Chapter 25Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Alright, our next mission shouldn't end in a fight," Quinlan said as they sat in on the wing of the Delta-7 that had been freshly delivered in red. "We are going to Canto Bight."
"C-a-n-t-o B-i-g-h-t?" Botan signed, unfamiliar with the planet, and Quinlan nodded.
"Canto Bight," he signed, and she repeated it. "Canto Bight. It's a scum planet of the worst kinds of villains, and you are going to play my deaf servant."
"I'm posing as deaf?" she signed, and he nodded.
"That's right," he confirmed. "So I can take you into rooms where people will be discussing secrets."
"You know there's varying degrees of deaf and not all of them are fully deaf and can hear other sounds, right? Besides, many deaf people are forced to learn to read lips, and me posing as a deaf person is problematic at best?" she asked, and Quinlan rolled his eyes.
"Of course I know that, but most of them don't," he said, and she shifted in discomfort. She had posed as deaf before, and it made her feel slimy and guilty every time. She didn't like to do it, but if it was for the mission… "However, you should assume all of them can speak sign language, so don't go trying to have private conversations with me where they can see."
"Alright," Botan signed, still not sure about this, but… Well, most people assumed she was deaf, anyway. She was used to it.
"Now, for our clothes," Quinlan said and held up a garment bag. "We're taking an impounded luxury ship for this one, because we have to be completely legitimate."
What were they doing that they needed a garment bag?
Quinlan unzipped the bag and took out a richly embroidered cape, and she stared at it as what 'scum planet' really meant. Rich people. They were going to be dealing with the richest people in the galaxy, drowning in their own luxury and filth, and she could tell from the metallic thread alone.
"We're going to have to touch up my dreads and do something about your hair on the way over," Quinlan said, and something sunk in the pit of her stomach.
Oh, this was going to be terrible.
"Are we going to be ruining someone's day?" she asked, and Quinlan grinned.
"We sure fucking are. There's a multi trillionaire on that planet right there making a fortune off playing both sides, and we're going to catch him."
Okay. That made Botan feel better. If there was anything she hated, it was rich war profiteers. She couldn't stand war profiteers. They were disgusting. Add to him being a trillionaire? Absolutely not. She wouldn't stand for it.
"What's he doing?" she asked, and Quinlan inclined his head.
"He's got access to the blueprints for the GAR star destroyers and has been selling them to the Separatists. We just need to bait him in a game and get access to his bank account information. You took slicing classes, right?"
"Yes, I was top of my class," Botan reported, and Quinlan grinned.
"Excellent. We're going to get him to pull out money and you're going to pose as getting my money out to gamble, and you're going to get his banking numbers, because he's not going to be using clean money for this. He's going to go to his secret bank accounts. We're going to get those numbers and pass them off to GAR slicers to get into his wire transfers. Got it?"
"Got it," she replied, and Quinlan set the garment bag aside.
"Now, I'm very recognizable as being Clan Vos, so I'm going to be Jako Vos, and you're my assistant, Quiver Keen."
"Very on the nose," Botan commented, because Keen? Really? A noise she couldn't make?
"It works," Quinlan said with a shrug. "I'm going to be a little rude with you, so just play along."
"Alright," she agreed, because she was expecting that. He was playing a rich asshole, of course he would be rude. That was the point.
She just hoped no one was going to make her want to dropkick them. She didn't have the patience for undercover work anymore. It was annoying, tedious, and nerve wracking. Here's to hoping she didn't lose her temper.
The bathroom was large, and Quinlan was sitting on the counter of the sink, retwisting his dreadlocks, and Botan stared at him with trepidation. She had room, but she didn't want to intrude, but at the same time, she had limited time to get this done, and the style she had picked was complex. Retwisting his locs could take hours, too, and he was barely on the nape of his neck.
With a sigh, she padded into the bathroom and hauled herself onto the counter to sit next to him before setting down all of her supplies. Quinlan glanced at her, and she reached up to start undoing her braid, which was now incredibly loose and had been left for far too long. The tangles caught on her fingers, and she grimaced as she unwound it. Curls fell down to her waist, and she picked up her brush to start working out the tangles.
It was quiet, peaceful. The ship was nice, and very quiet. Quinlan was wearing the patched robes she had fixed, and she glanced at her neat stitchwork. You could barely see where it had been torn before. That was good. It would have been a waste of the robes.
Botan finished brushing out her hair and surveyed the pins and ties she had. She could do complicated work, but she didn't like to do it. She had an urge as a teenager, in her past life, and had regularly done complex braid work, and she remembered how to do it, but it was different when you had to do it. She didn't like to have to do anything.
Botan grabbed her rat tail comb and carefully segmented off the sections, pinning them in place with clips, and then stole Quinlan's spray bottle to start spraying down the first section.
"Oh, you're taking this serious serious," he said, teasingly, and she rolled her eyes as she started to do the tiny Viking braids on either side of her temples. Quinlan stole back the spray bottle, and the two of them settled into complacent quiet as they worked on their hair together. The red strands pulled together, and she grabbed a small tie to snap off the end of the first braid before she started on the second. It was quiet, and still, and she took the opportunity to reach out through their fledging training bond, just a gentle nudge in the Force. Quinlan pushed back, and she smiled, content.
It was going to be a long night on Canto Bight, but she was glad she could have this. Her and Hizashi used to fight over the bathroom in the mornings to do their hair. He was always so fussy about his appearance. It was annoying, but she loved it. She missed it now. She still remembered checking his back for him, and he would check hers.
"Hey, can you check me?" Quinlan asked as he twisted his head, and she leaned around to look at his neatly done twists, shining with the gel. She nodded once, and he tied them back before he let down the next thick section.
It was a bit weird to braid back her bangs, honestly. It needed to be done, because this style wouldn't work with the braids, but she didn't like it. She had gotten used to the curly bangs, always in her eyes. They needed a trim, and she had forgotten to on the medical ship, but she liked them covering her massive forehead. It was a shame she hadn't changed in her appearance at all. She liked that her nose had stayed, though. It was as sharp as Hizashi's, and it reminded her of him, upturned the way it was.
She missed making fun of him for his mustache. It had been such a ridiculous little thing.
Ah, she was going to be missing him for a while after talking about it the way she did. Mistakes to be learned from, she supposed.
"What are you thinking about?" Quinlan asked as she finished off the bottom of her braid, and she pushed an image of Hizashi in the bathroom at him, spraying his hair with enough Tresemme to kill a cow. There was a vague sense of fondness associated with the image, and Quinlan inclined his head. "Your brother?"
There was a vague 'yes' sent down the strengthening bond, and Quinlan nodded as he started on the next section.
"I was an only child," he said and glanced at her. "So I wouldn't know what that's like. How many siblings did you have?"
"Five," she signed after tying off the braid, and he raised his eyebrows.
"Your parents had six kids?"
"They could afford it," she said, and she wasn't bitter, but… "Me and my parents ended on bad terms. I don't regret it."
"Were they…?"
"Abusive? No. Neglectful? Yes. Hizashi was more of a parent than they were."
"Hizashi?" he echoed, and she paused at 'loud cockatoo'. Oh, it had been so long since someone had said his name.
"H-i-z-a-s-h-i. My oldest brother," she replied.
"How do you…" Quinlan trailed off, realizing she couldn't tell him, and that hit her in the gut. She may never hear his name again. "Hizashi?"
"Close," she signed, because he wasn't going to get the accent right, but it was good enough. It was close enough. "He raised me. He was like a father to me."
He had tried so damned hard, and she had died anyway. She hoped he didn't hurt too much over it.
"That's the one that took you in when your parents kicked you out?"
"They said I could kill myself on my own," she said, and it stung that they were right. "I mean, I did die, but they didn't have to say it, you know? That's why… that's why I'm glad I'm a Jedi. No parents to disappoint."
It was easier like this, she thought as she started on the third braid for this side, and Quinlan was quiet as he processed that.
"My parents died," he admitted, and she stilled. "I was forced to relive their deaths. That's why I'm…"
Dark. He had shadows lurking in him, and she felt for him.
After that, the two just went quiet as they focused on their own things, and Botan tried hard not to think too much about that.
She had her own shadows, after all.
Notes:
i just really like Botan and Quinlan doing their hair together.
Chapter 26Chapter Text
The band was playing a bright and bouncing tune, and Quinlan looked like a whore. Quinlan was well aware that he looked like a whore, but this was a bit much, even for him. Obi-Wan had selected their disguises for this mission, and he wondered if the man was just trying to vicariously live through him. That was probably it, because he had dressed Quinlan in skintight leather pants and a sheer, sparkling shirt, and every man and woman in the building was ogling his chest like they wanted to plant their face right into his pecs, and he had his padawan with him. He had his padawan with him, and he was a busy man, being a single father for the second time and all.
The cloak was nice, though, and he was biting back the urge to use it to cover his unfairly exposed chest. He was probably going to come out of this covered in glitter and liquor. He was already three drinks in and chatting it up with a sultry woman from Alderaan. She was eyeing him like a piece of meat, and he was preening under the attention while Botan was…
Taking this rather well.
She wasn't tense in the Force, merely paying attention to her surroundings, an idle scan as she stood just behind him at the gambling table, and Quinlan took a sip of his fruity drink that tasted like meliroons and tequila. There was a Twi'lek next to Botan that was eyeing her as if he was sizing her up to see if she could beat her in a fight, and Quinlan wondered when this trend of scantily clad bodyguards was going to end. It had been going on for a solid six months now, and he was getting tired of it. They should be wearing armor, but instead that poor Twi'lek had his tits out and was in a pair of loose, sheer pants that did nothing to hide anything except for his intimate parts. If there was an actual fight, he would probably get killed, and he likely knew it.
Then again, Botan's own clothes were a hindrance. A high-collared jacket that was too stiff for the movements she was used to, embroidered with intricate flowers and beadwork, she was much better dressed than Quinlan, but she would probably drop the jacket the second she had to fight.
He didn't feel secure with his lightsaber missing. Botan had hers, but it was a last resort sort of thing. Quinlan had a blaster, though, but he'd rather have his lightsaber on him.
"You really should be betting higher," the lady, Mel, said to him, and he casted her a dazzling smile.
"I don't like to go too hot too fast," he said, and she raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? So you like to take things slow? You don't seem the type."
"I like to savor, " he said with a sly once over her body, which was honestly not bad, and he felt Botan's vague disgust in the Force, clearly projected over their bond, and finally, something was bothering her. He was beginning to worry.
"You're such a flirt," she said, but she didn't seem all that put out by it, which wasn't surprising, considering she had been trying to get in Quinlan's pants all night, to no avail, because he had a padawan with him right now.
"I prefer to think of myself as charming," he said as he pushed a dreadlock behind his ear. "Do you think I'm charming?"
"I think you're a little too charming, and if you get a few more drinks in me, you might be dangerous," she said, like he was going to do that.
"I don't need drinks to be dangerous," he said, and there was a sigh from somewhere off to the left.
"Leave him be, Mel; he's too young for you," Hedron said, and Quinlan rocked back in his chair, because he most certainly was not, and she didn't look that old, either, but he knew looks were deceiving in this world. Now that he was looking at her, he could see the telltale signs of work done. Why were people so terrified of aging, anyways? He was sure she would look fine with a few wrinkles.
"Now, don't go insulting my skincare routine like that," Quinlan said. "Kiffar skincare is the best in the business. I'm older than I look, and I like my women more experienced, anyway."
"And what about your men?" Hedron asked as he propped his chin in his hand, eyeing Quinlan up and down, and Mel rolled her eyes when she thought Quinlan wasn't looking.
"Vigorous," Quinlan replied slyly, and there was a vague imprint of 'you can do better than that ' down the bond.
"They make drugs for that," Hedron said as he laid down his cards. "I think that's it for me tonight, ladies, gentlemen."
Quinlan's mark hadn't shown up yet, and it was getting late. The fund for this wasn't limitless, but he could afford one more night of this. After that, he would have to cut his losses and leave.
"I think that might be it for me, too," he said and pulled his chips back to himself. "Mel. It was lovely to meet you, darling."
"It was tantalizing, Jako," she said sweetly, and he got the feeling that the woman was flirting because she was lonely, not because she wanted company. Neat dodge.
"Oh, come now, why leave when the party's just getting started?" someone asked from behind him, and Quinlan turned to take in the sight of his mark.
Tylo Yboro was a Human hailing from Hosnian Prime, sleek and smooth, with slicked back jet black hair and piercing blue eyes that were already raking up and down Quinlan like he was taking in the sight of his chiseled flesh. His tongue darted out ever so slightly, wetting his lips, and oh, that was an opening if Quinlan ever saw one.
"Well," he drawled as he leaned against the chair, "I suppose I could be convinced if someone tried hard enough."
He deliberately let his eyes rake up and down Tylo's frame, taking in his tiny waist and broad shoulders, and if Quinlan didn't know what a colossal flaming pile of shit the man was, he would probably be interested if they met in a dim bar. But, the man had a long list of sentient rights violations under his belt, and the Senate had excused him and excused him and excused him for years now. He owned half of the Banking Clan, and you didn't get as rich as him without trampling on other people. Even if his record was squeaky clean and picture perfect, Quinlan wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole.
But, that was when he wasn't undercover.
"I'll raise you four million credits as the buy in," Tylo said, and Quinlan stepped forward, reaching out to touch his cape and rubbing it between his fingers.
"Judging from your dress, that's pity money for you," Quinlan said slyly, and Tylo tilted his head as he looked at Quinlan with bright, predatory eyes. He was a man that saw what he wanted and got it. Quinlan imagined him thinking he could buy Quinlan outright if he wanted him bad enough.
It was sickening, and he could feel Botan's vague concern in the Force at how he felt versus his actions. Even so, Quinlan was used to people looking at him like this. He knew he was a pretty man. And he had to go into these situations fairly frequently, where he was putting himself out there as a pretty man. Regardless, though, it was a little uncomfortable to feel the man's blatant interest in the Force.
"You're right," Tylo said. "It is pity money. Let's up the stakes. I'll throw seventy million on the table right now."
"Now, that's not something I can afford," Quinlan said with a laugh, which wasn't true, because the account he had access to had at least four hundred million, and he knew he was going to sweep the table. It wasn't cheap to gamble in Canto Bight. "You've got no sense of moderation, do you?"
"No, I really don't," Tylo said and held out his hand. "Tylo Yboro."
"Jako Vos," Quinlan said and shook his hand. An image flashed through his mind of an illegal rancor fighting ring, money trading hands, and Quinlan made to pull his hand back, but Tylo kept a hold on it. So, that's where Tylo had been all night. Intel suggested they were running one here on Canto Bight, but he hadn't known for sure.
"Oh? Vos clan?" Tylo asked slyly. "That's old money."
The implication was there: and yet you can't afford a seventy million buy in?
"Old enough," Quinlan said rather than rise to the bait, knowing damn well that he would have had access to that sort of money had he not become a Jedi.
"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Jako," Tylo said and lifted his hand to press a kiss over his knuckles. Another image flashed of mouths on mouths, hungry, and Quinlan bore under the onslaught. "I've heard good things about Kiffar."
Oh…
Oh, he was banking on Quinlan being psychometric. How…
Well, Quinlan supposed he was used to it.
"Let's just do a standard four million buy-in, then," Tylo said and swept around the table to take a seat. Quinlan eyed him with clear suspicion, but he took a seat, knowing he couldn't play too hard too fast if he was going to keep Tylo interested.
Quinlan threw the money down, and the dealer dealt the cards as Botan sent a shiver of concern down their bond. Quinlan pressed back with a reassurance, and Botan withdrew, her concern satiated for now, and he watched her from the corner of his eye to see how she looked at Tylo. To her credit, she wasn't looking at him at all, rather scanning the room for threats, and Quinlan relaxed as he picked up his cards. Bad first hand, but he could make this work.
Yeah, he could make this work.
"You are cleaning me straight out, Vos," Tylo said, and Quinlan gave him a sly smile.
"I'm good at what I do, what can I say?" he said as the dealer prepared to roll.
The dice clattered over the table, and Quinlan watched it go. He could see that it was going to land on doubles, and he was at 23 right now, so…
With a little nudge of the Force, they rolled one extra time, landing on a five and a three, and he tilted his head at Tylo.
"Think you got me?" he asked lazily, and Tylo grinned.
"I wouldn't dare, but I'll need to pull out more money if you keep this up," he said, and Quinlan laid down his hand. 23 exactly, and Hadron groaned next to him.
"How are you so good at this?" he asked, and Quinlan laughed.
"You should play sabacc with the Vos clan. We're all dangerous," he said and dragged the pot towards himself.
"And that's my sign," Tylo said and rose from his seat. "I'll be right back. Don't move."
"Mmm," Quinlan said as he sipped at his drink. "Wasn't planning on it."
Tylo shot him a wink, and Quinlan smiled at him, and then the man was off. Quinlan watched him go with obvious interest, and Botan pressed a feeling down their bond.
How much longer? was the general feeling conveyed, and he pressed back with patience. He was going to have to lose the next pot, bet it all in and crash and burn, and then he could send her to get his money. Easy, simple, straightforward. Botan had scored high in the slicing classes, so she would be able to get the bank numbers. It would be better if Quinlan went, and he could just touch the machine, but…
He needed to trust his padawan. She needed to do things, too.
Easy. Simple. Obi-Wan was on standby to call him, so he could make a graceful exit, and then they could leave tonight.
Quinlan couldn't wait to get out of here.
Chapter 27Chapter Text
Botan wanted to yank her hair out of her scalp. The entire mission had been the most painful experience of her life, and it had gone fairly well, all things considered. She had gotten the codes with minimal effort, and they were now on the way back to Christophsis. Obi-Wan had called the second she sent the signal, calling Quinlan back to Kiffu, and they had been out of there like bats out of hell.
She wanted to take a bath to scrub all of the nastiness off of her. The place had been oozing with pheromones and money, and she felt like she was corrupted just by being near it. It was in her pores, in her hair, which had just been washed, but she wanted to wash it again. She was practically tearing herself out of the clothes she had been given, desperate to get back into her robes, and there was a chime at the door.
"Botan?" came Quinlan's voice from the other end. "You okay?"
Botan marched to the door and pinged it open, and before Quinlan could even get a breath in, she was signing.
"They treated you like a piece of meat, and it was all so disgusting. Just one of those cocktails could pay for a child's entire year of school, and they were just fine with spending money on themselves like that. It was disgusting. It was vile. They were horrendous. That T-y-l-o was despicable in the way he ogled you. There was no sense of respect. No sense of boundaries. And I know you were flirting, too, but they were so blatant about everything."
Quinlan stared at her blankly, and she belatedly realized her master was very, very tipsy. Maybe even drunk, and that frustrated her even more, because he had been downing those cocktails like no other, and she knew that was part of the game, but…
"Go away," she signed, and he blinked.
"Are you alright?" he asked, rather stupidly, and she triggered the door to slide shut before she realized she needed to get into the shower. Shit.
Her emotions were all consuming nowadays. She was perfectly calm while in the room, perfectly composed, but now that she had some distance, she was realizing just how disgusting and vile it all was. She knew she lived like a monk, but…
But.
They had to stay until Quinlan won all of the money back, and it was exhausting. She never wanted to go to that wretched planet again. Feeling everything Quinlan felt was…
She needed to check on him.
The door slid open again, and she stared at Quinlan for a moment as he stared back at her.
"Are you okay?" she signed, and his face cleared.
"What, were you worried about me?" he asked, and she hesitated, because the answer to that was 'yes'. He had clearly hated every moment of that, and she was probably being affected by his emotions. That was 101 in shielding, but it was more difficult when there was an active training bond. Well, she had a bond with Ahsoka, but they had had that since they were little, and she'd had time to get acclimated to it. It was easy to get used to something when the most upsetting thing in life was someone using a toy you wanted to use. The two of them had been initially assigned to each other to learn how to make a bond, otherwise Botan wouldn't have done it.
This was different, though. This was more severe. Quinlan was upset because people were looking at him like he was a piece of meat, and she was being reminded of all the times on Earth when she was sexually harassed on the street. She would always keep her head down and keep walking, but…
But.
It was different.
"This is also part of being a Shadow, Botan," Quinlan said gently. "You have to… you gotta put up with those kinds of people. A lot. It's normal."
"It's not normal. They should know better."
"Botan, I am an adult male that was projecting clear sexual interest. Not everyone is a empath like us," Quinlan pointed out, and she took a deep breath in.
Right.
Right.
Quinlan had been projecting clear interest. He was open to the flirting, willing and able to flirt back, and his body language was impeccable. He knew his body was a weapon, and that's how he used it. She was only upset because she actually knew he didn't like it. Objectively, the way they had behaved was entirely appropriate in the social setting, but…
She still didn't like it.
She didn't have to like it.
"I know, but I still hate it," she said, and Quinlan leaned against the door, still in that irritating shirt and skintight pants.
"Do you want me to ask Obi-Wan to not give us missions like that?" he asked, casual, and she shook her head no.
"No, the pay off is too gratifying," she replied, and he grinned, nice and slow.
"Petty," he chastised her, but he didn't seem all that mad at it. "Why don't you take a shower to get all that rich person filth off you and go to bed?"
"I can't go to bed with wet hair."
"Didn't you just wash your hair?"
"Yes."
"You're going to dry it out," he said dryly, and she swept past him.
"I don't care," she said, and he fell into step next to her.
"You should. "
"It'll survive one extra wash."
"I'll just braid it when you get out," he said, and she paused, because…
"You'll see things," she pointed out, and he tilted his head.
"What, do you not want me to see things?" he asked, and she hesitated. Did she care? Didn't she care? She wasn't sure. There were a lot of memories in that hair. But, she did like having her hair braided.
"I'll just braid it myself," she said, and he nodded.
"That's fine."
He didn't seem put out by it, but she still felt more than a little bad. She kind of wanted him to…
"Actually, you can braid it," she said, and he tilted his head.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure, but I have to trim my bangs."
"I can trim them," he said, and she hesitated again. Quinlan near her eyes with scissors? She always trimmed her own bangs. She didn't even trust Ahsoka with it, but at the same time…
"Sure," she said, because if he could trim dreads, she was sure he could manage her little old curls. She had seen him trimming them in the mirror. They were just bangs, anyways. They grew back, and the curls hid a lot of mistakes.
"Alright," he said and turned into his bedroom. "I'm going to get out of this getup now."
Botan waved at him, and he waved back, and then he was gone.
Botan couldn't sleep. Quinlan had put her hair in a tight braid against her scalp, but she was just tossing and turning. It was several days back to Christophsis, where their Delta-7s were waiting, and she was thinking about everything that could come after this. Their first mission had been middling success, and their second mission had yet to see fruit. Things were ramping up, and they still had to investigate Knight Skywalker. It was rapidly starting to look like they wouldn't have time for that, and she had no idea how he was going to squeeze that into their already packed schedule. Next on the docket was investigating reports of a listening outpost they needed to find, which might take months. They were going to be chasing down tails everywhere.
Her com chimed with a message, and she rolled over to check it.
Ahsoka Tano: Hey, how did your mission go?
Botan hesitated, because she couldn't share too many details, as it was still ongoing, but…
Botan Yamada: It was fine. Can't talk too much about it. Aren't you in deep space right now?
Ahsoka Tano: Yep. Just waiting for new marching orders.
Botan Yamada: It seems like a lot of what you do is wait.
Ahsoka Tano: Well, you're not wrong. I'm guessing you're not busy?
Botan Yamada: Not really, no. Why?
Ahsoka Tano: Can I call?
Botan Yamada: Sure.
In an instant, the com was ringing, and Botan answered it in the darkness of the room. There was silence on the other end for a few seconds, and then Ahsoka sighed.
"My master worries me," she said quietly, and Botan tilted her head.
"Why?"
"He's… he's really reckless, you know? He's a great Jedi, but on the last campaign, a lot of men died," Ahsoka said quietly. "I just wish he was more cautious."
"What do you mean by that?"
"He's… he's just… I dunno. I don't even know what I'm saying," Ahsoka said and there was rustling on the other end as she presumably rolled over in bed. "I guess all Jedi have their flaws. Your master is pretty reckless, too."
"No, he's not," Botan replied.
"Well, you got hurt, didn't you? On your very first mission?" Ahsoka asked, and Botan was quiet, because maybe Quinlan was a little reckless, but that had been mostly out of both of their hands. Except for Botan, who stupidly accidentally flashed her lightsaber. She would have to work on hiding it better.
"I guess I did," she said, because Ahsoka didn't need an argument right now, and Ahsoka was quiet.
"I miss you," she said, "and I kind of miss the creche. It's all…"
"Bad?"
"Not always. I love the clones, but when I think too hard about it, I…" Ahsoka trailed off again, and Botan understood. She tried very, very hard not to think about the clones. "I just wish we were back in the creche. I miss you."
"I miss you, too," Botan said, and Ahsoka huffed lightly.
"You're just saying that," she said, and Botan tilted her head.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you… you're the perfect Jedi. You don't miss people. You just accept that you'll see them when you see them. You're not attached. You've never been attached. You just go with the flow, all the time, and I can't help but compare myself to you. I'm always so emotional, and I get wound up, and I just… I make mistakes. You don't."
Botan thought about her emotional outburst earlier, and thought about telling Ahsoka about it, but she couldn't, could she? It would need a whole host of explanations and context she couldn't give her.
"I wouldn't say that. I got upset earlier."
"But, when you get upset, you just let go of it. Like, immediately. It almost scares me how good you are at that," Ahsoka said quietly. "Like you never cared in the first place."
That… Did that hurt Botan's feelings? She had always been like that. Uncaring. There was no controlling other people, just herself, and she…
"You always have some kind of retort ready, but you just… You've always been so much more mature than me. Never threw fits, never had tantrums, and you were always at the top of every class. I can't help but wonder what it's like in your head, to be so much better than everyone else."
"I'm not better than anyone else," Botan said, and why did that make her so uncomfortable?
"Yes, you are," Ahsoka said, fondly. "If you were out here, if they had let you out here, you wouldn't be conflicted like this. You would be fine. You would just accept that they were dead, and mourn them, and move on. I… I linger."
"Let me?" Botan echoed, and Ahsoka was quiet.
"I mean, it's no secret they wouldn't put you on the front lines because of the communication barrier," she said quietly, and Botan… That hurt to hear, for all that it was true. She knew it was true. She had heard it from Master Windu herself, but… "You would have done so well as Obi-Wan's apprentice, too. He told me he wanted you, you know. Now you're stuck with Master Vos."
"I'm not stuck with him."
"I didn't mean it like that, I…"
"I'm struggling with things, too. I struggle with things," Botan said, because she did. "Quinlan was uncomfortable on this mission, and I had a total meltdown over something as little as feeling his emotions over the training bond."
"But, I bet you got over it," Ahsoka said quietly, and Botan did, but…
"I have failings, too," Botan said, and Ahsoka was quiet.
"Did I make you uncomfortable?"
"I wish you wouldn't compare yourself to me."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I just---" Botan didn't know what to say, and she let her arm with the communicator flop on the bed. She didn't want to say anything else.
"I hope you and Master Vos will be great together," Ahsoka said quietly. "You deserve a great master."
The guilt clawed at Botan, and she swallowed.
Ahsoka deserved a great master, too. And she probably didn't have one, and she had no idea.
What else is he lying about?
Chapter 28Chapter Text
The memories had been clearer this time, and Quinlan was… disturbed. There was a violence in Botan's old world that just wasn't acceptable in this one for a Jedi, and he wasn't sure what to do. He could tell, at least, that she was just doing her job, and he could feel the things she was feeling.
The strongest memory had been in some kind of server room. He was familiar enough with that, and they had been fighting over this kind of datapad that folded in half. It was important, he knew that much, but why was the question. Actually, that wasn't the question.
The woman with snakes for hair had nearly killed Botan. And Botan had just kept fighting. It had been a normal fight at first, but then it had taken a dark turn when Botan mounted the woman and just kept pummeling her. He could feel what she felt, and what she felt was grim determination and a sense of duty even as she was bleeding out. Her entire body was on fire and going numb from the venom, but she kept on, dogged and unrelenting. She was a force of nature, and he didn't know where to start with that.
It had been violent. Blood everywhere, snot, the woman's face caving in under her blows. He saw that she survived, but that was it. He could still feel the crack of her bones under his fists, her fists, and the grim seated determination to get the job done. It was like all emotions had just been flicked off. She didn't allow herself to feel fear or panic. And he couldn't help but wonder why a child, because she was a child at the time, was put in that situation, against someone she was so ill suited to fight. It was a bad matchup from the start, and he wondered what adult okayed that.
It was… disturbing, to say the least. He knew he himself was capable of things like that, but he also was worried about Botan regressing. He didn't really think she was older. He thought she had an edge on the competition with memories of another life, but when he looked at her, all he saw was a teenager. She was still just a kid, just with the memories of her past life intact.
It was for these reasons that he couldn't sleep. He wasn't sure he was doing the right thing in not informing the Council. He could talk to Obi-Wan about it, but he wasn't sure that was a good idea, either. Maybe if Obi-Wan took her as his padawan, he would give him a heads-up, but…
But he didn't know.
It was clearly a traumatic memory for Botan, but what concerned him was her ability to just shut things off. That was a trauma response, and he knew she didn't have a good childhood, but he wondered if she carried that into her next life. Actually, she did. He was well aware that she did, because that was what she had done on Canto Bight. She was clearly pissed at everyone there after the fact, but…
Did it make her more rational, or did it make her bottle everything up? It wasn't actually the Jedi way to bottle things up until you exploded. You were supposed to deal with things rationally, carefully. But you weren't supposed to repress everything.
Well, she let everything out later. Or, did she just vent the steam cap? It was impossible to tell.
He didn't know. His new padawan was already coming with challenges, and he didn't know where to start with her. It was dangerous, he thought. It was very dangerous, and he needed to figure things out. With her Force presence and attachment to the Force, if she blew up, it could very well prove dangerous to everyone around her. She was just as Force sensitive as Anakin, and…
He didn't put stock in prophecies. He didn't, but they might have very well gotten it wrong. Botan had no parents, and he was sure with how clearly she remembered the memories of her past life, she would have remembered them. She remembered coming to the Temple, after all. Which meant…
Which meant she very may well be the Chosen One, and no one knew. They all thought it was Anakin, but she had no parents. The Force had made her and given her these memories of her past life, and there was a reason it had done it. He just didn't know the reason. Which was dangerous. He had seen memories of another war, another separation, and he thought of all of those secrets put in her hair. He saw other 'pro heroes' dying, and all he could think was that there had to be a connection in all of this. Why would the Force put this person, who had memories of another war, another life, where they were a very small player in the grand scheme of things, into this world? Why would the Force do that? The only thing he could think was it was in preparation for this, but it felt wrong to think so.
He didn't know. He was stuck.
With a groan, he rolled over and stared at the wall in the dim bedroom. His head was a mess of questions, and he didn't know where to start with them. Maybe he would talk to Obi-Wan about it the next time he saw him.
Botan was so clearly the Chosen One. They had gotten it wrong, and what did that mean for Anakin?
"Good morning!" Quinlan said cheerfully as his not-a-morning-person padawan stared at him in silence over her steaming mug of caf. "Haven't started firstmeal?"
"Kark off," she signed and let her head drop with a thump on the table, and Quinlan laughed and patted her on the shoulder as she passed. There was a memory of her staring at a com in the dark as Ahsoka, that little friend of hers, talked on the other end, and he passed by her as he started rifling around the cabinets.
"Maybe you shouldn't stay up so late on the coms," he said as he pulled out things to start breakfast with, and she twitched. There was a mug of caf waiting for him, though, so he picked it up and sipped at it, though he didn't need it.
"We should be coming out of hyperspace today," he said as he got the stove heating up. "I hope you get used to rations quick, because we're going to be eating a lot of them, so you should savor this."
He wasn't that great of a cook, but he was decent at it, and his padawan needed to eat. So, he got out the eggs and the slab of some kind of meat or another to make steaks, and he paused.
"How do you like your eggs?" he asked, and there was a pause from her before she slammed her arm with the communicator down on the table to type without looking.
"Sunnyyy size up," she replied, and he nodded. He'd have to make some toast, then.
"Alright," he said and started the process of cutting the meat into thick slabs. This ship had been impounded not even two days before they took possession of it, and the fridge was a high quality stasis fridge that held things for weeks on end.
For a few minutes, Quinlan just focused on cooking, and Botan was quiet, withdrawn. He could tell from the pat on her shoulder that it hadn't been a great conversation. Something about Botan being better than everyone, and that making her uncomfortable, so he was sure she would talk to him about it.
"Why do you think Anakin is lying about more things?" Botan asked, and there it was. What was bothering her.
"Well, because I don't like him," Quinlan said flatly as he carved up the steak and set it into the sizzling hot pan.
"That's it?"
"He doesn't let me touch him," Quinlan said quietly. "I tried to shake his hand once and he refused."
People were entitled to their privacy, of course. Quinlan knew that, and he was very used to people refusing to touch him, but… The way Anakin had done it had been borderline angry. Like he was furious Quinlan had the audacity to touch him. It had been there for just a second, dark and ugly, and then it had been gone, but Quinlan remembered.
Quinlan always remembered things like that.
"He could have just been hiding the marriage," Botan said, and Quinlan hummed.
"That is a possibility, but there's something…" Quinlan trailed off thoughtfully. There was just something off about Anakin. He couldn't explain it, but it was there. "Anyway, I don't… I think there's something more. Call it instinct."
It was impossible to tell if there were shadows lurking in his presence with how blinding he always kept it. If he shielded it down, you would be able to tell, but he never did. He wore it proudly, like a badge of honor, like he didn't care who else saw, and Quinlan knew that. It was rude, but par for the course with Anakin. Even so…
"Do you actually want to talk about Anakin right now, or did you have a fight with Ahsoka last night?" he asked, and Botan was quiet, scratching at the metal table in silence. "So, you did have a fight with Ahsoka."
"It wasn't a fight," Botan said, and then took a sip of caf. "She just said some things that made me uncomfortable."
"What'd she say?"
"That I was better than everyone," Botan said, and Quinlan knew that, but he wanted to hear her say it.
"Yeah, I can imagine how that would be uncomfortable," he agreed, and Botan said nothing else. Quinlan focused on his cooking, confident that she would eventually speak as he flipped the steaks, and there was tapping on the table as she rapped her nails on the metal surface. She was thinking of what to say, and he was willing to let her think.
"Do you think you're better than everyone?" he asked, and there was a pause as she answered.
"It's true that I always excelled at everything, and always was at the top of class, but I don't think so, no. There's a lot of ways to judge how good people are at things, and class isn't a good way of gauging that. Someone can be really good at school and bad at other things."
"Were you good at school in your past life?" he asked, and her shoulders shook slightly, as if she was laughing.
"Yes. I had to be. I didn't have the right quirk for heroics. Old habits die hard."
Quinlan wasn't sure what that meant, but he was willing to accept it.
"I got used to being hated, but no one ever envied me," she added, and shifted in the chair so she could draw her knees to her chin. "Not until now."
"You think Ahsoka envies you?"
"I know she does," Botan replied, and Quinlan hummed.
"I see," he said, and he could see that, easily. Ahsoka was a fourteen year old girl with an exemplary best friend, who was naturally good at everything. It would be hard not to compare yourself. He had looked at Botan's scores in school and knew she was good at everything. She never tried to make herself smaller, more palatable, and it was an envious thing.
"I just don't want this to sour our friendship," Botan said, and Quinlan shrugged.
"As she grows more into herself, it won't," he reassured her, because it sounded like Ahsoka had a good head on her shoulders. She would get over it.
"Well, if this doesn't, our investigation into her master definitely will," Botan said, and it was so weird to hear that delivered in an dispassionate, droid-like voice, because he could practically taste the bitterness seeping out of her. No, she felt defeated in the Force, and he didn't like that.
"I'm sorry," he said, because there was nothing else to say to that. She very well may lose Ahsoka over this, and Quinlan would definitely lose Obi-Wan, but he couldn't let his attachment to his friendships cloud his judgment.
It had to be done.
Quinlan had to trust his gut, and the Force… when he thought of Anakin, it felt apprehensive, Dark in ways he couldn't put his finger on. There was something lurking there, and he needed to find out what it was. He couldn't leave it. He was like a rancor with a bone, and he needed to push and prod and wiggle out the answers. He had always been like that.
It was probably his fatal flaw.
Chapter 29Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
They were back on Coruscant after a solid month of searching for the listening station with no results, and Botan was tired. Her entire body hurt after a month of being shoved into that tiny Delta-7, with aches and pains in parts of her body she didn't even know existed, and all she wanted to do was take a hot shower and eat something other than rations.
Quinlan was clearly frustrated with the entire situation as he climbed out of his starfighter, and Botan pulled her backpack over her aching shoulders as she stepped down. Ahsoka was due to be coming back tomorrow, and they would have some time to themselves before then. Not that she wanted to spend more time with Quinlan. She was actually rather sick of the man and needed a break, but she knew she wasn't going to be getting that, because now they had to report their failure to find the listening station to the Council.
That was not a meeting she was looking forward to.
She stank, too, but they were due to see them right now, which meant she had to show up with all of her body odor and hair in a mess. Then, her and Quinlan would move to their new master-padawan quarters, or rather Quinlan's old master-padawan quarters he never got a chance to move out of before he got a new apprentice, and Aayla had apparently already been in, taking down all of her old things and getting the new room ready for Botan after being on leave for a week. She was already gone, and Botan couldn't help but feel Quinlan was put out by not being able to see her. It didn't make her feel bad, per se, but it was coloring all of his interactions with Botan, and it was starting to irritate her.
She probably wasn't as good of a padawan as Aayla. Quinlan had always known Aayla would be his padawan, but Botan had just been shoved on him. He didn't choose her. He had stepped up admirably, but she was beginning to wonder if there was lingering resentment. He had been tired lately, a bit snappish with her, and she was getting fed up with it. It wasn't her fault she was assigned to him.
Or maybe he was just upset with the lack of results on the mission. Clones were dying in droves as a result of the listening station, and they had been tasked with finding it, and failed miserably. Bad intel in abundance, dead ends and half baked theories, all of it had taken a toll on the two of them. Meanwhile, battles were being lost, and people were dying. And they were failing.
In hindsight, he was definitely frustrated with the lack of results, and Botan was probably being uncharitable. Even so, he didn't have to take it out on her. It wasn't like this was all her fault. Well, there was that one time she accidentally pressed her homing beacon and nearly got them caught, but that had been two weeks ago and was definitely not something he should be holding a grudge about.
"Let's get this over with," Quinlan said as he rolled out his shoulders, and Botan stole alongside him.
"Are you mad at me?" she asked, and he glanced at her.
"No, I'm tired," he replied, and she nodded. Well, he could be lying, but she doubted it. Even so…
"You've been snapping," she said, and he paused in the doorway.
"Have I?" he asked, and she nodded. He blinked, as if that hadn't even occurred to him, and yeah. He wasn't mad at her. "I'm sorry."
"I don't like it," she said, flat, rather than say 'I don't mind', and he nodded.
"I'll do better," he promised, and apparently that was the end of the conversation.
The two of them made their way inside the halls, and she ignored a snippet of a conversation from the Senate about a party. It was loud on Coruscant, far louder than she liked, and she disliked it. After a solid month of living in deep space in a fucking dogfighter, she didn't like it. It was loud, and chaotic, and she was already crawling out of her own skin to get out of here.
"---send the missive to Tyranus---" came a snippet, and she froze. Wasn't Tyranus---?
What?
Botan pulled to a stop in the hall, and Quinlan continued to walk with her as she tried to catch the trail of the conversation, but it was taken away on the wind. Perhaps she misheard. Yes, that was it, she misheard. But, didn't they suspect that the Sith lord they were trying to find was a part of the Senate?
"Bo?" Quinlan asked, and Botan remained rooted to the spot. "Botan, what's wrong?"
"--- Tyranus will handle it---"
No, she was sure she heard it, but whose voice was that? It was too faint, too indistinct to tell. She strained to hear, and Quinlan was approaching her, but she didn't care. The voice was gone, and there was a buzz of a holocall disconnecting, and she was alone in the world again.
What was that?
"Botan, is everything okay?" Quinlan asked, and she looked up at him.
"Just thought I heard something," she said, but her hands were hesitant, slow. Quinlan stared at her with a furrowed brow, and she swept past him. "Let's go."
"... Alright," he said slowly, and they made their way towards the lifts to go to the Council chambers. Botan was quiet, pensive as they trekked through the halls, and Quinlan walked alongside her, clearly projecting his unease in the Force. Sometimes, this hearing felt more like Force hijinks than anything else. It was unreliable enough to count as such. She still held firm to her hearing being damaged in her previous life before she even had a chance to grow into her ears, but this was…
Well, it would do no good to dwell on it. The Force revealed everything in time. That much was true.
"If you heard something concerning, you would tell me, right?" Quinlan asked, and she paused, because…
"Of course I would," she lied, and she didn't know why she lied. Actually, she did. She needed something actionable, and a brief mention of Tyranus in the Senate was not enough to act on. They needed more than that. She knew from previous experience as an underground hero to not run in on half baked theories and vague concepts. There was something to be said for gut instincts, but there was more to be said for hard evidence.
No, she wouldn't say anything for now. They would be back on Coruscant for a week, and she had time. She would listen to everything, keep her notes in Japanese, which was never going to be translated, and bide her time. She could wait. She absolutely could wait.
They reached the lift, and Quinlan pushed the button for it. The doors slid open, to reveal…
Obi-Wan Kenobi, who looked relieved to see them.
"Botan. Quinlan," he said, and Botan waved at him. "You're back."
"With nothing substantial, unfortunately," Quinlan said as Obi-Wan backed up to let them into the elevator.
"That so?" he asked ruefully. "The Council is just starting. I was going to greet you at the landing platform."
"Well, less walking for you," Quinlan said teasingly, and slung his arm over Obi-Wan's shoulders. "How's the front? Exciting enough for you?"
"Not particularly," Obi-Wan said dryly. "It's a lot of hurry up and wait."
"Eugh. I've had enough of waiting, personally. I want to get back into the thick of things."
"Is that so?" Obi-Wan asked wryly. "Then, you'll be delighted to know I have a new mission for you."
"Oh, thank gods, I think my ass is about to be permanently numb from sitting in that tiny star fighter," Quinlan said, and Obi-Wan laughed.
"It's nothing serious. I just need you to steal something for me. That's your speciality, isn't it?"
"It sure is," Quinlan confirmed. "Grave robbing is my true calling."
"Well, it's unfortunately not grave robbing, but I'll give you more details in the Council chambers," Obi-Wan said, and the doors hissed open. "I look forward to your report, Quinlan."
Botan realized, rather belatedly, that this meant they probably weren't going to get a week on Coruscant. Dammit. She needed to…
She needed to be patient, she told herself. All would be revealed in time, and the Force moved as it chose.
The three of them proceeded into the Council chambers, and Botan steeled herself for a lot of typing, since not all of the Council members were fluent in galactic sign. The doors shut behind them, and she looked around at all of the holographic projections. There were a fair few Council members missing, and she knew they were probably locked in battle right then, but Shaak-Ti, Plo, and Mace were there, which were the only Council members sans Yoda she had much experience with.
Obi-Wan took his seat, and the holographic projection of Mace flickered as a clone medic tended to a blaster burn on his side. He was partially unclothed, and that was very unlike him. The grim reality of the war she was somewhat removed from set in, and she pursed her lips.
"Quinlan. I understand your search for the listening station yielded no results," Mace said, and Quinlan bowed his head.
"Unfortunately, it was a lot of dead ends," he said, and coughed slightly. "I think it's a waste of manpower, personally. We don't even have confirmation it exists, and it's infinitely harder to chase a ghost as opposed to something we have proof on."
"Well, did you hear anything else while you were out?" Mace asked, and Botan perked up.
"We did. Separatists are planning to mobilize in the Corellia sector, and target the temple there," Quinlan reported, and Botan nodded. She caught that in Maz Katana's pub, which was a hotbed of espionage right now.
"Warn them, we will," Yoda said, and Botan relaxed slightly. "Anything else to report, have you?"
"Separatists have been slowly moving to colonize the moons of Iego, and use that as a staging base," Quinlan said, and Botan nodded again. "We haven't been able to determine anything more than that, but it's pretty deep in Separatist space, so we may not be able to do anything about it. I reckon they'll abandon it in a few years."
A few years reverberated around Botan's skull, and she glanced at Quinlan as she realized something very important.
Quinlan didn't think this war was going to end anytime soon.
It was a morbid thought, and she wished he didn't voice it, tacitly as he did. It made everything a bit too real, and she wished they weren't relying on her frankly unreliable hearing to figure it out. Of course, the full weight of it wasn't on Botan entirely, but it was close. It was very, very close.
She didn't like it.
Quinlan seemed to realize his statement had caused her discomfort, and there was a shiver down their bond of lighten up, will ya? She sent back the equivalent of an annoyed pinch, and he diverted his gaze with an echo of a laugh.
Again, she thought about mention of Tyranus. If she had a week on Coruscant, she could possibly figure it out, but she didn't have a week. They were probably going to ship out tomorrow. Dammit. Maybe if she said something…
Not yet.
The statement was clear as day in the Force, and she startled slightly, because never once had the Force been so clear in its wants and desires. Her lips parted slightly, and she blanched, and Plo took notice of her discomfort.
"Botan, are you alright?" he asked as her alarm spiked in the Force, and she forced a weak smile.
"I'm fine. Just tired," she said, and he frowned at her.
"Are you sure?" he asked, and she frowned back at him.
"It's been a long month," she said, and that, at least, was achingly true. Both her and Quinlan had gotten snappish with each other, short tempered, with their patience fraying at the seams after a solid month of no results, and she was tired. She wanted to sleep in an actual bed.
"Well, we shouldn't draw out this meeting too long," Obi-Wan said. "Do you two have anything else to report?"
"Not at the moment, no. Sorry we aren't coming back with more," Quinlan said, and Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"It's fine. We win some, we lose some," he said, and straightened up. "In any case, it's time to discuss your next mission. You leave in two days."
Two days? Yes, she got a bed for two whole nights. Thank the Force.
"The Malevolence was taken care of, but we need to destroy the file with its design," Obi-Wan continued, and gave Botan a glance. "I was against this, as it's far too dangerous for a freshly minted padawan, but we don't have the manpower to deal with it. You will infiltrate the Yennas records facility, locate the plans, and destroy them by any means necessary. This includes blowing the tower if you need to."
At that, Botan straightened up. They got to blow up a tower?
"It goes without saying that blowing the tower is a last resort option. Ideally, you will enter and exit quietly and efficiently," Obi-Wan continued, and Botan nearly pouted. She liked explosives, she had learned. They were addictive. "You will have no backup, and there will be no failsafes if you fail, so try not to fail."
"Understood," Quinlan said, and then gave Obi-Wan a cheeky smile. "We'll probably be blowing it up."
"Quinlan…"
"My apprentice has a fixation on explosives, what can I say? Besides, why take out one plan when we can take out thousands? "
"I must ask that you keep the damage to a minimum," Mace said as the medic finished patching him up. He pulled back up his robes and sat back in his seat. "Not that I have much hope for the two of you."
"It's good to manage your expectations," Quinlan said slyly, and Botan rolled her eyes.
"We'll behave," she promised, and Obi-Wan stared at her with dead eyes.
"I'm sure," he drawled, and that was that. "You two are dismissed. Thank you for your report. May the Force be with you."
Botan bowed, and Quinlan bowed, and the two of them exited the room.
"I swear, I still think those two together is a bad idea. You should have assigned Botan to me," Obi-Wan said from behind the door, and Botan grinned.
"You would have gotten her into even more trouble," Mace replied, and Obi-Wan made a muffled noise of protest.
"I would not!"
"Gundarks, Obi-Wan. Gundarks."
"That was one time."
The doors to the lift opened, and Quinlan glanced at Botan.
"Something's bothering you," he said, and she frowned at him.
"I'm not bothered."
"Is it because you're about to see Ahsoka in person?" he asked, and she hesitated.
Was that bothering her?
"A little bit," she admitted, because she was… Well.
Yeah.
It was bothering her.
A lot.
"I'm sorry to put this on you," he said earnestly, and the lift began to descend. "It's a lot to deal with."
"I dislike lying," she said, and thought about it.
Not yet.
Why not yet? What was she waiting for? Things were only getting worse, and she was… She was at a loss. She was truly at a loss.
Not yet.
Should she trust the Force? She had trusted it so far, and it hadn't let her down, but…
Quinlan was eyeing her, and she swallowed around her tongue.
"I'll be fine," she promised, even though she really, really wouldn't be.
"I'm going to prioritize the investigation after this next mission," he said, and she stared at him.
"Wouldn't that be going rogue?"
"Wouldn't be the first time," he said with a snort. "It's fine."
Botan wasn't so sure.
She really wasn't so sure.
Notes:
wonder what's going to happen at the listening station
Chapter 30Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ahsoka got off the gunship, and Botan approached her. She looked fine, really, dressed in that stupid tube top as usual, that Botan did not approve of, with an easy smile on her face that didn't entirely reach her eyes. Botan held out her arms without a word, and Ahsoka went into them, burying her face into Botan's shoulder. Knight Skywalker paused, and Botan kept a perfectly clear face as he paused before the two of them.
"Botan, right?" he asked, and Botan nodded. "Nice to finally meet you."
They'd met two times before, but Botan did not point that out. He probably met a lot of people. Ahsoka was still, listening to Botan's heartbeat with her montrals, and Botan let her as she stroked her hand down her back in a soothing motion.
"Hey, Snips, I gotta go see the Council," Knight Skywalker said and flicked her between the eyes. "You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine with Botan," Ahsoka replied, and Knight Skywalker nodded.
"Then, I'll see you at latemeal," he said and turned for the doors, making his way back inside as Botan tried to quell the unease in her heart. Ahsoka finally, finally pulled back and gave Botan a shaky smile.
"You're okay?" she asked, and Botan nodded.
"I'm okay," she signed, and looked past Ahsoka's shoulder, where a clone was standing.
Quinlan didn't trust the clones, she thought distantly. He thought they were too 'convenient' and refused to lead a legion for that very reason. He was more suited to espionage, anyways, but Botan had inherited that sense of wariness. Some Outer Rim planet no one had ever heard of magically having enough soldiers to fill the gaps in this war? Trained by the very same Mandalorian stragglers that the Jedi were partially responsible for the destruction of? Sure, a Jedi had been involved, but that Jedi had been half mad, and half mad Jedi were easy to manipulate.
Even so, Botan sensed no deceit or malice from them. Quinlan was thinking with logic, but she preferred to think with the Force. It was nice, really, to have the Force do the thinking for her. She was a very intuitive person, and prided herself on that, but Anakin Skywalker left her feeling more uneasy than the clones did.
"Oh, uhm, Botan, this is Captain Rex," Ahsoka said and turned to introduce them. "Rex, this is my friend Botan."
"Nice to meet you, sir," Rex said, and Botan waved at him.
"Botan can't talk, so she tends to communicate with this and sign," Ahsoka explained and pointed to the communicator on Botan's arm.
"What legion are you assigned to, sir?" Rex asked, and Botan lifted her arm to start typing.
"I'm not assigned to a legion. I'm assigned to a Shadow," she explained, and Rex tilted his head in confusion.
"Shadow?" he echoed.
"They're a specific kind of Jedi that hunts down missing Sith artifacts and retrieves them. Right now, they're being used for espionage," Ahsoka helpfully explained, and Rex blinked.
"You just go around telling everyone you're a spy?" he asked in amusement, and Botan's lips quirked up.
"What, you're going to tell the Separatists?" she teased, and he tilted his head.
"Who knows? I might," he said, and she tilted her head at the sense of unease that flickered between both Ahsoka and Rex. Had something happened?
"Anyways, I'm exhausted. I'm going to the fountains," Ahsoka announced and put her hands on Botan's shoulders, spinning her around to frogmarch her towards the doors. "Let's go meditate."
"Since when do you like meditating?" Botan asked, and Ahsoka's fingers tightened on Botan's shoulders.
"I just feel like it right now," she declared, and Botan abruptly decided to stop teasing. There was tension all down Ahsoka's spine, so thick Botan could nearly taste it, and it was decidedly something Botan was not going to prod. Being on the front lines had drained Ahsoka, and Botan didn't blame her. Being on the front lines, seeing people die in front of you… It was never easy. It was never easy.
The two of them ventured into the halls of the temple, and Ahsoka let go of Botan's shoulders to walk alongside her. For a long moment, neither of them said anything, but it wasn't like the silence of comfort of friends. Rather, it felt like the stillness before a thunderstorm, rain on the horizon, the scent of petrichor in your nostrils. Ahsoka was bubbling up and over, and Botan knew she needed to brace for it.
Ahsoka had her arms wrapped around her middle, and Botan glanced at her. She wasn't ready for whatever this was. She was younger than 1-A was when they first got thrown onto the front lines, and she was worn down, exhausted. Botan could sense her frustration with the building situation. She felt for her, she really did, but Ahsoka was…
Well.
Ahsoka looked like a mess right now. There were bags under her eyes, now that Botan was looking closer. She had lost weight, pared down to lean muscle, and she was tired. Her shoulders were sloped, and she more looked like she needed a nap, not a meditation session. But, her dreams were probably haunted with the screams of the dead and dying, furiously clinging to life, though they were ultimately only made to die.
Botan slung an arm over her shoulder, rather impulsively, and Ahsoka melted into her side as they walked down the hall. Botan focused on the scent of her, clean from a fresh shower, free of sweat and grime, and they soon reached the Room of a Thousand Fountains.
It wasn't full. Most Jedi were away from the temple, and those here were busy with the war. Botan slid through the blooming plants, vibrant and full of life, and waved at one of the caretakers, a Nautolan she had seen since her childhood but never spoken to. The Nautolan waved back, and the two of them made their way to their deep section of the Fountains, to a fountain hewn out of stone, water bubbling up out of the center of it and falling down the separate tiers as moss grew on the stones braced all around it. There were water lilies growing in the pond, and Botan took off her socks and boots and rolled up her pant legs. The two of them put their feet in the water, and Ahsoka leaned against Botan's shoulder.
"I'm tired," she said quietly. "I have no right to be, but I'm tired."
"Why wouldn't you have a right to be?" Botan asked, and Ahsoka watched her hands move with deadened eyes.
"I'm…" Ahsoka trailed off and closed her eyes. "I feel it. Every single time one of them dies, I feel it."
Botan hadn't felt anyone die yet, but she had killed those lizards. She had, in fact, killed those lizards, and she knew what it felt like to see something wink out in the Force. It didn't compare to the sense of a sentient life dying, but all life was the same in the eyes of the Force.
She would probably feel someone die soon.
She wasn't sure she was ready for it.
"I'm sorry," Botan said, because she knew there were no words of comfort she could give right now.
"I know all of them have joined the Force, but I… They didn't have to die," Ahsoka whimpered, and then she burst into exhausted tears. In the Force, it felt like lightning striking a lonely tree, and Botan hugged her close to herself. Ahsoka turned and sobbed into Botan's shoulder, clutching at her robes, and Botan rubbed her back as she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Her tears soaked Botan's robes through, which was very difficult to do, and Botan rocked her back and forth, wishing she could offer words of comfort, or even hum. Hizashi used to use his quirk to purr when she cried, and she wished she could mimic that. She didn't often feel bad about being mute, but sometimes… Sometimes it hit her in the chest.
Ahsoka cried and cried into Botan's chest, and Botan held her closely as her sobs turned into wails, disturbing the quiet of the Fountains, but there was no sense of annoyance in the Force. Rather, those few life forms in the Force felt quietly concerned, though none approached. Ahsoka felt desperately like she'd rather not be seen, rather not be perceived even as she sobbed her heart out into Botan's robes. There was a sense of shame at her weakness, and Botan didn't know what to say to make it better.
There was nothing really to say, actually. All Ahsoka really needed right now was someone to rub her back as she wept, and Botan was able to do that. Botan could absolutely do that, because this war wasn't going to end anytime soon, and she knew that. She absolutely knew that.
The realization that Botan was lying to hit her square in the chest, and she realized Ahsoka was in for infinitely more heart break. She was going to deny it at first. She was going to cry that it was unfair, if he was married, let him be married. She was going to rage against it, and then she was going to accept it. She was going to blame Botan, blame her for lying to her, for not preparing her, and it was quite possibly going to end their friendship. Wounds at this age cut deep, seeded for bitterness and anger, and Botan knew that.
It was time to accept it for what it was.
She was going to betray Ahsoka, but this mission… If what Quinlan said was true, that anger… It was the anger that concerned Botan. Not anything else.
It wasn't the first time Botan hid something from Ahsoka. It wouldn't be the last.
But, goddamn, did it hurt. Here she was, comforting her friend as she lied to her face. She had been in this situation before with Rei, but Rei was an adult when that happened, and knew there were things Botan had to be deceitful about, things Botan couldn't tell them, just as there were things Rei couldn't tell her as an intelligence hero. That was the understanding they had, built on mutual trust and respect. It was an unspoken agreement, and it was not the same as what Botan was doing right now. It was not nearly the same thing.
Ahsoka hiccupped, and her sobs quelled to gentle tremors of her shoulders. It had been hard to listen to, and Botan wished they had gone somewhere a bit more private for it. Somewhere far more private.
"I'm sorry," Ahsoka said, and pulled back to uselessly wipe at her eyes. "I'm… I'm just sorry, I…"
"You have nothing to apologize for," Botan said, and she hiccupped again.
"I didn't mean to cry like that, I just---" She was cut off by another hiccup, and Botan pursed her lips.
"You're fourteen, and you've been on the front lines of a war," Botan said, and thanked the Force and the Jedi for this assistive device, because it had truly changed her life. There was no way Ahsoka could focus on sign right now. "You're entitled to a cry."
"I just… I feel so sorry for myself, when they're dead, and I---"
"Stop. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself," Botan said forcefully, the mechanical voice without a single intonation or shade of emotion. "You shouldn't even be there."
"It's our duty as Jedi to fight--- "
"It's our duty as Jedi to bring peace," Botan corrected. "This isn't bringing peace. This is continuing the war. You can be mad about it. Just don't let it consume you."
"I just---"
"Ahsoka, stop blaming yourself for being a sentient person that has feelings," Botan said, and Ahsoka's mouth clicked shut. She projected clear frustration in the Force, and Botan stared at her, undeterred. For a long moment, the two girls sat there, and then Ahsoka's shoulders slumped.
"I'm just so tired," she whimpered, and Botan pursed her lips.
"Let's take a nap. You look like you need it," she said, and Ahsoka nodded, numb to the world. There was a sense of exhaustion in her Force signature, rooted deep, and Botan wished she could ease it, make it a little less hard. She wished she could fix this, but she couldn't. Not until she figured out who was sending messages to Tyranus. It was too faint to pick up a voice print. She was sure it was Force shenanigans causing the faintness, and now she was half convinced her hearing was a result of the Force toying with her.
The Force seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.
Toying with people.
Ahsoka's eyes trailed to the scars on Botan's bare arm, and she reached forward to run her fingers over them. Botan let her, and Ahsoka curled her fingers in till the nails bit the meat of her palms. Botan reached over, gently easing her hands open, and tangled their fingers together. Then, she pressed their foreheads together, and just breathed.
Ahsoka's blue eyes fluttered shut, and for a moment, the two girls sat together, their Force signatures tangling and beating in tandem. Botan let her just sit there for a moment, before she flopped back in the grass and curled towards her, patting the ground and gesturing for Ahsoka to join her.
"We're going to nap here? " Ahsoka asked in shock, and Botan nodded. Tentatively, Ahsoka laid down, and Botan closed her eyes, not even checking to see if Ahsoka joined her in her single minded focus to sleep soundly. After a few minutes, Ahsoka's breathing evened out, and Botan let sleep claim her. She probably needed the nap, too, after that hellish month with Quinlan.
Her thoughts drifted, spiraling away, out of her grasp, and then she was gone to the world.
The cave was cold. There was frost before her face, her breaths coming out in a shaky rhythm, and adrenaline was humming in her veins. There was something hunting her, but she didn't know what.
The cave was pitch black, illuminated by a single glowing crystal. A kyber crystal, shattered in two pieces on an altar, and she approached it. One side was red, corrupted beyond its purpose, made to bleed, and she could hear its cry for help and purification in the Force. The other was white, pure as snow, humming, seemingly heedless of its twin's suffering.
"Is this what you would like?" someone asked, and Botan turned. A woman stood before her, not a woman she had ever seen before, glowing in the darkness, with floating hair and a resplendent gown, and Botan stared at her with wide, wide eyes. "The Force, shattered in two?"
Botan didn't understand what she meant.
"Then, why don't you do something about it?"
Botan woke with a start, and there was a hand on her shoulder. She startled, scrambling back, and the sky was dark through the glass ceiling. Obi-Wan was standing before her, looking just as surprised as she was, and Ahsoka sat up, rubbing at her eyes with clear exhaustion.
"Botan? Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asked, and Botan stared at him with massive eyes as her heart hammered in her chest. "Your masters are looking for you both. You're late for latemeal."
"Oh, sorry. We fell asleep," Botan said as Obi-Wan eyed her with concern.
"Bad dreams?" he asked, and she stared at him.
"No," she lied and climbed to her feet, because she wasn't sure she could qualify that as a bad dream. Just… strange. It was strange, and she felt vaguely unsettled and set off her rhythm. What was hunting her?
"Alright, let's go, then," Obi-Wan said. "You two look like you've been missing meals."
"That's just the fun of ration packs," Botan said snidely, "and Quinlan's training."
"Gold rebel?" Obi-Wan echoed. "Q-u-i-n-l-a-n?"
Botan nodded, and Obi-Wan frowned down at her as she got on her shoes and socks.
"Why rebel?" he asked, and she looked at him in disbelief.
"Have you met the man?" she asked, and Obi-Wan blinked a few times.
"I suppose that's fair," he acquiesced, and she finished getting dressed.
"Are they in the cafeteria?" she asked, and Obi-Wan nodded.
"Yes, with Rex," he confirmed. "They sent me to look for you two while they presumably stuffed their faces and didn't wait for you two."
"Sounds like Anakin," Ahsoka said wryly, and Botan glanced at her. She looked a little better after the nap, but her Force presence was quiet, still. Better than the torrential storm it had been before, at least, but calm didn't necessarily mean level-headed.
It didn't mean that at all, and Botan was hit with another wave of guilt. She would keep her mouth shut, of course, and if Quinlan succeeded in spiriting the two of them away, then she wouldn't have to lie for very long at all. So, there was that. There was, in fact, that.
Gods, she hoped this turned out okay.
She really hoped this turned out okay.
Hopefully, Ahsoka wouldn't hate her forever.
Hopefully.
Notes:
i *think* i've decided who Ahsoka goes with after Anakin is yeeted out of here. i'm pretty sure i've got it nailed down.