Chapter 10: Squigs and Spreadsheets: The Orkonomic Revolution
Fresh off his successful strategy at the Imperial Outpost, Tony decided it was time to tackle another glaring inefficiency within the WAAAGH!: supply chain management. Or, rather, the complete lack thereof. Resources were looted haphazardly, distributed unevenly, and often wasted due to poor storage and a general lack of foresight.
This is madness, Tony thought, surveying a mountain of scrap metal slowly rusting in the rain. They're sitting on a goldmine, and they're just letting it rot.
He approached the Boss with a proposal. "Boss," he said, "I have an idea to improve our… acquisitions."
The Boss grunted. "Acquisitions? What's dat? Sounds like fancy 'umie talk."
"It means getting more stuff," Tony explained. "And making sure we don't waste it."
He proposed a centralized system for tracking resources, managing inventory, and distributing supplies. He envisioned a network of Grot scribes meticulously recording every piece of scrap metal, every bullet, and every squig that came into or went out of the fortress.
The Boss was skeptical. "Sounds like a lot of work," he said. "What's in it for me?"
"More stuff, Boss," Tony replied. "More dakka. More squigs. More everything."
He explained how a more efficient supply chain would allow the WAAAGH! to stockpile more resources, plan better attacks, and sustain longer campaigns.
The Boss considered this for a moment, then shrugged. "Alright, Stikk," he said. "Give it a try. But if it slows down da WAAAGH!, you're gonna be scrap metal yourself."
Tony assembled a team of the most literate Grots (a low bar, admittedly) and set up a makeshift office in a corner of the fortress. He taught them the basics of accounting, inventory management, and spreadsheet software (using a combination of crude diagrams, hand gestures, and a lot of yelling).
The Grots, surprisingly, took to the task with enthusiasm. They enjoyed the order and structure that Tony's system provided, and they relished the opportunity to wield pens and clipboards instead of rusty spanners.
Soon, the Grot scribes were meticulously recording every transaction, tracking every resource, and generating reports that even Tony found difficult to decipher.
The system, however, was not without its challenges. The Orks, naturally resistant to rules and regulations, often ignored the Grot scribes, looting supplies without recording them and hoarding resources for themselves. The Grot scribes, terrified of the Orks, were often too afraid to enforce the rules.
Tony tried to mediate, but his efforts were met with resistance.
"What's all dis paperwork, Stikk?" Krusha snarled, waving a handful of scribbled notes in Tony's face. "I don't need no permission slip to get more dakka. I just take what I want."
Tony sighed. He realized that he couldn't force the Orks to comply with his system. He needed to find a way to incentivize them, to make them see the benefits of a more organized supply chain.
He decided to focus on something that the Orks cared about: dakka. He implemented a system that rewarded Orks who properly documented their resource usage with extra ammunition and better weapons. He also penalized Orks who failed to comply with the rules, denying them access to new supplies.
The system worked, surprisingly well. The Orks, eager to get their hands on more dakka, grudgingly began to follow the rules. The Grot scribes, emboldened by Tony's support, started to enforce the regulations more strictly.
Soon, the WAAAGH!'s supply chain was running with unprecedented efficiency. Resources were being tracked, managed, and distributed with a level of precision that would have made even Pepper Potts proud.
But the system also had some unintended consequences. The Grot scribes, armed with their clipboards and pens, began to develop a sense of authority. They started to boss around the other Grots, demanding respect and obedience. They even started to challenge the Orks, citing regulations and enforcing rules with a newfound sense of self-importance.
The Orks, naturally, did not take kindly to this. They saw the Grot scribes as uppity runts who were getting too big for their boots. Tensions began to rise between the scribes and the other members of the WAAAGH!, threatening to disrupt the delicate balance that Tony had worked so hard to create. The new power the Grots had could collapse the WAAAGH, and Tony knew he needed to act fast.