Dear Diary,
Today was a difficult day. English class started well; we were working individually on a reading assignment. I was completely focused on the text when a familiar sound passed by. My eyes left the paper, with its many letters, and I looked out the window next to me, searching for the source of the sound.
My breathing quickened when I found the bright red color in the corner of my eye. The fire truck flew by, sirens blaring, and before I knew it, the flickering lights had disappeared into the horizon. Even though the car was out of sight, my breathing was still heavy, and my eyes were still fixed on the horizon.
Next to me, Maya looks at me questioningly, her mouth forming the words "Are you okay?" and I nodded. However, I notice my breathing isn't slowing down as quickly as I'd like, so I raise my hand to ask the teacher if I can use the restroom.
Fifteen minutes have passed before I can breathe normally again. I'm still sitting on the bathroom floor, trying to keep my racing mind calm. Class is already over, and I know I have to go back for my things. It's better to do it now, during recess, than when another class is about to arrive.
I leave the restroom and Maya is waiting for me outside. For a moment, I feel like I have to explain myself, but she quickly extends her hand. She hands me a piece of gum without asking. "I was going to grab your bag for you, but Ms. Thompson wanted to see you anyway." I respond with a nod and a small smile, "Thanks."
I walk into the classroom when my mentor looks at me. "Are you okay?" I nod briefly. "It just got too much for me, no biggie." "Okay, if you want to talk, let me know." With a final nod, I leave the classroom. Thankfully, she didn't ask any more questions. Not in the mood.
When I get home, my mother asks what's wrong. Apparently, it's obvious from my face. I tell her I've just had a long day, haven't gotten much sleep, and am just a bit tired. She accepts it as an excuse, as she leaves me alone otherwise.
I realize that maybe it's not as far behind me as I thought. Maybe I'm not taking so many steps forward after all, but rather avoiding my past.
- G