Chapter 17 — Life Among the Gorillas (Suits, Scraps & Sibling Shade)
Ted Mosby believed growing up meant leaving frat-boy nonsense behind.
Barney Stinson believed growing up meant upgrading frat-boy nonsense into Armani.
And Ivar Scherbatsky? He believed growing up meant knowing which chaos to ignore — and which to cut down before it spread.
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Marshall at Barney's Work
Marshall arrived at MacLaren's still in a suit, looking uncomfortable.
"I hate it," he groaned. "Barney's office is like… a zoo. Everyone's shouting, nobody respects anyone, and half the guys fist-bump like it's a religious rite."
"Correction," Barney interrupted, sliding into the booth. "It's not a zoo. It's the jungle. Welcome to survival of the slickest."
Ted frowned. "But you went to law school to make a difference, not to join a frat reunion."
"I need the paycheck," Marshall admitted. "Student loans don't pay themselves."
Ivar, swirling his whiskey, said calmly, "Then treat it like field research. Learn the terrain, then decide if it's worth conquering."
Barney beamed. "See? He gets it. Ivar's basically my spirit animal. A very wealthy, very dangerous spirit animal."
Robin muttered, "That's terrifying."
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Ted's Alienation
Later that night, Ted sulked as Marshall recounted wild office antics — pranks, strip club outings, and a game called "Who's Your Daddy?" that made no sense out of context.
Ted sighed. "I don't belong anywhere anymore. Everyone's moving on without me."
Ivar leaned forward. "That's because you're waiting for the world to match your pace. It won't. You either speed up or you get left behind."
Ted groaned. "You make everything sound like survival training."
"It is," Ivar said.
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Robin & Ivar Banter
As Ted sulked, Robin and Ivar traded jabs over pool.
"You're too hard on him," Robin said, sinking a stripe.
"He's too soft on himself," Ivar countered. "That's worse."
Robin lined up another shot. "Not everyone has your wilderness scars. Some people need… patience."
Ivar sank the eight ball in one smooth strike. "Patience is fine. Delusion isn't."
Robin sighed. "You make it impossible to argue."
"That's because I'm right," Ivar said, smirking.
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Closing Beat
By the end of the night, Marshall was still trapped in Barney's frat-jungle, Ted was still spiraling about being left behind, and Robin was still muttering about her impossible brother.
And Ivar? He walked out calm as ever, already thinking two steps ahead.
Because he knew the jungle wasn't at Barney's office.
It was everywhere.