Jee and I are now sharing a whiskey on his backyard porch, fuck, this has been an intense night and the silence we now share is just what I needed.
But of fucking course it couldn't last.
"You said you called all your friends" I barely hear him
"Wha.."
He looks at me and fuck, he is pissed, and hurt, "you said that before you left, you called all your friends and they didn't answer. You didn't called me"
Fuckfuckfuck "I thought you hated me"
"That's bullshit"
Fuck
"Yeah, that's..." I really want to lie, but... "This stays between us, ok? you don't tell CC, I won't tell Fel, I'll say it here and it dies here, we never ever ever talk about this again" he deserves the true, fuck me and my stupid teenage brain "promise?"
"Since when are you so dramatic"
"How dare you" I fake gasp
"Fine, I promise, this dies here, so on with it"
"I knew you didn't hate me"
"Well duh" I lift an eyebrow à la Fel, he signals with his hand that I should keep going, I take a swig of whiskey, fuck it burns.
"I thought..." I can look at him right now, but I have to go on, "I thought that I was in love with you, okay? But I wasn't" I can't be clear enough about it "I really really wasn't"
He is smirking, the bastard. "So you had a crush on me"
"Fuck no, no no no nonono" i'm freaking out and the asshole is laughing "but I tough so. Look... Stop laughing, asshole, it was a mix of everything ok, the best friend love, plus teenage hormones plus you were getting hot, it all added up to a huge ball of confusion"
"So I was your first love, I get it" I punch him in his stupidly big arm, cause the ass deserves it.
"Oh don't be so full of yourself, gays thinking they fell for their best friend is a story as old as time, so you were nothing special, besides I had the hots for everyone, not just you, I am one horny bastard you know?"
After a quick laugh we stay in silence for a while, not the nice silence like before.
"That still doesn't explain why you didn't called me"
"Let's just say CC wasn't the only one trying to get you jealous" and now he looks surprised "except that for me, it backfired stupendously, so yeah... I knew you didn't hated me, but I made you so angry, that I thought... I don't know, does that makes any sense?" Just put me out of my misery already.
"Kind of... I mean It is a dumb ass reason, but you are a dumbass, so I get were that was coming from."
"Oh jeez, thanks"
"Still think you should have called, but there's nothing we can do about that now"
"Yeah, you're just gonna make me grovel for forgiveness huh?"
"Nah" he side hugs me "as long as you keep in touch, we good. CC though, HAA! you're going to have it tough buddy"
Fuck, how didn't I noticed how much I missed him. But I won't say it tough, I am a man, an emotionally stunned man, fuck "i missed you"
He looks at me, yeah I surprised myself too "of course you did, but whose fault was that" he punches me in the arm and runs to the house. "CATHY! GUESS WHO THINKS I'M A DILF!?"
"I NEVER SAID THAT YOU FUCKER!" I run after him to give all the punches he has earned.
The rest of the night goes on a blur, laughing, drinking, talking, and before we noticed, we are walking home, cause no one is in conditions to drive.
"They're nice" Fel sound just as tired as I am, so I sidehug him while we walk. "How come you never mentioned them before"
I just wanna sleep "I'm gonna sound like an asshole"
"You always do"
Fair "I forgot about them"
Fel stops walking. Eyebrow, you know the deal.
Sigh "I know how that sounds" fuck, where's a bed when you need one. "It's just, fuck, I was so focused on the bad that kinda blocked all the good, you know?" And it clicks, fuck! "This pisses me off so much! she knew! That bitch new and didn't tell me!"
"What...who? WHAT?"
"My therapist, my therapist that bitch, in the emergency session we had before I came here, she kept asking for good stories, you know? of the good ol' times? And I couldn't think nothing... CC and Jee, they didn't even cross my mind man! And she said she was gonna ask again in the next session and fuck I don't wanna see her stupid smirk when I tell her" fuck "would have been so hard to say "ey! Heads up, you might be more fucked up then you thought" UUUGGHHH"
And my beautiful beautiful heartless boyfriend is laughing and hugging me.
"It's been so long since your last rant, was getting worried there for a minute"
"You don't think it's weird and fucked up?"
"Oh, It totally is" he tightens the hug "but we're both fucked up, that's why we go to therapy" he kisses my cheek "this is good, it means you're healing"
Well... It does feel good.
After a few blocks, we see Matt having a beer in his porch "he looks miserable"
"I guess they were his only friends?" That feels familiar "they were always kind of culty you know? If you were part of the group, you got kinda isolated from everyone else"
"We can fix that" he starts waving "hey Matt!!!" He waves back in a i-wanna-be-alonne kind of way "we're making asado tomorrow noon, bring wine or what ever you want to drink!"
And we keep on walking.
"We're making asado?" I'm not that drunk am I?
"You are" he giggles "CC said it's part of your penance, I was supposed to tell you tomorrow late, but oh well"
I wanted to sleep till noon, fuuuuu