Living with Jason erased much of the loneliness Percy had initially felt in moving to New York City outside of camp. However, with time, he became increasingly aware of how Jason was the only person he hung out with, and outside of work, one of the only people he talked to. He visited his mom and Iris messaged Grover, but he didn't have the close support network of people his age that he used to. Despite what he'd gone through with Piper, Leo, Hazel, and Frank, he wasn't that close to them once the bonding agent of saving the world together had dissolved. He was sure he and Annabeth would be close again one day, but not for a while. Grover would always be his friend, but with his constant world travel, they could only have so much of a relationship. Jason and he were friends, but there was still something of a wall there that both of them had contributed bricks to.
The second thing Percy learned about himself in the aftermath of the breakup was that despite his overwhelming popularity at Camp Half-Blood, he didn't have as many friends as he thought.
Jason was sitting on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons when Percy plopped on the other end, putting his legs on Jason's lap. "How do people meet people?"
Jason's attention switched from the TV to Percy. "What do you mean?"
"I'm lonely," Percy said. "I mean, I know you're here, and you're cool and all, but—"
"I get it, Perce," Jason laughed. "You need more than one person in your life. But I don't get how this is a problem you're having. You were friends with everyone you came into contact with at camp, and they're only an hour away. I'm sure any of them would be thrilled to hang out with Percy Jackson of all people." Jason was trying to cheer him up with the ego boost at the end, but Percy frowned.
He pulled his legs from Jason's lap and scooted to the center cushion, eyes on the TV but not watching it. "But that's the problem. Everyone liked me because I was this big hero, but they didn't know me. Like I'm not trying to have a pity party or make it sound like I think I'm some big-shot, but hero status at camp made it hard to make that many friends outside, like, the Seven plus Nico, and now you're like the only person from that category I talk to. They like Percy Jackson, but I doubt they'd care about 'Percy, some random guy in New York.'" He sighed, slouching over. "I sound like an ass, don't I? Poor Percy, too up his own ass to make friends."
"I wasn't thinking that," Jason said, words sharp, his hand on Percy's shoulder. "I get it, to some degree."
Percy raised his head to look at him. "You do?"
"Yeah," Jason said. "Not exactly for the mega hero thing, though. The hero aspect is more like a part of it. Like I've said before, I used to put a lot of stock in being this all-around perfect guy. People saw that Golden Boy persona and liked it, but those relationships were never entirely authentic, because to some degree I was always faking it. That's not as true anymore, and I have Piper and Leo, but it's hard to make friends outside of them. Not because of the hero thing, but because it's like even though I've changed, meeting new people makes me instinctively revert back. Like on some level I still believe I need to be that perfect image for people to like me."
Percy hadn't expected that, but the confession gave him a renewed appreciation for his friend. "I'm glad you don't feel like you have to be the Golden Boy around me." Even as he said it, he wasn't sure the assertion was entirely true. Jason had looked uncomfortable when he spoke, as if the admission in itself was something that broke that image.
Jason smirked. "Of course I don't feel that way with the low standard you set. You can't even cook." A hint of the discomfort was in his words, but Percy didn't want to counter Jason's attempt to change the subject.
Percy punched Jason in the arm. "Well if you're so good at it, why don't you teach me?"
Jason gave him a look. "Because I don't want you to burn down the apartment."
Maybe Jason had a point, but Percy was determined to get Jason to teach him cooking one of these days.
In addition to Jason being a better cook that Percy, he was also healthier. Jason claimed his disciplined diet was a result of being raised at Camp Jupiter and his exercise routine, and that was maybe part of it, but Percy suspected it was because Jason was friends with Will Solace, the only person who mother henned harder than him. When Percy caught on to how picky Jason was about his pasta, his belief regarding Jason's closeness with Will and Nico solidified.
Percy was eating Jason's simple but flavorful spaghetti for dinner that evening when he asked, "Have you been seeing Nico?"
"Yeah," Jason said. "I have dinner with him and Will a couple times a month."
"I didn't even know Nico was around that often," Percy said.
"It's not like you've exactly tried to find out," Jason said, and Percy's stomach plunged as he realized Jason was right. He'd been so absorbed in his own life over the past years that he'd remembered him only when others mentioned him in passing. After everything they'd been through together, Percy had no excuse for that.
"They have an apartment near Sally," Jason continued. "I'm sure he'd be glad to see you."
Percy wasn't so sure about that, but he didn't say it. If he were Nico, he wasn't sure he'd want to see him after all this time Percy hadn't tried to stay in contact. Then again, Nico hadn't made an effort either, so maybe they were even. Somehow that verdict didn't sit quite right with him, but he set it aside.
"I'll IM him one of these days," Percy decided aloud. "Worst case scenario is he tells me to fuck off." In reality Nico was capable of far worse than that, but Percy was convinced their distant relationship wasn't worth dragging him to the Underworld for.
"Why would he tell you to fuck off?" Jason asked, taking a bite of pasta.
Percy shrugged. "I don't think he would, but we haven't talked much since he told me about his former crush on me, just some small talk when he happened to be at camp and we ran into each other. I feel like I should have reached out more. He always felt isolated from camp, and I sure didn't help." Percy wouldn't have brought up Nico's former crush if he didn't know Jason was already aware of it, but he knew Nico had told him what happened.
"Okay, that's not great, but he still did fine, and I think he's moved past holding grudges," Jason said.
"Probably," Percy said. "But we never even talked about his confession or anything, and that feels weird to me. There was no closure."
Jason's fork paused. "You need closure on someone else's crush on you? I hate to break it to you, Perce, but if that's the case, you have more people to talk to than just Nico." His eyes sparkled with amusement.
Percy glared at him, only to wither a couple seconds later. "It's really just with Nico. It just felt different with him."
Jason tensed. "Is it because...You don't have a problem with him being gay, do you?"
"No!" Percy said. "Gods no. That's not it. I think it's because I feel like I was part of the reason he stayed away from camp a lot. Not to mention he liked me even though he blamed me for his sister's death, and I just...can't imagine what that must have felt like. I feel like I put him through a lot and need to do something to rectify that."
Jason was unimpressed. "And here I thought I was the one with the hero complex."
"I do not have a hero complex," Percy snapped, then frowned. "Do I?"
"Not really, no," Jason said. "But I do think you're thinking of this the wrong way. You're thinking about how you feel about the situation with Nico and not how he feels. If you care about Nico's feelings and being friends with him, it can't be about you."
Percy poked at his food. "You know, Jace, there's occasionally some wisdom under all your criticism."
Jason rolled his eyes. "Shut up and eat your pasta."
The following Friday Percy and Jason showed up to Nico and Will's apartment, Jason holding a pecan pie he'd made and Percy's hand clutching a bouquet of sunflowers and black dahlias.
When Percy had Iris messaged Nico to meet up, the conversation had gone smoother than anticipated. Nico had been eager in a smug, Nico-type way, wrapped in the knowledge that for the first time their dynamic consisted of Percy being the nervous one. He'd invited Percy to join him, Will, and Jason for one of their usual dinner get-togethers. Jason's presence calmed Percy, but he still felt like he was intruding, given that this event had normally been just the three of them.
Jason knocked, and in a split second the door swung open, a beaming Will standing before them.
"Welcome!" he said, stepping aside and gesturing into the apartment. "May I take your coats?"
Percy looked at Jason in bewilderment, and Jason laughed. "He's kidding, Perce."
Percy relaxed at that, but he was still on edge. He and Jason hung their jackets on hooks beside the door.
The apartment was small, but Nico and Will made use of the space. On their left was a small kitchen with an island in the middle like Percy's and Jason's. On their right was a living room containing a plush green couch and matching loveseat forming a right angle with an end table at the vertex. The TV was across from the couch, and between the two was a large wooden coffee table that matched the end table and TV stand. The walls were a mishmash of posters and artwork, the shelves filled with photos. At the back were the bedroom and bathroom.
Inside the kitchen, Nico was stirring a pot, his black hair pulled back in a low ponytail. The change in hair length was a major indicator to Percy of how long it had been since he'd seen the guy. Nico turned when they entered, a smile breaking across his face. He was wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron, a sight Percy would have paid to see before now.
"Hey, guys," he said with warmth Percy was unaccustomed to. "Dinner will be done soon, but make yourselves at home in the meantime."
Will wrapped an arm around Nico's waist and kissed him. "You need help with anything?"
Nico gave him a peck in return. "No, I've got this. Feel free to keep an eye on them so they don't burn the place down, though." He smirked at them over Will's shoulder, a teasing glint in his eye.
"We're not the ones cooking," Percy complained.
Nico raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't put it past you to find a way anyway."
"I'm the son of the water god!"
Nico shrugged. "What can I say? I believe in you, Percy. You're a man of many talents."
Percy pouted but only succeeded in amusing his company. Nico's laugh was melodic, and all at once Percy was hit with how long it had been since he'd heard it. For all he knew, he hadn't heard Nico laugh since he was ten. He was happy Nico was happy, but it also made him the same brand of uncomfortable he'd felt the first time he'd visited his mom and found his old room wasn't his room anymore. Positive progress, but still a reminder that the world moved on whether or not he was there to see it.
"What do you guys want to drink?" Will asked, knocking Percy back to reality. "We have water, milk, and tea."
They both accepted water, and soon the four were sitting down around the island to Fettuccini Alfredo.
"I didn't know you cooked," Percy said as he served himself. "Or wore a 'Kiss the Cook' apron." His voice was smug at that.
"It's Will's," Nico said, shoving his boyfriend who was sitting on the stool beside him, the couple across from Percy and Jason.
"But he looks so cute in it he wears it anyway," Will said.
Nico shoved him again before returning his attention to Percy. "But yeah, I took up cooking when I moved in here. I mean, I guess maybe 'moved in' is a bit strong. Technically I don't live here, seventeen and all, but I stay here when I don't feel like being at camp and I'm not doing anything for my dad."
"He says that even though he has more stuff here than he does at camp," Will said between bites.
"I'm going to officially move in after I graduate," Nico explained.
"Graduate?" Percy asked.
Nico nodded. "I've been taking online classes to catch up on my education. It's been a lot to make up for, but, well, I have a good tutor." He winked at Will, who blushed. Winked. Percy couldn't believe Nico was that self-assured now, or that Percy hadn't picked up on it on the occasions they talked at camp. The confidence he carried himself with now and Percy's ignorance of it was a stark reminder of how shallow their relationship had been since the war with Gaea despite all their shared history.
"What about you?" Nico asked. "I was surprised when you called, not that I'm complaining. I thought you'd be in New Rome with Annabeth right now, going to college and probably studying marine biology." Nico, barely at camp, was probably the only one who hadn't heard the news.
Percy stiffened. "I, well. Plans changed." Everyone noticed his change in demeanor and Nico shared a look with Will, then Jason. Percy pictured Annabeth in a cute fall sweater with her backpack on, her shiny hair up in a messy ponytail, chatting with Piper as they went to class together. He didn't want to talk about Annabeth, even mention the mere fact that they broke up.
"They tend to," Nico said gently, the face of mercy in this moment.
Jason took over, mentioning Percy's new job and guiding him into sharing work stories. Work stories were light and cheery. No ex-girlfriends, no listlessness, no feelings of becoming obsolete. Simple. Right now simple was all Percy could handle.
Percy and Jason hung around for an hour after dinner, continuing to chat as the four worked their way through the entire pie. When the night was through, they said their goodbyes, and Jason exited first.
Nico caught Percy's wrist on the way out. "Hey. Um." Nico's confidence wavered. "Don't be a stranger, okay?" He frowned, hand dropping. "I've missed you."
Emotion swelled in Percy's chest to the point of pain, but there was too much to make heads or tales of. "I've missed you too, Nico," Percy said, realizing it for the first time as he said it. He and Nico had a complicated history that made for a strange relationship, but he had missed him, which was a strange thing to recognize after so long of not making contact when he could have been.
Although Nico had grown a couple inches, he was still smaller than Percy as Percy pulled him in for a hug, loose in case he was as touch-averse as he used to be. Nico tightened the embrace before pulling back.
"We should go out one of these days, just you and me," Percy suggested. "Really catch up."
Nico smiled. "I'd like that."
The catching up in question happened the following Saturday afternoon at Nico's favorite lounge, The Black Dahlia. Before arrival Nico described The Black Dahlia as a hole-in-the-wall type place, and from that description and the name, Percy expected a crowded, dimly-lit venue. In reality The Black Dahlia was filled with light, all black and white except the deep red couches arranged in squares with tables in the middle. There was a bar, but only a couple people were sitting at it. Most people were lounging on the furniture, sipping drinks and chatting.
Percy followed Nico to the bar, sliding into a stool beside him.
The bartender perked up when he saw Nico. "Hey, Neeks." The man had a short orange beard and cool-toned white skin. "Who's your companion? I've never seen you in here with anyone besides Will."
Percy did a double-take. He'd never heard Nico let anyone call him "Neeks" besides Will.
Nico laughed, a sound Percy was still getting used to from him. "Hey, Gerald. Percy's an old friend from that summer camp I told you about," he said. "You could say we're reconnecting."
Gerald raised his eyebrows. "Percy Jackson?"
Percy froze on instinct, as if his reputation was about to bite him, before remembering Gerald was mortal. He didn't know anything Percy had done. As Percy relaxed he thought about how strange it was that people recognizing him as Percy Jackson the hero injected him with a sudden urge to bolt.
"Yeah," Percy choked. "N-Nice to meet you."
Nico gave Percy a funny look, but Gerald took Percy's nerves in stride as he shook his hand.
Percy looked at Nico. "You've told him about me?"
Nico smirked. "Swapping stories of hopelessly crushing on straight people is common around here." Percy must have looked confused, because Nico explained, "The Black Dahlia is a gay lounge."
"I thought there were just gay bars?"
"Used to be," Nico said. "But there are a lot of queer people who are recovering alcoholics, underage, or just don't like bars, so more places like this have been popping. Lounges, coffee shops, stuff like that."
Percy nodded. "Huh."
Nico laughed and turned to Gerald, ordering them each a soda. When they had their drinks, the pair said goodbye to Gerald and moved to one of the couches. The place was mostly empty, giving them a feeling of privacy even though they were in public.
"You tensed when Gerald said your name," Nico said before taking a sip of his drink. "Why is that?"
Percy rubbed the back of his neck. "It's going to sound stupid and self-important."
"How's that different from everything else you say?" Nico asked, mouth quirked up in a way that showed he wasn't serious.
Percy sighed. "I just...have a lot of mixed feelings about my hero status. Like, now that I'm out in the real world, I feel useless without it, but I also don't think I want it anymore. I want to be a regular guy, but I feel like the regular version of me is a whole lot of nothing."
Nico swirled his soda around his glass.
"Stupid, right?" Percy said.
"No. I get it, to some degree. I never had the same dazzling reputation at camp that you did, because you know, creepy son of Hades—"
"Nico—"
Nico shot him a glare that shut him up. "It's true, Percy. Don't get me wrong, I no longer feel like I don't have a place at camp. I don't feel alienated. But the rules for me and you are still different." He took a drink. "And now I do things for my dad, so I haven't had to disconnect. But what you're feeling now...On some level, that's always been my relationship with the camp and being a quote unquote 'hero.' It's a strange thing to have your feats celebrated while you as a person are not. All the praise and none of the reputation, like a ghost writer. Pun intended." He chuckled. "So, I know it's not the same, but…" He shrugged.
Percy drummed his fingers on his lap.
"There's more on your mind," Nico said.
Percy frowned. "You've become a lot more observant."
"I haven't become more observant. I've always been used to watching and reading people. It's just now I'm actually voicing it."
Percy felt sick. "Annabeth and I broke up."
Nico's eyebrows shot up, the first genuine shock Percy had seen from him since their official reunion. "But…" Nico's face scrunched up. "It's you guys." That wasn't a real explanation, but it was all the explanation that was required. That was most people's reaction: It's you guys. Percy and Annabeth, forever and always. Percy took a long drink.
"What happened?" Nico asked.
Percy wouldn't look at him. "We'd been together a long time," he said. "Almost four years. Since we'd been together so long, from such a young age with so much going on...She wanted some time apart for us to figure out who we were outside of each other and the chaos, and she ended up breaking it off. I was mad at first, but I get it now." He looked to Nico, whose eyes had become sympathetic.
"You do?" Nico said, voice light.
Percy nodded. "She was right. We needed to find out who we are, and I'm realizing the plans we made together aren't ones I want anymore. I hated living in New Rome, and I know the past will always be a part of me, but some part of me just wants to move on. Make something new outside of the whole demigod life."
Nico smiled. "That I understand. I've been spending more and more time with Will instead of camp because of that. I'm not sure I'll ever stop running errands for my dad, but...I'm learning there's a life for me out there that isn't dominated by fear."
"I think about her all the time," Percy blurted. "I never thought I'd be starting my real life without her. Really, nothing that's happening in my life right now is how I pictured it."
Nico snorted. "I thought you would have realized by now that for us, nothing goes according to plan." He finished his drink and went to the bar, getting them refills and ordering fries.
Percy's leg was bouncing. "She's the only one who gets it. We were good at dealing with each other's nightmares of Tartarus. No one else understands what we went through."
Nico looked him straight in the eye, and if looks could kill, Percy would be halfway to the Underworld by now. "You aren't the only ones who have been through Tartarus."
A chill ran down Percy's spine, and he couldn't tell if it was from Nico, guilt, or both. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Nico's anger wavered before fading completely. He sighed, setting his glass down and rubbing his arm. "It's fine, Percy."
"No, it's not," Percy said. "I've never thought about you as much as I should have."
"Percy—"
"It's true," Percy pressed. "You needed somebody to be there for you, but no one ever was, and—"
" Jason was," Nico snapped. "Just because you weren't doesn't mean nobody was, Percy. In case you haven't noticed, Jason hasn't been absent from my life like you have, so don't go projecting your own guilt onto everyone else."
Percy's eyes were wide. He cringed at himself before swallowing the lump in his throat and saying, "You're right. I…" He thought back to what Jason said, about how Percy was thinking about how he felt and not about how Nico felt. "I'm sorry," Percy repeated. "How...how do you feel about all of it, then?"
Nico regarded him warily, like he was waiting for the punchline. Percy must have looked as earnest as he was, because Nico said, "I feel like you never really saw me as an equal," taking Percy aback. "I think you respected my abilities, but outside of a war context, I feel like you saw me as a kid who needed you. You clearly have all this guilt about not being there for me, and you're right, you weren't a good friend to me."
That stung, but Percy kept his mouth shut, knowing he deserved it and Nico wasn't done.
"But it's like you think I was falling apart without you. In case you've forgotten, I've done a lot of things on my own. Bianca's death, Tartarus, all my complicated feelings for you. I shouldn't have had to, but I did, and I got through them. And since then, things have changed. Jason is one of my best friends, and Will has been my boyfriend for years now. I've made other friends at camp, too. I'm doing well, but you don't see that. You still see me as the kid you let down, a little brother figure whose unhappiness you didn't try hard enough to fix."
Nico took a deep breath. "I used to feel weak, Percy. Like I could crumble at any time. But I've realized since then that I'm really tough, actually. I've done a lot for myself. And I didn't need you holding my hand along the way to do it." Nico sighed, the edge in his voice softening. "I'm not saying all this because I want you to feel shitty, and you better not wallow. I'm over all that stuff. I haven't been sitting around waiting for your apology. Sure, it would have been nice for you to have been the friend I deserved back in the day, but you weren't, and I don't need your guilt over the past. I want your friendship in the present."
Nico leaned toward him. "So," he said. "Are you willing to pull your head out of your ass and start fresh with me, or are you going to live in the past?"
Percy was stunned into silence. Nico hadn't held back on him, and that wakeup call was a punch in the gut, but it was also what he needed. He was completely out of his depth, but he smiled and nodded. "A fresh start sounds perfect." He shook his head. "Gods, I can't believe you're only seventeen.
Nico grinned sardonically at him. "A side effect of being forced to grow up at a young age." Nico excused himself to the bathroom and to get their fries.
Percy sipped his drink while he waited for Nico's return, eyes wandering around the lounge. His gaze landed on a guy around his age at another table with a couple friends. His black hair was in dreadlocks that fell around his shoulder, complemented by warm brown skin and deep brown eyes.
They made eye contact and the guy smiled at him, Percy smiling back. The guy said something to his friends, got up, and came over with smooth strides, settling onto the couch next to Percy, though he left a comfortable amount of space between them.
"I don't think I've ever seen you here before," the guy said.
"First time," Percy said. He held out a hand. "I'm Percy."
The guy chuckled at the formal gesture but complied. "Aidan." He angled his body toward Percy. "You don't look like the kind of guy who should be sitting alone."
"Why's that?" Percy said, sipping his soda.
The guy laughed. "Too handsome."
Percy turned pink. "Oh." He cleared his throat. "U-um, well, anyway, I'm not alone. I'm waiting for my friend to get back."
"Just a friend? That mean you're available?" He flashed a dazzling smile.
Percy blinked. "No. Well, I mean, technically yes. I mean, I'm not looking for anything right now. Recent breakup."
Aidan leaned back, nodding. "Gotcha. I'll leave you to your friend, then." He stood and gave a two-finger salute. "It was nice meeting you, Percy. Maybe I'll see you around."
"Maybe," Percy said without thinking, and Aidan returned to his friends. Once Aidan was gone, he chewed on his lip, replaying the encounter in his head. He was used to being hit on by girls in between at school, but never a guy before. He was surprised by how normal it felt. Before he could get too deep into thinking about that, Nico returned with the fries he'd ordered earlier, and the two ate while Nico caught Percy up on his life.
Nico and Will had become friends after his infirmary stay, gradually getting closer until they began dating about a year later. Will was pre-med at college, and when Nico finished his online schooling, he'd be attending the same school but for photography and digital art with a minor in art history. He was already learning some things independently, and a lot of the artwork in Will's apartment was Nico's making. Percy made a mental note to check it out the next time he was over.
Although Hades, being the god of wealth, had offered to take care of Nico's expenses, Nico wanted to be as much of a regular person as possible outside of Hades' tasks and did freelance photography to make money. He didn't actually need the money as Will refused to let him help with rent given how little he was there, so Nico used it to treat Will to dinners and splurge on high-end ingredients to cook on special occasions. Nico owned a fake ID, but only so he could buy him and Will fine wine, as he was a firm believer that eating authentic Italian food with anything other than wine was a sin. Fettuccini Alfredo, while invented in a restaurant in Rome, was basically unheard of in Italy, but Nico would concede and make it anyway because Will loved it so much.
Every word and gesture Nico made highlighted the biggest shift in Nico's life, the one he wasn't about to say out loud: he had gained a great deal of confidence and passion. Nico had always been intense, but now that intensity was funneled primarily into positive things: his friendships, his hobbies, his relationship with Will. While Percy had been churning in the remnants of his glory days, Nico had been forging a future for himself. Nico spoke as if his glory days were not the heroics of days past but the things he had to look forward to. For the first time, Percy was envious of Nico. He would never want Nico's life, but he did want his attitude in the present, the self-assurance and optimism with which he carried himself and regarded the future.
When Percy commended him for his improvements and asked how he managed it, Nico averted his gaze, saying he decided to give camp a chance to be his home. Although Percy often found the younger boy impossible to read, even he could tell that although Nico wasn't lying, there was a piece missing from that answer. Nico squirmed with the discomfort Percy was accustomed to seeing on him. Percy did not push the topic.
The pair talked until Percy had to leave for his shift, but when he moved to go, Nico did the last thing Percy expected of him: he hugged him, short and tight. Despite the mutual awkwardness in the contact, Percy appreciated the gesture. This truly was a fresh start.
"You should keep joining Will, Jason, and I for our dinners," Nico said.
Percy smiled. "I'll do that. Maybe we'll even take turns hosting."
Nico wrinkled his nose. "Only if you promise Jason will do the cooking."
Percy laughed, and his shoulders felt lighter than they had when he and Nico had first arrived. "Deal."
The credits were rolling on Avengers: Infinity War when Percy asked, "Which superhero do you think I'm most like?" He and Jason were on the couch, his legs on Jason's lap, a level of physicality in their relationship they had both become used to.
Jason eyed him. "I don't know, Perce. Why are you asking?"
"Curiosity," he said. "C'mon, think harder."
Jason rolled his eyes. "Let's see you come up with an answer to that on the spot. Who would I be?"
"Captain America," Percy said without hesitation.
Jason raised his eyebrows. "That was quick. Why him?"
"Because you're both really straight-laced, disciplined, and selfless," Percy explained.
A dusting of light pink appeared on Jason's cheeks. "Oh." He shifted like he didn't know what to do with himself, one hand scratching the back of his neck.
"It was a compliment. Why do you look so uncomfortable?"
"I just—" Jason closed his eyes and shook his head. "I really don't think I'm like that."
Percy frowned. "You're like the poster child for lawful good. Give yourself some credit."
Jason faced straight forward at the TV. "Really, Percy. You'd be surprised how selfish I can be."
Percy removed his legs from Jason's lap to sit next to him, leaning forward with his arms on his legs as he eyed his friend. "Why do I feel like you're thinking of something in particular?"
Jason winced but still refused to meet his eyes.
"Jason…" Percy said. "You listen to me cry and go on tangents over Annabeth at least twice a week. The least I can do is listen to you in return."
"You don't owe me anything, Percy."
"Stop doing that," Percy said. The words came out more harsh than intended, but they compelled Jason to look at him, so he couldn't bring himself to regret them. "Stop thinking about everyone else. Think about yourself for once. Let me be here for you."
Jason shook his head, his hands clenching and unclenching in his lap. "I...I don't think I know how to do that. I've changed a lot since I was at Camp Jupiter, but...some of that upbringing is still with me." Jason's guard was so high Percy could practically see it standing sturdy between them. Before Percy could rebuttal, Jason sighed, slouching forward. "I'm a total asshole, Percy."
Percy shot up. "That's not true at all. You—"
"I'm bad at relationships and hurt other people in the process," Jason said, grimacing. Okay, that wasn't what Percy had been expecting. Jason took a deep breath. "Back before Hera switched us and wiped our memories, I had a feeling Reyna liked me, and I knew I only saw her as a friend, but I never shut her down. I've always felt bad about that, and I thought after her I'd learned my lesson, but I didn't." His voice was strained, and Percy put a hand on his arm, although he couldn't tell if the gesture made Jason more or less tense.
"I did the same thing with Piper," Jason said. "Not at first. At first everything was great. But then after the war...I don't know what happened, but I ended up stringing her along while I worked out my feelings, and that wasn't fair to her. I couldn't give her what she wanted. I loved her, or at least I thought I did, but then I don't get why I didn't..." Jason's whole body stiffened in a split second, as if he'd said too much.
Percy wanted nothing more than to prod for more information and find out how Jason was going to finish that sentence, but once more he was reminded of Jason pointing out how he thought of his own feelings and figured that applied here, too. This wasn't about him and his curiosity, so he bit his lip, containing the question before it could slip out.
Jason's confession sounded bad, but without the missing piece Jason was intentionally leaving out, Percy didn't feel comfortable condemning nor condoning Jason's actions. He didn't know if the addition would make Jason look better or worse. What he did know was that right now Jason was trusting him, and as his friend he wanted to give the best he could offer with his limited perspective. Percy moved his hand from Jason's arm to his back, rubbing it, an act that was simple but weirdly intimate. He supposed there was an inherent intimacy in vulnerability and comfort, but he swallowed bile as the situation reminded him of Annabeth.
At first Jason tensed at Percy's action, but after a few seconds he relaxed, eventually leaning into Percy and setting his forehead on Percy's shoulder. Jason was broad and strong, and Percy had never seen him look as small as he did right now. Something about Jason's downtrodden expression made Percy feel like that absent ending to Jason's last sentence was important, but perhaps he was biased because Jason was his close friend whereas he wasn't overly familiar with Piper. He'd have to wait and see, but for now he kept rubbing Jason's back and letting Jason rest his head on his shoulder.
The next dinner party was hosted by Percy and Jason. Jason was chopping vegetables and adding them to the stirfry while Percy made brownies from a box mix. He'd been desperate to contribute something to the meal even though he couldn't cook, not wanting all the work to fall to Jason. Recently he'd generally been feeling bad about all the cooking being Jason's job when Percy didn't even keep the cleaning up to Jason's standards. Those standards had been decreasing, but Percy wasn't sure if that was Jason being worn down or an extension of Jason learning to loosen up.
Jason liked to make fun of Percy for his failure at "adulting," which Percy thought was entirely unfair. He had a full-time job, did his laundry, and paid his bills on time. According to Percy that was officially being an adult even if he couldn't cook. Still, Jason had a bit of a point. Cooking was a basic life skill, and Jason's teasing made Percy think of how fun it would be to surprise Jason with a full, properly-cooked meal. The image of Nico making Fettuccine Alfredo in his "Kiss the Cook" apron flashed in Percy's mind. Perhaps there was a teacher available for such a task.
Convincing Nico to teach Percy to cook was easier than expected, and two weeks later Will kissed Nico on the cheek as they prepared for a lesson. "Bye, Neeks. I'll see you later. Please don't burn the place down," he directed at Percy with a grin, grabbing his backpack before disappearing out the door.
"No one has any faith in me," Percy complained.
"Yes we do," Nico said as he tied his hair back. "With a sword or making friends. It's just ovens and knives we don't trust you with."
Percy narrowed his eyes, and Nico laughed. Seeing him smile and laugh was becoming normal, but Percy still found it weird to see this Nico contrasted with his former brooding self. "It's really nice to see you happy," Percy said, the words slipping out before he thought them through. He froze, unsure if that was a weird thing to say. He'd never been self-conscious around Nico, but since they'd begun tentatively building a friendship, every step felt like a possible misstep.
Nico's movements slowed as he set ingredients on the island. To Percy's relief, he smiled. "It's nice to be happy." He rubbed his arm, smile wavering. "It's not like I'm always happy or I've had this total transformation, though."
Percy thought about the color in Nico's wardrobe, the ease with which he carried himself, and his lack of hesitation in showing Will affection in public. "It seems like you have," Percy said.
The corners of Nico's mouth downturned as he set out a cookbook and brought over a set of chef's knives. "Looks can be deceiving. Don't get me wrong, I am happier. Most days it's hard to remember ever feeling as bitter or alienated as I did a few years ago. But it's not like that version of me just disappeared. From there to here was gradual, and more importantly, I still have bad days."
All at once Percy felt naive for having thought anything different, especially when he himself still had nightmares and Nico had been through more than him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to—"
Nico waved him off. "I know. I just don't want you to look at me and think I woke up one day all shiny and new, or that I'm, like, fixed now."
"Fixed?" Percy said.
Nico shrugged. "Yeah. Like...like I've gotten all the anger and resentment out of me. It's not that simple. I still have nightmares more often than I'd like to admit."
"Me too," Percy said. "Thankfully my powers no longer go haywire in response and make the pipes burst, but they still happen. Jason got me this night light that projects bright ocean patterns and makes wave noises. It helps. Maybe you could find something like that, but swapping out oceans for whatever comforts you."
"Hm," Nico said, face thoughtful. "Maybe I'll do that. Thanks, Percy." He smiled. "I'm lucky that Will has learned how to calm me down when I wake up from a nightmare. I don't know what I would do without him." Nico cringed. "I'm sorry, that was insensitive."
Percy's smile was pained. "It's okay. I'm...I'm trying to get used to it. If I avoid thinking about it, I'll never get over it, right?" His mouth was dry. Almost four months had passed since the breakup. He was still hurt by the thought of her, but it was dulling from a gash into a throb. The wound was healing, even if he wasn't over her yet. "She was my rock, though. We were the only people who could comfort each other when the nightmares came. I...I hope she's found someone else who can do that for her." An image of her and Rachel sitting together at the campfire came to mind.
Nico stepped closer, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. "She'll be okay. You will, too." He let go and flipped to the correct page in the cookbook, then began preparing the ingredients. "What does Jason do when you have a nightmare?"
Percy looked at the cookbook over Nico's shoulder and grabbed a red bell pepper to dice. "Nothing."
Nico guided Percy through proper cutting technique before he responded. "It doesn't sound like Jason to see a friend upset and not do anything."
Percy kept his eyes on the pepper, slicing as he talked. "He doesn't see it."
Nico raised an eyebrow as he cut a yellow bell pepper. "How is that even possible? You guys share a bed and you've already told him about the nightmares."
"I don't usually make much noise when I wake up," he explained. "And it's a massive bed, so it's not like I physically disturb him. Whenever I wake up freaking out, I hide out in the bathroom until I calm down. Once I accidentally woke him up when I was being louder than usual, but I convinced him I just woke up to pee and thought I saw something so he'd go back to sleep. I don't want to bother him when he's sleeping, especially since he gets up early. That's not fair to him."
"Percy," Nico said with a warning tone. "We both know Jason would rather you wake him up than go through that stuff alone."
"Exactly," Percy said. "I know he'd always be there for me if I asked him to, because that's the kind of guy Jason is. I don't want to take advantage of that. I don't want to feed into him feeling like he had to be everything to everyone all the time."
Nico stopped cutting to cross his arms as he stared Percy down. "You're doing it again."
"What?"
"Deciding what he needs for him," Nico said. "Like you tried to do with me. Jason has come a long way with getting over his Golden Boy complex. Give him some credit and let him make his own decisions. It's not taking advantage of him to let him treat you like a friend."
Percy rubbed the back of his neck. "You're right."
"Of course I am," Nico said, resuming his work. "So give him a chance to help you next time, okay?"
"Yeah," Percy said. "Okay." He paused, glancing at Nico between cuts. "Hey Nico?"
"Yeah?"
Percy swallowed. "Are we friends?"
Nico froze, staring at him with wide eyes. "Uh, yeah? I thought that was obvious." He motioned to their workspace. "I'm teaching you to cook, Percy. Do you think I'd do that for just anyone?"
Percy laughed. "I guess not." A goofy grin formed on his face. "Thanks."
"For what?" Nico asked.
"For being my friend."
Nico laughed. "You're a dork, Percy. But you're welcome."
The next time Percy went to The Black Dahlia, he was alone. Without Nico leading the way, he felt out of place, like he didn't belong there and everyone could see that. He was being paranoid, he knew; no one was looking at him funny, no one thought he shouldn't be there. No one knew he had come because he was still thinking about how when Aidan flirted with him, he was uncomfortable because he wasn't over Annabeth, not because Aidan was a man.
He sat at the bar, where Gerald happened to be working. Gerald brightened when he saw him.
"Welcome back. Percy, wasn't it?"
Percy nodded. "Mmhm. Nice seeing you again, Gerald." His smile was small and hesitant, but that had nothing to do with Gerald. He ordered a soda and mozzarella sticks. Percy was unsure what answers he was hoping to find here. The curious, introspective part of him wanted to test his feelings and figure out if he'd been okay with Aidan's flirting because he was secure in his heterosexuality and didn't care, or because maybe he would have been into it had Annabeth not been a factor. A bigger part of him was paralyzed by the prospect of doing so, so he sat there, eating his snack and chatting only with Gerald.
As if summoned by Percy's subconscious desire, a familiar voice called, "Hey Percy, that you?"
Percy turned his eyes and found Aidan approaching. Aidan smiled at the confirmation and slid into the stool next to him, ordering himself a drink. "Here with your friend again?" he asked.
Percy shook his head. "No, on my own this time."
"Couldn't stay away from me?" Aidan said, his teasing tone indicating he wasn't making a genuine second attempt with him.
"Just trying to figure some stuff out," Percy said with a friendly smile.
Aidan chuckled. "Been there." He watched with amusement as Percy chewed on his bottom lip. "Dude, you're not subtle. I can see you want to ask something. Shoot."
Percy gave him an awkward, grateful smile. "How did you figure it out?"
Aidan sipped his drink. "I think you've already found the answer to that, seeing as you came here without your friend this time. I flirted and went on dates with men to see if I was into it or not, and I was, same as I was for women. Sometimes you need to figure things out by doing. Any other questions?"
"I don't want to, like, interrogate you," Percy said.
"I'm offering," Aidan said with a calming smile. "If you have questions, ask away."
Percy had stopped snacking, his fingers drumming on the bar top. "When did you know?"
Aidan thought it over. "My late teens, I think."
Percy bit his lip again. "Do you think there's, like, a time you should know by?"
Aidan raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"I'm twenty," Percy said. "I was with my ex-girlfriend for almost four years, but there were plenty of crushes before her. I've always known I liked women. So isn't it weird that I haven't even considered being into men before now? Isn't that an indication that I'm not if I didn't tune into those feelings when I was a kid like I did for girls?"
"Not really," Aidan said. "For a couple of reasons. For one, sexuality is fluid. If you do turn out to be into men, it's possible that you weren't before and that's something that's changed for you. If that's the case, that's totally fine. But it's also possible you're a victim of compulsory heterosexuality."
Percy blinked. "Compulsory heterosexuality?"
"Yeah. Since heterosexuality is presumed to be the default, some queer people automatically adopt it, convince themselves that they're straight. For people who are into more than one gender, sometimes we recognize the opposite-sex attraction and because of that don't think to explore more and write everything else as platonic."
Percy had never considered any of that, either fluidity or compulsory heterosexuality. Both of them made sense, though, even if he wasn't sure which if either applied to him. "Thanks, Aidan," Percy said with a wide smile, the knot in his stomach coming undone. "You've been really helpful."
"No problem," Aidan said. "What are places like this good for if not talking about queer experiences and helping each other out?" He squeezed Percy's shoulder. "I've got to get to work, but it was nice talking to you. Good luck with your exploration."
"Hey, Aidan, um," Percy said, scratching the back of his neck when Aidan turned back to look at him. "Could I maybe, um, get your number?"
Aidan grinned, and Percy handed over his unlocked phone so Aidan could put his number in his contacts. "Text me sometime," Aidan said. With that, he did his salute and went on his way.
Percy waved goodbye, feeling infinitely better than he had when he'd first arrived, overwhelmed by nerves and possibilities.
When Percy arrived home from the lounge, Jason was tugging on his usual sweatpants, the only thing he wore to bed. "Hey, Percy," he said. "Where you been?"
Percy tensed. "Just this cool lounge Nico showed me recently."
"Nice," Jason said with a smile. "You should take me there sometime."
Percy nodded with a strained smile. "Sure." He didn't normally go to bed as early as Jason, but today he felt simultaneously drained and antsy, so he got ready for bed, turned out the light, and joined his friend. "Does the night light really not bother you?" Percy asked as he switched the device on, filling the room with the glowing pattern and white noise.
"Of course not," Jason said, turning on his side to look at him. "I bought it for you." He paused. "How are your nightmares, by the way? I've lived here for months and never seen you have any." There was an undertone of accusation, and Percy couldn't even be annoyed.
Percy sat up. "I, um. I've been hiding them from you."
Jason shot up, traversing the wide mattress to come to his side. "Percy—"
"I know, I know. Nico already chewed me out," Percy said. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to bother you."
"That's not your decision to make," Jason said, eyebrows furrowed, voice low.
"I know," Percy said. "That's why I'm sorry. Okay?"
Jason sighed, anger leaving his body along with his breath. "Look, if you genuinely don't want my help, that's okay. I'm not going to force it on you. But if you do want me to try helping you, please actually let me. You can wake me up. It's okay."
Percy almost said a dozen different things, but what he landed on was, "Thanks, Jason." He pulled Jason in for a hug his friend returned.
The nightmare came at three am. Like usual Percy awoke in a cold sweat, breathing heavily but not loudly enough to wake Jason. He had learned long ago he was capable of a mental state between having a nightmare and being awake. Percy was no longer experiencing Tartarus, but he wasn't entirely in the present, either. In the minutes in between states, he felt as though Tartarus was watching him where he lay in bed. Sometimes the in between was worse than the nightmare itself.
Percy sat up, skin burning, breathing labored but quiet enough to not wake Jason. This was the usual. He looked to where Jason lay sleeping on the other side of the bed, laying on his stomach and emitting a low snore. In times like this Percy's body went through the routine it had committed to memory, and he almost did the usual, getting up to hide in the bathroom. But he stopped himself, stuck in place, his muscles yelling at him to move.
"Jason?" Percy said, caught off-guard by how he didn't recognize his own voice as it trembled. He glanced around, still feeling watched, then scooted across the bed, touching Jason's shoulder. "Jason?"
Jason snorted and rolled onto his back, blinking as he came to. "Percy?" Percy hadn't heard his tired voice before, deep and raspy. He liked it. As if suddenly remembering their conversation from the night before, Jason shot up. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Percy said on instinct. "I mean, no. I—" His voice cracked and he withdrew into himself. He clutched the blanket, his whole body quivering. Unshed tears stung his eyes.
"You're okay," Jason said, shifting closer to him. He cleared his throat, and when he spoke again, his voice was closer to normal. "What did Annabeth do to calm you down?"
Percy backed away from him to his own side of the bed. "N-never mind. This is stupid."
"Percy," Jason said softly, but he didn't get any closer. "I want to help you."
Percy felt small. He wasn't used to anyone other than Annabeth seeing him, Percy Jackson, being vulnerable. But he wasn't that guy anymore, was he? Now he was 'Percy, some random guy in New York.' Fresh start.
Percy turned off the night light so the darkness would hide his blush, unsure if he would regret the decision. Resisting the overwhelming urge to keep Jason at an emotional distance and hide, Percy whispered, "She'd sing to me." She'd also hold him, but he wasn't going to tell Jason that. Jason doing that would only make him significantly more anxious.
Jason took Percy's answer in stride. "Any particular song?"
"No," Percy said. "It doesn't really matter what it was. Just...something soothing, I guess." He felt like a small child who needed a lullaby to sleep, and that thought made the tears he'd been fighting threaten to fall. He trusted Jason, but for some reason that made this worse. He also couldn't help thinking that strong-willed Adonis Jason Grace would never need someone to do this for him, but he shoved that thought as far into the recesses of his mind as he could.
"Okay," Jason said. "Just, uh, get comfortable while I think of something, okay?"
The awkwardness of this situation was palpable, but Percy complied, lying down on his back.
"You'll, um, have to excuse my voice. I'm not very good," Jason said. He laid down on his side facing Percy, cleared his throat, and began to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," hesitation and embarrassment underlying his voice. Percy hadn't been anticipating that song choice, but it oddly fit. Jason wasn't a traditionally good singer, but his voice had a particular quality that Percy took comfort in.
Before he thought it through, Percy was rolling onto his side to face Jason. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he could make out Jason's features. A fresh wave of self-consciousness washed over Jason when they made eye contact and he averted his gaze, but Percy's eyes were caught on the subtle movements of his lips and his trademark scar. Percy smiled, finding the story of that scar endlessly funny.
Although his body was heavy and on-edge, Percy dragged himself across the bed, near enough to Jason that he could reach out a hand and place it on Jason's forearm as he closed his eyes. He didn't want Jason to hold him, but he did want a physical reminder that Jason was there.
"Thank you," Percy murmured, his body melting into the mattress as Jason continued to sing. Jason didn't interrupt the song to reply, and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in Jason's voice was the last thing he heard before drifting off.
In the morning Jason was gone to work before Percy woke up like usual. Unlike usual, however, there was a note on Percy's nightstand. He picked up and was greeted with Jason's handwriting:
"Sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up, but I had the morning shift like usual. I hope my gods awful singing gave you something resembling comfort. There's extra bacon and eggs for you in the fridge. Have a good day. Your friend, Jason."
Jason signing the note despite being the only one who could have left it made Percy laugh. He smiled and hummed to himself as he microwaved the food Jason left for him, reflecting on his rebuilt friendship with Nico and his increasingly close one with Jason. He didn't have as many friends as he used to think, but he'd swapped a million shallow ones for a couple deep ones, and he'd take that quality over quantity any day.