The door is half open. I don't mean to stop, but I do and my heart forgets how to beat like my body forgets how to breathe.
"She's a disgrace to this pack, Kaelen."
Mother's voice cuts through the room like a sharp blade. "A Luna who cannot bear a pup? What kind of legacy is that? You're the Alpha of our pack. You need an heir, and I beg you not to let that barren wife of yours waste your youth and your name, my son."
My fingers tighten around the doorframe, nails digging into the wood as I try to steady my breath.
"You're saying I should take a concubine?" Kaelen's voice follows, low and calm. Too calm yet it still manages to suck the air out of my lungs. Has that idea been floating in his head all along?
"Take one. Take two. The brothel is filled with them anyways. Or better yet, remarry. The pack is already whispering, my son. Do you want them to laugh at you next?"
Her words hit like claws raking across my skin, my chest aching. The sour scent of camilla rises in the air, and for a fleeting moment, fear grips me, fear of getting caught, of being seen standing here, listening to the truth I was not meant to hear.
I wait for him to stop her, to say something, anything, that proves I'm not just a shame he's too tired to defend.
But there's only silence.
Thick and crushing.
My throat burns. I bite my lip until I taste blood, anything to keep from making a sound. Three years of love, of loyalty, of building a life together. And this is what it comes down to. His silence. Her disgust. My humiliation.
Before my scent can bleed through the wood and pollute the air they breathe, my legs carry me away from that door.
Camilla clings to my skin, too strong now, sharp with panic. It's almost bitter as if even my body's ashamed of me.
The night air bites at my skin as I stumble into the courtyard, the cold seeping through the pores of my skin and weakening me.
I press a hand to my chest, to the hollow place where my heart won't stop trembling. The moon is high tonight, pale and pitiless, watching me like she knows exactly what I've done, listened when I shouldn't have, loved when I shouldn't have hoped.
I sink onto the stone steps beside the fountain. The water's still running, gentle and cruel, as if mocking me with its calm.
"Barren."
The word echoes in my skull until it starts to sound like a curse.
Maybe it is.
It is a curse.
The wind shifts, carrying the faint howl of wolves from the eastern border with it. I pull my shawl tighter around me and press my face to my knees, as if I can hide from the truth already seeping into my bones.
It's been two summers since we mated.
Two long years of ruts and heats passing like seasons. Fierce, desperate, and always ending the same. Not one of his ruts has gone without us tangled in the sheets of our chamber, yet still… I was not fortunate enough to bear his pup.
Why does the Moon Goddess have to be so cruel?
We've done everything right. We've waited, prayed, hoped. Every moon that rises, I whisper a plea for life to stir inside me, for a sign that our love wasn't meant to end in emptiness—
"Luna?"
The voice startles me out of my thoughts. I flinch around, eyes landing on a man who steps out from the darkness near the gate.
He's barefoot, shirt still damp from the shift, a faint mark on his collar where fur gave way to skin. The scent of pine and soil seeps out of him. Night watcher.
He dips his head slightly, eyes soft with uncertainty swimming his dark brown orbs. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to startle you." He hesitates for a moment, studying me under the wash of moonlight. "What are you doing out here alone? It's past midnight."
"I couldn't sleep." My voice sounds steadier than I feel. "I just needed some air." I say, wrapping my arms around my waist.
He glances back toward our house, where faint light still leaks through the cracks of the door. "Is the Alpha still awake?"
For a heartbeat, the words catch in my throat. "He is," I breathe. "I'll go bring him."
He nods, stepping aside but doesn't move far. It's in an alpha's nature to guard, and perhaps he senses something is wrong. His gaze lingers a moment too long, and I know he can hear the uneven rhythm of my heart.
I turn toward the steps, forcing myself to breathe evenly. I smooth my hands down my robe, willing the tremble in my fingers to stop.
Just as I reach for the door, it opens.
And Kaelen steps out.
He's still in his night clothes, hair slightly disheveled, though his eyes are clear, too clear. They find me first, then shift to the night watcher standing a few paces behind.
"What's going on?"
His tone isn't sharp. But it's tight, restrained, the kind of calm that makes the air grow heavy. I feel my heart pick up its pace again, sweat starting to break in my palms even in this cold and I can't tell if it's fear or shame that's burning beneath my skin.
I open my mouth to answer, but the words stumble in my throat. "He—he just returned from patrol," I manage, forcing a small, polite smile. "He came to see you."
Kaelen's brows furrow slightly, gaze flicking between us. "At this hour?"
The man bows his head quickly. "Apologies, Alpha. There was word from the western border. I thought it best to report directly."
Kaelen's jaw tightens. "And you decided to speak with my mate first?"
The man lowers his eyes. "Luna was here, Alpha. I didn't—"
"That'll be all," Kaelen cuts in quietly.
The wolf hesitates, glancing at me once before bowing again and retreating toward the gate.
When he's gone, silence spills between us. The kind that presses down on my chest until it's hard to breathe.
Kaelen's gaze cut to me again, and though his voice stays soft, there's something sharp beneath it.
"What were you doing outside, Estelle?"
My name falls from his lips like a stranger's.
I swallow, my throat dry. "I couldn't sleep."
His gaze drops to the shawl clutched tight around my shoulders, over the one I didn't realize I'd been holding like an armor. "You've been crying."
I say nothing.
The silence stretches again, long and punishing. Then, Kaelen exhales, slow and weary as if he knows he won't get a response to that. "Let's go inside."
He doesn't touch me. Doesn't even look back as he turns and disappears into the house.
And even though I follow him, step after step through that familiar doorway, it feels like crossing into something I no longer belong to.