UNCLE'S MURDER
"Ever realised how useless life is, the thought of actually drifting in time with no purpose nor meaning. Being a part of a race, timeline or even ambition, only to be stripped of it in the end, I know that we've all been taught and told what to do and how life is this important thing, which is beautiful and necessary, just like how breathing is a necessity, but how does being in accordance with weird conundrum get classified as living. Not that I'm trying to be negative, nor am I going to continue being this naïve voice which utters nonsense, let's try to explain this word, rather I say this belief of LIFE.
Satisfaction may be the evillest of bearings, I agree that its great at times but at what cost, don't misunderstand my intensions, but have you ever realised how satisfaction destroys even the purest of memories, most sentiments mean nothing when it comes to instant gratification. And yet it's something that we can go for years trying to figure out. Forbidden happiness might as well be something I despise but yearn the most, you know when your told not to go near certain things, you feel the need to head there even faster. I'm going to be bold and brunt about this fact but, being a human being is one curse any person could never ever wish on another.
It's one fact that you can never take back, the fear, excitement and guilt that comes with it makes it even harder to accept reality. Now as a part of this kind of species myself, I understand the implications it takes to actually accept this life.
The thought of pain frightens most, it's quite funny to me as its actually the ONE feeling which shows the most emotions, it's not feint nor is it ever made up. It's just there and let no matter the circumstances, it never fails but to show itself, and yes most of us find many excuses to run away from it, but it's never enough, and yes, I'm glad that we get to feel it, it makes us grow, and most importantly, gives us another eye glass into this experience we call life. But hey, not everyone is going to be able to agree with me, 'I can't please everyone, now can I'. "
As I read these words, I came to understand why he did it, I mean I came even closer towards his peculiar mind scape, I agree that it sounds as if I'm trying to give rise to his sudden choice of passion. Let's think of it as my reasoning towards understanding my uncle's pitiful death.
How can a man who was filled with life have been able to take his own in the end, to me this felt like betrayal, I witnessed it all, and all I could do was watch, I watched as he wrapped his neck with that god forsaken rope, the same rope which had a whole history towards it, the same rope which saved my life on my last hiking trip with non-other than the same man who uses it to commit murder on himself, that same rope which showed me the real meaning of the word trust, that same rope which ripped me of my own Uncle.
He wrapped himself with that rope, thus he pushed the chair from underneath himself and the worst moment of my life unravelled itself. I watched as life slowly made its way of his body, as he choked, I could never imagine a bigger pain then actually causing your own demise. Yes, he hung himself, I witnessed it all, yet not even a soul could really understand how a 11year old could sleep at night after witnessing such cruelty, yet I slept soundly that night, without even a wink of sorrow in my eyes, rather a little confusion, as puzzled as I was, I couldn't even comprehend how my own mother never shed even a single tear on realising what her own brother had done.
She seemed rather calmer than usual, it seemed as though a heavy load had been removed from her back, for a moment I believed that she was glad about his decision of murder. All she said that night was, " O well", I couldn't shake those words from my mind, they replayed themselves so much that I got completely crazy, I mean I always had the impression of women being overly emotional, which fuelled my confusion even more, mother had never said those words before in her life, and especially if it had to do with a loss of a close family member, so this puzzled me. She was always as kind as possible, and she never gave grief towards any person, but I saw a different Persona of hers that day, she seemed more calmer than usual, I mean no parent is ever calm when dealing with three kids, but it seemed as though she was another woman who I had never met before.
And yet she addressed me the same way she always did, with a little smile on her face, not even a single tear in sight, she called my name, with the same voice, as sweet and clear as always, I had wanted to ask her many times about her unusual behaviour, yet words seem to get entangled on my throat every time, all I could say was, " are u ok mom?". And a simple smile creeped up on her face again, she told me that what had occurred was 'inevitable' all I could do right then was stare at her, and as much as I tried to make eye contact, she avoided the chance of our eyes meeting under any circumstances, you could actually feel the tension between us whenever I got near her.
And at times I felt she knew that I saw what had happened to Uncle but then again, I don't really know what I saw, all I could remember was the pain in his eyes the moment he moved the chair beneath him, those few seconds seemed like a lifetime to me, it was the last moments I spent watching him alive, he had always seemed warm and comforting towards me, but each member was like that towards the kids so I'm also not sure about his real feelings. Yet all I could ask myself at that point was 'Why?', I still don't get why such a man would have suicide near his brilliant mind.