That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Samurai
(Or: Why Does Every Reincarnation Start With a Truck?) — Volume 1:
My name was Kenji Sato.
Emphasis on was, because five seconds ago I got hit by Truck-kun.
The driver yelled something like "Sorry bro, I'm late for a light-novel deadline!" before I transcended into a glowing void that looked suspiciously like the loading screen of a gacha game.
A serene voice echoed:
"Welcome, mortal soul. You have been chosen for reincarnation in the Age of Swords and Honor."
"Cool," I said. "Can I get a tutorial first?"
"No. Only pain."
And just like that, I woke up face-down in the mud, wearing a kimono that smelled like budget cosplay fabric.
I checked my stats.
Strength: Average.
Agility: Below Average.
Hair: Gloriously anime.
A farmer ran by screaming about demons. A ninja flipped past doing unnecessary parkour. And a suspiciously handsome man in a straw hat struck a pose and said,
"You there, traveler! Are you the chosen one?"
I looked around. No one else in sight.
"...Sure."
He nodded sagely. "Then draw your blade and prove it!"
I looked down. No blade. Just a wooden stick.
"Is this a test?"
"No," he said. "It's just low budget."
The man squinted at me, clearly unimpressed.
"Your aura is weak. Your posture—terrible. Your spirit—"
"Look," I said, "I just got here. Literally reincarnated. Can I at least get a snack first?"
He stared blankly. "We do not have snacks. Only destiny."
"Destiny sounds dry."
"Then perhaps… you are not ready." He turned dramatically, wind blowing his hair like he was in a shampoo commercial. "Follow me. We train at dawn."
"It is dawn."
He froze, disappointed by the logistics of time itself.
He led me to a "dojo," which was just an abandoned rice barn with motivational kanji written on the walls. One said Honor. Another said No Refunds.
My training consisted mostly of sweeping. When I asked when we'd start sword drills, he said, "The broom is the sword of humility."
By the third day, I'd achieved "Level 2 Janitor."
That's when the village alarm bell rang. A demon boar was attacking. Everyone panicked.
Takeda (apparently that was his name) tossed me a short sword and said, "Your test begins now!"
"Wait, wait, wait. I've been sweeping for three days!"
"Then your form should be flawless."
We ran to the fields where the demon rampaged. It was massive, tusks glowing, eyes red—like the final boss of a farming simulator.
Takeda charged heroically. I tripped over a rock and stabbed the ground by accident.
The boar stopped. Looked down. Snorted. Then collapsed.
Takeda froze mid-swing. "You… pierced its spirit vein with precision unseen since the Golden Era."
"I tripped."
He dropped to one knee. "Humility and power. Truly, you are destined."
By sunset, I was a local hero. Kids followed me shouting "Sensei Kenji!" and asking for sword lessons. I taught them "defensive falling."
At night, a priest visited and said, "You must meet the shogun. Word of your victory spreads."
I agreed, partly out of honor, mostly because they promised free food.
The capital was everything I expected: huge gates, cherry blossoms, and at least three people doing unnecessary backflips.
Inside the palace, the shogun sat upon a raised dais, his face hidden behind a lacquered mask.
"Kenji Sato," he said. "You defeated the Demon Boar?"
"Technically, gravity did."
He leaned forward. "Tell me… do you know of the prophecy?"
"I've heard a lot of vague things recently, so probably."
"The chosen warrior shall bring balance between worlds."
I blinked. "Okay, but like… what's the pay?"
He hesitated. "Exposure."
That night, I met a mysterious woman in the gardens. Long white hair. Pale eyes.
"You're not supposed to be here," she whispered.
"Yeah, I get that a lot."
"This world is a simulation. You're an error in the code."
"So, what, I'm like a bug?"
"No," she said softly. "You are the patch."
"Oh cool, does that come with benefits?"
She looked off dramatically. "No. Only pain."
The next morning, I woke up to find my sword glowing. The villagers bowed. The sky turned glitchy. The shogun declared me "The Glorious Rendered One."
I asked what that meant. No one knew.
Then the same truck from before came barreling through the temple gates.
I barely had time to read the bumper sticker:
"Sorry again bro, sequel deadline."
And just like that, bam—
White light.
I opened my eyes to see a neon skyline, holographic cherry blossoms, and a robot yelling, "Welcome to Neo-Edo!"
I sighed. "Oh great. DLC."
Then a familiar voice whispered:
"Cool, right? Can I get a tutorial first?"
I froze.
It was me.
Somewhere in the distance, a truck honked.
End of Volume 1: That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Samurai
(To Be Patched Again.)