Dear Diary,
I wake up after a very restless night. The pressure in my chest is still there. The fear of Wednesday is getting worse every day, and I still have no idea how to avoid it. I've thought of several things, but I realize most of them won't work. Even with the doctor's appointment, I might have a reason to be gone for an hour at most, and I still have no idea when the fire drill is taking place. I turn over in bed again and check my phone. I see a text from Maya:
Maya: "Hey, how are you? You seemed a bit like you were on another planet last week. Hopefully, the weekend gave you some rest."
I feel guilty about lying to Maya. She's genuinely kind, and I feel like she genuinely cares about me. Why do I suddenly feel so lonely again? Like I'm alone at the bottom of a well and no one realizes I'm no longer up. I honestly thought this fresh start would give me what I needed, but if it doesn't, how will I ever get out of here?
I feel no reason to get out of bed, so I lie in bed until about 2 in the afternoon, thinking about Wednesday and all the confusion I feel inside.
Suddenly, I feel my phone vibrate on my mattress; Emma, my old friend, is calling. I stare at my phone for a long time, still vibrating on my mattress. The letters of her name seem burned into the screen. Until, at some point, something inside me decides to click "answer." The call doesn't last long. Emma asks how I'm doing and why I've decided to transfer schools. Apparently, the news has been discussed within the school, but no one really knows why I've left. There are supposedly strange stories going around about me disappearing, but there are also others who say I was bullied or simply had a fight that escalated. I don't feel like telling Emma everything; I don't think my old classmates need to know. But I also know that Emma will keep asking, that she'll keep calling. So I come up with some vague story about making a fresh start, then throw in a quick excuse and hang up the phone. After the conversation I feel even lonelier than before.
That evening, my father tries to quiz me for my test tomorrow, but I'm irritated and cut him off several times. He quickly realizes it's not working and decides to leave it at that. That was probably a wise decision, because I don't think I had the energy to keep going much longer. The only thing going through my head is, "Wednesday is the drill. I can't do it. I just can't."
- G