Percy's nails dug into his lap, a reminder that he was, in fact, awake and alive and a person. They were parked on the side of the road, and the car felt like it was caving in on him.
Jason reached across from the driver's seat, gently pulling his hands away before he left marks. "You can do this," he said. "I can come in and wait for you to get done if it'll make you feel better. I'm here for you."
Percy shook his head. "N-no. I don't want you to have to sit there for an hour. I'll be okay."
Jason was skeptical. "Are you sure? I really don't mind."
Percy gave him a shaky smile before leaning over and kissing his boyfriend. His boyfriend. A couple weeks had passed since their confrontation, but his mind was still blown every time he thought about it. "I'm sure," he said, squeezing Jason's hands. "I-I...I think this is something I need to do alone."
"I'll be here to pick you up when you're done," he said. "We can get ice cream after."
Percy nodded. "That sounds good." He removed his hands from Jason's and put one on the door handle, not quite ready to open it.
"Perce?" Percy looked over his shoulder to find Jason giving him a smile overflowing with affection. "I am so proud of you."
Percy smiled again, this time with genuine ease, and in Jason's words found the strength to leave the car and enter Asclepius' Wellness Center.
Sitting in the waiting room filling out forms, Percy had to put conscious effort into keeping his hand from trembling. He gripped the edge of the chair so he wouldn't dig his nails into his thighs again.
The form had more questions than he expected, asking about his satisfaction with his family friends, and other areas of his life. One question asked if he'd ever been suicidal, and if so, how long ago. He froze, thinking back to a conversation he had with Jason during the war with Gaea.
"Thing is, as I was choking just now, I kept thinking: this is payback for Akhlys. The Fates are letting me die the same way I tried to kill that goddess. And … honestly, a part of me felt I deserved it."
His throat was tight. Did feeling like he deserved to die once equate to being suicidal? Both dismissing the incident and acknowledging it felt wrong in different ways. Perhaps there had been other indicators of needing help in the past he had ignored.
Percy continued with the forms, answering as honestly as possible, which at times was harder than anticipated, and he caught himself almost softening the truth a bit to sound better than he was. Having his feelings and problems laid out objectively in a form like this was surprisingly intimidating, like his flaws were staring at him, like he was being judged.
He knew that was a ridiculous line of thinking. Having mental health problems wasn't a character flaw. He knewthat, but he couldn't stop judging himself, like needing to be here was the result of failure on his part. Like it meant he was too weak to deal with things on his own.
Those types of thoughts were exactly what he'd spilled to Jason before calling to set up the appointment, and Jason had patiently talked him through them. No, he was not here because he failed somehow. No, he was not weak. No, he shouldn't try to handle everything on his own.
Jason had eliminated most of his concern, but the voice in the back of his head came back in between reiterating those initial thoughts. Maybe it was narcissistic, but he wondered if his therapist would judge him for being Percy Jackson and needing therapy. If his reputation would come to bite him.
When he was done with the forms, he handed them in and still had a few minutes to go before his appointment began. He spent those minutes rubbing his legs and resisting the urge to leave, finding courage in Jason's words repeating in his head: I am so proud of you.
A middle-aged woman with mousy brown hair and glasses walked into the waiting room. "Percy Jackson?" He shot out of his chair, visibly on edge, but instead of commenting, she gave him a welcoming smile and said, "Hi, Percy. I'm Theresa Coleman. If you'll follow me, we can get started."
Percy could manage no more than a curt nod, but Theresa didn't seem to mind. He walked behind her with a body as stiff as the Tin Man, desperately hoping he wouldn't regret this.
Jason was waiting for him after the appointment as promised, leaning against the side of the car with an uncertain smile. "How did it go?"
Percy walked up to him, arms hanging heavy at his side as he plopped his forehead against Jason's shoulder. "Ice cream first."
Jason chuckled, though there was still an edge of unease, and ran his fingers through Percy's hair, making Percy relax some. "C'mon," he said, nudging Percy off him and opening the passenger door.
Percy squeezed his hand and slid in.
Soon they were sitting in the nearest ice cream shop, Percy absently poking at his blue moon ice cream while Jason watched. Jason took Percy's hand atop the table, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of it.
"I feel like shit," Percy said before taking his first bite. "Like I got hit by a train. Only, like, emotionally."
Jason nodded. "That's normal."
Percy frowned at him. "I thought therapy was supposed to make me feel better, not worse."
"Working out makes you sore after, but it still makes you feel better in the long run," Jason said. "It's like that."
Percy ate several more bites before responding. "Does it get easier?"
"Nico says it does," Jason said. "For him the first few appointments were the hardest. Although you're probably going to keep feeling kind of garbage after, because you're doing a lot of emotional labor."
"I guess that makes sense," Percy said. "It was harder than I expected in some ways and easier in others. She asked me why I came, and I didn't know what to say. There's so much stuff, and I didn't know what to start. She helped me get started, though. And once I started talking...Gods, Jace, it was like someone blew up a dam and everything just came spilling out." He scratched his neck. "I, uh, I made another appointment. Same day and time next week."
"That's great," Jason said with a smile, and his genuine enthusiasm made the tension leave Percy's muscles. "We can keep doing this, you know," Jason said. "Schedule time together after your appointments so you can unwind after the stress."
Percy smiled for the first time since finishing his appointment. "That sounds good. Thanks, Jace."
Jason kissed the back of his hand. "Of course. I'm here for you."
Percy chuckled. "I know. You're in a constant state of proving it." They finished their ice cream in comfortable silence before heading home.
That night, Percy and Jason went to bed together, but Percy was restless. He turned his head to face Jason on the other side of the bed. "How can you sleep shirtless in January? It's so cold."
Jason gave him a smirk. "Just naturally hot, I guess," he said, throwing in a wink.
"You can say that again," Percy mumbled, but Jason heard him and laughed.
"Is this leading into how you're cold and need my body heat?" Jason teased.
Percy rolled his eyes, hoping the green night light would cover the pink of his cheeks. "Maybe."
Jason's smile became dopey and he opened his arms, Percy crawling into them and snuggling against his bare chest. He really was hot, as much literally as visually. "You don't have to make excuses, you know," Jason said, dropping a kiss on Percy's head. "If you want to cuddle, you can just say it. Or, you know, dramatically flop onto me and whine for attention like a cat."
"Dramatic flopping is so not something I would do," he said. When Jason raised an eyebrow, Percy pouted. "So maybe it is, but that's not the point." Jason kissed his head again and Percy sank further into him. "You're lucky you're cute and a good pillow or I totally would not put up with you calling me out like that."
"I knew you only like me for my looks," Jason said, running his fingers through Percy's hair. "Just trying to get into my pants."
"Oh definitely. I saw that hot bod and knew I had to have you." Percy laughed and pushed himself up in order to capture Jason's lips. "Really though," he said when he pulled back, "you are smokin'."
"Smokin'?" Jason snorted. "Gods, you sound like Leo."
Percy offered a toothy grin and kissed him again, then became unsure. "Is it okay for me to talk about you like that, though? I can stop if it, like, makes you uncomfortable."
"What, sexualizing me?" When Percy nodded, Jason said, "No, that's okay. Call me an egomaniac but I kind of like it."
"Ah yes, if there's any word to describe you, it's arrogant." He rolled his eyes. Jason was stiff beneath Percy's touch, and Percy pulled back. "You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," Jason said. "It's just, uh, sometimes I'm afraid if I say the wrong thing it'll, like, prove I'm not asexual. Like admitting I like that you think I'm hot, or calling other people hot when it has a sexual connotation. Stuff like that."
"Jace," Percy said, taking Jason's hand, "I'm not going to think that. You told me you're asexual and I believe you. There's nothing you're going to do or say that's going to make me think otherwise. Well, except you telling me you're not asexual. But if that's how you say you feel, I believe you."
"Really?" Jason said, voice small.
Percy kissed his check. "Really."
"Even if…"
Percy put his hand on Jason's cheek, his thumb stroking over his cheekbone, Jason leaning into the touch.
"Even if I change my mind about what I want?" Jason said. "Right now I don't think I want anything below the belt on either of us, but what if I change my mind later? What are you going to think then?"
"What am I going to think?" Percy said, eyebrows furrowing. "What is there for me to think? You're ace. Behavior doesn't change that."
"You sound like you've been on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network website." When Percy bit his lip, Jason's eyes widened. "You've been on AVEN?"
"I wanted to do research. To try to understand you and be a good partner." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Is that weird?"
"Weird?" Jason was crying, but before Percy could react, Jason had pulled him onto his lap for a bone-crushing hug. "I love you," he said, the words muffled as he nuzzled above Percy's collarbone.
Percy broke into a grin, pleased he'd done something right, lightly scratching the back of Jason's neck the way he liked. "I love you, too."
Jason made a content noise before pulling back and looking up at Percy, his hands on Percy's waist. "You — you're just amazing, you know that?"
"I didn't do anything, Jace," Percy said, embarrassed.
"Yes you did," Jason said in the firm way that reminded Percy why Jason was a natural leader. "You're being supportive and wonderful and going out of your way to understand me. That means the world to me, Perce. You have no idea." He pressed a hard, intense kiss to Percy's lips.
Percy wanted to argue that he was just trying to be a good boyfriend, but he knew Jason wouldn't back down, and he didn't want to undermine Jason's gratitude when this clearly meant a lot to him. So instead of saying anything, he kissed Jason back, the pair keeping their lips locked until they decided to actually sleep.
At that point Jason laid on his side and Percy pressed his chest to Jason's back, wrapping an arm around him and holding him all night long.
Percy slid off of Tempest the next morning, Jason dropping down after him. They were visiting Camp Jupiter again, and once more Jason split off to see Reyna, Piper, and his other friends, while Percy went to see Annabeth.
When he spotted Annabeth and called her name, she sprinted for him, wrapping him in a hug. "Hey, Seaweed Brain."
He grinned at her. "Hey, Wise Girl." Percy looked around with exaggeration as they walked to the lake before nudging her arm and saying, "Any progress with Rachel?"
Annabeth went bright red, but she was wearing a sheepish smile. They settled onto the beach together. "The other night we were walking back to the dorms together, and when we got there she just straight up told me she liked me." She held up her wrist, showing off a hand-woven bracelet of pink, purple, and blue. "She made this for me."
"Blunt. That sounds like her."
Annabeth poked him. "Jealous that she moved on from you to me?"
"Not at all," he said, his hands getting swatted as he tried to ruffle Annabeth's hair. "She has impeccable taste."
Annabeth rubbed her chin in thought. "True, but I think it's improved with time."
Percy pushed her over, but they were both laughing.
"What about you?" she asked, straightening herself. There was a familiar knowing look in her eyes.
"Am I that see-through?" he asked, running a hand through his hair.
"No," she said, looping an arm around his shoulders, "but in case you've forgotten, I do know you best. Which means I could see the heart eyes you were making at Jason. And the ones Jason was making at you, but only because Jason is more open than you are."
Percy bit his lip, trying and failing to keep himself from beaming.
Annabeth's eyes widened. "You guys are together!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he joked, earning him a light punch to the arm. "Yeah, we're together," he said. "It's still new, though. It's only been a couple weeks."
Annabeth pulled him into a side hug. "That's great. Really great. Honestly I should have expected you guys to go from bromance to romance."
"I want to argue with that, but I can't," Percy said. "Surprisingly little changed when we started officially dating. We were kind of already pretty domestic and cuddling all the time. It's just now we also make out and fall asleep in each other's arms."
"Adorable," Annabeth said, and Percy flicked her, which only served to increase her amusement. "I really am happy for you," she said, giving him a squeeze. "You guys deserve each other."
They spent the bulk of the afternoon mutually gushing about their new relationships. Percy was ashamed to admit it to himself, but he expected his relationship with Annabeth to be more awkward, in general but especially when it came to dating other people. He should have known better. He and Annabeth were friends before they were partners, and they had little trouble slipping back into that although things weren't like they were before dating. They were better.
After the visit to Camp Jupiter, Percy and Jason decided to visit Camp Half-Blood as well, checking in with Chiron and their younger friends. The younger campers who hadn't been around for the wars were awestruck at meeting two people who were both children of the Big Three and legendary heroes who defeated Kronos and Gaea.
Some of the campers tried to convince Percy and Jason to have a sparring match for their entertainment and old time's sake, but Percy could see Jason getting uncomfortable at the idea. Percy wasn't surprised, knowing Jason didn't want to trigger the need for victory that had always come with his Golden Boy complex.
"You know what I think would be more fun than watching us battle?" Percy said to the campers egging them on. "How about we give you some fighting lessons?"
The former idea was discarded in an instant in favor of sparring demonstrations from two of the most renowned heroes around camp. Jason and Percy went through their respective fighting techniques with the kids as a group then began helping them one-on-one, sending them off into pairs afterward to practice.
Looking at these kids who somehow mixed enthusiasm with timidity, Percy couldn't help but be reminded of himself at twelve years old, relieved to have finally found a stable place he belonged and enchanted by the onslaught of new information and powers, but also scared of the responsibility and screwing up. That was a lifetime ago, but he could see himself in each of these kids, even the ones who had visible hero-worship crushes on him and Jason.
All at once an epiphany slammed into him like a freight train: he was now to these kids what Luke was to him when he first came to camp. The cool, handsome, larger-than-life older guy who seemed to have all the answers. He didn't know how that connection made him feel, but it did bring about another epiphany: he'd had a crush on Luke and hadn't recognized it as such at the time. Percy had thought his feelings toward Luke when he met him were only hero worship, and that was an element of it, but in retrospect that was obviously not all that was going on.
When the kids were all paired off, one child in the midst of sparring commented, "It's cool that you guys have different fighting styles, Greek and Roman."
Jason smirked and reached for Percy, hand hovering near his waist, making eye contact to ask silent permission. They'd never talked about if they were okay with being out at camp.
When Percy smiled and nodded, Jason snaked his arm around Percy's waist. "Maybe that's why we make such a good couple. Yin and yang."
Percy kissed Jason on the cheek for emphasis, making Jason turn pink though he had a lovestruck smile.
The kids shared looks, but none of them were unkind. Some were surprised, some were unfazed, and some were pleased. One boy in particular, Aaron, looked uncomfortable.
After the lesson the kids thanked them and continued with their day, but Aaron, who looked about fourteen, stuck around. He hesitated, then walked up to them, his hands fidgeting.
"You okay?" Percy said, forcing his voice to be neutral, bracing himself for a judgmental comment as he followed Aaron's gaze to where his hand was interlocked with Jason's. He remembers what kids were like toward gay people when he was that age.
Aaron scuffed the toe of his shoe against the dirt, eyes glued to the ground. "Are people, like, mean to you guys?
Percy tilted his head in confusion while Jason said, "You mean because we're together?"
Aaron nodded.
"Not really," Jason said. "I've had a comment or two when I bring up my boyfriend, but otherwise there hasn't been anything."
"Me neither," Percy said. "None of our friends care, and one of my coworkers is kind of a jerk, but the others are all happy for me. Most people don't think anything of it."
"Not...not even your parents? The human ones, I mean." The more Aaron spoke, the more hurt he sounded.
"Well, Jason's mom is dead," Percy said, voice light, "but my mom is totally accepting. I didn't even have to tell her. She just kind of figured it out."
"I guess we weren't very subtle," Jason said with a chuckle, squeezing his hand.
Aaron finally raised his head to meet their eyes one by one. "My mom says I'm going to hell. A-and I know, like the Christian hell doesn't exist. But...The Fields of Punishment."
Suddenly Aaron's attitude made sense. Percy's heart clenched. "Aaron," he said, "most of the gods don't care about the gender of their own partners, much less yours."
"How can you be sure?" Aaron said, tears in his eyes.
Jason smiled. "Have you ever met Nico di Angelo?"
"No, but I've heard of him," he said, perking up. "Son of Hades. He's a total badass. Uh, no offense to you guys." He turned red.
Jason laughed. "Don't be sorry, Nico is a badass. And he's also openly gay. Has been for years, and he's got one of the best god-demigod parent-child relationships there is. If Hades is cool with his own son being gay, he's definitely not about to damn anyone else to the Fields of Punishment for it."
Aaron's face lit up.
"So," Percy said, "ignore your mom. She doesn't know anything. Only tell people when you're ready, but this camp will accept you, whoever you turn out to be."
Aaron scuffed his shoe again. "Thank you." They each gave him a high five before he ran off to join his friends.
Percy kept his hand in Jason's as he led him to the lake, where they took off their socks and shoes and dangled their feet in the water, able to do so with the camp's weather control. "You know," Percy said, "I left swim trunks in my cabin for visits since no one else goes in there anyway if we wanted to take a dip."
Ten minutes later they were changed and submerged in water, the sun low in the sky.
"Pools just aren't the same as this," Percy said, floating.
Jason hummed in agreement. A couple minutes passed in comfortable silence before he broke it with, "Piper apologized to me today."
"What for?" Percy said. He let himself sink into the water and swim normally again.
"I was talking to her and Reyna, and it turns out Reyna is asexual, too," he said. "Reyna coming out to her was the first time she'd heard the term, and suddenly everything with me made sense. She'd never tried to make me feel pressured, but she was still worried she had anyway."
Percy cleared his throat, looking off to Jason's side. "Does she...does she regret the breakup? Now that she knows what was going on?"
Jason swam up to Percy and put his hands on his shoulders, waiting until Percy met his eyes. "Perce, she's happy with Reyna, and like I told you, the sex thing wasn't the only reason we broke up. Juno got us together, and Piper had been chasing after the version of me from her memories, while I was trying to be that perfect person. It wasn't working for either of us."
Percy averted his gaze. "I'm sorry. I don't know where that jealousy came from."
Jason took Percy's chin between his thumb and index finger and tilted it up. "I love you."
"I love you, too," Percy said, taking Jason's hand from his chin and kissing his palm, earning him a soft smile. A few minutes later, he said, "I forgot how good it feels to teach sword lessons. There's just this energy to it, you know? It's all this work and patience, but then you get to see the progress and it's the most amazing feeling. I've never gotten that feeling from anything else. Especially not marine biology. I studied it because it seemed obvious for me, but I hate science."
"Have you ever thought about teaching?"
Percy blinked at him. "What do you mean?"
"Like as a career," Jason said, circling him. "Becoming a teacher. You were just talking about how much you love it."
Percy opened and closed his mouth. "That's—Why didn't I ever think of that!" He launched himself at Jason, Jason's relative size the only thing keeping him from being knocked back. He pressed a kiss to each of his cheeks. "That's perfect." He released Jason, slipping back from him. "But what subject? I can't actually teach sword-fighting, and I'm bad at traditional academics like math and reading and stuff."
"But you're athletic," Jason said. "You could teach gym class. Or what about swimming? Be a swim coach."
Percy hugged him again. "Have I ever told you you're a genius?"
"No, which is a damn shame," Jason said, returning the embrace.
Percy poked him in retaliation, but he followed it with several pecks on the lips. "What about you? Are you going to go back to school?"
Jason smoothed back Percy's wet hair, face falling. "I don't know. I've been thinking about it, but I don't know what I'd study. I thought about becoming a doctor, but then realized I was only considering it because it's this prestigious occupation that would make me look good and feel important, not because I'm actually interested. Then I thought maybe some sort of leadership role, but I was just falling back to what I'm familiar with and already know I'm good at, again instead of having genuine interest."
"You could become an electrician," Percy teased to lighten Jason's somber mood, prompting Jason to dunk him underwater. "Or a model," he said with a wink, getting him dunked a second time, although he was also treated to Jason's blush.
"I just don't know what I want to do with my life," Jason said. "After everything I've done before, I kind of just want a low-stress life. Something simple and happy. Why can't I just be a professional plant dad?" Since bringing home the cactuses, Jason had bought several more plants to fill their apartment, all of which had names and Jason talked to when he took care of them. Plant Dad was definitely the right title for him.
"So do it," Percy said. "Become a florist or something."
Jason blinked at him. "I...Maybe that's not such a bad idea." He hummed as he mulled over the idea.
They switched between swimming and kissing until their muscles couldn't take any more exercise. After returning home after, Percy spent the rest of the night looking at colleges in New York.
Percy sat across from Jason after his third appointment, the ice cream spot now routine for post-therapy cleansing. Jason didn't need to ask how it went, just patiently wait for Percy to speak.
"I got a diagnosis today," Percy said, stirring his ice cream until it became more of a shake.
"You don't sound happy about that," Jason said, confused.
"I...I don't know how I feel about it. Putting a label on it...it makes it feel real. I know it was always real, but it's different now. Before it was just ambiguous nightmares and sometimes panic attacks, and by some leap of logic I could frame that in my head as normal, at least for a demigod. But now it's post-traumatic stress disorder, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that."
Jason bit his lip, preventing himself from saying the obvious, keep going to therapy, because that wasn't what Percy meant. Instead he said, "A diagnosis is about defining your treatment, not you as a person. So, what you do is take it one day at a time. You accept it as a part of you without letting it be all that you are."
Percy gave him a tired smile and took his hand atop the table, interlacing their fingers. "Thank you, Jace." He kissed the back of Jason's hand. "How are you so good at all this? You knew how to talk me down from my panic attack, and now it's like you know all the right things to say to talk me through all this."
Jason smiled. "When I was at Camp Jupiter, I was in charge of a lot of people. I'm sure you're aware you're not the only one of us who's witnessed and done a lot of terrible things from a young age, so it shouldn't surprise you that you're far from the first person I've met with mental health struggles. Sometimes PTSD, sometimes other things. I've been helped through panic attacks, but I've also had to help people through them before. I've encouraged people to go to therapy before. I'm in no way any kind of mental health expert, but in an informal, daily kind of way, I'm experienced with helping people through this stuff."
"Well, I'm grateful," Percy said. Every new thing he learned about his boyfriend made him feel more impressed and lucky to have him.
"Don't be grateful," Jason said, squeezing his hand. "Just take care of yourself."
Percy laughed, half genuine, half unsure. "I'll do my best."
Jason held Percy's hand in both of his. "That's the most any of us can do."
Percy and Jason's shifts ended at the same time on Valentine's Day, which would have been a nice coincidence if they'd made any plans. Neither of them were particularly into it, though, and took the shifts so their coupled up coworkers could have off. Their own celebration would come the next day, when they'd buy a truly horrifying amount of discounted chocolate and eat it while watching romcoms. Although they made fun of such movies, Percy knew Jason still liked when they got to the sappy happy endings.
Percy got home first, having had an easy day serving an endless array of couples who came in for their Valentine's Day specials. He changed out of his uniform and prepared the trail mix, waiting for Jason so they could unwind together.
When Jason came home he was moving like a robot. He collapsed onto the closest stool, letting his head drop into his folded forearms.
"Long day?" Percy asked.
Jason groaned. "Ridiculous flow of people today because of the special Valentine's Day coffee and pastry options. They're not even unique items, their appearance is just themed. And since we knew we'd get such an influx, we had like three times the normal supplies on hand, and guess who got stuck unloading it from the trucks?" He groaned again. "I'm so sore."
Percy abandoned the trail mix in favor of massaging Jason's shoulders.
Jason's loud noises of distress became soft, pleasurable ones. "That feels amazing."
Percy kissed the top of his head. "If you get out of your uniform, I can do your whole back."
Jason twisted his head to look at him. "I'm just being whiny, Perce, you don't have to—"
"I want to," Percy said. "Unless you don't want me to."
Jason bit his lip. "I want you to."
Percy took back his hands as Jason got up, his boyfriend stripping out of his work shirt and trousers when he reached the bedroom. And if Percy checked him out while he did so, he could hardly be blamed.
Jason flopped face-first onto the bed, resting his head on the pillow, and Percy straddled him, working the knots out of his back.
"Gods, Jace, are you sure this is from a hard day and not like ten years of built-up stress?"
"It might be both," Jason mumbled, gasping when Percy unknotted a particularly bad spot. "I know we talked about you being a teacher, but I feel like massage might be your calling."
Percy laughed, pressing a kiss to the back of Jason's neck. "No, this is a special Captain America-only service I provide."
Jason looked at him with a lazy smile. "Does that mean you'd do this for Chris Evans?"
"Hm," Percy said, his hands sliding over Jason's back. Jason's eyes fluttered closed. "Probably. But I don't think you could really blame me for that. It's Chris Evans."
"Valid point," Jason said. "The man looks like a god."
"After seeing the gods I'm inclined to say he looks better," Percy said, his hands working every part of Jason's back, paying attention to the spots Jason liked best. "You're still my favorite, though."
Jason laughed.
"I feel like you're not taking me seriously."
"I'm not."
Percy pouted, hands slowing. "I'm serious, though. When I told Nico he should use you as a model because you look like one, I was being serious." When Jason didn't say anything, Percy kept at the massage, then began kissing down Jason's spine. He paused halfway to confirm doing so was okay, then kept going until he'd left a kiss just above his boxers. After a last once-over, he climbed off, laying down beside his boyfriend.
Jason rolled onto his back, his head rolling to look at Percy, his face somewhere between concern and melancholy. "Does it really not bother you that I don't want to have sex with you? At least right now."
Percy's eyes widened, his stomach dropping. "Jace, I didn't say that because I—I mean, don't get me wrong, I—I wasn't trying to pressure you."
Jason sat up. "You didn't do anything wrong! That's not what I meant. I just…" He shook his head. "It's so stupid."
"What is?" Percy took his hand.
Jason sighed. "I kind of really hate this point in the year. The big emphasis on romantic love and sex, because they always get tied together like that, and you didn't say anything wrong but it made me think about that, and how my coworkers were talking about their sexy Valentine's Day plans, and about how sex is the highest form of intimacy, and I just...feel wrong. Like by not having sex with you I'm not loving you as fully as someone else would. Like I said, it's stupid. I know you don't think that, but…"
Percy pulled Jason into a hug, running his fingers through his hair until he relaxed against him. "You're right. I don't think that. I think sex is just one of a million different ways to be intimate with someone." When he pulled back, the two laid on their sides facing each other. "Like massage. I don't know about you, but that felt pretty intimate to me."
"It did to me, too," Jason said. "It felt amazing. And I felt cared for, because it was you, doing something you didn't have to just to make me feel good."
"I always want you to feel good," Percy said before pecking Jason's nose.
"I know," Jason said. "I'm sorry, I—"
"Please don't apologize," Percy said, his hand resting on his boyfriend's side, his thumb stroking his skin. "I can't understand what you're going through, but I still believe it's a real, shitty thing for you. It's not stupid."
Jason fiddled with the hem of Percy's shirt. "But about what you said, and being attracted to me...Isn't it...isn't it frustrating for you? To want me in a way you can't have me?"
"No," Percy said without hesitation, knowing Jason needed every ounce of confidence from him. "I do have you in the way I want you, Jace. I get to kiss you, and hold you, and fall asleep with you. I want to make you feel good, and if sex isn't a part of that, sex isn't a part of that."
"I'm sorry," Jason said, voice cracking. "Even though I know all that, sometimes I just still need to hear it."
"And that's okay," Percy said, kissing his cheek. "I'll reassure you as many times as I have to. Because I love you, and I never want you to feel like you're not enough for me, when you're everything I want and more."
Jason brought Percy into an intense kiss that turned his brain to goop. When he broke it, he moved no more than a centimeter back, his breath warm against Percy's face as he whispered, "I love you."
"I love you, too, Captain America," Percy said. He cupped Jason's cheek as he gave him another slower, deeper kiss. "Are you sure you're okay with me making those comments, though? Because I can stop."
"Please don't stop," Jason said, tugging Percy forward so their chests pressed together, his arm draped over Percy's waist. "Like I've said, I like feeling desired. It was just a bad day."
"Okay," Percy said. "But if you ever change your mind, tell me."
"I'll always tell you if I'm uncomfortable," Jason said, nuzzling Percy's neck.
Percy smiled at that proclamation of Jason's openness and trust with him.
"We should definitely do more massages," Jason said. "I'll do you next time."
Percy sighed in contentment as he ran his fingers through Jason's hair. "That sounds nice."
That night while Jason showered, Percy researched on AVEN, on the hunt for ace meetups near them. As much as he was understanding of Jason's feelings, he couldn't empathize, and he hoped Jason would feel better to meet others like him. Reyna was a pleasant coincidence, but he could probably use more people in his corner.
When Jason emerged from the bathroom, they curled into each other in bed and fell asleep.
They were at the end of their third movie and second bag of candy the next day when Percy said, "So, last night I looked for ace meetups in the city."
Jason looked at him, gaze questioning.
"Like, um, events for meeting other people like you," he said, mouth dry. "There's one next month. But I mean, obviously you don't have to go, I just—"
"Perce," Jason said, taking his hand. "Why do you sound so nervous?"
"Fear of overstepping," he said. "Because I guess it's not really my business, and I guess if you wanted to go to one you would have found it yourself, so maybe—"
Jason cut him off with a kiss. Percy relaxed under the pressure of his lips, one hand resting against his chest.
"You're not overstepping," Jason said. "If I ever need you to back off, I'll tell you."
"Okay," Percy said. "It was just that after you were feeling bad yesterday, I thought maybe you'd feel better to meet other people like you, you know? It's not exactly the same but having people around who get it helped me with my bisexuality."
Jason nodded, his fingers threading through Percy's although he wasn't looking at him. "I already went looking at meetups myself and knew that one was happening, but...I want to go, but I also don't. I want to meet people who get it, who understand, but...I'm also weirdly nervous. I don't really know why. I know I'm being irrational but it's like I have this image in my head where I'll show up and no one will be there, and then people will arrive and make fun of me for having been so naive as to think there are actuallyother people like me."
"Jace," Percy began, but Jason shook his head and he stopped.
"A-and it's like, being an asexual guy in particular is awful, because there's that overwhelming perception that we're all sex-obsessed, and I know regular guys can sometimes feel alienated by that too, but to not relate at all just amplifies it. It's shitty, but sometimes it makes me feel like less of a man. Which I know is probably definitely sexist or something, because I know traditional gender roles are bullshit and all that, and normally I don't care, but with this...I don't know. It's different. I just feel different and wrong and broken."
Percy opened and closed his mouth, scrambling for comforting words.
Jason removed his hand from Percy's and hunched over, face in his hands. "I'm sorry."
Percy put his hand on Jason's back, pressing his forehead to Jason's shoulders. "Don't be sorry."
"I'm being annoying and repetitive."
"No, you're not," Percy said, bordering on anger not toward Jason but at a culture that made him feel bad about himself. "There are a lot of things I want to say, but I don't know if any of them would help. I'll try anyway, though. There arepeople like you, and there are other men like you, too. You're not wrong or broken. You are a whole, amazing person regardless of your orientation. And guys who aren't ace aren't 'regular guys.' You're a regular guy, too. You're not some foreign species."
"Just half god," Jason grumbled. He met Percy's eyes with a half smile.
"Just half god," Percy said with a nod. "There are a lot of reasons you're weird, Captain America, but being asexual? That's not it."
Jason rolled his eyes, but his smile was growing. " I'mweird, Mr. Only Blue M&M's In the Trail Mix?"
"Yes," Percy said, booping his nose. "For one, your ridiculous cleaning standards. What nineteen-year-old guy is as obsessed with cleanliness as you?"
"It's a force of habit," Jason said.
"From Lupa's discipline, I know, I know."
"No, actually," Jason said, voice softening. "I don't remember a lot of my mom because of how young I was, but with all my mom's drinking, she didn't really bother cleaning. That's something that still sticks with me, so even though it's kind of weird, keeping everything overly hygienic...It makes me feel different from her. Like I could never turn into her." He shrugged, and Percy could see Jason straining not to call the habit stupid.
Percy pecked him on the lips. "I get it," he said. "I don't like being around people when they're drinking because of Gabe. I mean, I can do, like, the wine with dinner, but I can't do drunk people. I'm not afraid of turning into him or anything, not really, but...I don't know. I just don't like the reminder." Jason took his hand, thumb rubbing circles on it.
"B-but anyway," Percy said, pivoting back to lighter topics. "You're also weird because you like washing dishes."
"It's relaxing!" Jason said. "And besides, you benefit from that."
"And you sleep shirtless in the dead of winter, that's weird too."
Jason gave him a flirtatious smirk, tugging Percy onto his lap and leaning in. "I'm pretty sure you benefit from that, too."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Percy said, crossing his arms.
Jason's look dropped. "Okay, I guess I'll start sleeping with a shirt on, then."
"No," Percy said, dragging out the word.
Jason laughed and kissed him. "That's what I thought."
Percy pouted. "Can you blame me for admiring my hot boyfriend?"
"No more than you can blame me," Jason said with a wink. When he saw the slight confusion on Percy's face, he said, "Looking at you shirtless doesn't turn me on, but that doesn't mean I don't like it. Aesthetically I could still stare at you forever."
Percy laughed. "Forever, huh?" He shimmied out of his shirt in a remarkably unsexy way that Jason liked anyway. "Well, I guess we better get started then."
Jason ended up going to the ace meetup in March. While he was gone, Percy did an ultra cleaning for the apartment and knocked out errands like grocery shopping. Too often he let them fall to Jason who, like with dishes, found them "relaxing." He really was a dork.
When Jason arrived home, Percy was finishing a run on the treadmill. He leapt off and went in for a hug, only to have a hand on his chest stop him.
"Nasty, Perce, you're dripping in sweat."
Percy stepped back, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "So how did it go?"
At first Jason's mouth quivered and Percy couldn't tell what position it was going to land on, but then it formed a large grin. "I'll tell you about it after you shower, okay?"
"But you look happy, and I want to hear about it now," Percy said, tugging on his wrist.
Jason gave him a hesitant smile. "If you really can't wait, I could join you."
Percy's eyes became huge as he flushed bright red. "What?" He was certain he'd misheard.
"We could shower together," Jason said, wrapping his arms around Percy's neck and confirming that Percy had not in fact misheard.
"I—um—Are you sure you're okay with that?" Percy was burning up.
"Yeah," Jason said, face beginning to fall, "but it's okay if you don't want to. I just thought we could do that kind of thing without it leading anywhere, but uh, I guess it can't be like that for you."
"I do want to," Percy said. "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything."
"It was my idea," Jason said before kissing him.
"Okay," Percy said, smiling against the kiss. "Let's do it, then."
Their clothes were left on the bathroom floor before getting into the shower together, Percy under the water.
"Want me to wash your hair?" Jason asked, kissing Percy on the shoulder. When Percy hummed in agreement, he began caressing shampoo into his hair, giving him a scalp and temple massage in the process.
"That feels amazing," Percy murmured, resisting the urge to melt.
Jason laughed before recounting everything that had happened at the ace meetup. He happily chatted away about the conversations he'd had and people he'd met, including a couple he'd exchanged numbers with to hang out sometime.
"And you'll never guess who I saw there," Jason said as he was rinsing Percy's hair.
"Who?" Percy said.
"Leo," Jason said. "I checked with him, he's cool with me telling you, but it turns out he's aroace. All that flirting he's done over the years has been like half overcompensation for what he's not feeling and half just his sense of humor."
"Huh," Percy said, squirting body wash onto a rag and washing up. "Wait, but I thought he's dating Calypso?"
"They're in a queerplatonic relationship, actually," Jason explained. "It's an umbrella term for a relationship that's sort of between platonic and romantic and doesn't really fit into those norms."
"Huh," Percy said. "Cool. Good for him."
"Yeah," Jason said, sliding his hands down to massage between Percy's shoulder blades.
Percy allowed Jason to turn him to mush before switching their places and giving Jason the same shampoo treatment. Jason hummed in response to Percy's fingers in his hair. "So am I right in assuming you're glad you went?"
"Yeah," Jason said. "Um, thanks for the encouragement."
"Always," Percy said, kissing the side of his neck from behind, then pausing. "That okay?"
"Mmhm," Jason said.
They finished up with Jason, Percy giving the occasional kiss on the neck, before toweling off and getting dressed.
"That was nice," Percy said, snuggling up to Jason on the couch. "We should do it again when we're able to take our time like that." The whole experience was intimate and comfortable.
"Absolutely," Jason said, kissing his head. "I love you."
Percy chuckled and drew Jason in for a kiss. "I love you, too."
Later that week, Percy sat at the kitchen island, rolling a bottle of pills between his hands. He'd thought keeping his promise to do his best to take care of myself would be easy, and normally it was. He ate a mostly balanced diet, he exercised for at least half an hour each day, he showered even when he didn't want to, he went to all his therapy appointments.
But then his therapist sent a psychiatrist, and his psychiatrist had given him a prescription for medication. Right when therapy was starting to not feel so overwhelming, a curveball was thrown at him. Medication felt like a whole new game.
So here he was, sitting in the kitchen and rolling a bottle of pills between his hands. He was still doing that when Jason arrived home.
"Hey, Perce, do you—" Jason cut himself off when he saw Percy and what he was preoccupied with. "What's that?"
Percy stopped fiddling with the bottle and set it on the island away from him, staring it down. "Medication."
"Oh," Jason said, sitting beside him. "Have you started taking it?"
"No," Percy said. "I got the prescription and picked it up yesterday, and I was supposed to start today, but…" He licked his lips. "Are meds really necessary? I'm not…"
Jason put his hand on Percy's back, the weight soothing.
"I always pictured medication as for people who have intense problems," Percy said.
"Medication is for the people it works for," Jason said with a shrug.
"I guess," Percy said. "But...I don't want happy pills. I don't want feeling good to be fake."
Jason frowned, agitation apparent. "That's not what medication is, Perce, just a shitty stereotype. Medication doesn't make you less you. It lets you be you. It doesn't let you cheat in a race by giving you a bike, it gives you a fair shot in a race by removing the wall in front of you."
Percy leaned against Jason, who wrapped an arm around him. "Why are you so much smarter than me?"
Jason kissed his temple. "Because there are no other children of Poseidon to call Seaweed Brain and we couldn't let the nickname be wasted."
"You're absolutely right. So wise. You definitely don't have your head in the clouds."
Jason shoved him away and got up. "You're terrible. Remind me why I'm dating you?"
Percy followed Jason to the couch and plopped down beside him, snuggling into his side as Jason wrapped an arm around him again as if he hadn't just stormed away from this exact position. "Because you love me?" Percy said, smirking and fluttering his eyes.
"Eh," Jason said. "I think it's just because you're cute."
"Fair and valid."
"No!" Jason said, switching gears in a split second and kissing his head.
Percy laughed. "Right, right. You're with me because…" He intended to finish the sentence, only to be forced to ask, "Why are you with me?"
"You really have to ask?" Jason said, a smile playing at his lips. When he saw Percy was serious, he matched the mood, saying, "I'm with you because I'm in love with you, and I'm in love with you because you're brave, dedicated, passionate, and ambitious. You're always pushing yourself to be better, and you make me want to be better, too."
Percy turned pink as he kissed his boyfriend. "In case it doesn't go without saying, I'm with you because I'm in love with you, and I'm in love with you because you're selfless, patient, understanding, and the most empathetic person I know. And ditto on wanting to be better. I think...I think we make each other better." He chewed his lip before taking a deep breath and going to the kitchen. Then he poured himself a glass, and, despite every conflicted voice in his head, took his medication. Afterward he returned to Jason, curling back up with his boyfriend, the place he felt the most safe.
"I'm proud of you," Jason said, playing with Percy's hair.
"Thanks, Captain America," Percy said. Because right then, Jason's support was exactly what he needed.
Percy was at work when he got the email from Queens College. While he'd applied to several schools in New York City, Queens College had been his top pick. The school was within half an hour of his and Jason's current apartment, so they wouldn't have to move or be any farther from his parents. It had a major of Physical Education Teaching and Coaching as well as a swim team. He could even study Ancient/Classical Greek Language and Literature, and there was a center for Byzantine and modern Greek studies. Queens College was perfect for him.
Queens College also rejected half its applicants.
Percy couldn't open the email now or he'd spent the rest of his shift either crying or bouncing from place to place, neither of which made for proper table waiting. Instead he spent the rest of his shift compulsively looking at the notification on his phone, dying to open it.
By the time his shift was done, he was ready to scream, and that was exactly what he did in the parking lot outside after reading the email.
Percy wasn't sure how he'd managed it, but he'd gotten in.
Jason was in the kitchen when Percy arrived home, and Percy bolted to him, leaping straight into his arms because he knew Jason could handle it, though he did make a small oof.
"Good day?" Jason said, the happiness infectious although he was confused.
Percy lifted himself to sit on the island, dragging Jason to stand in between his legs before wrapping his arms around his neck and giving him several hard kisses between words. "I got—into my—first choice—school." When the sentence was out, he tangled his fingers in Jason's hair, much longer than it had been when they first moved in together, and kept their lips locked in a fervent kiss.
They stayed entangled until they were both out of breath and Jason pulled back, his hands on Percy's thighs, face flushed. Jason chuckled and gave him a soft kiss before saying, "That's amazing, Perce." He kissed him again, seemingly unable to get enough. "Wait, where is it?" He said, enthusiasm faltering despite an attempt to hide it.
"It's in New York, don't worry," Percy said with a grin that pained his face. "It's Queens College." Jason listened as Percy talked about all the reasons Queens College was his first choice, even managing to casually include the acceptance rate so Jason would get that proud smile Percy reveled in receiving from him.
"You're incredible," Jason said, pressing his forehead to Percy's. "We need to go out tonight and celebrate."
"Absolutely," Percy said. He hopped off the island and brought Jason to the living room, Jason laying with his head in Percy's lap and Percy playing with his hair. "Did you apply anywhere?"
"About that," Jason said, "I listened to you. Kind of."
"Listened to me?" Percy wracked his brain for what he'd said. "About being a florist?"
Jason hummed. "Yeah. I recently started an online course for floral design with the New York Institute of Art and Design. But uh, that's not the big decision I made about the future."
Percy raised his eyebrows, eyes on Jason as he sat up. Jason chewed his lip, fidgeting. "I haven't started taking any steps toward actually doing it yet. I'm still planning it out, and it probably won't happen for a while, but I've put a lot of thought into if this is what I want, and Nico, Piper, and Reyna support me, and—"
"Jace," Percy said, squeezing his hand with a warm smile. "Just tell me."
"I want to open a flower shop." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jason's hesitation melted away, replaced with a goofy grin he couldn't keep off his face. "It isn't what I ever saw myself doing, but that's what I like about it. It isn't exactly simple, because obviously running even a small business is a huge undertaking, but...I really want this. Have you ever had a thought and it just...clicked? Like you could just feel the last piece of the puzzle going into place?"
"Yes," Percy said, kissing him. "That's how I felt when you suggested I become a teacher," he said. "And when you moved in here. And...and it's how I felt the first time I kissed you."
Jason blushed. "You are such a hopeless romantic," he said, though the words oozed with affection. He shifted until Percy was laying down and Jason was hovering above him, drawing out a kiss from his lip before grazing his teeth over Percy's earlobe. When Percy shivered, he smirked against his skin and sucked just below his ear, then lower and lower, working his way down to his collarbone.
Percy had always known Jason was attentive, but that trait had never been more apparent than in his kissing. He listened to the changes in Percy's breathing and his small gasps and by now had a solid grasp on how and where Percy most liked to be kissed, sucked, and bitten. Percy was certainly not complaining about his expertise.
Jason wrapped his fingers around the bottom of Percy's shirt, eyebrow raised in a silent question when their eyes met.
Percy nodded with a breathless, "You too."
Jason chuckled, stripping them both of their shirts so Percy could enjoy the view while Jason left kisses and sometimes hickies across his chest. Right now he was sucking just above Percy's work pants and making him wish he'd changed into looser clothing before sharing the news.
"If you keep doing that, I'm going to need some alone time before we go to dinner," Percy said, too turned on to be embarrassed about how breathless he sounded.
Jason looked up only with his eyes and said, "You say that like it wasn't the intention." He winked before sucking another spot near the first, Percy's nails digging into his scalp in a way that seemed only to encourage him.
At first when physical intimacy with Jason had begun escalating, Percy found it strange to have to stop, not having had to with Annabeth unless one of them happened to not be in the mood. However, he'd been pleased to find it wasn't too hard to get used to, letting Jason rile him up and finishing himself off . Jason was open to the prospect of being more involved in the future, but even if they never went further than this, Percy was satisfied. What he wanted was to feel close to Jason, and he didn't need sex to do that. He didn't even need Jason to turn him on like this, but if Jason was comfortable, Percy was definitely into it.
When Jason had had his fun, Percy finished himself off in the bathroom and they headed to dinner.
In celebration of Percy's acceptance and Jason figuring out his future, they went somewhere more upscale than usual, formal enough to compel them to wear nice pants and button-ups but not so formal as to require a reservation. The food was delicious, but Percy kept finding himself distracted by other things: the knowledge he'd soon be signing up for classes and returning to school, the prospect of helping Jason open a business sometime down the line, Jason himself.
Every time Percy tried to stop staring at Jason, his eyes drifted back to him again, at the same time unable to stop beaming. A great deal had changed in Percy's life since he and Annabeth broke up. He'd helped Percy make New York City his home and reconnect with Nico, accepted him completely, and encouraged him to be the best he could be in both his personal life and his career.
Percy startled Jason by taking his hand without warning, thumb grazing his knuckles, but his boyfriend smiled at him. "I really appreciate you," Percy said. "I don't think I'd be doing nearly as well right now if it wasn't for you."
Jason turned pink. "I appreciate you too, Perce," Jason said, lifting his hand to kiss the back of it. The intimacy of hand kisses never ceased to amaze Percy. "You've helped me a lot in accepting that I can't be some godlike figure."
"I mean, you technically half are," Percy laughed.
Jason rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Very funny. Really, though. I don't feel like some brand new person, and I'm still working on myself, but I feel like something deep has changed. And for the first time since the end of the war with Gaea, I feel like my life can still have a lot of value without literally saving the world."
"I know what you mean," Percy said. "When I first left camp I felt like nothing I did as Percy could ever live up to what I did as Percy Jackson. But then I think about those sword-fighting lessons and Aaron, and how I'm going to make a difference to teenagers at a rough point in their lives, if only a few of them. I'm going to be one of their stepping stones toward achieving their own goals and doing great things, and I like to think I'll have a positive impact. I think I've finally accepted that not everything has to be life or death. Sometimes it's just making a kid feel accepted. Sometimes it's just helping people find the right flower arrangement to celebrate their big moments." He squeezed Jason's hand. "Maybe sometimes it's just finding personal fulfillment in spite of everything you've been through."
Jason kissed his hand again. "You know, I've never been as confident as I've acted. In some of my abilities, sure, because there's some level of objective test for battle. But in my leadership and choices, not really. That perpetual push toward an impossible standard always made me doubt myself, terrified that I'd slip up and expose myself as inadequate. But you and the plans I've made now?" He paused. "That I have confidence in. I finally feel like I'm doing the right thing." He paused. "Maybe we don't find personal fulfillment in spite of everything we've been through but because of it."
Percy couldn't agree more.
Afterward finished their meal, holding hands on the walk back to their apartment.
"I know there's never any guarantees," Percy said, "but I feel like with you and everyone else in my corner, I can do anything."
"Like even though the world isn't ours for the saving, it's ours for the taking," Jason said.
Percy grinned, leaning into him. "Exactly."
The pair was silent for the rest of the walk, basking in their present victories and the warm glow of their bright future, because no matter what, Percy knows he's going to be okay.