries only by the sight of Aidan sitting near the register with hot chocolate and a muffin. Aidan met his eyes and smiled with a small wave.
Aidan cleaned up nice, having switched his casual clothing for dark jeans and a bright purple button-up. Percy's heart was pounding, and he wondered if his smile looked as stupid as it felt. He ordered a cappuccino and brownie and seated himself across from Aidan with his food.
"Hey," he said, scratching the back of his neck.
"Hey," Aidan said with a chuckle. "You nervous?"
Percy put his hand down, pressing it against the table as his face warmed. "That obvious?"
"A little," Aidan admitted.
"Sorry." He drummed his fingers on the table.
"Don't be," Aidan said. "Considering you weren't dating because of a breakup as of some weeks ago, I'm assuming this is your first date since your ex?"
"Yeah," Percy said. "I, uh, I don't really know what I'm doing. We were together for three years and started dating when we were teenagers after just kind of stumbling into it and now…" Percy's eyes widened. Rambling about his ex on a first date. Smooth. "Uh, sorry. Again."
Aidan laid his hand over Percy's, his touch gentle. "Percy. Relax. The whole point of dating is getting to know each other, right? And right now I'm learning that you're inexperienced at dating and cute when you're flustered. I'd call that a success so far."
Percy turned pink. "Oh," he squeaked. Aidan had been flirting with him over text for a while before asking him out, and Percy had even managed to flirt back sometimes, but flirting in person was a lot more intimidating. But as much as he was distracted by his self-consciousness, he did not miss how Aidan's touch and flirting made him feel: nervous but excited, eager to see what would happen.
"Thanks," Percy said. "For, uh, being understanding."
"No problem," Aidan said, withdrawing his hand, causing Percy to unconsciously pout. Aidan snorted and put his hand back, fully holding Percy's this time. "Better?"
"Maybe," Percy said, hiding his smile behind his cappuccino before taking a drink.
Being with Aidan was surprisingly easy. The initial conversation was awkward as they found their footing with each other, but they already knew some things they had in common and worked from there. Aidan had also gone through a rough breakup a few years ago for similar reasons of having gotten together at a young age and came to be grateful in the long term. They agreed Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse was one of the best superhero movies of all time although Aidan's favorite superhero was Gamora and Percy's was Captain America. Although Aidan was currently a tattoo artist, he used to wait tables as well. Aidan highlighted his current career by showing Percy a photo of an intricate floral tattoo he had on his chest, and after seeing his lean and muscular figure, Percy was not surprised to learn Aidan was an avid swimmer.
Swimming was what they bonded over most, both having found power and solace in the water from a young age. Aidan, having always had a close relationship with his parents, had been taught to swim by his mom, and they had made regular trips to the beach together until he moved out to the city. He was from New York the state, but his family was from a small town hours away from New York City. He had been reluctant to leave them, but his home area lacked the opportunities he'd wanted and they'd pushed him to pursue more.
Aidan's familial stories prompted Percy to talk about his strong relationship with his mother and distant, strained one with his father, naturally leaving out the divine details. He described how when he was a kid growing up with an abusive step-dad and the instability of being constantly kicked out of various schools, swimming had been a consistent haven he could rely on for respite. He smiled as he talked about how water had always been a sort of home to him, amused by how literal that statement was without Aidan's knowledge.
The two talked for hours without Percy noticing, long past when their food was gone, their hands clasped for the duration of the date. When it came time that Percy should be heading home to dinner with Jason, he offered to walk Aidan back to his apartment nearby, which Aidan accepted.
The mid-October air was crisp and just warm enough to get away with not wearing a jacket. With his courage having been built up throughout the night, Percy took Aidan's hand once they were outside, and Aidan flashed him a bright grin as he laced their fingers together.
When they arrived at Aidan's apartment, Percy let go of Aidan's hand, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh, had a nice time." His smile was bashful but genuine.
"Me too," Aidan said. "We should do this again."
"Yeah," Percy said.
Aidan moved to go inside, but in a burst of confidence, Percy caught his wrist and said, "What, no end-of-date kiss?"
Aidan turned back as Percy dropped his hand and turned red. "I know you're still figuring things out, so I didn't want to be too much," he said. He raised an eyebrow, his lips in a smirk as he leaned in. "Are you saying you want me to kiss you?"
Percy's coherent thoughts died, so he defaulted to a curt nod. Aidan chuckled, his lightly calloused hand on the side of Percy's face, thumb brushing over his cheekbone before he closed the distance. The kiss was slow and deep, and though it was short, Percy had to catch his breath when Aidan pulled back.
"Bye, Perce," Aidan said, disappearing inside with a wink.
Percy smiled to himself the whole way back to the apartment. Kissing Aidan wasn't the same as kissing Annabeth, but he didn't expect it to be as they were two different people. But the same spark was there, the same enthusiasm.
The third thing Percy learned about himself since the breakup was that he wasn't straight.
When he got home, Jason was taking baked potatoes out of the oven. "How was your date?" he asked, looking over his shoulder. The stupid grin on Percy's face must have been answer enough, because he said, "I'm glad."
Percy considered telling Jason the gender of his date over dinner, but he didn't, though he was still unable to pinpoint why.
Two weeks and three dates later, Percy was on his tenth cooking lesson with Nico, the final one before he surprised Jason with dinner. Nico was walking him through a mushroom risotto. Before cooking lessons with Nico, Percy had never known he liked mushrooms, and Jason had gotten whiplash the first time Percy ordered them on a pizza when they were hanging out.
"So I've been casually seeing someone," Percy said without prelude, knowing there was no way to ease into his confession.
Nico looked at him with wide eyes that were curious if not a bit apprehensive. "Oh?"
"Yeah," Percy said, leaning against the counter beside where Nico was cooking on the stovetop. "Four dates. Nothing serious."
"So you're over Annabeth?" Nico asked, raising his eyebrow.
"No. Yes. I mean...maybe. Kind of. I don't know." He bit his lip. "I still think about her and miss her, but it's getting easier. I thought trying dating again might help with moving on, and it is. I'm not ready for something serious yet, but...It's kind of nice to put myself out there."
Nico nodded along. "So who is she? You can't leave me hanging. Tell me about her."
Percy drummed his fingers on the counter. "His name is Aidan."
Nico's gaze shifted from the risotto to Percy, his eyes analytical in a way that reminded Percy of Annabeth and sometimes Jason. "Huh," he said.
Percy chuckled. "'Huh,' huh?"
"Yep," Nico said with a nod.
Percy smiled, and his fingers stopped dancing along the countertop. "He's big into swimming, close with his family, a Marvel fan. He's a tattoo artist and has a few tattoos himself." He does not mention that he saw most of them up close during a couch makeout session during their last date. "He's from this state but grew up in a small town he wasn't a big fan of living in. He's funny, really funny, and confident in that kind of way that makes him easy to relax around." Percy chewed the inside of his cheek. "It's just a casual thing and we both know it, but I do like him."
Sometimes he thought about having a serious relationship with Aidan, but Annabeth was still in the back of his head. He had to actively stop himself from comparing Aidan to her and caught himself wondering if she'd moved on to someone else. He was getting closer to being able to have something real again, but not yet. Part of him wasn't sure he even wanted something real yet, anyway. He was twenty and had spent three, almost four, years with his ex-girlfriend. As much as he missed the comfort and consistency of a relationship, part of him enjoyed being single.
"He sounds good for you," Nico said. "Has Jason met him?"
Percy went stiff. "Jason doesn't know about him. I mean, he knows I've been seeing someone and it's been going well, but...I haven't given him any details, and he thinks they're a girl named Addie."
Nico snorted. "Addie? What year is this?"
Percy pouted. "I panicked and came up with a name that's close to the real one."
Nico laughed, but then the smile faded into a look of concern as he took the risotto off the stovetop. "Why are you hiding it, though? You know for a fact Jason wouldn't care."
"I know," Percy said, watching Nico's movements as an excuse not to meet his eyes. "At first it was because I was confused and wasn't sure what I was. I didn't want it to be a thing and then turn out to be nothing. But then I became a lot more sure of myself, and I'm comfortable with it. I'm bisexual." That was the first time he'd said the label out loud, and to his surprise it sent a shock of pride through him. "So...I don't know what's holding me back now. I don't know, maybe that's a sign I'm not really okay with it."
"That's not true," Nico said, filling a plate with risotto and handing it to Percy. "Self-acceptance, especially about something as complicated as sexuality…" He served himself a plate and they sat down together. "It's not linear. There isn't a point where you become one hundred percent okay with it one hundred percent of the time."
Percy's fork paused in the air. "But what about you? You seem totally confident in it now. Nothing like how you used to be." A spike of guilt shot through him, but he stopped that thought. How he treated Nico in the past wasn't great, and maybe he was oblivious to not have caught on to Nico's feelings, but he wasn't responsible for Nico's feelings, and they'd agreed to leave the past in the past.
"I am, for the most part," Nico said. "I love Will and our relationship, and ninety-five percent of the time, I'm cool with who I am. But every so often, the doubts creep back in. Some of my memories from before the Lethe have returned, especially when I've visited Italy. I remember the church sermons, and what happened to my neighbors when they got caught." he shuddered. "Even the things I don't remember...it's like I remember the feeling even if I don't remember the event. And even without all that, it's not like there isn't still some level of homophobia around.
"So sometimes old feelings creep back and I feel like I'm doing something wrong, and I have to do my best to squash them. Sometimes they're particularly bad or come up in a nightmare and Will has to calm me down. I'm not proud of it, but it's there, and I'm trying not to be ashamed of the fact that sometimes I'm still ashamed of who I am and feel like Will deserves someone who isn't. But that's the thing, that experience isn't unique to me. Modern queer people didn't experience Italy in the forties, but they still have the same regressions at times. But then I cuddle up to Will while he says sweet things to me, and I end up wondering how anyone could ever think that was wrong."
Percy was smiling at him. "That actually makes me feel a lot better, Nico. I mean, obviously I wish you didn't have that problem, but...Well, I think you know what I mean."
Nico nodded. "So yeah. You don't need to invalidate your identity because you feel weird about it sometimes. I can't tell you what your hangup with Jason is, so you'll have to figure that one out for yourself, but it'll work out. Jason is the best." An immensely fond smile formed on his face.
"Yeah, he is. That's why I wanted to learn to cook," Percy explained between bites. "So it didn't all fall to him. And so I could cook him a really nice dinner as a thank you. I listened to you and opened up about the nightmares a while back. I wake him up once or twice a week to help me calm down and he's never gotten frustrated." His mouth widened into a grin. "He's a good friend to me."
"Doesn't it take holding you all night to calm down?" Nico teased. "Isn't that what Annabeth did for you?"
Percy flushed. "Yeah, but I left that part out. He sings to me, though. 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'"
Nico's eyebrows shot up, and he bit his lip. "Interesting song choice," he said before taking a bite."
"Not really," Percy said.
"Ask him about it," Nico said. "Trust me on this one."
Percy gave him a funny look before focusing on his meal. "Whatever you say, Nico."
Percy found a day in the first week of November to execute his plan for Jason. Percy wasn't working, and Jason was working later than usual so his coworker could get to their appointment. Instead of coming home in the afternoon, he'd be coming home shortly before they'd normally have dinner, which was perfect timing for Percy's purposes.
Percy went grocery shopping the morning of so Jason wouldn't be suspicious of the ingredients in the refrigerator. First he began marinating the steak as it had to sit for at least two hours. In the meantime he was going to do a deep clean on the apartment. By the time Percy was done cleaning, he'd made the floors so shiny Jason would feel like he could eat off of them. With that out of the way, he made rolls from scratch with the help of an electric mixer, sticking them in the oven before moving onto the next task.
Percy was not a fan of salads, but every so often he compromised with Jason and choked one down. He kept this salad as a simple starter with spinach, apples, pecans, and feta cheese, which the internet told him would give it a fresh fall flavor. He wasn't sure if the salad's flavor would mesh well with the lime steak fajitas, or if it mattered given that they'd be eaten separately, but it was too late to question that now. He stuck the salad in the refrigerator, took the rolls out of the oven, and changed the oven temperature before starting the tortillas he'd be making next.
The tortillas were the easiest thing he'd made that day and soon in the oven, leaving dessert as the last thing on his to-do list before finishing the fajitas. He originally wanted to make a pie, but pies were Jason's specialty, so he scrapped that idea and switched to something he knew Jason was a sucker for: brownies. Percy had never made brownies from scratch, but in Nico's lessons he'd found baking ten times easier than cooking. Life was easier with no slicing or dicing involved. By the time he was done making the mix for turtle brownies, the tortillas were done and the oven was free for the brownies.
Percy waited until five, when Jason would be getting off work, to begin cooking his sliced bell peppers in a skillet so the fajitas would be finishing when Jason arrived. He'd told his friend he was ordering them a pizza for supper today so he wouldn't have a meal in mind or come home with takeout for them.
Percy was proud of his timing fifteen minutes later when he was turning down the heat to keep the food warm while they ate the salad as Jason walked in the door.
"What's that sme—" Jason cut himself off, freezing mid-step when he saw Percy with a skillet smiling at him over his shoulder. He slowly came back to life, his foot lowering to the ground though he stayed in place. "What are you doing?"
"Making dinner!" Percy said. "Nico started teaching me like a month and a half ago. You came at the perfect time. It just finished."
Jason opened and closed his mouth, and Percy was sure this was the first time he'd seen Jason completely speechless. "Okay," Jason said, sounding lost and confused. He walked into the bedroom, Percy stealing glances as Jason changed out of his work uniform, serving the salad onto two plates as he did so.
Jason returned to the table, his eyebrows high when he saw the salads. "You hate salad," he said as he sat down, Percy sitting beside him.
"But you like them," Percy said. "And you like me sucking it up and eating healthy in between."
Jason smiled at him, but it was calculating, like he was trying to put together a puzzle. He didn't get this look as often as Annabeth, who wore it eighty percent of the time, but it was definitely the same look. "What is all this for?" he asked.
Percy set down his fork, chewing his lip. "I wanted to learn to cook so you could take a break sometimes."
"You clean the apartment," Jason pointed out. "Speaking of which, did you clean today? I'm pretty sure I saw the floor sparkle." He smiled.
"That's not as much work and you know it," Percy said. "But yeah, I cleaned today, because besides that, I did this because I, uh, wanted to thank you." He ran a hand through his hair, Jason's eyes following the movement. "For...for being such a good friend and roommate, I guess."
Jason softened. "Percy…"
"No," Percy said. "Don't do that thing you do where you brush off the good stuff you do because that's just how you are or whatever. What you do does matter. You don't have to let me wake you up to calm me down when I have nightmares or cook for me, but you do. You didn't even have to come live with me here, sharing a massive bed in a studio apartment where there's no privacy whatsoever, but you did. And I'm grateful for all that, I really am, so will you please accept that?"
Jason opened and closed his mouth before finally shutting it and nodding. "Okay."
"Okay?" Percy pressed.
Jason rolled his eyes, laughing. "Okay."
Percy perked up. "Good. Now eat your salad. Next is lime steak fajitas, and then there's turtle brownies for dessert."
"This is the salad you chose to pair with fajitas?" Jason said with a smirk before diving into the salad.
"Can it, Grace," Percy said. Then he remembered his conversation with Nico. "Hey, by the way, is there a reason 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' is the song you sing to me?"
Jason nearly choked on a piece of apple, then went pink. "Yeah, but uh, how did you know that?"
"Nico told me," Percy said. "Or I guess heavily implied it. What's the story?"
Jason poked at his salad. "When I was kid, before my mom gave me over to Juno...I was only two, so the memory is barely there, but I remember when I got upset, Thalia would sing me that song to comfort me." His head hung as he poked at his salad. "Even when I got older, whenever I was going through something, I would sing that song to myself. It made me feel better, like a reminder that things would get better." He raised his head, an embarrassed smile on his face. "Lame, right?"
"Not at all," Percy said, the speed of his response making Jason's eyes widen slightly before he looked away, taking a bite. "We all have small things like that that comfort us," Percy continued. "There's no shame in that. I can't count how many people I know who have stuffed animals for that reason."
Jason smiled. "Thanks, Perce. It's just...sometimes I feel like I should be above it, you know? Like I'm Jason Grace, son of Jupiter, one of the Seven, and I shouldn't need things like that to fall back on."
"You're too smart to think something that dumb," Percy said, taking their empty plates and serving them fajitas. "There's nothing weak or bad about needing comfort in one way or another. Unless you've been judging me for the nightmares and needing your help." He meant it as a 'got you' statement, but part of him was afraid that was the case. He sat back down, giving Jason his plate.
"Of course not," Jason said firmly. "I've never thought any less of you for that."
"Then why would you think less of yourself?" Percy said. They both knew the answer to that, how Jason was accustomed to seeing himself as their infallible role model.
"I guess I shouldn't," Jason said after a while.
Percy squeezed Jason's hand atop the island. "Correct answer." He paused. "And, you know," Percy said, pulling his hand back. "You don't have to be Jason Grace here. You can just be Jason."
Jason chuckled. "Jason, some random guy in New York, you mean?"
"Exactly," Percy said, playfully punching his arm.
Jason took a bite of fajita, satisfaction washing over his face and filling Percy with pride. "Maybe you're right," he said after swallowing. "Maybe I need to give regular old Jason a chance." There was an ease in Jason's smile Percy wasn't used to him displaying. That smile looked good on him.
A week later Percy was on a date with Aidan at the coffee shop they'd gone to on their first date, the place having become a regular spot for them.
"—and I didn't burn a single thing," Percy said, bragging about his positive cooking experience for Jason.
Aidan wiped an invisible tear away with one finger. "So proud. I think you're officially an adult now. They grow up so fast."
"Oh shut up," Percy said, shoving his arm.
Aidan smiled at him, but Percy had spent enough time with him by now to know it was forced. Before Percy could give voice to the question on his face, Aidan said, "Hey, uh, there's something I want to talk about."
Percy had a feeling he knew what was coming. "You're about to end this thing we've got going, aren't you?"
Aidan's smile was apologetic. "Yeah. I'm sorry. It's not that I don't like you, but I—"
"Aidan," Percy said, putting his hand over his. "We agreed this was casual. I wasn't expecting it to last. Open to it, sure, but…" He shrugged. "You don't owe me anything."
"I still want to explain, though," he said. "You're right, we agreed on casual. But well, I've kind of had feelings for a friend of mine for awhile. I never thought I had a shot with her, but the other night we got to talking…"
Percy nodded. "I get it, really. My ex-girlfriend was a friend, remember? Sometimes things just kind of happen."
"Yeah," Aidan said. "I hope there aren't any hard feelings?"
"Of course not," Percy said with a smile, folding his arms in front of him. "I'm glad you've found someone special."
Aidan couldn't keep the grin off his face now that he knew things were good between him and Percy. The sight filled Percy with warmth. He really was happy for him.
"If you're down, I'd still like to be friends," Percy said.
"Absolutely," Aidan said. "I expect a dinner invitation now that you've got mad cooking skills."
"We'll see," Percy said with an eye roll. They got up to leave, sharing a short hug outside the coffee shop. "Good luck with your new girlfriend," he said.
"Thanks," Aidan said. "Good luck finding someone to do the serious thing with when you're ready. Bye, Percy." He did his salute, stuck his hands in his pockets, and walked away, humming to himself as he went.
When Percy got back to the apartment, he took his carton of blue moon ice cream out of the freezer. Things ending with Aidan wasn't a big deal, but he was still sad to see him go, even if they were remaining friends. He settled onto the couch beside Jason, who was already watching a cheesy sitcom, eating his ice cream straight from the container.
"What's with you?" Jason asked. "Having problems with Addie?"
"What?" Percy said, brow furrowing before he remembered that was the fake name he'd given the 'girl' he'd been seeing. "Oh, yeah. We decided to call the quits."
"I'm sorry," Jason said, wrapping an arm around him and giving him a squeeze.
"It's fine," Percy said. "It was never meant to be serious. It was still nice, though."
Jason nodded, the weight of his arm reassuring.
Percy stabbed at his ice cream with the spoon. "Jason?"
"Yeah?" Jason muted the TV.
Percy kept his eyes on his ice cream, continuing to jab it. "I, um, I lied to you."
Jason frowned, removing his arm. "What? About you guys ending things? Or were you not seeing anyone in the first place?"
Percy set the ice cream on the end table, hands fidgeting as he made himself meet Jason's eyes. "Neither. I...I wasn't seeing a girl named Addie."
Jason's frown deepened as confusion took over. "You lied about...a name? Why?"
Percy laced his fingers together so his hands would stop moving. "Because, uh, his name was Aidan." He internally cursed how his voice shook. "I'm bisexual."
Jason smiled. "I'd tell you I'm cool with that, but I think you should already know that given Nico and Piper." He looked away, smile falling. "And cause, uh, I'm not straight either."
Percy blinked several times in rapid succession. He wasn't expecting that. "You're not?"
"No," Jason said, rubbing his arm.
"Why do you look so uncomfortable?" Percy asked despite fear he was crossing a line. "I mean obviously it's your business and stuff and you don't have to talk about it, but like over half your friend group is queer, so...I feel like something more is going on."
"Percy, I…" Jason was struggling to find the words and refusing to look at him.
Percy put a hand on his arm. "You don't have to talk, but you can if you want to."
"I'm not like you guys," Jason blurted. When he looked at Percy, his face was scrunched up. "I-I mean, I'm pan, and I'm good with that, I've known for awhile, but I...that's not all of it."
"What do you mean?" Percy asked, voice gentle.
Jason took several long, deep breaths, calming down. "I loved Piper," he said with an edge of defensiveness Percy didn't understand.
"I never thought you didn't," Percy said.
Jason clenched and unclenched his hands in his lap until Percy grabbed one, partially to make him stop squirming, partially to comfort him. "You're going to think there's something wrong with me," he mumbled.
"That's not true," Percy said. "You're one of my best friends."
"But—"
"Not buts. Just say it."
Jason closed his eyes, took another breath, then opened them. "When Piper and I were together, we both had doubts about our feelings because of Juno. It was always kind of weird for me that Piper had these fake memories of me. That doubt was a big part of the reason she broke up with me, but that wasn't all."
This was the first time Percy knew who broke up with who, but he said nothing, squeezing Jason's hand as silent encouragement to continue.
Jason ran a hand through his hair. "I...I didn't want to have sex with her. I was okay with, you know, fingering her occasionally so there was something going on, but never beyond that. At first I thought I just wasn't ready, but eventually I was really comfortable with her, but I still...I just didn't want to. Even with the doubts I did still love her, and everyone knows Piper is gorgeous, so I didn't get why I didn't... want her like that. I just didn't.
"But I stayed with her anyway, hoping it would get better. It was hurting our relationship. Don't get me wrong, she never pressured me and was really sweet, but sometimes I could tell she was a little frustrated. She was great about it, but it was still like this elephant in the room when we were alone. I started avoiding being alone with her because even though she wasn't pressuring me, in the back of my head I still felt like I should be pushing myself to just try it, like maybe I'd change my mind. Once I tried to escalate beyond our usual and she could immediately tell I wasn't into it or comfortable and stopped me."
Jason was looking at his free hand like he thought he could find the secrets of the universe in the lines of his palm. "So that was the other part of why we broke up. I didn't want her the same way she wanted me and neither of us were happy. Since then I've been trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me, how I could be so attracted to her while seemingly not being attracted to her the same way she was attracted to me, and I found my answer, but...It's taken me a really long time to accept it."
Jason met Percy's eyes, visibly bracing himself as he took his hand from Percy's, crossing his arms. "I'm asexual. I don't, uh, experience sexual attraction. At all." He averted his gaze again as if the eye contact was too much. He pressed his forearms to his lap, leaning on them while his head hung. "I've...never told anyone that before."
Right now Jason, always the pinnacle of self-control and composure, laying his emotions bare while appearing as though doing so was killing him. Although Percy had always known Jason wasn't the Golden Boy he had acted like and everyone expected him to be, especially after leaving Camp Jupiter, he'd never seen such a wide crack in the facade, never seen Jason be so emotionally vulnerable. In a way it was like Percy was seeing him for the first time.
Percy wrapped an arm around Jason's shoulders. Upon initial contact Jason tensed, as if not expecting it, before relaxing and raising his head to look at Percy's face. For the first time his blue eyes seemed less symbolic of the sky and more symbolic of melancholy and fear. They were scrutinizing, searching for any hint of a negative reaction but unable to find it.
"Jace," Percy said, taking a page from Jason's book and making his voice low but unwavering. "There is nothingwrong with you. I don't mean that as in I think you're perfect, because I know you're not. But your asexuality? There's nothing wrong with that."
Jason's bottom lip trembled. "But Perce—"
Percy squeezed him. "No buts. It's just another cool part of you, and I think you're pretty damn great."
One corner of Jason's mouth twitched, but only for a moment.
Percy ruffled his hair. "Trust me, Captain America. You're awesome, and your asexuality doesn't take away from that. In fact, I think it makes you even cooler. How many people can say they're asexual?"
Jason looked away. "Like one percent."
Percy squeezed him again. "Exactly! That's a unique experience not a lot of people have."
Jason sat up straight, chewing his lip as he turned his attention to Percy. "You don't have to do that, Perce. Pretend like it's not weird and I'm not…"
Percy desperately wanted to be reassuring, but he had to put conscious effort into not letting his nerves show. "Not what?"
"Broken," Jason said, and Percy could see the restraint it was taking for Jason to remain talking about this.
Percy frowned. "You are not broken, Jace. You're one of the best people I know and one of my closest friends. You're not less of a person just because you don't experience something most people do."
"It feels like I am," Jason admitted. "Like if I try dating again I'm just going to repeatedly be rejected because I'm not enough."
"You are enough," Percy said, trying to keep his irritation at bay.
Jason winced. "I'm sorry."
Percy softened. "No, no. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at whatever and whoever has made you feel like you're not enough. You are enough. You, the real Jason, not the 'perfect guy who does everything' version of you. You've always been enough, and I wish you would see that." They were no longer talking strictly about his sexuality, and they both knew it.
"How would you know?" Jason asked, voice soft. "You don't know me that well."
"Because you won't let me," Percy said. "I'm trying to get to know you, Jason, but you shut me out. No one can accept the real you if you keep him hidden under the Golden Boy costume all the time."
"I'm sorry," Jason said.
"It's okay," Percy said. "We're all still getting over the stuff we've been through. I get it. I just care about you and want to actually know you if you'll let me."
Jason smiled, timid but genuine, then pulled Percy into a hug. "Okay."
Percy chuckled against Jason's shoulder, relieved at his success. When they pulled back, Percy rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry too, by the way." Before Jason could ask, he plunged into explanation. "Back when I didn't tell you about my nightmares, it wasn't just because I didn't want to be a burden. It was also because I didn't think someone like you would ever need comfort like that, and that made me feel stupid and weak. I thought you were going to judge me, too. I know it was stupid. But anyway, I'm sorry, because I feel like on some level I've been putting you on a pedestal, too, and that's not fair to you."
Jason's smile widened. "Thanks, Perce." He ran a hand through his hair. "And for the record, I do have nightmares. I'm not really ready to talk about them, but they are there, if you ever start feeling self-conscious again."
Percy removed his arm from around Jason's shoulders and squeezed his hand with a bright smile on his face. "Thanks for telling me. Not just about the nightmares, but all of it. Thanks for trusting me."
Jason returned the squeeze. "You too," he said. "And...thanks for being here for me. It's not like I'm going to come to self-acceptance overnight, but you know. Progress."
Percy nodded, because he did know. Progress was all that mattered. They could go as slow as they wanted as long as they were getting somewhere. He was glad he'd come out to Jason, and even more glad Jason had come out to him. He felt like he knew Jason better than ever now, and the more time passed, the more he felt he knew himself