Chapter 8 — Jiraiya's Newest Research Subject
Jiraiya, the Legendary Sannin, did not return to Konoha quietly. He arrived in a flurry of dust, self-aggrandizing pronouncements, and the overwhelming scent of sake. He was, naturally, very excited to see his godson, Minato, but even more interested in the rumored prodigy baby.
The New Theory
Jiraiya cornered Minato in the kitchen, peering at Aaron, who was sitting in his high chair contemplating the structural integrity of his plastic spoon.
"Minato, my boy, I've heard the reports," Jiraiya boomed, slapping the table. "The Flash Crawl, the REEEEEE-Jutsu, the Infant Stealth Roll—brilliant! True genius!"
Minato glowed with pride. "Thank you, Sensei. But the true genius is the Goo-Gaa Seal. It's an auditory technique that—"
Jiraiya cut him off with a dismissive wave. "Technical jargon! It's all about the intent, Minato! I've studied the ancient texts—the scrolls of the Pervert Sage—and I've deciphered the baby's true power."
He leaned in conspiratorially. "This 'Goo-Gaa' is not a seal. It's a method of sensory manipulation meant to subtly affect the emotional state of a target! It's an advanced seduction jutsu!"
Minato blinked, dumbfounded. "Seduction? Sensei, he's a five-month-old infant."
Jiraiya puffed out his chest. "Exactly! The younger the genius, the purer the instinct!
He is targeting women with his adorable confusion! He uses the Repulsion Field (the 'REEEEEE') to clear away male rivals, and then deploys the 'Goo-Gaa' to initiate Charm!"
Aaron, mid-attempt to feed himself a mushy carrot (a true Comedic Failure in messiness), looked up at the Sannin's wildly incorrect analysis.
Oh, for the love of Truck-san, Aaron thought. My life is being narrated by a creepy old man.
The Testing Phase
Jiraiya insisted on a field test. He placed a small, embroidered Icha Icha fan near Aaron's chair and then stood a few feet away, holding a stopwatch.
"Aaron, my young pupil," Jiraiya whispered. "Show your godfather the charm. Activate the Goo-Gaa Seduction Technique!"
Aaron saw the colorful fan. He also saw a dust bunny clinging precariously to the underside of the kitchen table. The dust bunny looked exactly like the rat that had previously triggered his Cat Scare Technique.
Aaron panicked, fearing the return of the rodent. He pointed his finger and made the noise that signaled distress, threat, and annoyance in his old life.
He unleashed a powerful, high-pitched "MROW!"
Jiraiya immediately whipped out his scroll. "The Cat's Charm! A rare variation! It is an irresistible appeal to the target's maternal or predatory instincts! Minato, note the frequency! It's specifically tailored to evoke feelings of wanting to protect or cuddle the caster!"
Kushina, walking in to clean the carrot mess, heard the sound and instantly swooped Aaron up, crushing him in a hug. "Oh, my poor little kitten! Did that grumpy old toad scare you?"
Jiraiya beamed triumphantly. "Success! Full sensory manipulation confirmed! He has already mastered Kishimoto's First Law of Cuteness!"
The New Assignment
Jiraiya spent the rest of the day recording his bizarre theories, insisting that Aaron's true path was not as a Hokage, but as a "Seduction Sage."
He then assigned Aaron a "Secret Mission."
"My young student," Jiraiya announced, handing Aaron a tiny scroll with a crudely drawn heart on it. "I am leaving the village soon to continue my research. Your mission is simple: Capture the heart of a young kunoichi. Use the Cat's Charm when they least expect it!"
Aaron, understanding that Jiraiya was literally giving him a mission to flirt as an infant, felt his Meta-Awareness break. I'm the main character of a harem anime now, aren't I? Thanks, Truck-san. Thanks a lot.
As Jiraiya prepared to leave, Kakashi walked in, his eye twitching, still resentful over the loss of his book in the previous chapter.
Kakashi looked at Jiraiya, then at Aaron, who was now blowing a raspberry at the Sannin.
"That," Kakashi said flatly, pointing at the raspberry, "is a common expression of contempt. It's not a jutsu."
Jiraiya chuckled, patting Kakashi's head. "That's where you're wrong, my boy! That's the Mouth-Sealing Jutsu! It's a subtle technique to block any form of protest from a defeated rival! A true sign of a future Seduction King!"
He clapped Minato on the shoulder. "Keep documenting his 'accidents,' Minato! They are the path to true power!"
And with a dramatic wave, Jiraiya vanished, leaving behind a baffled Minato, an irritated Kakashi, and a five-month-old Aaron who now had a full A-Rank mission to flirt with the entirety of the female Genin corps.
Hook/Cliffhanger: Aaron suddenly realized that the scroll Jiraiya gave him contained a seal. Not a complex jutsu seal, but the simple, permanent signature of the Toad Contract.
End of Chapter 8
Next: Chapter 9 — The Smallest Contract