Chapter 2 — The Cry of a Baby Prodigy
Warmth. Weight. A terrifying, giant face.
Aaron, the newest resident of the Namikaze-Uzumaki household, let out another full-throated, furious wail.
He wasn't crying because he was hungry or wet; he was crying because his brain, which still contained a four-hour binge-watch of filler episodes, had just been stuffed into a soft, helpless package designed only for drooling and involuntary leg-kicks.
Minato is right there!
Aaron shrieked internally. And Kushina! That's Kushina Uzumaki holding me! The woman who—
He cut off the thought. He didn't want to think about the Kyuubi Attack. Not yet. Focus. Goal: Survive Babyhood.
Survival tools: Zero. He couldn't even control his neck yet.
Survival mindset: Panic.
"Oh, look at that, Minato," Kushina cooed, her beautiful, dangerous face inches from his. "He's got a fire in him, doesn't he? A little prodigy."
Minato, the future Fourth Hokage and now Aaron's older brother, smiled softly, his eyes like clear blue lakes. "He's going to be a force of nature, just like you, Kushina."
Force of nature?
Aaron's meta-awareness kicked in, filling the void left by his lack of motor skills. I'm a narrative device! I'm the Canon Expansion DLC! I'm here to justify why Minato's life suddenly had a previously-unmentioned, extremely good-looking younger brother!
The pressure was immense.
He had to learn how to walk, talk, and not get stabbed before the plot went off the rails.
The First Mission: Communication
His first mission was to communicate. Specifically, he needed to ask about the Timeline. Was this before or after Minato became Hokage? Was Itachi still a good guy? Had Truck-san already caused a butterfly effect?
He tried to ask the most fundamental question: "When is Naruto born?"
What came out was a slobbery: "Gah! Goo-goo-gaa!"
Kushina laughed, a bright, powerful sound that shook his tiny body. "Look, Minato, he's already saying he wants to be Hokage! So ambitious!"
Minato ruffled the tuft of soft, blond hair that matched his own. "Looks like we have another Yellow Flash on our hands, little Aaron."
No! That was an attempt to ask about the protagonist's arrival! I'm not trying to steal the spotlight! Aaron fumed, which only made his face turn red and resulted in a little spit-bubble forming on his lower lip.
This was harder than he thought. All the modern slang and memes he'd wanted to introduce to the shinobi world (the Culture Clash humor) were useless. He couldn't even ask for a simple energy drink.
The Great Diaper Incident
Days blurred into a cycle of feeding, sleeping, and internal monologue. The Core Humor of his life was currently Emotional Irony—the fact that this potential god-tier prodigy MC was completely defeated by his own body.
He watched Minato train in their backyard, a blur of yellow light and precision. The Hiraishin no Jutsu! Aaron thought wistfully. The most broken teleportation jutsu in all of canon! I could learn that... in about fifteen years.
Suddenly, an urge, primal and unavoidable, gripped him.
No. Not now. I'm focusing on the lore.
Too late. The sudden, hot pressure was overwhelming. He'd done it. A full, comprehensive, tactical, Code-Red diaper failure.
Minato stopped mid-teleport, sniffing the air. "Huh. Smells like the training ground outside the Village."
Kushina, reading a book nearby, sighed dramatically. "The Legendary Sannin Jiraiya is here, I see."
"Mom!" Minato protested.
Aaron, mortified, tried to teleport himself out of the diaper—an effort which only resulted in his tiny arm flailing wildly and hitting his own face.
This is it. This is the ultimate comedic failure. I have survived being struck by a cosmic truck, only to be killed by the shame of a Number Two.
Kushina picked him up, wrinkling her nose affectionately. "Oh, you sweet disaster. Don't worry, little brother. Mommy will fix you."
As she carried him away,
Aaron caught Minato staring at him with a mixture of disgust and concern. Minato then looked directly at the sun.
He's wondering if he really wants to be a ninja. I'm already breaking his motivation.
A Visitor and a Vow
Later that afternoon, a shadow fell over his crib. He looked up, and his heart nearly stopped.
It wasn't a giant. It was a normal-sized human, wearing thick, square glasses and a perpetually bored expression.
Kakashi Hatake. Young, taciturn, and already a genius.
Kakashi looked into the crib. Aaron looked back. The two future legends stared at each other.
Kakashi was clutching a small, orange book—an early copy of Icha Icha Paradise.
Aaron wanted to yell: Sensei! Don't read that! It will ruin your life! Focus on the thousand jutsu!
Instead, he managed a perfect, gurgling sound that sounded suspiciously like a giggle.
Kakashi recoiled slightly. "It... smiles."
"That's his baby brother, Aaron," Minato said proudly, walking in. "Aaron, meet Kakashi, your future big brother's favorite student."
His favorite student. The one who will accidentally kill him via plot armor.
A fierce determination solidified in Aaron's tiny chest. If he couldn't stop the truck, and he couldn't talk, he could at least start small. He looked at the future copy-nin, then at his doting future-dead brother, Minato.
I don't care about the plot. Aaron vowed to himself. I'm not here for filler arcs. I'm going to make sure the "Temporal Warranty Void" doesn't hit this family.
He reached out a tiny, helpless fist, grabbing a corner of Minato's sleeve.
He squeezed it tightly, the baby equivalent of a dramatic, main-character declaration.
Minato smiled, a heart-melting, golden smile. "He likes me, Kakashi."
Kakashi gave the baby a look of deep suspicion. "He is strangely… aware."
The baby Aaron just stared back, knowing that he had just signed up for the single most important and insane side-quest in the history of the Hidden Leaf Village.
End of Chapter 2
Next: Chapter 3 — The Shinobi World's Funniest Gag