part 5 - Star Wars fanfics I like

Chapter 21Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Ayumu was exhausted. They had landed down on Naboo, and he was left to drift along behind Senator Amidala and Anakin, who were talking in low tones.

"I wasn't the youngest queen elected, but sometimes I think I was too young," Senator Amidala said as Anakin hauled her bags up the steps. There were a lot of steps. "I was too ambitious, I think. I wanted to retire, but when the queen asked me to serve as senator, I couldn't refuse her."

"Do you think you could have retired?" Anakin asked, and she hummed.

"Maybe? I don't know. When my two terms were up, all I felt was a sense of relief. They wanted to amend the constitution to keep me in power, but I didn't want it," she said, and Ayumu ignored the growing want in Anakin. He could keep his shields up. They were loose on him, comfortable, and Ayumu wished he had a little bit of shame.

"Do you ever wish things went differently? At the battle, I mean," Anakin said, and she glanced at him.

"I wish you didn't have to fight, sometimes. You were just a kid," she said, and Anakin bristled.

"But, I won the battle," he pointed out.

"Someone else could have," she argued. "I don't think you---"

"I was young enough to be a slave and work," Anakin said, and she paused.

"Yes, I suppose you were," she said quietly, and Ayumu didn't know he had been a slave. What the hell? And what was this about winning a battle?

"Do you think you were too young to be apprenticed?" she asked, and Anakin blinked.

"No," he replied, and she tilted her head.

"Weren't you only ten?"

"Nine, I turned ten a few months later," he corrected, and she reached the landing and started to walk.

"Ayumu, how old were you when you were apprenticed?" she called behind her.

"Twelve," he replied, hating being dragged into this conversation with every fiber of his being. "But, I was considered young, too. Most apprentices are assigned at thirteen or fourteen."

"So, you're advanced? Come walk with us," she said, and he desperately did not want to do that, but he drew near all the same to walk alongside the two of them.

"You could say that, but I don't think so," he replied, and hefted his backpack higher on his shoulder. "I generally just like to see myself as average."

"Didn't they say you were advanced in lightsaber combat?" she asked, and he huffed lightly.

"Yes, but that's not all there is to being a Jedi. I still struggle with a lot," he replied, and she glanced over at him.

"Like what?" she asked, and he paused, suddenly uncomfortable. Anakin was annoyed at her attention being misdirected, and Ayumu didn't know how to answer the question tactfully.

Well, he had never been particularly tactful.

"I struggle with death," he said, flat. "I have Force visions that tend to be a little disturbing, and I struggle to cope with them."

That got Anakin's attention. He looked over Senator Amidala's head with suspicion in his eyes, and Senator Amidala was subdued.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked such a prying question," she said. "I'd like to get to know you better, since we're going to be stuck with each other for so long."

"There's no need to get to know me," Ayumu said as he stepped forward and outstripped them. "All I have to do is guard you."

"You don't have to be so rude," Anakin snapped, offended, and Ayumu rolled his eyes.

"I'm not," he said, even though he absolutely was, and carried on, even though he didn't know where he was going. They would have time to set their bags down, and then they had to present themselves to the queen.

Gods, he was going to be suffering with these two.

"I'm in charge of your security, my lady," Anakin said, and the sound of his voice was grating at Ayumu even though he said nothing as he leaned against the pillar.

"And this is my home, I know it very well, that is why we're here. You should take advantage of my knowledge," Senator Amidala said, and Ayumu rubbed at the bridge of his nose.

"Anakin, we should just go to the lake country," he said and Anakin shot him a nasty look. "What? She knows this place well, and it's easy enough to disappear in the countryside."

"You just want to swim," Anakin shot back, and Ayumu sighed.

"I'm made for saltwater, not freshwater," he explained patiently. "No, I do not want to swim in freshwater. It's hard to breathe."

"Why is there a difference, anyways?" Anakin demanded, and Senator Amidala cleared her throat.

"We will be going to the lake country," she said sharply. "That's the end of the matter."

Anakin sulked, and Ayumu pushed himself off the pillar.

"I'll carry our bags," he said and turned for the door. "Are we leaving immediately or staying in the capital for the night?"

"We need time to get together lodging, so we'll be staying here for the night," Senator Amidala said, and Ayumu nodded.

"Great," he said and walked out the doors. Anakin was so insecure and compensated by being vastly overconfident in himself. He had a whiny quality to him that he still had yet to outgrow, and Ayumu was tired of him already.

"Ayumu," Anakin said sharply as he approached him, and Ayumu glanced at him as they went into the halls, away from prying ears, with Senator Amidala far behind him. "This was my mission first, and you are a junior padawan. You're supposed to take direction from me. "

Ayumu stared at him blankly, and then decided that didn't deserve a response and walked ahead of him.

"Ayumu!" Anakin snapped, but Ayumu just ignored him as he made his way towards his quarters.

"I assume you have the senator's protection, then? You should stay with her," Ayumu called over his shoulder. "I'll check all the rooms and try to sense out if there's any danger."

"Ayumu, why are you like this? " Anakin demanded, but Ayumu just kept walking. "Hey!"

"Also, you should shore up your shields a little," Ayumu called, snide. "You realize you are around another empath."

Anakin turned bright red, spluttered, and Ayumu knew he was being a bit of a bitch, but he didn't really care, because if he wanted to feel arousal like that, he would go to a fucking brothel. Not that Kit would let him do that, but still. He was sick of it, and Anakin had no regard for the people around him. He had to know he had a massive Force presence. Ayumu's Force presence wasn't exactly small, either, and he kept it under control. Anakin barely even shielded the size of it. It was like he needed to show it off to prove he belonged here. It was annoying, and Ayumu was getting less and less sympathy for him the longer this trip went on.

It was fine. This mission would be over with soon, and then he wouldn't have to deal with Anakin again. It would be fine.

He took a deep breath as he headed off, knowing that had to look wildly unprofessional. But, they were teenagers, so he supposed he could have a little leeway in that. Even though he shouldn't be acting like a teenager, but he couldn't deny that he had regressed slightly. He had, in fact, regressed a little bit, but he didn't feel all that bad about it. It was what it was. He had to deal with teenage hormones again, though Nautolan puberty was a hell of a lot different than Human puberty, and he wasn't going to blame himself for acting like he was being forced through a second puberty. He was stressed out, and Anakin was a nightmare to be around.

So much for being excited about his first mission without Kit, he thought wryly. This was a disaster. Anakin was falling deeply in love with Senator Amidala, willfully misinterpreting the Jedi Code to impress her, and just in general being a living nightmare. He hoped he would be able to get to go on another assignment without Kit without another padawan to deal with. He generally didn't like the other kids in his age group, and they all thought he was a stuck up snob. Ayumu just didn't mesh well with teenagers.

Ayumu wandered down the halls, turning his attention away to admire the architecture. It reminded him of Italy, and he remembered his one mission there in his past life. He had enjoyed himself, though he didn't have much time for sightseeing, so this was nice. The palace was opulent and soaring, with high buttresses and wide halls. He knew it had been invaded a decade ago, but they had rebuilt very well.

It was peaceful here. It wasn't like on Coruscant, where Darkness had inhabited every nook and cranny despite the Jedi's attempts to spread Light. It was fresh, the air clean and crisp, and he didn't have that itching feeling that something was watching him. He felt light, in a way, with a bounce in his step, and he was determined to enjoy his business here, despite the heterosexual shenanigans going on all around him.

But, he was supposed to be searching for any signs of danger. So, he turned down a maintenance hall, where an assassin would be first to go, and started his search.

Hopefully, this would keep him away from Senator Amidala and Anakin at least for a few hours.

"Are you ready to go?" Senator Amidala asked from the doorway as Ayumu adjusted his belt, and he nodded. He was back in his dark brown robes, and feeling much more comfortable in them than the spacer clothes he had been wearing yesterday. They were heading out in the early morning, taking speeders out to the lake country, where Senator Amidala had rented out an entire estate at the last minute, and they were taking a lot of people with them. Security, handmaidens, the works.

"Let's head out," he said and made for Senator Amidala and R2D2, who was waiting patiently beside her, and she turned and led him towards the doors. He eyed the clothing she was in. She really was picking more risque clothing. Her back was exposed in the cream dress she was wearing, and she was smooth and perfect. Her hair was cascading down her back in rich curls, and all he could think was that she knew exactly what she was doing. Anakin was going to be distracted the entire time, but better he was distracted with Senator Amidala than picking a fight with Ayumu. The other padawan hadn't said a word to Ayumu over dinner, though his shields were decidedly thicker in his presence, so Ayumu was going to count that one as a win.

"You and Anakin don't like each other, do you?" she asked as they walked down the hall, and Ayumu glanced at her.

"We like each other just fine," he lied. "He just has a temper."

"Do you know him well?" she asked, and he shook his head no.

"No, I don't," he replied, and folded his hands in the sleeves of his hooded robe. "He's a senior padawan, and I'm a junior padawan. We don't even have any classes together."

"You take classes at the temple? I thought once you became a padawan, you learned everything from your master," she said in surprise, and Ayumu blinked at her.

"Why would we do that?" he asked, mystified. "Our masters can't possibly remember everything to do with our education."

"Huh," she said, and that felt very… casual of her. "What do you learn about?"

"Everything we need to survive in this galaxy," he said. "Astronav, mathematics, literature, art, politics, but only so we can properly mediate disputes, lightsaber combat, the works."

"I can't imagine Anakin in a literature class," she said wryly, and Ayumu pursed his lips. From the rumors, Anakin did terribly in literature, art, and politics, but he didn't say as much.

"I'm sure he does fine," he lied, and she turned to face forward.

"I did mean it when I said I wanted to get to know you better," she said seriously, and he blinked.

"I'm not sure why. Anakin is your old friend," he said carefully, because he wasn't going to say they were obsessed with each other. "You should be more focused on him."

"That doesn't mean I can't make new ones," she said, and he inclined his head.

"No, it doesn't, but I'm told I have a personality that is lacking. You should spare yourself."

"You're blunt. I like that," she said, and he blinked again. "What? I'm surrounded by politicians all day. Of course I appreciate bluntness."

"Not many politicians do," he said, and thought back to President Amalis. She had appreciated his bluntness, and Toon was going to be chieftain one day, and she was pretty blunt. "I think you would like Toon…"

"Who's Toon?" she asked, and he blinked. He hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"The daughter of Chieftain Armin Sol," he replied. "Of the Patul tribe."

"Oh, I've never been to Glee Anselm, though I've always wanted to," she said. "I'm told it's beautiful, but aren't the Patul borderline isolationists?"

"They import food, but they're self-sufficient," he said carefully. The Patul were a warrior culture out of necessity. A color changing, beautiful Nautolan was typically very sought after by slavers, and they sold for high prices, so all of their children learned how to defend themselves from an early age. They could be quite vicious when it came to defending their children. It was a miracle he wasn't sent back to Glee Anselm when he was a child.

"I've always wanted to get to know them. I find their culture interesting, from what I've read, but the representative of the Patul doesn't like me all that much," she said wryly, and he blinked.

"Aren't you both the leading voices of the anti-war movement?" he asked, and she laughed.

"That doesn't mean we have to like each other. A lot of our values intersect, and I wish we could be friends, but he's more prickly than even you," she said, and Ayumu hummed.

"I've never met him, so I wouldn't know," he said, and they reached the end of the hall. "I heard he gets along with Senator Organa, though."

"Senator Organa has a particular quality in that he is easy to get along with everyone, " she said, and he nodded.

"Yes, I got that impression," he said, and she blinked.

"Oh, did you meet him?"

"You two live in the same building," he said, and she brightened.

"Ah, I se---"

"What are you two talking about?" Anakin's voice came from behind them, and Ayumu turned.

"Senator Organa," he replied, and Anakin gave him a stink eye, not in the least bit pleased to catch them chatting together. What, was he jealous? She was nearly a decade older than Ayumu. Talk about possessive, Jesus Christ.

"Well, we have to move," Anakin said and swept past them. "We don't have time for you to chatter."

"We're moving on my schedule, and if I want to take a little bit longer to get there, I can do that," Senator Amidala said calmly, and Anakin's eye twitched.

"We're losing daylight," he said, and she frowned at him.

"It's five am," she said, and Ayumu cleared his throat.

"Let's just go," he said and walked past the two of them before they got into an argument. Senator Amidala and Anakin stared at each other for a moment, the air charged and crackling, and then Senator Amidala took a deep breath and walked forward.

"Let's go," she said, and Anakin gave Ayumu a nasty look. He did realize she was twenty-four and he was fifteen, right? He had to understand that.

Jesus Christ, it was going to be a long trip. It was going to be a very long trip.

Notes:

Ayumu... buddy, you aren't even at the worst of it yet

Chapter 22Notes:

CW for eugenics and descriptions of (covered) dead bodies

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"What's down that hall?" Kit asked, and Monnk paused.

"We don't go down that hall, sir," he said, and Kit started walking confidently down it. "Sir!"

"Well, now I have to go down it," Kit said teasingly, even though he wasn't really feeling it, and triggered open the doors at the end of the hall.

"Sir, you can't go in there!" Monnk said, and Kit froze at the sight that greeted him.

Gurneys, lined up in neat little rows. It stank of death in here in the Force, and this was the source of it. Sheets were laid over bodies, rows upon rows of them, and some of them were dreadfully small, Human and Kaminoan alike. Kit's eyes scanned over the scene, and Monnk slunk back, fear all over his Force signature at being caught. The entire room was sterile, clean and neat, without a speck of dust, and something about the bright white lights was utterly unnerving and disgusting. It was a bloodbath without the blood, and these poor souls had just been marched to their deaths.

They had been euthanized, cleanly and neatly, and Kit let the doors slide shut.

The scent of cleaning agents was still in his nose.

"I think I have to have a meeting with the prime minister," he said calmly, and turned to face Monnk. "I'm sorry for keeping you from your meal. You should go back to it."

Kit felt calm in the Force, but there was rage boiling under the surface. It was a slow boil, but it was there, and it wouldn't do to lose his temper in front of this clone that had done nothing wrong. He had smelled the death on this planet, but something about the sterility was bothering him. It was too clean, too neat for the horror of it, and Kit had known this was what he was going to find, but he hadn't been prepared for it emotionally.

"Sir?" Monnk asked hesitantly, and Kit swept past him, folding his hands in his robes.

He knew of some cultures that did this. Cullings. It was basically eugenics, and outlawed in the Republic. Even cloning was outlawed in the Republic, which really begged the question of why Sifo-Dyas did this. Kit knew towards the end of his life, he had been driven mad by visions, but he was once a respected member of the Council. It was ten years ago, which placed his order right around the time of his death. Something had happened, and Kit would like to know what it was.

This was all too suspicious. He had gone to eugenicists. What Jedi would do something like that? What Jedi would actually do something like that? What was Sifo-Dyas afraid of?

"I'll come with you, sir," the clone said, and Kit gave him a warm smile.

"No, I don't want to get you in trouble," he said immediately. "You go back to your meal, Monnk."

Monnk hesitated, and Kit continued on without him. He would put an end to this immediately. It was not acceptable, not by any means, and he would make that clear. He didn't care if it was done humanely.

He needed to find Obi-Wan and report what he'd seen. Where was Obi-Wan, anyways?

Obi-Wan swung up onto the platform and shivered despite himself. It was blisteringly cold, and he had thoroughly lost that fight. He hadn't expected a ten year old to shoot at him, but that was par for the course with Mandalorians. Anakin would probably do the same, honestly. It would take Jango Fett a while to get back up, and he jogged to the doors and opened them before he headed down the hall and to a lift. He triggered it open, and four clones went marching past him, looking at him curiously before they all snapped their heads forward. Obi-Wan ignored them for now and jogged out onto the platform, where the Spitfire was firing up, and pulled a homing beacon out of his belt. He threw it, and it landed on the hull.

The Spitfire powered off into the sky, and he watched it open up with a sense of satisfaction. Jango was probably heading to whoever hired him to report that he had Jedi on his tail, and Obi-Wan would be right behind him. He needed to collect Kit, and then they could chase after him.

Obi-Wan headed back inside, spreading his awareness out to sense for his companion, and he paused at the feeling in the Force. It felt like he was in that same room they had met Lama Su in, and he felt… angry. He felt incredibly angry, and Obi-Wan frowned.

He must have discovered where that source of death was coming from, and Obi-Wan was willing to bet it was cullings. But, that wasn't their mission right now. They needed to deal with this bounty hunter first. He needed to go collect Kit before he complicated their stay here.

"So, you've been culling the clones," Kit said slowly, reminding himself to be mindful of other species and their customs, and Lama Su inclined his head.

"Yes. We have always sought to bring out nothing but the best product to our customers," he replied, just as congenial as ever. "We cull our own, as well. Imperfections are not tolerated in Kaminoan society."

"Are you aware that this was an order by the Jedi? " Kit asked slowly as he tried to keep his temper reigned in.

"Yes, quite aware, Master Kit Fisto," Lama Su replied, and Kit took a deep breath in.

"And are you aware of our Code?" he asked. "Regardless of if you seek to bring out the best product or not, you should respect the belief systems of your client first and foremost."

"I'm afraid I don't understand your meaning," Lama Su said, and Kit could laugh at how insane this was. There were a lot of cloners in the galaxy, and of all the ones Sifo-Dyas could have chosen, this is what he went with? This is what he did? He had always been thorough, exact, and he had to have known about the culling practices. Honestly, Kit was more angry with him than Lama Su, because at least Sifo Dyas would have known what he did wrong. Lama Su was a blank slate in the Force, politely baffled, not upset in the least. It didn't even occur to him that murder of children was wrong.

"Jedi respect all life, and typically frown on things such as eugenics, " he said, and Lama Su slowly blinked.

"But, how could we possibly achieve perfection without it?" he asked, mystified, and Kit pursed his lips.

"Jedi aren't concerned with things like perfection," he said tightly.

"I don't understand. Are you asking us to stop?" Lama Su asked and Kit inhaled slowly.

"Yes. I am telling you this is an army for the Jedi, and we would prefer it if it wasn't built on bones," he said, even though it was too late for that now. It was far too late for that now.

"We cannot diminish our quality over something as silly as ideals," Lama Su said, disapproving, and Kit breathed slowly.

"Ideals are all we have," he said, and Lama Su blinked.

"What an odd way to live," he said, bemused, and his total lack of care was infuriating to Kit. Kit wanted to rage at him, hiss out spitting, biting words, but he couldn't. He wouldn't get anywhere with Lama Su's type if he did that. But, he was horrified. Sifo Dyas had done this, and as a result, the entire Jedi Order was responsible for this army built on the back of murder and eugenics. He wished Shaak-Ti was here. She was better at handling this sort of thing than him.

"You may find it odd, but it is how we choose to live, and I---"

The doors slid open, and Obi-Wan stepped in, dripping wet all over the floor, and Kit turned to face him. He hadn't even felt his approach in the Force, being so concentrated on his own rage and pain.

"I'm afraid I must steal Master Fisto," Obi-Wan said cheerfully. "We have to leave."

Kit paused, and then realized his bounty hunter must have fled. He inhaled through his nose slowly and turned back to Lama Su.

"We will discuss this more," he promised, letting a little bit of his rage to seep into his voice, before he turned back to Obi-Wan. This could be dealt with later, but right now they had to focus on their mission. "Let's go."

It would probably be for the best that he removed himself from the situation, anyways. When he was calmer and more level headed, he would be able to successfully shut that shit down. That, or he would ask Shaak-Ti to do it, because he had a feeling the Jedi were going to be seeing a lot of Kamino. They were going to be seeing a hell of a lot of it.

He wouldn't envy whoever was assigned to this planet. They likely wouldn't stop culling their own, and death laid over this planet like a shroud. It was going to be painful to be around. All that suffering… He definitely did not envy whoever was assigned to this graveyard.

Obi-Wan led him out into the hall, and Kit took a moment to compose himself.

"Culling?" Obi-Wan asked, blase, and Kit smiled tightly.

"Yes," he replied, and Obi-Wan inclined his head.

"I suspected as much. Just clones, or…?"

"Their own, too. I'm not sure how well that's going to go over when they inevitably try to join the Republic," Kit replied, and Obi-Wan continued down the hall.

"The bounty hunter left. We fought. His son shot at me with the ship's guns," he said casually, and Kit nodded.

"Sounds like a Mandalorian child," he muttered, and Obi-Wan hummed.

"I managed to place a homing beacon on his hull, but we don't have much time before it's discovered," he said. "So, we need to hurry and make our report to the council and leave."

"Alright," Kit agreed and breathed in through his nose slowly. "I hope the padawans are having more luck than us. "

"If Anakin isn't completely sticking his foot in his mouth, I wouldn't be worried," Obi-Wan said, and Kit glanced at him.

"So, you are worried about it."

"I think we probably put the two most explosive personalities together," Obi-Wan replied. "Anakin can't stand calm people. It makes him feel inferior."

"Ayumu has a temper of his own," Kit said, even though it had mostly just completely vanished over the past three years.

"Not as bad as Anakin's, based on your mission reports," Obi-Wan replied, and Kit blinked.

"You read my mission reports?" he asked, and Obi-Wan glanced at him.

"Yes," he replied. "I read a lot of mission reports."

"Why?" Kit asked, bemused, and Obi-Wan inhaled through his nose and turned his face to the ceiling.

"Trying to come up with ways of handling Anakin better," he admitted. "His anger… concerns me. He's possessive, and I've tried to guide him, but…"

He trailed off, and Kit wished he had something to say, but Ayumu didn't have a possessive bone in his body, and let go of things with concerning ease. He didn't linger in the slightest. It was like he had practice with loss.

"I'm sorry," he said, and meant it sincerely. "I hope you figure it out."

"The poor boy thinks he's ready for the trials, " Obi-Wan said with a laugh. "He's advanced when it comes to applications with the Force, but everything else…"

He trailed off, silent, frustrated, and Kit felt for him. He knew Ayumu could probably take the trials and come out stronger, but he was still too young yet. Maybe when he was seventeen. He didn't have that problem. For all intents and purposes, he had the perfect padawan, and he knew it was maddening to the masters and knights around him. Everything was just easy with Ayumu. He listened, absorbed, and moved on. Kit was incredibly lucky to have him.

"Well, I shouldn't be complaining to you, " Obi-Wan said with a huff. "Ayumu is perfect. You must be very proud."

"I am very proud of him," Kit replied. "He's… he's everything you could want in a padawan. I'll be sad to see him take the trials, honestly."

"I can't wait for Anakin to reach the emotional maturity to take the trials. I'm tired," Obi-Wan said, and Kit hummed in commiseration.

"He will be. Just give it time," he said, and Obi-Wan sighed.

"Yes. Time. That's what everyone tells me," he said.

They reached the doors, and Obi-Wan waved them open to the raging storm outside.

"Let's make our report to the council, shall we?" he asked brightly, and the conversation was at an end.

Notes:

i wanted Kit to lose his shit a bit more, but i decided he would probably be a little more reigned in for it, and i need to get them to geonosis *without* them getting locked up, because we need the plot to like. actually happen.

Chapter 23Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"--- and then when I caught up to them, we went into aggressive negotiations," Anakin was saying, and Ayumu was on another plane of existence.

"Aggressive negotiations? What's that?" Padmé asked, and he laughed nervously.

"Well, it's negotiations with a lightsaber," he said, and Ayumu thought he was going to die.

"Oh, okay," Padmé said and giggled as she went to cut into the pear in front of her, and seriously, who ate a pear with a fork and a knife? Anakin paused and floated the pear over to him, and Ayumu sincerely wanted to find a nice hole to climb into. The pear landed on Anakin's plate, and he smiled.

"If Master Obi-Wan saw me doing this, he'd be very displeased," he said as he cut off the butt of the pear and floated it back to her. Seriously? He wasn't going to slice the entire thing for her? Was he going to keep the rest of the pear or something?

"Are you not allowed to use the Force like this?" she asked, and Anakin laughed.

"We're not supposed to use it frivolously," he said, and Ayumu desperately wanted to call bullshit on that. Every time he (rarely) saw Obi-Wan, he was using the Force to open doors. He had an obsession with using the Force to open doors. Whether or not you were supposed to use the Force to flirt was up in the air, but no one said anything about using it frivolously.

"Why not? You can do it, can't you?" Padmé asked, and Ayumu bit his tongue. There was a playful energy in the air, and it was desperately uncomfortable to be between the sparks flying between the two. And what was Padmé wearing? He wasn't one to slut shame, but who wore a black corset on a Taungsday to firstmeal? There was going to be an entire day of this? Anakin was fully distracted with her outfit, and she knew it and was smug about it.

"Well, it's a matter of respecting our relationship with the Force," he said, and Ayumu took a loud bite of his yeckle. Neither of them seemed to notice, and he felt desperately uncomfortable eating it with a knife and a fork, but, when in Rome.

"I think I'm going to go for a swim," he announced, because he couldn't take any more of this, and Anakin looked up.

"We're supposed to be guarding Padmé," he said with a frown, and Ayumu stared at him.

"And it's not beyond the realm of imagination that we might have an aquatic assassin," he said, even though that was total bullshit. No one was coming. No one was going to find them. They still had a decoy in the Senate, and it would take weeks to search the lake country to find Senator Amidala in the first place. "Excuse me. I'm going to go patrol."

With that, he got up, and Senator Amidala casted him a grateful look, though he couldn't imagine why. Didn't the two of them realize how shameless they were being, and how uncomfortable it was to be around them? Probably not. They were in their own little world right now, and he was just butting in unnecessarily.

Ayumu made for his bedroom and pulled his wetsuit out of his backpack. He knew Naboo was a planet with a lot of water, so he packed it just in case, and he was glad now he had brought it, so he wouldn't be swimming in his underwear. Anakin and Senator Amidala had gone out to the island yesterday for a picnic and came back breathless and covered in grass, and he did not even want to think about what they had been up to while they left him behind at the estate. They were treating this entire thing like a vacation and seemed to forget they were running from assassins.

It was fine, he thought in irritation as he pulled on his wetsuit with vicious movements, and there was a presence in the shadow of his door. He looked up, half changed, and Anakin hovered in the doorway.

"You're annoyed," Anakin said, and Ayumu blinked at him.

"Well, yeah, you just came in my room when I am half naked, " he said as he pulled on the sleeves of the wetsuit and zipped it up. "What are you doing here?"

"I just… you've been annoyed this entire trip," Anakin said, and Ayumu sighed and pulled a leather wrap out of his bag to tie back his head tails.

"I think you and Senator Amidala seem to think this is some kind of vacation and have forgotten about the assassins, " he said shortly, and Anakin frowned.

"I haven't forgotten about the assassins," he said, and Ayumu tied off his wrap, keeping his head tails neatly pinned against his scalp.

"Listen, Anakin," Ayumu said, because he might as well give some unwarranted advice. "The Code doesn't forbid falling in love. Falling in love is fine, but you have to be emotionally mature enough to do it."

"Are you lecturing me?" Anakin asked in disbelief, and Ayumu frowned.

"I'm warning you. Attachment is about possession. It's about not being willing to let someone go, whether it be by death or them moving on beyond you. Can you be willing to let her go if she decides she doesn't want you?"

Senator Amidala did want him, and that was part of the problem. Her reciprocation was making his ego grow larger and larger, and Ayumu knew it was just part of being nineteen. A sexy, older lady showing interest in you? That would make any nineteen year old preen, but he personally could not imagine being twenty-four again and interested in a nineteen year old. There was such a life gap there. But, it was up to Senator Amidala.

"I don't struggle with attachment," Anakin said, and Ayumu clipped his lightsabers to his belt before he turned to fold his robes and lay them on the edge of the bed.

"Then, there's nothing to worry about," he said. "Fall in love, but stop acting like you're doing something forbidden, because it's not. I don't appreciate you twisting the Code to make this more interesting and exciting."

Anakin glared at him, but Ayumu ignored him as he folded his belt and laid it on top of his tidy pile.

"I'll have my com on me, but I won't be able to hear you when I'm underwater, so send me a pulse first so I can surface," he said as he pulled on his long fingerless gloves and attached the comlink. "If I'm needed for anything, I'll be back as soon as I can. I've got a lot of ground to cover."

Anakin stared at him, frustrated and annoyed, and Ayumu swept past him, because he wasn't interested in soothing his hurt feelings at valid critiques of his behavior this assignment. They were here to do a job, and so far the only thing Anakin had done right was stick to Senator Amidala's side at all times, and that was not why he was sticking so close.

"Are you at least going to finish your firstmeal?" Anakin asked, and Ayumu flicked a head tail over his shoulder.

"I'm not hungry," he said airily, though he knew he would be starving by midmeal. Ah, things he would worried about later. "I'll be back by midmeal. Keep an eye on the senator, yeah?"

"Yeah," Anakin agreed, and off Ayumu went. Gods, heterosexuals were exhausting. He didn't care if Anakin was actually bi, or pan or something; he was acting painfully heterosexual right now.

Ayumu laid awake as he felt the flickering signatures in the next room. The longing in Anakin's presence was keeping him up, and he rolled over and pulled a pillow over his head. He was worked up, longing, craving, wanting, and Ayumu couldn't stand it. No matter what he said about his lack of attachment, it was painfully clear that he did struggle with attachment from the force of his feelings. It was burning possession, passion. He wanted Senator Amidala all to himself. He wanted to hold her, wanted to possess her, body and soul, and Ayumu didn't even want to think about the conversation they were having.

The want turned to soul crushing disappointment, pain, agonizing pain, and Ayumu sat up. He wasn't going to sleep like this. He might as well get up and go meditate.

He made his way to the door and triggered it open, stepping out into the silent hall and heading away from where all of those conflicting feelings were swirling, his head in a daze. He was tired. He was exhausted, and he just wanted to sleep. He had been in the water all day today, and it had been a hell of a workout. It had been a while since he swam all day like that. Not since Glee Anselm.

His thoughts drifted back to Toon, and he wondered how she was doing. He wasn't going to call her while he was on mission, but she was preparing for taking over the role of chieftain. Making connections, going to special classes, learning and traveling in preparation for it. It was going to be difficult to stay in contact with her once she ascended to the position.

She was probably doing better than he was, he thought wryly as he stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the lake. This mission was a disaster from start to finish.

Ayumu breathed out, taking in the scent of the water, and studied the vines clinging to the pillars and banister. It was beautiful here, at least. Not as beautiful as Glee Anselm, but it was close. He wondered how the coral of the Pakul Reef was doing. He hoped it was recovering well.

With a groan, he sank down and crossed his legs beneath himself to meditate. His mind drifted, and he fell into quiet contemplation. The Force was calm here, holding no foreboding feelings, and he liked it. There were scars on it, probably from past wars, but that was fine. It had healed admirably, and he liked the feeling of it. It was old, tired, but it was still full of life and vitality.

There was a Force presence approaching, and he inhaled through his nose and opened his eyes. So much for meditation, he thought wryly as Senator Amidala came out onto the balcony, feeling a mess in the Force.

"Long night?" he asked, and she swallowed audibly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," she said, and he turned to look back at her.

"It's fine," he replied, and took this as permission to head to bed. Whatever conversation they were having was over with. "I was just leaving."

"Is it… really forbidden for Jedi to fall in love?" Senator Amidala blurted, and he studied her.

"No," he said, flat. "It's not. Jedi can fall in love. They just can't lose themselves to it."

"What does that mean?" she asked desperately, and he pursed his lips.

"It means we can't let it turn into something toxic. We have to be able to let them go if they walk away," he said, and her Force presence was confused.

"But, Anakin said---"

"Anakin can't love without it being toxic," he said bluntly. "That's why he says it's forbidden. Because he knows his kind of love would be wholly possessive and burning and about desire he doesn't care to reign in. He's only nineteen."

He was kind of judging her for entertaining a relationship with a nineteen year old, because did she honestly expect him to be reasonable about it, or did she just like that he was going out of his mind with his want? She probably liked that he was possessive and toxic, if he was being honest. Some people were into that. They liked their partners a little rabid.

"I just…" she trailed off, and her eyes were wet. "I have a duty to my people. To my system. I have to uphold that duty, and one of the things I promised my queen that I would put off marriage and falling in love until I was more situated as a senator."

"When did marriage pop up?" he asked, bemused, because hadn't they only met for the first time in ten years less than a month ago? They had only been on Naboo for a few days.

"It didn't, I just thought---"

"Marriage is allowed in the Jedi under very specific provisions, and you and Anakin don't fit those provisions," Ayumu said bluntly. "You should probably stay away from talks of it unless Anakin plans to leave the order to be with you."

She was quiet, frustrated, and he had no idea what was going on in her head. This was moving entirely too fast, but what did he know? He died a bachelor trapped in the midst of unrequited love for almost a decade. He knew what it was like to long, to want, not able to touch, but they really were being supremely dramatic about the whole affair.

"I want him, and I know it's wrong," she said tightly, and he tilted his head.

"Who said it's wrong? Love is fine," he said, and weren't these people listening to him? "Just try being normal about it."

"I can't," she whispered. "I want him like I'm on fire. I feel like I'm suffocating."

Ayumu stared at her, politely baffled at the intensity of their emotions. Was he wrong somehow? Was he not the normal one? He had never once been this obsessive over Tsunagu. It was a quiet love, held close to his heart, but he had been fairly average about it. He would say he loved Tsunagu because it was comfortable and safe, with no chance of Tsunagu loving him back, but that wasn't necessarily true. It wasn't comfortable, not in the slightest, because Ayumu knew the sin he committed that barred Tsunagu from ever loving him back.

"I think you two are getting incredibly swept up in this, and should take some time to calm down," he said, flat, and she blinked. "Passion that burns too fast tends to go out. Or leads to some very unfortunate circumstances."

"I… I can't," she said. "It feels like I might die if I don't have him."

Ayumu stared at her in pure confusion, not sure where this was coming from.

"That sounds unhealthy," he said, and then turned for the door, because he couldn't do this anymore. "I think you should take some time to settle down and figure this out rationally, because it sounds like you're not being rational right now. I'm headed back to bed. Good night, senator."

"Good night, Ayumu," she said quietly, and it felt like she wanted to talk some more, but Force, Ayumu didn't think he could take this right now. He didn't have the patience for it. He didn't understand what the big thing was. Anakin was just some guy. She could hit him with her speeder.

Force, they were exhausting. He wanted to go back to sleep.

Notes:

exploring the very pressing hypothetical of "what if they took a very fucking tired homosexual with them to Naboo"

Chapter 24Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Ayumu, wake up," someone said, and Ayumu blinked open his sleep-crusted eyes and stared up at the person in front of him. Anakin was blocking out the pre-dawn light coming in through the window, already dressed in his robes, and Ayumu groaned and threw an arm over his face.

"What is it?"

"Get dressed, we're leaving," Anakin said, and Ayumu groaned again and sat up.

"Where're we going?" he mumbled as he pulled the blankets aside, and Anakin pursed his lips.

"We're going to Tatooine," he said, and Ayumu stared at him with dead eyes.

"Why are we going to Tatooine? Has our location been compromised?" he asked as he set his feet on the floor, and Anakin frowned at him.

"No," he replied. "Padmé is still safe. She's coming with us."

"So?" Ayumu prompted, and Anakin cleared his throat.

"I'm having dreams about my mother," he said, and Ayumu stared at him blankly. "I have to go rescue her."

"That's not within our mandates," Ayumu said in irritation. Seriously?

"I just need to make sure she's okay," Anakin said, and Ayumu stared at him.

"We are on a mission right now," he stated, his irritation only ticking up and up. "We are mandated to stay on Naboo. "

"It'll just be a quick trip," Anakin promised, and Ayumu ran a hand over his head tails. "We're going with or without you."

Ayumu needed to stay with the senator, and she had apparently already agreed to this.

"This is a bad idea," he stated flatly. "Tatooine is a hotbed of crime and bounty hunters, and it's outside the laws of the Republic. If she's killed, there's nothing we can do about it."

She wouldn't die, but she could be gravely injured, and whoever the client was might have put a bounty on her. They had no way of knowing. Someone could be opportunistic.

"It'll be fine, we'll be with her," Anakin insisted, and Ayumu sighed.

"Let me get dressed, but for the record, I don't agree with this," he said and started pulling on his robes. "Get out of my room while I'm changing, please."

"We'll be waiting at the ship," Anakin said and headed out the door, leaving Ayumu to change on his own. Jesus Christ, this was a mess. It was barely five am, and they were already leaving for Tatooine. He would have preferred to get some more sleep.

Gods. Could Anakin really not just follow directions?

Tatooine was hot and miserable. It was entirely dry, a desert planet, with not a shred of fauna or living thing. They had landed in Mos Eisley, and Ayumu was already annoyed with the whole ordeal. They had headed out from the space port to the commercial district, if it could even be called that, and he was tired. He had slept some more on the flight over, but it wasn't enough. His dreams were often disturbed by prophetic dreams, and the memory of younglings dying in the temple had come back in full force. He still couldn't see the killers, the Sith magic clinging to him, and, well.

He wasn't well rested.

It didn't help that lecherous eyes were following him as he walked through the market, people eyeing him and calculating a payday for a Force sensitive Patul slave. Anakin and Senator Amidala didn't seem to notice, but he felt uncomfortable. This was why he didn't like the Outer Rim.

"What do you want?" a Toydarian asked, and Ayumu looked up to take in the sight of an old Toydarian sitting there, with a lame leg, fiddling with a droid head.

"I'm looking for Shmi Skywalker," Anakin said as he picked up the droid head and fiddled with it for a second. He set it back down, and the Toydarian's eyes went wide.

"Ani?" he asked, and then his wings flapped. "Little Ani?"

He inspected the droid head, fixed and ready to be reattached, and then his wings flapped in glee.

"It is you!" he gasped. "Look at you, a Jedi! Wow, you sure sprouted, huh?"

"Watto. My mother," Anakin said, and Watto rubbed his chin.

"Ah, I don't have anymore. I sold her, to a moisture farmer, I think," he said, and he hummed, still rubbing at his chin before he brightened. "I heard he freed her! And then he married her! Would you believe that?"

Anakin was silent, and Senator Amidala glanced at him.

"Do you remember who the moisture farmer was?" Anakin asked, and Watto hummed.

"Er, no, but let's go back and check my records," he said, and Anakin stepped forward.

"Thank you, Watto," he said quietly, and the Toydarian flapped up from his place on the stool and made his way into the shop. He glanced back at Ayumu, and Ayumu twitched slightly as the Toydarian very obviously considered how much he could sell him for.

Gods, he hated the Outer Rim.

The sooner they got out of here, the better.

They had landed outside a modest moisture farm, and people were coming out of the house to watch them step off the ship. A relatively younger man and a young woman, both Human, with sun kissed skin and wary eyes. They felt hard in the Force, living in the desert and likely having to fight to maintain their farm, and Ayumu watched them as his colors shifted from his typical purple and green to sandy shades that blended in with his surroundings.

"I'm Anakin Skywalker," Anakin said. "I'm here to see my mother."

"I had a feeling you'd be coming," the young man said. "I'm Owen Lars, and this is my girlfriend, Beru. I guess I'm your stepbrother."

"Where's my mom?" Anakin asked, and Ayumu could cringe at how rude he was being. He knew Anakin was stressed out, but… Come on.

"I think you better come inside," a man said as he hovered around the side of the building. His Force presence was tinged with pain, and Ayumu looked down at his leg, or rather his lack of it. He was sitting on a hoverchair, and Ayumu found his Force presence to be… different. He was in mourning, but he was settled in his position and life, having already given up.

Something was wrong here, Ayumu thought, and Owen turned to lead them inside.

"It's this way," he said quietly as the hoverchair went down the stairs, and Ayumu drifted along behind them before he stopped at the top of the stairs and looked back over the vast expanse of the desert.

He had a bad feeling about this.

Anakin swung atop the speeder bike, and Ayumu walked up to him.

"I'm coming with you," he said, and Anakin scowled at him.

"No, you're not," he said, and Ayumu stared at him stubbornly.

"Yes, I am," he replied and crossed his arms. "You need another Jedi."

"It's my mother," Anakin said, and Ayumu was just about tired of the bullshit. When Cliegg explained what happened, how the Tusken raiders had taken Shmi and never brought her back, he had seen such rage in Anakin's Force signature it was concerning, and he knew he needed to have someone with him to keep him in check. There was a lot of pain there, a lot of fear, and Ayumu knew the entire reason Anakin wasn't a knight yet was because he struggled with attachment.

"And you are going into an armed encampment of dangerous bandits. If she's still alive, you need backup," Ayumu said, even though Anakin probably didn't, but that was fine. Whatever got him on that speeder bike. "Don't you want one more person there to make sure she lives?"

Anakin was silent, vibrating out of his skin with fury, and Ayumu crossed his arms and patiently waited for him to come to his senses.

"Fine," Anakin snapped. "Do what you want."

Ayumu promptly swung onto the speeder bike, and Anakin turned to Senator Amidala.

"You'll be safe here," he promised. "We'll be back by tomorrow."

"Come back safe," she said, and Anakin nodded. Then, he engaged the speeder, and they took off.

Anakin's Force presence was twisting, boiling with rage and hurt and pain, and Ayumu was reminded of his own mother dying. For years, he watched that timer tick down to nothing, and he mourned her. He knew he wouldn't have nearly long enough with her, and he knew he would miss her like nothing else. He knew he would lose his father, too. The last time he saw him was at the funeral. His father had never really liked him, and his quirk had always unnerved him. Ayumu knew his dad was going to outlive him, and would probably regret not talking to him more, but what was done was done.

Anakin's rage, though…

It was a twisted, Dark thing. He hadn't done anything yet, but he was furious, spitting mad and burning in his anger. He was somewhere between rage and heartbreak, and Ayumu was never all that good at comforting people, despite the necessity of it. He knew he was less of a Jedi for it, but he was good at knocking sense back into someone. Comfort? No. Talking someone down? Yes. Yes, he could do that, and he had a feeling he would have to.

He didn't like this foreboding feeling, like a storm brewing on the horizon, flashfloods lurking just around the corner. He didn't like it at all, but here he was. Arms wrapped around Anakin's waist, tearing through the desert with a singular goal in sight to find the Tusken encampment. They had left Senator Amidala alone for this, and Ayumu dearly hoped nothing would happen. He dearly hoped nothing would happen. She wouldn't die for a while yet, but there was no discounting her being kidnapped and taken to whoever the client was.

It was unlikely that they'd been followed here, though. It was highly unlikely, and no one would be expecting a senator to hide out on a planet like Tatooine.

The sun was beating down on his head tails, and he felt like he was about to get a sunburn. If that was the worst thing that came out of this, well.

He would be happy with that.

Notes:

Chapter 25Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Suffering was laid over this camp in spades, and Ayumu felt uncomfortable in the face of it. There was pain, like tangled up thorns in a bramble, emanating from a tent, and Anakin was sneaking towards the source of it. Two animals he couldn't see were fighting over something, loud and snarling, and Anakin ignited his saber and cut a hole in the tent.

It had taken hours to find this place. They had to ask Jawas for directions, a species Ayumu had never seen before, and they finally landed up out here. It was hidden away, way out in the desert, and it would take hours to ride the bike back. Ayumu wasn't looking forward to it.

Anakin kicked in the hole, and the two of them ducked in. There was a woman there, with brown hair and kind eyes, tied up to a wooden structure, and Anakin rushed to her.

"Mom?" he called plaintively, and Ayumu hung back.

2:30

Torture.

He watched it tick down as Anakin rushed to undo the bindings holding her in place, and she collapsed in his arms.

"Ani?" she breathed, and reached up to touch his face. "Oh, my boy… Look at how handsome you've gotten…"

"Mom," he cried, and her hand lingered on his face.

2:25

"You're a Jedi…" she breathed, and he held her close.

"Mom, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here," he said, and she breathed out, weak and dying.

For a moment, she just breathed, struggling to take in air, and Anakin rocked back and forth with her in his arms. Ayumu felt uncomfortable watching this. This was meant to be a private moment between the two of them, and instead, here he was, watching as this woman he didn't know died in her son's arms.

"Mom, it's okay, I'm gonna get you out of here," he promised, and she stroked his face.

"It's… it's okay," she choked out. "I'm okay, baby."

1:59

"I came back for you," he whispered. "I came back for you, Mom, look."

He was just a boy, desperately pleading with his mother to live, and Ayumu saw himself in him. Just a freshly graduated pro, not ready to lose his mother, not ready to say goodbye. He had been in so much pain. Cancer couldn't be stopped, couldn't be conquered, and he had known that. He had known that, but he was still scared to make his own doctor's appointments. He still went home to do his laundry. He wasn't ready to let her go.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered, her voice weak and plaintive, and she was probably a great woman. Kind, generous, willing to help a stranger. Her Force presence was no longer nothing but pain, but it was overflowing with love for her son, love and relief that he was here and she would see him one last time.

A tear rolled down her cheek, and then there was that grief as she realized and accepted this would be the last time she saw him, and Ayumu swallowed.