I don know what I'm doing here. The moment my dad told me Jay was back in town, I got in my car and drove as fast as I could.
I don't know how to explain it to Jerr, luckily he accepts the excuse of the house for sale.
Ever since we got married we've been talking about buying a weekend house in town.
Damnit. I am married. What am I doing running to my first love? And bringing the hubby along? Who does that??
I just need closure, I keep telling myself that, I need to clear the air, make sure he doesn't hate me, and let go. I have a husband. I can't keep thinking of the boy that got away twenty freaking years ago.
I hope he's gotten ugly.
I'm ringing his doorbell, but no one shows up. There is music coming from the back. Laughs. It's just like when we used to come and play in the canal. So I just follow the sounds, my heart is beating like crazy.
"Are you sure we should just walk in? They seem to be having a party"
"Sure sure no biggie, I know him" even my clueless sweetheart of a husband knows that what I'm doing is wrong, he just doesn't know the extent of that. And I don't seem to care.
We go around the house but there's no one here. I follow the laughs to the canal.
He did not get ugly. He is shirtless and ripped, and I have a knot in the back of my throat. I'm not moving. They're all silent looking at me.
"We're already here" Jerr put a hand in the low of my back and guides me to them. Heck, Jerr you don't know how close I was there to turn around and run away.
We are a few meters from him now, and a slim guy slaps him in the back in of the head "you forgot to mention you have a brother?!" He seems pissed at Jay. What? They're looking at Jerr, who's jaw is clenching, completely red in the face. Damn. How didn't I noticed.
CC starts whispering to the tiny guy's hear. Damn.
"My father in law told us you were selling the house?" Oh Jerr, nice try bud, but I screw this up before even coming here. How did I not notice... They could be twins.
Tiny huffes, who does that? "And you thought you could just come in like you already own the place?" Is he wearing makeup? In the canal? Talk about being extra! "Sorry to disappoint you" he is looking at me and hugging at my Jay, he places his head on Jay's shoulder, I'm having trouble breathing "we're not selling, this is our home"
"Oh, ok then, sorry for the intrusion" Jerr tries to turn me away, but I can't move.
I can't take my eyes off him "can we talk?" He doesn't says anything. He is looking at Jerr and then at me. Fuuu...arking frak frak frak. "Please Jay?"
"Jay?" Jerr is looking at me in horror. Why? "JAY?" He's red and breathing hard "you said that was just a cheer you said" he is angry, and hurt, his eyes are bursting "BUT YOU'VE BEEN CALLING HIS NAME EVERY TIME WE FUCK!!" nonononono "FOR FUCK SAKES! WE COULD BE TWINS!! AM JUST THE CHEAP KNOCKOFF UNTIL YOU GET THE REAL DEAL? EEHHH?" he is drying tears with his forearm, turns around and walks away.
"You should go after your husband" Tiny says full of venom. Jay didn't say anything, like... at all.
Damnit
By the time I get to the street, Jerr is gone. I try calling but straight to voicemail.
Of course. What was I expecting. I take a walk by the river but even this is not helping. I tried calling Jerr so many times, that he has me blocked already.
His sister, Sarah, however has not, she's the one that introduced us, she is also my business partner and best friend since college.
She picks up at the first ring "what did you do??"
Damn "have you talked to him? Do you know where he is?? Can you tell him to talk to me please???"
She takes a deep breath "he is not answering his phone... He just sent me one text... Asking me to draw his divorce papers"
And just like that I'm laying on my ass in the gravel. She keeps asking what happened but "I didn't know, I mean, I never meant it like that, I don't think I did, I... Jay is back"
"Who???"
"The guy, the guy I told you about, my crush from highschool??"
"You cheated on him???!!!"
"What?? NO! Of course not" I take a deep breath and I tell her everything and she goes quiet.
"Fuck. This is worse than cheating Mark" It kind of is.
What did I do???
"Maybe you should take the week off, I can handle the cases most urgent, just give him some space, I don't know if you guys can come back from this"
I don't know either.