Chapter 4 - chapter four

Percy came home in mid-November to Jason setting up their new treadmill in the living room facing the TV. After changing out of his waiter uniform, he dropped onto the couch, watching him work. 

Jason looked up from the project to glare. "You could help, you know," he deadpanned.

"That is a true statement," Percy said. "But 'Should I?' is the real question."

Jason rolled his eyes, but after laughing, Percy got up to help. "So," Jason said after a few minutes, "I've been thinking about visiting New Rome soon. See Reyna and everyone. It's been like five months since we were last there. Do you want to come?"

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea, actually," he said.

Jason side-eyed him. "You don't have to, you know, if—"

"I know," Percy said. "I want to. Really."

Jason smiled. "Okay, cool. This weekend work for you?"

"Mmhm."

Percy and Jason finished setting up the treadmill and spent the afternoon watching TV together, Percy lounging on the couch and Jason running on the treadmill. At a point in his workout that Percy wasn't paying enough attention to to notice, Jason ditched his shirt. When Percy noticed this development, he became well-acquainted with the physical grandeur that was Jason: back, abs, arms. Although Jason slept shirtless, there was a difference between being lightyears away from each other on opposite ends of a king-size bed and seeing him exercise.

Percy had always been aware that Jason was conventionally attractive and maybe caught himself checking him out during sparring practice a couple times during the past, but he'd always brushed that off as admiring Jason's battle prowess. Perhaps there were earlier signs of his bisexuality that he had misinterpreted. He pointedly focused on the TV for the rest of Jason's workout.

When the weekend came around, Jason summoned Tempest to be their ride to Camp Jupiter, Percy's arms around Jason's waist from behind. Jason was relaxed as they flew to camp, at home in the air and lost in his thoughts. Percy didn't want to disturb Jason's peace and didn't have anything to say anyway, so he took the flight as an opportunity to work through his own thoughts.

He wasn't sure how he felt about seeing Annabeth again. The months that had passed since they last saw each other felt both like no time at all and inexplicably long. 

On one hand, after settling into a routine with Jason and finding new friends and things to do in the city, the months had flown past without Percy noticing. His life was full of hanging out with Jason, Nico, Will, and now Aidan. He was no longer taking cooking lessons with Nico, but now that he had the basics down he'd continued teaching himself via YouTube tutorials. He and Jason had started trying out new places in the city so Percy could expand his horizons and Jason could get out of his homebody comfort zone. Life was busy, but in a good way, and Percy was still looking for more activities to pick up, solo or with Jason.

On the other hand, he was used to seeing Annabeth every day. When they were living together in New Rome for college or back at Camp Half-Blood to teach during the summers, they saw each other no matter how busy they were. They'd have picnics, sparring matches, and midnight swims. Saving the world twice meant Chiron turned a blind eye to Annabeth sleeping in his cabin every so often. Their schedules kept them together at Camp Half-Blood, and in New Rome they shared the same spaces, the same meals, the same bed. Every day had begun and ended in the same way: with Annabeth at his side. With that being the standard, five months of not speaking was an eternity.

Percy's skin was buzzing, but he couldn't tell if the adrenaline was coming from nerves or excitement. He didn't realize until Camp Jupiter was in sight how much he wanted to see Annabeth. To his pleasant surprise, that epiphany wasn't accompanied by thoughts of the two of them running into each other's arms or kissing between words taking back the breakup. The image of their reunion was not dramatic; it was just him and her and an ease between them, like they were reuniting as old friends instead of ex-partners. Perhaps that was the way he should be conceptualizing his and Annabeth's new dynamic, not as exes, but as friends.

When Jason and Percy arrived at camp, Reyna and Piper were the first to greet them. Jason split off from Percy to spend time with them while Percy went off to find Annabeth. She knew from Jason that he was coming.

"Hey, Seaweed Brain."

Percy turned toward the voice, and there was Annabeth. She was in jeans and a bulky purple New Rome University sweatshirt, and her hair was swept back in a ponytail, hastily done as indicated by the several stray strands. Her hands were in her pockets, her stance unsure in a way he wasn't used to seeing her. Although she appeared as he remembered, there was something different, too, though he couldn't put his finger on it yet.

"Hey, Wise Girl," he said, a smile spreading on his face to match the one she wore.

"I'm surprised you and Jason managed to make it here in one piece," she said as she approached.

He swallowed. "You don't give us enough credit. We're actually quite the excellent team."

"Oh I don't doubt it," she said. She glanced around the area. "We should go somewhere more private. Still a fan of the lake?" she asked, a teasing glint in her eye.

Percy rolled his eyes, not bothering to answer as she fell in step beside him on the way to the lake.

"So," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "How have you been?"

"I've been good, actually," he said. "Not at first, but...I like where I am right now. I'm waiting tables at this place called The Small Fry, and it's actually pretty fun. I've been seeing Nico a lot, too."

"You have?" she said, face brightening. "How is he? I barely see him now that I'm not at Camp Half-Blood."

"He's good," Percy said. "Really good, actually. He's doing a lot of art, and he's talented, too. He's been teaching me to cook."

"Oh gods," she said.

He playfully shoved her arm before they settled side by side on the beach. "Rude. I'm turning out to be a pretty okay cook. Just ask Jason."

"Jason tried your cooking? He's even braver than I thought."

"Damn, Annabeth, I didn't come here to get roasted," he said, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face. Talking to her was like a breath of fresh air after a year stuck indoors. He'd missed her. Gods how he'd missed her.

"Then what did you come here for, Seaweed Brain?" she said, nudging him.

"You know what, I have no idea." When she lightly punched him, he laughed. "You, mostly. Obviously. How have youbeen?"

Annabeth lit up as she talked about her architecture program and all the things she'd been doing with Piper and Rachel.

"I didn't know Rachel was up here," Percy said.

"She hasn't issued any prophecies since the last war, so she decided to come to New Rome University to study art," Annabeth explained. The comfortable atmosphere that had existed between them seconds before vanished. Annabeth blushed, fiddling with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "Percy, about Rachel…" She was chewing on her lip in the way she always did when she was stressed over an assignment. Sometimes she'd chew for so long he'd have to stop her before she made herself bleed without noticing.

"You like her, don't you?" he said, voice soft and free of judgment. "As in not as a friend."

Her head jerked up, gray eyes wide and uncertain. "Yeah."

He smiled, taking one of her hands and giving it a squeeze. "It's okay, Annabeth," he said.

"Is it?" she said, her voice trembling, like she was waiting for his backlash.

"Of course," he said. "I just want you to be happy. You should go for it."

"Percy…" she said, tears filling her eyes.

"You were right," he said. "About the breakup. About everything. We got together young and under shitty circumstances, and we needed the time away from each other. It was horrible, don't get me wrong. But ultimately it was the right thing."

Annabeth was throwing her arms around Percy's neck and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug before he could react.

"Do you mean that?" she asked against his shirt.

He chuckled, giving her a squeeze before she pulled back. "Yeah," he said. "That life we had planned when we were teenagers...I don't think that's the life I see for myself anymore, and I don't think it's the life you see for yourself, either. That's what made you go from break to breakup, right?"

She nodded. "I'd been thinking about that plan. New Rome, marriage, kids, staying there our whole lives. It was a suffocating thought. I can be an architect anywhere, and I want to take advantage of that. I want to roam between places, go from project to project. Live all over the country, if not the world. You know me. I always want more."

"I get it," Percy said. "I do. I shouldn't be surprised that that's what you want now. I want something in between, I think. I want to travel, but just vacations, not moving all the time. I still want that stability, here in the city, but not the kids or the routine. I want to be challenged instead of settling just because I've spent so much time looking forward to safety and security. 

"Things are different now. I feel like I know myself better than I did when we were together. I'm still figuring out what I want, what'll make me feel fulfilled, you know? And you're, uh, you're not the only one who's had some identity revelations recently." His face warmed. "I was going out with a guy for a while. It was casual, but it was still nice. It felt normal and good for me, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she laughed. "I'd never thought of Rachel that way, but she was there for me after the breakup and we got really close. I know I was the one to end things, but the breakup still ripped me apart, too. I hope you know that."

"I'd hoped so, but honestly it's still nice to hear you say it," Percy said. "Just to know I wasn't the only one being put through the ringer."

"You weren't," Annabeth said forcefully. "It was...gods, Seaweed Brain, it's been weird not being able to talk to you. Whenever something good happens, you're always the first person I want to call, but we weren't speaking again yet, so I'd always have to stop myself, and that just felt wrong."

"I get it," he said. "I'm glad we had the time apart, though. We needed that."

She nodded. "So...Do you think we can be friends again now?"

Percy laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Of course we can, Wise Girl. Do you really think I'd ever let you be out of my life?"

"I hoped not," she said, laying her head on his shoulder. "I know I'd never want you out of mine. You're my best friend."

"And you're mine," he said. "Percy and Annabeth, forever and always."

While Annabeth looked out over the water, Percy watched her from the corner of his eye, gradually putting together how she could look and act the same yet feel different. Once he would have called her hair golden, but now it was just blonde. Her smile still filled him with warmth, but it no longer made him want to kiss her senseless. When he looked in her eyes, he saw the calculations and the ten layers of emotion going on at any given time, but he didn't see the future.

He still loved her, but he wasn't in love with her anymore. 

That was the fourth thing he learned about himself after the breakup. Percy wasn't Annabeth's boyfriend anymore, but he was her best friend, and that didn't feel like a downgrade. In the face of his fresh start and the new life he was building for himself, it was an improvement.

Percy and Annabeth, forever and always, even if not in the way they originally thought.

"Is Thalia coming around for Christmas?" Percy asked, flipping the blueberry pancakes he was making for dinner. 

"Kind of," Jason said as he set the table. "She has a quest for Artemis overlapping with Christmas, so we'll be having an early one in a couple weeks."

Percy turned his back to the griddle as the second side cooked, the corners of his mouth quirked down. "So what are you doing for the actual day, then?"

Jason shrugged, pouring them each a glass of milk. "I don't know. I'll probably lay around drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas specials or something."

"Unacceptable," Percy said, prompting Jason to raise an eyebrow. "You should come home with me."

Jason's jaw went slack. "What?"

"Come home with me," Percy repeated. "It'll just be me, my mom, and my dad. They'd love to have an extra person to stuff full of Christmas dinner. Do you honestly want to sit around the apartment alone on Christmas?" Neither he nor Jason thought twice about referring to Paul as his dad instead of his stepdad. Out in the real world, celebrating holidays and living a life that wasn't defined by danger, Paul was the dad who mattered.

Jason opened and closed his mouth once before sighing. "Not really, no."

"So you'll come?" He grabbed their plates from the table, serving the pancakes from the griddle. Rain began pouring outside.

"Fine," Jason relented with a hesitation that confused Percy. He accepted his plate as Percy sat beside him. "But only if you get Sally and Paul's permission in advance."

"Of course," Percy said. "I would have done that anyway. But I'm telling you, they'll be all too happy to have you there."

"They don't even know me, Perce," Jason argued.

"They kind of do," Percy said between bites. "I've told them about you."

Jason's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Of course. You're in most my stories. I talk about you enough that they ask for updates when I call." He fondly rolled his eyes, then turned pink. "Why? Is that weird?"

"No, no!" Jason said, eyes dropping to his plate as he resumed eating. "It's kind of nice, actually." Outside the rain picked up. Jason began to chew on the inside of his cheek. "You think it's going to storm?"

Percy got up to check the windows around the corner. The sky was pitch black and filled with dark gray clouds. "It looks like it, yeah. Why?"

"No reason," Jason said, voice unnaturally gruff.

"Not afraid of a little storm, are you?" Percy joked as he sat back down.

"Of course not," Jason snapped, glaring at his pancakes.

Percy's smile dropped. "Hey man, I didn't mean anything by it. It's okay if you are."

Jason gripped his fork as if it were a lifeline. "I'm fine, Percy." He sighed, setting down the fork as his face softened. "Okay, fine, no I'm not. I just—" He shook his head, eyes squeezed shut. "It's stupid."

"Just tell me," Percy prodded. The fact that Jason was even admitting there was a problem in the first place was progress.

"I've just...I've been having these nightmares where I'm flying and Zeus shoots me out of the sky with lightning for not...for not meeting his expectations. For not being enough anymore. I know it's just nightmares, and I'm indoors and everything's fine, but—" Thunder clapped and Jason pressed his elbows to the island, hands clamped over his ears, eyes shut. He was shaking, and under other circumstances Percy would have found the irony of the son of Zeus developing a fear of thunderstorms funny, but Jason looked miserable and embarrassed, and Percy could find no satisfaction in that.

"Give me a second," Percy said, squeezing his shoulder. "I'll take care of this."

While Jason sat frozen at the island, Percy closed the curtains over the windows and built a fort in the living room with their pillows and bedsheets, placing his laptop and earbuds inside. When he was done he tapped Jason on the shoulder, and his friend cracked open one eye.

"C'mon," Percy said, and when he took Jason's hand, Jason eased up and allowed Percy to guide him into the fort, where he'd already geared up Captain America: The First Avenger. He offered Jason the earbuds to watch and block out the storm, but Jason insisted they each take one, earplugs in their other ears.

Although the setup blocked out most of the sound, Jason still flinched with each crash of thunder. What bothered Percy, though, was how each time Jason glanced at him, as if gauging his reaction. The third time it happened, Percy took Jason's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

They kept watching movies in their safe haven until the storm passed, and then, though they stopped using the earbuds and earplugs, they kept going until they fell asleep there side by side.

When Percy woke up in the morning, he was alone, but not for the first time there was a note from Jason: "Thanks for last night, both the fort and not making fun of me. Your friend, Jason. P.S. We should totally make forts more often."

Percy kept the note.

Later that day Jason came home after work with a bag of pastries. "For you," he said, tossing the bag to Percy on the couch. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I kind of got you one of everything."

Percy opened the bag to reveal a cinnamon roll, blueberry muffin, blueberry and chocolate chip scones, and a frosted brownie. "You didn't have to do this," Percy said. "You don't have to, like, pay me to be there for you."

"I wasn't—that's not what I'm trying to do," Jason said. "I, um, don't rely on people very often, and relying on people makes me want to apologize to them. But I know what you'll say if I apologize, so I'm deciding to feel grateful instead of guilty. So those are thank you pastries and not apology pastries, and don't you forget it."

Percy couldn't help the affectionate laugh that bubbled up from his gut. "Got it," he said. "And in that case, you're welcome."

Jason brightened, relieved that Percy didn't put up a fight.

"But," Percy added as Jason sat down beside him, "I'm only accepting these on the condition you share them with me while we watch Megamind." He already had the movie pulled up on Netflix.

Jason chuckled. "Deal."

Percy fetched them saucers and drinks, and they split up the pastries between them. When they made it to the second half of the movie and Metro Man's faked death was revealed, Jason looked uncomfortable.

"Do you think he was selfish to abandon the city when it needed his protection?" Jason asked in a near whisper.

"Not at all," Percy said as he finished the blueberry scone.

Jason looked at him. "How can you say that? People were relying on him. Sure, Megamind turned out to not be a real threat to them, but if the villain had been anyone else, people could have died because he wasn't there."

Percy set aside his empty saucer. "Yeah, but even if the villain was someone else, that doesn't change anything for me. He chose to be a hero, but does that really mean he's obligated to keep being one for the rest of his life? He's still a person, and I think he deserves to live his own life, especially since he spent decades doing the hero thing before he faked his death to get out of it."

Jason went silent, and Percy touched his arm. "I feel like we're not talking about Metro Man, though," he said.

Jason frowned. "I like living out here with you, but sometimes I can't help but think about the camps we left behind."

"We're not at war anymore, Jason," Percy said. "The world doesn't need you to save it."

Jason scratched absently at his jeans. "I know. But Nico is still doing tasks for his dad, the Hunters are still doing things for Artemis, other people are going out there and getting demigods to camp. There's always work, and I feel like a bad person for choosing myself over that life."

"You never owed anyone anything, Jace," Percy said, thumb rubbing circles on Jason's forearm. "And even if you did, your debt was certainly paid with everything you've already done. You deserve to live your life for yourself."

Jason's entire body turned rigid. "But I don't even know what I want to do. I haven't been doing anything. I'm a waste of a life."

Percy's hand froze. "Where is that coming from? There's no such thing as wasting your life. You're doing the best you can."

"No, I'm not. I could be doing more."

"You're getting by. That's enough."

Jason's hands curled in and out of fists. "No, it's not. I need to live a life that matters." His jaw was set, his eyes like an overcast sky.

"Why are you so hung up on this?"

"Because I lived!"

Percy jerked back from Jason as a shock went through his hand.

Jason hid his face in his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"I know," Percy said. He watched Jason, waiting for him to return to what he was saying.

Jason sighed, lifting his head though he refused to look at Percy. "We lost...so many people, Percy. But by fate or by chance, I'm still here, and if I'm going to be alive when they aren't...I need to deserve it, and I don't think I do."

Percy wanted to answer, but he was choking on his own survivor's guilt. The self-doubt and shame formed a ball of nails that left his throat bleeding every time he swallowed it. When he finally responded, he said the only thing he could think of. "Are you happy?"

Jason's eyebrows furrowed, but he met Percy's eyes. "Yeah. I don't think I should be, but I am. Seeing Will and Nico, living with you, my job...it's such a small life and there's more I want out of it, but...yeah. I'm happy."

Percy took Jason's hand, lacing their fingers together. With training increasingly far in the past, Jason's hands were becoming softer and less calloused. "Then that's enough," Percy said. "Happiness is enough. You don't need to save the world for your life to matter. It's enough to save yourself."

Jason stared at Percy, a million different emotions waxing and waning together on his face. Then, almost lazily, he raised their linked hands and kissed the back of Percy's. "I love you, you know," Jason said casually, like he said it all the time.

Percy had no idea what Jason was thinking, but now there was an entirely new lump in his throat and a not entirely unpleasant twist in his stomach. Because he didn't know what else to do, he chuckled, and because he didn't know what else to say, he said, "I love you, too."

Jason cracked a smile, genuine but with something else restrained beneath it. "Thanks for all this, Perce. You—you're my rock."

"No problem, Captain America," Percy said with a grin.

Jason rolled his eyes. "I become less like Captain America by the day. I'm supposed to be loosening up, remember?"

"And you are," Percy said, squeezing his hand before letting go. "You never would have let me in on your nightmares if you weren't."

Jason glanced at Percy's hand before meeting his eyes. "It wasn't like I had a choice."

"True, but the Jason of times passed would have adamantly denied anything was wrong, made an excuse to go to bed early, hidden under the sheets while still in denial, and then not admitted it until I dragged the truth out of him. But that was Jason Grace. This is 'Jason, some random guy in New York.' A totally different person, really."

Jason snorted and wrapped an arm around Percy's shoulders, pulling him in to ruffle his hair with his free hand.

"Hey!" Percy whined, squirming under his arm. "I'm older than you! You do not get to ruffle my hair!"

"Really? I couldn't tell from all the hair-ruffling I'm doing," Jason said, smile in his voice, increasing the ruffle action.

"I can't believe I called you Captain America when you're clearly a villain," Percy said, trying and failing to escape Jason's attack until Jason stopped of his own accord.

Jason flashed a smile full of pearly white teeth. "I'm glad you're finally coming to understand my true nature."

Percy poked him in the stomach. "Calm down, Mysterio." Jason's arm was still around his shoulders, but he wasn't about to complain. He was comfortable.

Jason gave him a funny look. "I would have expected you to go with a Captain America villain to, you know, keep with the metaphor."

"But Mysterio works better for this. Uses illusions to make himself out to be this great guy when in reality he's the villain, which is apparently how you see yourself."

"You watch too many Marvel movies."

Percy gave him a look. "We both know you've seen more than me."

"You're not wrong, but that doesn't mean you needed to call me out like that," Jason said.

"If I don't call you out, who will?" Percy said with a smirk. Jason opened his mouth, but Percy cut in before he could respond. "Don't answer that, I know you're going to say yourself and go on a self-deprecating tangent."

"Rude. Wasn't I supposed to be Blonde Superman anyway? What happened to that?"

Percy shrugged. "It had to be updated. Superman is basically perfect, but you're not, and that's a good thing. Therefore, Captain America instead. Imperfect but doing his best. It doesn't roll off the tongue the same way, but oh well."

Jason laughed. "I feel like you've put a lot of thought into this."

Percy turned his head to lock eyes with Jason, leaning in close. "Nicknames are extremely important business, Jace, and I can not believe you would so much as even sort of imply otherwise."

Jason ruffled his hair again, but his voice was stiff when he said, "Whatever you say, Perce. Whatever you say."

Percy answered the knock at the door that weekend to find Nico and Will. Nico was holding a wine bottle as he said, "If your spaghetti alla carbonara isn't up to par, I'm sending you straight to the Underworld."

"He's kidding," Will said in a 'Isn't he adorable?' voice.

Nico did not look like he was kidding, but Percy smiled and said, "Come on in, guys."

Jason greeted them as they entered before returning his attention to the pasta he was tossing.

"Even if Jason screwed up the pasta, I'm sure my zeppole will be delightful," Percy said, returning the glare Jason sent him with a wink.

Nico and Will exchanged a look before seating themselves on one side of the island. Percy took out four wine glasses but only filled three with wine, giving Jason water instead. Knowing Beryl Grace's alcoholism, Jason's avoidance of consuming alcohol was a given, although Percy guessed even without that Jason was too straight-laced to drink underage, not that any of them drank outside of wine when they cooked Italian.

Jason served everyone a plate of the spaghetti alla carbonara, but he didn't eat it, chewing his lip and watching Nico while he rubbed his arm.

"Okay, it's really good," Nico said begrudgingly, as if he'd been hoping to go on a rant about proper Italian food. "You live to see another day."

Jason let out the breath he was holding, smiling to himself as he dove into the meal.

"Thanks, Nico," Percy said. "I'd really prefer not to replace him." He squeezed Jason's arm, and Jason merely rolled his eyes.

Will laughed. "Don't worry, he would have dragged you away, too. Guilt by association."

"Didn't you say two minutes ago that he was kidding?" Percy said.

Will shrugged with a smile so bright it could only come from a child of Apollo. "You can't always tell." He ate some of his pasta. "Anything new with you two?"

"I've been upgraded from a garden variety barista to Cappucino Consultant," Jason said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Pretty soon I'll have worked my way up to Coffee Connoisseur and be looking down on you peasants from my ivory tower. I'll try not to forget you guys when I make it big, but no promises."

Percy shoved him. "Like you could stand living without me now that you know what it's like," he said.

"No more mediocre cleaning and bad jokes? How would I ever survive?"

Percy pushed him hard enough to almost send him off his stool.

"Okay, I deserved that," Jason said.

Nico and Will exchanged another look. "You two seem to have gotten closer," Nico said.

"A natural consequence of living together," Percy said. "Especially in a studio apartment. We can't get away from each other."

"Like you'd ever want to get away from me," Jason said with a smirk, making Percy roll his eyes.

Unspoken thoughts were hidden in the dark recesses of Nico's brown eyes, but all he said was, "Good for you guys. I'm glad you could make it work."

Jason and Percy glanced at each other, smiling. "Us too," Jason said.

From there Will lamented college despite only being a freshman and them all knowing he was just being over-dramatic. Nico chatted away about the current art commissions he was doing and how he wanted to put together a photography portfolio when he had the funds to hire a model.

"Just have Jason do it, he looks like a model anyway," Percy said with a lopsided grin, making Jason turn red.

Knowing Jason, he was probably about to deny as much before he was cut off by Nico saying, "Would you?" He looked hopeful. "If we're efficient we could finish in an afternoon. I'll buy you food for the meal times we work through."

Jason scratched the back of his neck. "Wasn't the whole point of you having paid models to get experienced people? I don't know what I'm doing."

"I'll just need to give you more direction, that's all," Nico said. "And besides, I'll still end up spending less. Models are expensive."

"Why do you even need a model?" Jason asked. "I thought you mostly did...what is that technique called?"

"Forced perspective," Nico said. "And yeah, I specialize in that, but I'm making a portfolio to show off my range. Forced perspective will be in there, but so will a bunch of others. I'll need you for my portrait and candid shots, and I'll probably use you for the action shot, too." Nico tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear. "If you don't want to do it, that's fine, but I'd be grateful."

Jason chewed his lip. "I'll do it on one condition."

Nico perked up. "What is it?"

Jason smirked at Percy. "Percy does it with me, given that he was so quick to volunteer on my behalf."

Nico looked at Percy with pleading eyes Percy hadn't known he possessed.

"I'm in," Percy said, returning Jason's smug look.

"Awesome," Nico said with a wide grin, squeezing Will's hand. "We can figure out a time later. Thanks, guys."

"Anything for you, Neeks," Jason said.

"Same," Percy said, even though his main motivation was calling Jason's bluff, as based on his expression right now, he wasn't expecting Percy to agree. And maybe a little bit of it was wanting to spend extra time with Jason. Just a little.

Percy sat in the mall food court until Aidan came into view, standing to greet him. "Hey. Ready to go on an adventure?"

"I don't think Christmas shopping counts as an adventure," Aidan said, smiling.

"It is with me," Percy said, hands in his pockets. "I'm terrible at buying people things. Even after being with Annabeth for years I still never knew what to get her."

"And that's why you invited me," Aidan said. "I'm a pro gift-giver. Who's all on the shopping list?"

"My mom, my dad, and Jason," he said. "Nico was merciful on me for Will and told me about these chocolates he likes, so I'm good for him. I can't get Nico the wine he likes, so I covered him with a gift card."

As they exited the food court, Aidan gave him a dumbstruck look of pity. "A gift card? You really are bad at this. I'm pretty sure the tackiness of getting people gift cards is common knowledge by now."

Percy blushed. "Shut up. Besides, Nico is a straightforward kind of guy, I think he'll appreciate it."

"If you say so," Aidan said. "Okay, let's start with your parents. Tell me about them."

After filling in Aidan on details about his parents he didn't already know, Aidan talked him out of soap sets, scented candles, and kitchenware. Instead they landed on things that they wouldn't find in the mall but would have time to acquire: a certificate for a spa day for his mom because she deserved to relax, and a typewriter for his dad because he was the kind of person who would actually use one for the aesthetic of it. Given that his parents met at a writing seminar, he could already see Paul using the typewriter to write Sally poems.

"So that just leaves Jason," Percy said.

"The best friend is always the hardest to shop for," Aidan said.

"He's not my best friend, Annabeth is, and with Rachel's help I already got her this vintage-looking journal."

"Who's Rachel?"

"Annabeth's crush," Percy said. "I think she's going to ask her out soon."

Aidan nodded. "But anyway, backtracking. For someone who's not your best friend, you sure do talk about him a lot. Like, all the time."

Percy's face warmed, but he wasn't sure why. "I do not. But anyway, he really isn't. Like, we're really close. Not as close as I am with Annabeth, but second place. But it's like...I don't know. It's different with him, you know?"

A knowing smile played at Aidan's lips. "Has anyone ever told you you're oblivious?"

"Only everyone and their mother," Percy pouted. "I fail to see what that has to do with anything, though."

Aidan laughed. "Never mind. We can browse while you tell me more about him."

They weaved between stores, making and shooting down suggestions while Percy talked about how Jason was humble, loyal, strong, a natural leader, hardworking, and way too hard on himself. Once he got to talking, the words kept tumbling out like water from a broken faucet. The smile on Aidan's face only got bigger with time.

They wandered through stores for hours finding nothing. Percy was being pickier than usual, wanting Jason's gift to be just right. It wouldn't be his main gift, but Percy couldn't resist getting him a "Kiss the Cook" apron like Nico had. Whether Jason would admit it or not, he was a total dork and would love something that cheesy.

Percy and Aidan ended the afternoon back at the food court.

"Sorry for dragging you out here for basically nothing," Percy said.

"It's all good," Aidan said. "I had a fun time anyway. I'm just kind of bummed we didn't find anything for Jason. Do you guys have any inside jokes or anything you could use for inspiration? That would make for a personal gift."

Percy chewed on his lip, mulling over his interactions with Jason. He'd considered getting him something Captain America-themed in reference to the nickname, but Captain America was Percy's favorite superhero whereas he didn't know whose Jason's was. Then a different conversation they had had came to mind.

"You know what, I think I might have an idea," Percy said as his grin overtook his face.

"Are you going to clue me in?" Aidan asked, amused.

"Can't," Percy said. "It's a personal matter. Thank you, though. You've been a big help today."

"No problem," Aidan said, and the two shared a hug before parting ways.

Percy came home from his shopping trip to Jason carrying a tray full of a dozen small cactuses.

When Jason noticed he was there, he smiled sheepishly. "I can explain."

Percy tilted his head. "There's a reason other than you apparently really liking cactuses?"

"Well, no," Jason said. "I went to a flower shop to get a bouquet to liven this place up because the snow and cold is sucking the joy out of me. But then I saw these guys were on sale and I maybe got carried away."

"Jason," Percy said, approaching him and holding back laughter, "did you buy all of them?"

"Maybe," Jason mumbled, cheeks pink. "It's wrong to separate a family, Perce."

"They're plants."

Jason grinned. "And I'm their plant dad!" He placed the cactuses around the small apartment, the bathroom now the only place someone could be without at least three cactuses in sight.

Percy snorted. As ridiculous as it was for Jason to dub himself a plant dad, it seemed fitting for him, and his enthusiasm was cute. "Since the cactuses are in my apartment, too, does that make me their other dad?"

Jason lit up before getting down on one knee with his last cactus. "'Percy, some random guy in New York,' will you do me the honor of co-parenting a dozen cactuses with me?'

Percy burst out laughing. "I thought you'd never ask."

Jason grinned and found a home for the final plant.

Percy sat on the couch, scrolling through their movie options for that night. "Hey, I was just thinking earlier, I don't know who your favorite superhero is."

"It's Spider-Man," Jason said, plopping beside him and dropping an arm around his shoulders. 

Jason putting his arm around him when they watched movies had become natural, one of the many small normalities that had come from living together. Percy's times for waking up and going to bed had shifted to match Jason's without him meaning to. They took turns cooking and always did the dishes together, Jason washing and Percy drying, singing along to their designated dishes playlist. Each night they watched a movie or played Mario Kart together unless one of them had other plans. When a thunderstorm started brewing, Percy made a fort without prompting. Sometimes they made forts anyway, reveling in nostalgia that did not belong to them. When Percy had a nightmare and slept in, Jason always wrote him a note wishing him well before he left for work.

"Why Spider-Man?" Percy asked, glancing between Jason and the TV.

"Because he doesn't feel larger than life like other superheroes," Jason said. "He's just this awkward teenager who stumbled into powers and made a choice to be a hero."

"Hm, I can't imagine why you'd like him," Percy joked, and Jason awarded him an amused smile and eye roll.

"What about you?" Jason asked. "You've never told me yours, either."

"Didn't I?" Percy said. "It's Captain America."

Jason was taken aback, but then he smiled, large yet hesitant, as if he was trying to hold it back but couldn't, a dusting of pink on his cheeks.

Percy hadn't had a nightmare in a couple weeks, so he should have known the next one would come with a vengeance. He awoke at four am with the claws of Tartarus still embedded in his flesh, shooting upright in bed as if to bolt. One hand raked at his neck as though doing so would help him breathe, his other hand curled into the bedsheets to ground him to the here and now. As his heart thudded he had to wonder if demigod nightmares were enough to fuel a heart to burst out of a chest.

"J-Jace," Percy gasped, sounding more foreign to himself than ever. He pulled his hand from his chest long enough to turn off the night light, the unnatural glow of which felt dangerous in the midst of panic. "Jace," the name came out as a whimper, but it was loud enough to wake his friend on the other side of the mattress.

"Perce?" Jason groped for his glasses and slid them onto his face, eyes squinting as they adjusted to the darkness. He came across the bed to Percy's side, and Percy hadn't realized he was crying until Jason was wiping a tear away with his thumb. "Are you okay?"

Percy couldn't form words, his brain stalling and Jason feeling far away. Hyperventilation shook his body. He regretted turning off the light, the darkness pronouncing how Jason and the room blurred around him. He was going back to Tartarus. He couldn't escape. There was no escape. This was it.

"You're okay," Jason said, prying both of his hands from the mattress with a firm grip. "You're okay, Percy. You're in your apartment. You're in bed. I'm with you."

Percy's breathing wasn't calming down.

"Listen to me, Percy," Jason said, voice steady although Percy knew he must be freaking out internally. "We're going to breathe together, okay? Just listen to my breathing and try to match it." Jason inhaled for four seconds, held for one, then exhaled for four. He squeezed Percy's hand. "Please, Percy."

Percy tried to focus on his breathing, on Jason's example. One, two, three, four. One. One, two, three, four.

Once Percy had begun breathing along with Jason's rhythm, Jason said, "You're doing great, Percy. Now we're going to try something else, okay? I want you to tell me everything you can sense right now. Things you can feel, hear, see, anything. You think you can do that?"

Percy's head jerked in another nod. "I…" He licked his lips, then squeezed Jason's hands. "Your… your hands. Th-the sheets." He swallowed, pulling his head up to meet Jason's eyes. "You." 

"That's good, Percy. What else?"

"Your breathing." His gaze drifted, eyes adjusted to the darkness. "Your cactuses. The treadmill." His heart was slowing down, and he felt like he was coming out of a haze, having an increasingly easy time naming things he could see around the apartment. The world was coming back to him. Eventually he stopped talking, the overwhelming feeling of imminent death having passed.

Jason let go of one of his hands, moving to rub Percy's back.

"It's...it's never been like that before," Percy said.

Jason's face held a concerned frown and unspoken thoughts. "We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," Percy said, voice small.

"Is there anything else I can do for you other than the usual?" Jason asked, still rubbing relaxing circles on his back. "Was singing the only thing you and Annabeth found that worked?"

Percy shifted in place, uncomfortable. "No, but...It doesn't matter, Jace. I'll be okay."

"Please let me help you feel better," Jason said, more desperate than Percy had ever heard him. He sighed, emotionally drained. "I just—I just want you to be okay. Or at least as okay as you can be."

Percy laid on his side with his back to Jason. "I—" He chewed the inside of his cheek. "She'd hold me, but I'm not going to ask you to do that. You don't have to do that."

"Percy, you're one of my best friends," Jason said, laying down beside him. "You don't have to ask. I know I don't have to do anything, but I want to. I want to help you."

"Because you have a hero complex," Percy muttered, unsure where the shot of bitterness was coming from.

"Because you matter to me." His voice was tinged with hurt at the accusation.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"We'll talk about it in the morning," Jason repeated. "For right now…" He touched Percy's side with a gentleness that shouldn't be possible for someone of Jason's strength. "I won't if you don't want me to, but the offer is there."

When Percy didn't answer, Jason began to withdraw his hand, only to have Percy catch his wrist, using the leverage to guide his arm around him. The mattress dipped as Jason scooted up to him, wrapping his arms around him, his chest to Percy's back, skin warm even through Percy's shirt. Percy felt secure.

"Are you okay?" Jason asked.

Percy thought about the question, the residue of his nightmare and the waking aftermath on his skin. "I'm okay as I'm going to be right now," he said honestly. He laid his arms over Jason's.

"Tell me if you get uncomfortable, okay?" Jason said, and Percy nodded.

Jason's close proximity was the only thing that allowed him to hear Percy say, "Thank you."

"I've always got your back," Jason said, and Percy knew that he meant it. He wasn't sure when he'd begun associating Jason with safety and stability, but at times like this he was sure of why.

After a couple minutes, Jason began singing the same song he always did, and the normality of it was enough to lull Percy into a tenuous sleep.

When Percy woke up to an empty bed, he expected to find a note from Jason, but instead raised his head and heard the light clanging of pots coming from the kitchen. Despite the hours he'd slept, his mind and body were both exhausted, and he had his arms wrapped around himself as he padded to the kitchen.

"Good morning," Jason said with a small smile as he stirred a pan containing a mixture of hash browns, eggs, and sliced breakfast sausage.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Percy asked, rubbing at his eye as he sat at the island, body turned to face Jason.

"I called in," Jason said.

Percy's eyebrows knit together. "You calling in when you're not sick?" He pinched himself.

Jason rolled his eyes. "You're awake," he said. "I just thought we should talk."

Percy stiffened and dropped his head, bracing himself for Jason to be angry over last night, or this morning if he wanted to be pedantic.

Jason took Percy's chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. "Hey, why are you making that face?"

"I'm sorry," Percy blurted.

Now it was Jason's turn to frown. "What? What are you—" His eyes widened as horror came across his face and his hand dropped. "Wait, no, Perce, I'm not mad, that's not what I meant," he said in practically one breath. He served them each breakfast and sat down on the stool beside Percy's, his hands clasped in his lap.

Percy's eyes were on his food, but he was using his fork to rearrange it rather than eat it. His appetite was nonexistent.

"Percy…" Jason began. He waited for Percy to look at him before continuing. "You said 'It's never been like that before.' Have you ever felt like that before?"

Percy struggled to maintain eye contact. "Yes. I don't remember when it started, but over the years it's happened three times already."

"Was anybody there?"

Percy was fisting his shirt. "Only for the second one. After a nightmare when I was sleeping with Annabeth."

Jason nodded. "Perce, I think you had a panic attack last night."

Percy shook his head. "No, I didn't. I don't—stuff like that doesn't happen to people like me."

Jason frowned. "People like you? Percy, no one is abovepanic attacks. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Do you have panic attacks?" Percy spat, knowing in the back of his mind he wasn't being fair, to Jason or himself.

Jason winced. "Not anymore, but I have. Not long after the time the Eidolons possessed us. I had nightmares of that happening again, of one of us killing the other…" He took a deep breath. "There were two times I had a similar experience to yours, waking up terrified and certain I was about to die."

"I'm sorry," Percy whispered. "For that happening, and for being an asshole just now. That would have been an asshole thing to say even if you didn't get it. I just…" He set his elbows on the island, head in his hands. "I feel like after everything I've been through, I shouldn't have these problems, you know? Like I should be tougher, able to do anything."

"It was an asshole thing to say, but I get it," Jason said. "But Percy, that's not how mental health works, and I think you know that."

Percy nodded. He did know that, but that didn't mean he wanted to believe it.

"And that's why...Percy, I really think you should go to therapy."

Percy lifted his head. "What?"

Jason repeated himself even though they both knew Percy heard him the first time. "Nico goes to therapy. Don't worry, he gave me permission to tell you that. That's the main reason he's improved so much over the last years. Yeah, there was the opening up and stuff, but that was mostly a product of going to therapy. It helps."

Percy drummed his fingers on the island, jumping straight into an excuse. "What am I supposed to do, walk in there and say, hey guys, I was in two wars and I've killed probably hundreds of monsters at this point and I survived a place designed for nothing except pain and suffering?"

"Already covered," Jason said. "The place Nico goes is specifically for this. All the therapists are demigods. You can tell them the full truth."

Despite the unexpectedly positive answer, Percy shook his head. "I don't need it."

Jason switched tactics. "What did Annabeth say after it happened?"

Percy waited a minute. "She asked if it had happened before and said I should go to therapy when the war was over and things were settled again, but she never followed up."

"Even after it happened again?" Jason asked.

Shame washed over Percy. "I didn't tell her."

"Percy, if you felt like you had to lie to your girlfriend in order to avoid her pushing you to go to therapy, maybe you should take that as a sign you need therapy."

"I can handle it on my own," Percy said, bristling. "Everything I went through is in the past."

"Seven years of war and trauma don't just disappear when the immediate danger is over, Percy," Jason said. "You're not okay."

"And what about you? You have nightmares too, but I'm not trying to pathologize you!"

Jason was putting visible effort into keeping his cool. "I could probably benefit from therapy to work out the whole survivor's guilt thing if that's the admission you're looking for. If it'll make you feel better, I'll get help too."

Percy's jaw tightened. He'd hoped Jason would get defensive and fight back, but no, he was admitting Percy had a point.

"You don't have to make a decision right now," Jason continued. "You know I'll always be here for you, but I hate seeing you suffer more than you have to. Please just think about it, okay?"

"Okay," Percy relented before taking a tentative bite of the now half-cold egg scramble. "You really took off work just to talk to me about that?"

"Yes and no," Jason said. "I wanted to talk as soon as possible, but I also just didn't want you to have to wake up to an empty apartment after last night."

Percy wasn't sure what he did to deserve Jason, much less what he could ever do to repay him. Then again, if he'd ever expressed that thought to Jason, Jason would probably say something like 'Friendship isn't a transaction' or 'I'll always be here for you' or 'I just want you to be happy' and Percy would make fun of him for being cheesy but also not-so-secretly love that he said it. So instead of saying that or even continuing to think it, he stood and wrapped Jason in a hug, head buried in his shoulder.

Jason took a few seconds to respond as if his muscles had stalled. When his arms wrapped around Percy in return, they were firm and warm and steady around him. If Jason's arms were an anchor when Percy was at risk of drifting too far out to sea, his smile was the lighthouse leading him back to safety. These days Percy was more and more lost in the ocean, but Jason was both his stability and his guide.

Percy could feel himself getting in too deep, but he didn't know how to stop without pushing Jason away, and he wouldn't do that. He couldn't have made himself even if he'd wanted to. He wasn't sure if he wanted to.

Muffled against Jason's shirt, the words slipped out before Percy thought them through. "I love you, Captain America."

Jason froze for a split second, then laughed, his chest rumbling against Percy's. "I love you too, Percy Jackson."

Percy pulled his head back, a small pout on his face, which was now inches from Jason's.

Before he could ask, Jason explained. "You asked me once which superhero I think you're most like. But after everything, I think you qualify for the position yourself."

"Percy Jackson isn't even a hero name, though. It's just my name. And besides...I'm trying to leave all that stuff behind me. As much as I can, anyway." His head drooped.

"I never said I was referring to the whole saving the world thing," Jason said, tipping Percy's head up. "After everything you've been through, you're still moving forward. I think there's heroism in that."

Potential responses tangled in Percy's throat, and all at once he was painfully aware of how close Jason was, of Jason's hand on his chin, of the subtle buzz coming from Jason's skin. Jason need only move his hand a couple inches to be cupping Percy's cheek, and then it'd be easy to—

Percy jerked back, knocking into one of the stools.

Jason stepped away, eyebrows shooting up. He forced a laugh. "Sorry, didn't mean to shock you."

They both knew he hadn't, and they both knew the other knew.

Despite the light-hearted tone of Jason's words, when Percy returned to his seat, there was a slight frown on Jason's face before Jason masked it. Whether that look came from hurt or confusion, Percy didn't know. Instinct told him if he asked about it, Jason wouldn't answer, so he said, "I don't work today. Want to bake cupcakes, build a fort, and spend all day watching Disney movies?"

Jason's face cracked into a wide grin that brought him back life before Percy's eyes though the former emotion was not entirely gone. "Yeah, that sounds great."

Percy took their dishes to the sink before getting out cupcake ingredients. "I know I already said it last night, but I really am sorry for accusing you of having a hero complex," he said. "That was a dick move, knowing how hard you've been working and how much progress you've made toward not being like that anymore."

"It's okay," Jason said, getting out a mixing bowl. "I forgive you."

Percy smiled at him. "What would I do without you?"

"Probably the same thing I'd do without you," Jason said, double-checking the ingredients they'd laid out on the island.

"And what's that?"

"I don't know," Jason said, nudging Percy's shoulder with his own. "I prefer not to think about it."

Percy nudged him back. "Me neither."

Percy really didn't know what he would do without Jason, knew less so with every passing day, and he'd be lying if he said that didn't scare him. So he didn't say it. He left it rattling his mind and heart, hoping it would go away and knowing it wouldn't.

Percy and Jason showed up at Sally and Paul's apartment after lunch on Christmas Eve, gifts in hand.

Sally opened the door, eyes shining when she saw them. "Welcome home, sweetheart," she said, engulfing him in a hug. Although Percy made a point to visit at least twice a month, his mom always greeted him like they hadn't seen each other in ages. That was perfectly fine with him.

When she pulled back from the embrace, she beamed at Jason, her demeanor warm and welcoming. "And you must be Jason." She didn't hesitate to hug him as well. Jason was caught off-guard at first, but then he smiled, hugging her back.

She ushered them inside, Paul already waiting for them in his usual T-shirt and brown jacket. Paul's open demeanor matched Sally's, and he gave Percy a quick hug before turning to Jason, who he gave a firm handshake.

"We're glad you could make it, Jason," he said. "Percy has told us a lot about you."

"Has he?" Jason said, nudging Percy, who rolled his eyes.

"Yep," Percy said. "All about how you're not nearly as cool as you think you are." He and Jason set their presents by the door, the tree still bare.

"I don't think I'm cool."

"Exactly," Percy said, smirking. "That's why it's so sad." He laughed as Jason shoved him.

Sally glanced between the two, a small smile playing at her lips, before clapping her hands. "Well, don't think you get to spend today relaxing. We're putting you two to work." She winked at them. "And by work, I mean you two are in charge of decorating the tree." She gestured to the tree in the living room. As a child Percy had always insisted they get a real tree, and the tradition continued even though he no longer lived there.

"On it," Percy said. "Only for you will we do this back-breaking labor."

"Careful, or I'll make you help clean," she said, giving him an I dare you look.

"Say no more," Percy said, grabbing Jason's hand and dragging him to the living room. He let go of him once they were inside and unpacking a bin of tree ornaments, but the warmth of Jason's hand lingered on Percy's skin. Percy missed the touch as soon as it was gone.

"So you've really been talking about me to your parents?" Jason said, wiggling his eyebrows with a smug look.

Percy shoved him. "Shut up." He turned pink. "Only a little."

The air around Jason buzzed with electricity, reminding Percy how, like himself and Nico, Jason's powers were tied to his emotions, in this case joy.

"What have you been telling them?" Jason pressed as the two were hanging ornaments.

Percy opened his mouth, about to tease him again, but decided against it. "That you're a good cook," he said. "And that you're funny, and a dork, and one of the best people I know." When Percy looked from the ornament he was hanging to Jason at his side, Jason was blushing, his eyes trained on his own ornament. Percy nudged Jason's shoulder with his own. "What's that look for?"

Jason rolled his eyes as he nudged him back, but with the blush doing so held no venom. "Nothing, Perce."

Percy's confidence faltered, Jason's reaction making him second-guess himself. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jason said, and Percy wasn't sure how to reconcile the uncertainty in Jason's voice with the genuine smile on his face when he looked at him. Jason cleared his throat, switching the topic to what they'd be doing for the rest of the day, and Percy let him.

When the tree decorating was done, Jason and Percy helped out in the kitchen, preparing what they could ahead of time for Christmas lunch the next day. Sally was impressed by Percy's new cooking skills and endlessly poked fun at him for not being as polite as Jason. He couldn't even argue with her on that. Jason was the exact kind of guy parents hoped their kids would bring home as their partner: respectful, gracious, and quick to volunteer. 

There was a time when Percy saw Jason only for those shiny, surface-level qualities, but he knew him better now. He still appreciated those attributes, but more than that he valued Jason's endless supply of consideration and his efforts toward being a better, happier person. The more Percy learned about Jason and the more time he spent with him, the more he became convinced his feelings for Jason weren't that of friendship and admiration, but he wasn't yet ready to think about that possibility lest it become real.

With the food prepared, there was nothing left to do except enjoy the rest of the day watching classic Christmas movies, drinking hot chocolate, and eating cutout cookies. Percy settled onto the couch with a massive blanket over him, holding up one side. Jason slid under the blanket without needing to discuss, the fabric up to their necks and a plate of blue cookies balanced where their thighs were pressed together. Jason's arm was around Percy's shoulders and Percy's arm was around Jason's waist, and this was normal. Percy caught Sally sneaking a few delighted glances as she cuddled with Paul under another blanket, but she didn't comment.

Percy later tried to convince his mom that he and Jason should stay on the couch eating cookies for dinner, but Jason took Sally's side because he was a good guest. Jason's betrayal earned him a stuck-out tongue, but after the meal together they returned to their spot entangled on the couch. Sally and Paul joined them, but they went to bed around eleven while Percy and Jason kept going with their Christmas movie marathon despite Sally's joking that they'd have nothing left to watch on Christmas Day. As the hours wore on, Percy and Jason took turns saying they should go to bed, but neither moved, and eventually they fell asleep there.

Percy woke up first in the morning, still wrapped up with Jason, his head on Jason's shoulder. He was warm and comfortable, and if he had his way, he'd have stayed there for the rest of the day if not the rest of his life. Percy opened his eyes, Jason's face inches away as he dozed, and fought an overwhelming urge to lean forward and press a kiss to his temple. 

Percy didn't know what to do with that thought, with the feelings that had been sneaking up on him and were becoming too big to keep avoiding. The reality was undeniable now, a permanent glow in his chest whenever Jason was around or Percy so much as thought of him. Jason lived rent-free in Percy's heart, and he was unsure if that was comfortable or terrifying. The prospect of being with him was peaceful, but it also couldn't happen. 

Percy's opposition to the idea wasn't rooted in some sort of self-deprecating thought that Jason could never return his feelings. The problem wasn't that he thought Jason was perfect, because he knew he wasn't. Jason could be overly critical of others and himself, he struggled to open up and accept help, and he was still figuring out who he was when he wasn't Golden Boy hero Jason Grace. 

But when Percy thought about the reasons he liked Jason, he thought about Jason comforting him after his nightmares, the time he talked him down from a panic attack, and his fear that the latter would become a recurring problem. Even in friendship he was afraid of becoming too much for Jason to handle, like he only helped Percy now out of his perpetual sense of obligation, or that even if that wasn't the case, he'd eventually grow frustrated.

Percy sighed in defeat and got up, careful not to disturb Jason, who he tucked the blanket around. He grabbed the half-empty plate of cookies from the end table where they'd set it when they started falling asleep, taking it to the kitchen where his mom was already awake and making coffee.

"Good morning," he said, putting away the cookies. He served himself a cup of coffee and settled beside her at the kitchen table, dumping in enough sugar and creamer so as to not taste the coffee.

"Good morning," she said, a small, knowing smile on her face. "Sleep well?" She brushed his hair out of his face.

"Yeah," he said, voice soft and unsure. Being around Jason was becoming complicated, a combination of the calm and joy Jason gave him and the underlying level of wanting what he couldn't have.

Sally's face softened into a more serious one Percy didn't often see on her and certainly not this early in the morning. "Percy...I love Annabeth, you know that. She'll always be like a daughter to me, especially since I have no doubt you two will always be friends. But that doesn't mean I won't also love whoever you choose from here." She laid her hand over Percy's. "Happiness is all I've ever wanted for you."

Percy hadn't realized tears were forming until they were on the verge of falling. "Mom…" He set down his coffee to give her a hug. She smelled like cinnamon and had the same comforting quality as a warm beverage or heavy quilt. Percy loved that she picked up on things without Percy having to bring them up, and even though he'd known she'd love him no matter what, the unprompted validation still left him feeling safe. The part of him that had always been inclined toward openness with his mother told him to talk about Jason, but that part was overruled by the part that felt Jason was unattainable.

When he sat back down, he swiped at his eyes, then began chewing on his lip, mind now on why Jason was unattainable. "By the way, I, um...I've been thinking about going to therapy." He stared down his coffee mug, daring to take no more than a peek at his mom. "There's, uh, a place run by other half-bloods for it."

"That's wonderful, sweetheart," she said, giving his hand a squeeze.

He turned his head toward her. "Really?"

She was smiling. "Of course," she said, tucking back a piece of her hair. "After all you've been through, it would be good for you. I...I know it helped me." Her voice shook.

His eyes widened, but only slightly. "You went to therapy?"

She nodded, voice hesitant when she said, "After Gabe."

The subject required no further explanation, and Percy wasn't about to ask for painful details neither of them wanted to think about.

"So yes," she said, recovering her smile. "I do think going would be a good thing, and a brave one, too. It can be hard to admit to yourself when you need help. I'm so proud of you, Percy."

Percy couldn't help but beam. "Thanks, Mom."

"What morning gossip did I miss?" Paul asked as he entered with a stretch. He leaned down, kissing Sally on the cheek and making her glow.

"Just some mother-son bonding," she said, giving him a peck on the cheek in return. She turned to Percy. "It's almost ten. You should probably wake him up so we have time to do presents before lunch."

Percy nodded and went to the living room, where Jason was now on his side, curled into a cuddly ball of blanket. He looked adorable. Percy knelt beside him, poking his side. "Jason. Jason. Jason."

"Five more minutes," Jason whined. "I still have time to get ready."

Percy rolled his eyes with a laugh. "It's Christmas, Jason, you're not going to work."

Jason grunted, gazing at him through half-lidded eyes before he registered how closed Percy was and they shot open. His cheeks were pink. "Hi," he said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you, too." He poked Jason's nose before standing up, repeating "Merry Christmas" to his parents in the other room.

"I'm comfortable," Jason said. "Can't I just stay here?"

"You at least have to sit up for gifts," he said.

Jason grumbled complaints, but he complied, sitting up.

"We have something for you before we start," Sally said before walking off with Paul. When she returned she was wearing an ugly green reindeer sweater and Paul was wearing a matching one only in red. Sally tossed Percy and Jason their own matching blue ones. "Blue for water and sky."

The pair chuckled together, changed clothes in the other room, and returned to sit together on the couch. Jason was overflowing with glee at having been included in the matching sweaters.

Even with the addition of Paul's income boosting the family, Percy's parents still kept the gifts simple on Christmas, putting more effort into the food and ambiance of their festivities, all while taking lots of pictures. Paul was in charge of the camera and Sally distributed the gifts from under the tree. 

Sally and Paul began at Percy and Jason's insistence, opening their ones from each other, then the ones Percy had picked and let Jason split the cost of and take half the credit for. Originally Jason was going to try to find his own gifts for them, but Percy had stopped him before he drove himself crazy in his attempts to find the perfect presents for two people he knew only from word of mouth. Percy and Jason were both satisfied at Sally and Paul's pleased reaction.

"I hope you're prepared for typewritten poems," Paul said before kissing Sally.

Percy and Jason shared an entertained look, Percy having shared that exact prediction with him.

Percy and Jason got into a lighthearted squabble about who would go next, but Jason's willpower won out and Percy turned his attention to the boxes in his lap, one from his parents and one from Jason. He opened his parents' one first. Since becoming an adult, his parents' gifts to him were usually half functional and half fun, this time a crock pot filled with blue candy. 

Jason's gift, a cube of a couple inches, was dwarfed by the crockpot. He opened it to reveal a wood ring inlaid with blue-green malachite around the bottom half in the shape of waves. The ring was simple but unique, exactly Percy's style, and the only thing stopping him from slipping it on right away was noticing the engraving on the inside. Etched into the wood was "To Percy, a random guy in New York." Percy smiled like an idiot as he put it on, hugging Jason to prevent himself from kissing him. Gratification swam in Jason's eyes.

Percy urged Jason to open his presents, but he couldn't stop glancing at the ring on his right middle finger.

Jason began with the gift from Sally and Paul after a dismissed attempt at saying they shouldn't have, finding a black tank top with Miles Morales' red spider symbol from Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse. He thanked them profusely, adding in a smile in Percy's direction as he was obviously the one who picked it out.

Next he opened the "Kiss the Cook" apron, laughing at the cheesiness of it as Percy predicted, and insisted he and Percy take over cooking lunch so he could try it out. Jason was a truly impressive negotiator to get Sally and Paul to allow it, although he conceded that he and Percy wouldn't try to also do the dishes. Percy held his breath as Jason opened the second present from him. He'd made it himself, learning in the process that tie-dying was a lot messier than he'd thought. Jason's lips parted as he saw the shirt, tie-dyed black, grey, white, and purple: the ace pride colors.

Jason looked at him. "Is that…"

Percy nodded. "Yes," he said. "I thought making you something just using the colors would make it subtle enough for you to feel comfortable wearing it in public. You don't have to, though," he added as doubt struck.

"No, no, I love it," Jason said, voice cracking. He pulled Percy into another hug.

Sally and Paul shared a look of mutual confusion, but they said nothing, letting the boys have their personal moment.

When they were done, Percy and Jason headed into the kitchen to make the food. The desserts, homemade bread, and homemade applesauce were done the day before. All they had to do now was make the pork schnitzel. The task in no way required an apron, but Jason still stuck to his word and wore it, looking quite pleased with himself. Percy breaded the pork chops, and Jason cooked them in a large skillet. 

Once all four pork chops were frying in the oil, Jason and Percy leaned back against the counter by the stove, and after a couple minutes of silence, Jason raised an eyebrow at him. "What?" he said. "You got me this apron and you're not going to listen to it?" He pointed to "Kiss the Cook" with the cheeky smile of someone who knew their bluff wasn't going to be called.

That confidence, of course, was misplaced. Percy raised an eyebrow as well and matched his smug smile. Heart skittering, he put one hand on the opposite side of Jason's face, pulling him in to press a kiss to his cheek. To Percy's satisfaction, Jason turned red, mumbling under his breath in response.

"Can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen," Percy said with a wink, taken aback by his own blatant flirting, afraid Jason would take it seriously, more afraid he wouldn't, all the while knowing he shouldn't be flirting.

Jason bit his lip, turning his head to hide his face, but Percy could still see the blush on the tips of his ears and the upward quirk of one corner of his mouth.

Percy set the table while Jason finished cooking the pork schnitzel, and when the spread was done and laid out, they called in Sally and Paul. The meal and following afternoon of board games were full of laughter and love, and watching the scenes unfold, Percy thought about how well Jason blended into his family, as if he hadn't just met them that day, as if he belonged.

When the afternoon was over, Sally and Paul gave each of the boys a goodbye hug and kiss on the forehead, treating Jason the same as Percy. Jason thanked them profusely for allowing him to come, only to have both gush about how he was welcome any time.

Jason drove on the way back to the apartment, humming all the way and drumming on the steering wheel when they were stuck in traffic. The one-man-band he had going was so cute to watch Percy couldn't bring himself to turn on the radio. Jason's performance was interrupted only by him talking about how lovely Percy's parents were.

Once they arrived at home, they spent the rest of the day watching and making fun of Hallmark movies, their arms around each other like always. Percy wanted every day to be like this.

"There's going to be a crowd soon if you guys don't hurry up," Nico said the following weekend, the camera around his neck being the only reason his arms weren't crossed.

Percy rolled his eyes and finished tying his ice skates. "We wouldn't be running so close to peak ice-skating times if someone had hurried up with the portrait photo," he said, shooting Nico a look. He stood up beside Jason, holding onto his arm for balance. "What did you want us doing for this shot again?"

"Just skate together," Nico said. "Action isn't posed, that defeats the purpose. I need to capture it as it naturally happens."

The pair walked to the edge of the rink, and Jason offered Percy his hand, his smile shifting the scar above his lip. There were times Percy was painfully aware of that scar, of how it made him look even more handsome than he already would have been. He took Jason's hand, allowing him to lead him out onto the ice.

Percy hadn't been ice skating in years, but he watched Jason's form and copied him, slowly adjusting. They'd meant to get here earlier to avoid the crowds and allow Nico to get a clear shot, but the afternoon flood was trickling in. 

Even with the mittens they were each wearing, Jason's hand was warm in Percy's, and the main thing keeping Percy from looking at his own feet was the greater desire to look at Jason. For such a large guy, Jason was quite graceful, a pun that Percy made sure to make to him, earning him an eye roll despite Jason's inability to keep the fond smile off his face. The coupley nature of ice-skating together did not escape Percy's attention, and he wondered if Jason, too, was thinking about that. Jason kept looking over at him with that dazzling smile that made Percy so warm he feared melting the ice beneath him and falling through,

Nico stood at the edge of the rink, following them with his camera. The crowd was increasing, and soon Percy and Jason would be lost to Nico. Until then, Percy savored this, being close to Jason as they skated around and around. Every time Percy's Jason-caused distraction caused him to lose balance, Jason's arm was holding him up in a split second. And if Percy intentionally lost balance a time or two, nobody needed to know.

When the crowd became too much, Nico waved for them to come back in. "Thanks, guys," he said as they arrived. "As I promised, lunch is on me." He handed them money and dismissed himself to the bathroom.

"That was fun," Jason said, voice neutral, as they walked to the concession stand.

"Yeah," Percy said, letting the sentiment shine through. "We—we should do it again."

Jason smiled at him and nodded.

They ordered hot dogs and sodas at the concession stand, and when they were done, they went back for ice cream despite the cold atmosphere.

"What are you getting?" Jason asked, nudging him.

"I'm deciding between cookie dough and blue moon."

Jason chuckled. "Because you want cookie dough but blue moon is tradition?"

Percy blushed. "Maybe."

Jason laughed again, squeezing his hand. "Get blue moon. I'll get cookie dough and we can split, okay?"

Percy smiled and went along with it, the two returning to their seats minutes later with their ice cream. "Nico sure has been gone a long time," he commented.

Jason shrugged, then bit his lip, scooping some of the ice cream onto his spoon and hovering it in front of Percy's face. "Open up." His eyes held a dare, but his cheeks were pink and his smile shy.

Percy went with it, letting Jason feed him the bite, then got him back by doing the same thing with the blue moon.

Nico didn't come back until their ice cream was halfway gone. "How was the food?"

Both Jason and Percy had bashful grins as they complimented it. Despite their awkward demeanor, Nico seemed more pleased than anything before turning his attention to his camera.

After Percy and Jason finished and disposed of their trash, Nico said, "Hey Jason, you can go on ahead, I just realized I had some issues with Percy's portrait shot."

Jason frowned. "That's okay, I don't mind waiting."

Nico shook his head. "No, I think we might take a bit. You might as well go ahead."

Jason was suspicious, but because of his faith in Nico he went with it, leaving the rink to walk back to the apartment.

"What was wrong with my portrait?" Percy said, but Nico lightly smacked his arm.

"Nothing is wrong with your portrait," he said. "I wanted to talk to you."

Percy gazed in the direction Jason had gone. "Then why—"

Nico sighed, gesturing for Percy to bring his chair to Nico's side. Nico went through the photos on his camera until he came to the last ones. "I didn't go to the bathroom," he said. "I just said that so you guys would act natural and I could get my candid shots."

"That's a little weird, Nico," Percy said.

Nico shrugged him off, showing him the candid shots: Jason and Percy each feeding each other. The pair leaning in and laughing. Their faces lit up as they talked. "Notice anything?" he said. When Percy bit his lip and said nothing, Nico gave him a strong, Are you kidding me? look. "Neither of you are subtle. Anyone looking at these photos would think you guys are a couple."

"Nico—"

"Don't you dare lie to me, Percy," Nico said. "Friends don't lie to friends."

Percy sighed, deflating. "I really like him. And I think he likes me, too. But…" He ran a hand through his hair. "Jason is a great guy and a great friend. He lets me wake him up to comfort me after I have a nightmare about Tartarus, a-and…" He swallowed. "He helped me when I...when I had a panic attack recently."

Nico's face softened, but he said nothing, letting Percy finish.

"I feel like a mess, and I don't know if I'm going to keep having panic attacks, and I just...I'm afraid I'm going to become too much for him. That he's going to start resenting me." He buried his face in his hands.

Nico's hand was firm on his shoulder. "Have you been to therapy?"

"No," Percy said. "I think I'm going to, but I haven't yet. Jason told me that's what helped you."

"It is," Nico said. "I started going weekly after the end of the war with Gaea."

Percy raised his head, folding his arms on the table.

"Look," Nico continued. "I'm not going to pretend like...dealing with everything we've been through is easy, because it's not. Admitting I needed help was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and actually getting that help was even harder. It took some time to find the right therapist, but I got there, and even though trauma is something that you never fully get over, I'm a lot better at dealing with it now than I was a few years ago." He squeezed Percy's shoulder. 

"Percy, we all have issues due to trauma. We've been through two wars, for fuck's sake. But now we're both at a point where we have support systems. When I started dating Will, I was worried about the same thing. That he wouldn't get it. That he'd get fed up. That he'd leave me. But he didn't, because he cared about me both as my boyfriend and as my friend. Supporting each other while we heal...that's just a thing we do, a thing we all do. You have to be willing to give people a chance. And I think you know what I'm going to say next."

Percy sighed. "Yeah. I do. That I can't make that decision for him."

Nico nodded with a somber smile. "And for the record, Percy," he said. "You've already opened yourself up to him. If Jason gets sick of you"—Percy flinched—"that's going to happen whether you're friends or boyfriends, so if you want to be boyfriends, you may as well go for it." He removed his hand from Percy's arm. "And Percy?"

"Yeah?" He struggled to maintain eye contact.

"Jason is my best friend," Nico said. "And if he was able to break down my walls, put up with all the lashing out I did when I was younger, and earn my trust? I don't believe for a second he'd ever abandon you over your mental health. And, reminder, you help him, too. Don't think he hasn't told me about the forts." Genuine happiness snuck back into Nico's smile.

"Yeah, yeah," Percy said. 'You're right. Thanks, Nico. You're one of the best people I know."

"I know," Nico said, smirking at him.

Percy laughed for the first time since the conversation began, then rubbed his arm. "So, um, what's the name of that demigod therapy place you know?"

Nico dug around his wallet and handed him a business card. " Asclepius' Wellness Center" was written on it in green ink with a website, phone number, and address, a Caduceus wand on each side.

Percy chuckled. "Asclepius. Greek god of medicine, healing, and doctors. How appropriate."

Nico smiled. "So you're going to make an appointment?"

Percy nodded. "Yeah."

"And you're going to talk to Jason?"

Percy took a deep breath. "Yeah."

Nico smiled at him, eyes shining. "I'm proud of you," he said, pulling Percy into a tight hug. Percy remembered when there was no way in Hades Nico would have hugged anyone, much less him.

"When did you get so old and wise?" Percy asked as they left the rink. "Seriously, you're only seventeen."

"Eighteen in less than a month," Nico said. "Will my endless wisdom be easier to swallow when I'm technically an adult?"

"I doubt it," Percy said, ruffling his hair. When Nico complained, Percy laughed. "I need to do something to reestablish myself as the elder here."

Nico rolled his eyes. "Then put money in your 401k or something," he said, but his tone indicated he didn't genuinely mind.

Percy put his arm around Nico's shoulders, walking like that until the time came to part ways.

"Thanks, Nico," Percy said as they parted.

Nico smiled at him over his shoulder. "Good luck, Percy."

When Percy arrived back at the apartment, Jason had already thrown together their signature trail mix: Chex cereal, blue M&M's, chocolate chips, and raisins so Jason could pretend it was somewhat healthy.

Jason grinned at him. "You up for a Mario Kart competition?"

"You're on."

They settled into the couch, the trail mix on the end table for snacking between rounds. Percy's mood had a direct effect on the quality of his Mario Kart playing, so today he was all over the place, winning the first three rounds only because Jason was terrible at the game. Being terrible had never stopped him from suggesting they play it, though, because it was Percy's favorite. Right now Percy thought of those small things Jason did for him: playing a game he sucked at, sorting through the M&M's to get the blue ones for trail mix.

In his distraction he ran off a cliff, tanking his position in the race. For the first time that day, and probably the first time in weeks, Jason pulled ahead of him, finishing in first. When the round was over, Percy waited for Jason to start trash-talking him while he decided on the next track, but when he looked over, Jason was staring at him.

"You okay?" Jason asked.

"Of course," Percy said.

Jason frowned. "You're lying. I can hear it in your voice." He took the Wii controller from Percy, who surrendered without a fight, turning off the game. "What's on your mind?"

Percy fiddled with his fingers, already walking away by the time he said, "I just need some air." He stepped outside onto the balcony, the best and most underutilized asset of their apartment, leaning on the old iron railing. His eyes were on the patches of rust, finding images in it the same way one would the clouds, and his stomach was in so many knots the knots were tying together into new knots. Without needing to look back, he could feel Jason hovering by the door, concerned but unwilling to overstep.

"It's okay," Percy said, and Jason joined him outside. He too leaned on the railing, leaving a respectful distance between them. Percy ached for him to be closer, and the thought only upset his stomach further. He hated this, how he desperately wanted to get this conversation over with but also never wanted it to happen. Why couldn't this be as simple as everything else was with Jason? Why did Percy have to complicate it with his feelings?

 Percy glanced at Jason, who was gazing out over the city although his pensive expression exposed he wasn't thinking about anything he saw. He was thinking about Percy, probably figuring out the best way to get him to open up, maybe deciding to let this thing sit until Percy voluntarily started talking. So he wasn't expecting what Jason actually ended up saying.

"I'm sorry."

Percy's head whipped to look at his friend, whose head was now hanging. His head tilted in a silent question.

"You've been uncomfortable with me since we got back," Jason said. "I figured Nico talked to you about me."

Percy's heart stopped beating, but he nodded before looking away. Oh god, it was happening. The part where Jason tells him he likes him but can't handle all the baggage. He wants to run, but all at once his body is as heavy and stiff as the iron he's leaning on.

"So I'm sorry," Jason continued, and fuck Percy didn't expect rejection to hurt this much. It's like he's been stabbed and can feel the blood gushing out of him. "I never wanted to make things weird or put you in an awkward position. It just kind of happened."

"Wait, what?" Percy said, eyebrows furrowing as he looked at Jason. Jason was bright red and trembling, and Percy automatically moved closer, keeping his hands to himself only because he could tell that was what Jason needed right now.

Jason turned his head to him, face scrunched up by withheld emotion. "Didn't he tell you I…" He trailed off, eyes widening as he realized his mistake.

Percy blinked at him, lips parting, the dots connecting in his mind. "You like me?"

"More like I'm a little bit in love with you," Jason mumbled.

Percy's heart stopped again, but this time for an entirely different reason.

"It doesn't have to be a big thing, okay?" Jason said, backing away from him. "I promise I'll get over it. I—"

"Jason—"

"We don't have to talk about it."

"Jason!" Percy said, grabbing his hands. "You're not even giving me a chance to respond."

Jason nodded, not quite meeting his eyes.

Percy took a long, shaky breath. "I'm—I'm a little bit in love with you, too." He bit his lip. "But…"

Jason winced. "But you can't be with someone who's asexual."

Percy frowned. "That's not what I was going to say. Is that what you think?" Jason nodded, but Percy didn't continue until Jason looked at him. "That's not it. Sex isn't that important to me. I can live without it. I want you, as you are. I want to fall asleep with your arms around me or my arms around you. I want to cuddle on the couch watching movies. I want to kiss you as often as you'll let me, and hug you from behind while you wash dishes, and make you feel as loved as you make me feel. That's what I want."

"You said 'but,' though," Jason said. "You're still about to tell why that isn't going to happen."

Percy took Jason's hands and squeezed them. Seeing Jason with all his insecurity and doubt made Percy's own leak out of him. "I take back the 'but.' Jace, the big thing that's been holding me back from telling you how I feel is the fear that one day you'll get sick of dealing with my nightmares and everything else and walk away. We're both coming into this with our own fears. But...but I want to give you the chance to prove me wrong, and I want you to give me the chance to prove you wrong, too."

He let go of Jason's hands, backing up a couple inches. "If you don't want to be with me, that's okay. It's your choice. There's no pressure, and I want you in my life no matter what. I just...I don't want that fear of vulnerability to be the thing holding us back."

Jason regarded him for a few long seconds before closing the distance between them, retaking Percy's hands. "You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

"Yes," Percy, hoping he was putting everything he was feeling into the one word. "I know you're worth the risk." He pressed closer to Jason, one hand tentatively cupping the side of his face. His hand shook as his thumb brushed over the scar on Jason's lip, the scar Percy couldn't stop looking at and wanting to kiss every time he saw him. Jason's eyes fluttered shut with the touch, but only for a few seconds. Then they were open again, and the more Percy tried to identify their exact shade of blue, the more the color seemed to shift.

Jason's breath ghosted over Percy's lips when he whispered, "If you're thinking about kissing me right now, you should do it."

Percy chuckled, closing the gap.

Jason's body was all sharp lines and strength, but his lips and his kiss were both soft. In this foreign territory they both moved with caution, Percy's hand slipping from Jason's cheek to his hair, Jason's fingers curling into the sides of Percy's shirt and pulling him in close. Percy had been wanting to run his fingers through Jason's hair for an eternity, and now he absently played with it as they kissed, the feeling just as silky as he imagined. His other hand gently grasped the back of Jason's neck, their entire bodies pressed together, unable to get close enough. Everyone described kisses as being electric, but with Jason it was literal, the barest spark dancing between their lips.

Percy wasn't sure who pulled back, but he didn't care. He was out of breath and couldn't keep himself from smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. Jason's face was still close, his eyes lit up like the summer sky on the sunniest day in June.

"I can't believe this took us so long," Percy said, too thrilled to be ashamed of how breathless he sounded.

Jason grinned. "Well you always were pretty oblivious."

Percy rolled his eyes. "You couldn't tell how I felt, either. You're supposed to be the perceptive one."

Jason's eyes twinkled. "I never thought I'd get this lucky."

Percy was certain Jason's hold on him was the only thing keeping his knees from buckling. "I love you, 'Jason, some random guy in New York.'"

Jason snorted though he was beaming. "I love you too, 'Percy, some random guy in New York."

All prior uncertainty fell away from both of their smiles as they shared this moment, overwhelmed with relief and euphoria. And then Jason pulled Percy in for their second kiss, and their third, and their fourth, one after another, making up for all the time they wanted to be kissing but weren't. They knocked noses and clacked teeth, but instead of getting embarrassed, they laughed and tried again, getting used to each other. Because they were Percy and Jason, and they were no one in this city, but they were everything to each other.