Our silent bond.
Some emotions don't need words. Some connections are built in silence in space between conversations. In little things we do for each other. Gabriel and I…. we've always had that kind of bond.But lately things have been different. He,s been avoiding me and I don't blame him. "Who would want to be close to someone like me? A guy with a past, a guy who's been in prison? An addict? A ....victim"
Gabriel who's been sick that day. He lay in bed curled and coughing too weak to even stand.He wanted to go to the hospital but the mere thought of getting up felt impossible.Mind clouded with regret as he scrolled through his measly fifteen phone contacts regret settled in- he really should have been more social. "Haaaaaaa…." he exhaled,staring at the ceiling.
It was 10:05 when suddenly his phone rang.The name on the screen made his heart skip.EZEKIEL.He hesitated his body aching,his mind racing.He didn't want to pick up the phone.But before he could decide a knock at the door startled him, and in his attempt to turn he accidentally swiped to accept the call. "Hello...Gabriel, you okay?".His breath hitched Gabriel's throat burned as he swallowed,trying to steady his voice. He opened his mouth to respond, but only a hoarse cough escaped.
(Shit.Fuck,fuck,fuuuu….k.)
Mind racing,Heart pounding.He could hear Ezekiel's breathing on the other end ,steady yet laced with concern. "Gabriel?".Another knock his eyes flickered toward the door, realization dawning upon him. "Gabriel,can you open the door or should I-"
"It's open",he interrupted,his voice barely above a whisper. "You can come in" he said before hanging up the phone.
I stepped inside,placing the plastic bag filled with groceries on the floor before rushing straight to his bedroom.
"Gabriel?"
Even in his feverish state, he looked good.I knelt beside his bed,my eyes scanning the room.The overflowing bin filled with damp tissue made me pause.My mind wandering(Was he…? No,no stop overthinking). Maybe he had been fantasizing about Natasha, Suz or Janet -the supermarket cashier she admitted he was crazy for
"Ezekiel?"
"Yes?" I realized I was spacing out. "Uhm ama make u some soup"
"I don't have any-"
"Don't worry" I interrupted "I bought groceries already." I smirked.(Shout out to the neighbour next door).He frowned "How did you know *Sniff* I was sick?"
(Crap, Play it cool.) "Well, I was heading home from the grocery store and thought I'd pass by"
"Talk about luck"
"I know right?"
I reached out,pressing my hand on his forehead,he was burning up. "Chicken soup will do" I murmured
"Right..*Cough*"
His amber-blue eyes locked onto mine and for a moment I forgot why I was even here.His lips looked soft-too inviting.
*Exhale*
I stood up and left for the living room, picking up the groceries. "Your place is so…. pale". I muttered. I moved around the kitchen unpacking the groceries. I knew he barely cooked, surviving mostly on takeout. I opened the fridge (Just as I thought-empty). I restocked it with beer, juice, fruit and ice-cream.
Then I got to work. I chopped the onion, ginger and garlic, letting the aroma fill the air. The pressure cooked hissed softly as I blended the ingredient and the chicken into something warm and comforting. His coughing echoed through the apartment, making me shiver, good thing I brought paracetamol.
I brought a glass of water and headed upstairs.Gabriel was seated on the bed looking exhausted . I handed him the glass and pills. "Your soup will be ready in thirty minutes and on hour"
"Being a gentleman? I see" he teased taking the pill.
"Aren't I?
"I don't know… maybe I should interview Juliette."
I rolled my eyes.I hated when he played mind games with me,or I hated that I played mind game with myself-convincing myself that he cared the way I wanted him to.As I turned to leave, he called out.
"Ezekiel"
I stopped,looking over my shoulder.
"Thanks for being here with me. Really. Having a friend like you is a rare treasure."
(Friend!) Maybe that's all I was to him. I forced a smile "Thanks"
I walked back into the kitchen, and looked around it was a mess from the kitchen to the living room. I sighed and started picking p the scattered wrappers, empty bottles and random clothes thrown over the couch. Gabriel had always been a little careless when it comes to keeping his place clean.
I grabbed the trash bag and tossed in the garbage, then wiped down the coffee table, removing dust that had clearly been there for weeks. The remote was buried under a pile of magazine, and I neatly stacked then on the shelf. The floor was another disaster-crumbs, dust and what looked like dried soda stain. I grabbed the mop and got to work, letting the rhythmic motion distract me. I did cheap clean in the kitchen so as to not spoil the dish, cleaned the sink and mopped the floor.
By the time i was done, the place looked significantly better. Not perfect , but at least livable. I stretched, glancing at the clock (Still got time). i walked back into the kitchen, stirring the soup and tasting it.
Perfect.
I returned to Gabriel's room with the chicken soup. He took a sip and hummed in approval. "Damn, you should work in a five-star hotel."
I smirked. "I'll consider it."
We ate, drank and talked about the old days.ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, THE MASS SHOOTING THAT TOOK MOST OF OUR CLASSMATES LIVE, THE ONE WHO SURVIVED, THE ONES WHO GOT MARRIED, AND THE ONES WHO MADE IT BIG. It was a tough conversation, but it flowed.
Then he talked about university-how it was energetic and wild. The topic pissed me off, but I let him rumble just to see his smile.
Through the window, the sunset painted the sky in hues of orange and pink. It was 18:09. I stretched "I better head home. If you need anything, call me."
"You can stay for the night."
I chuckled. "Haha I don't wanna get sick"
"I'm all healed. *Cough* *Cough*
I sat on the bed beside opposite to him, pressing ma palm against his forehead again. He was still warm. He sat still, watching me. If only he could see the desire running through my eyes. I ran ma fingers through his hair, moving closer. He didn't pull away
"Gabriel. I'm-"
*RING**RING*
My phone went off. I groaned pulling it out off my pocket. My expression darkened when I saw the name on the screen.
JULIETTE.
"I better head home." I muttered
"Ooh….okay." He tried to hide his disappointment.
"Can you do me a favour and start taking of yourself?"
"Ooooookay Dad"
I smirked. "Then goodnight,son"
I leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead.He didn't say anything until I reached the door.
".…..Goodnight." He replied
I turned back smiling. And then I left.
As I stepped out of Gabriel's apartment, the crisp evening air hit me, the warmth inside. The sky was a deep shade of indigo now, the last remnant of sunset fading beyond the horizon. I exhaled rubbing the back of ma neck.
(Damn that was...something)
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, staring at Juliette's missed call. I'd deal with that later, Right now I had something else to do. I walked down the hallway and knocked on Will's door. A few second later the door swung open, revealing WILLIAM in his usual laid back attire sweatpants, a hoodie and half eaten sandwich on his hand.
"Aye, Zeke! What's good, man?"
"Just wanna say thank you for looking outfor Gabriel. I know he's a stubborn ass, but I appreciate you keeping an eye on him."
Will chuckled leaning against the door frame. "Man you know how he is. Dude barely talks to anyone but I noticed he wasn't leaving his place, and when I heard him coughing through the damn wall, I figured something was up."
I nodded. "Yeah, he's too damn proud to ask for help."
"For real." Will agreed, taking a bite of his sandwich. "So, you got him sorted?"
"Yeah made him some soup, cleaned up his place a bit. Hopefully he actually rest"
"You? Cooking and cleaning? Damn prison really changed you." he teased.
I rolled my eyes but smirked, "Shut up, man."
He laughed, shaking his head, "Nah but for real, its good to see you back. You're different but in a good way." he continued teasing.
I exhaled, leaning against the wall. "Yeah…trying to be."
Will studied me for a moment before nodding. "Well if Gabriel needs anything. I'll keep an ear out. You know where to find me"
"Appreciate that." We dapped up again, and I turned to leave. As I walked down the apartment stairs, my mind drifted back to Gabriel- his tired eyes, the way he looked at me when I ran my finger through his hair, the way he hesitated before saying goodnight.
(What the hell was I doing?)
I shook my head pushing the thought away. Right now, I needed to clear my head. And maybe figure out what the hell I was going to say to Juliette.
I closed the door behind me and exhaled heavily.
I looked up at the sky. The stars were filling up, scattered glass across the dark canvas. I loved it. It was one of the few thing that made sense.
I walked for thirty minutes, my pockets empty because I had spent all my money on Gabriel's groceries and meds. But I didn't regret it. The street were beautiful, cinematic event, like something out of an old noir film. The neon light flickered against the pavement, distant hum of the city filling the silence.
As I reached the apartment complex, I spotted Juliette standing outside with her luggage. She had a black cap pulled lower over her face, a baggy manga, hoodie and tight jeans that hugged her figure. Her old Converse sneakers were scuffed, telling stories of the place she had been.
I had to admit-she was beautiful like she's always been. My phone buzzed in my pocket. She was calling me again. I picked up, waving at her as I walked closer. "Hey, beautiful." She hung up immediately, crossing her arms. She looked pissed. I sighed "I'm really sorry. I was busy."
"It's okay" Her voice cracked.
I took her luggage, and as I looked at her, I noticed something that made my stomach twist-black and blue bruises around her eyes. She saw me staring and quickly lowered her cap. I didn't push. I walked her inside. "Make yourself at home."
"Thanks" she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. I carried her luggage to the guest room. When I came back she was seated on the couch staring at nothing, lost in her thoughts. I wanted to ask her if she wanted a drink but opted not to. Instead, I went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of cold mango juice from the fridge and a glass, and placed them on the table in-front of her.
I sat beside her. "So…you wanna talk about it or get distracted?" She looked at me-the look in her eyes made me hate myself. I know Juliette-I had known her my whole life. She told me things most people would keep buried. I guess I had a special place in her heart.
But Juliette had been through hell. It scared me she still believed in God after everything. I wouldn't-
She didn't know until later in her life that her real father HUGHES CAMPBELL had died two years after she was born. Her mother EVE CAMPBELL had always been her pillar of strength, but her shadow of her past were something Juliette would only come to understand overtime. Eve had wanted her daughter raised in a stable home, she opted to marry CHARLES WRIGHT which seemed like a perfect solution at that time.
She was wrong, Charles a man who was suppose to protect Juliette, sexually violated her multiple time during her childhood. When her mother found out she divorced him immediately. Filling with regret for ever marrying him. "If only I listened to mom" she said breaking down while she hugged her daughter. Eve sent her Juliette to live with her grandmother(Eve's mom), MARY LUDENGWARD while she worked tirelessly to build a better life for her daughter.
And she did. She worked hard. She succeeded. But fate was cruel. On Sunday June 10, 2011 at Saint Peter's Church a mass shooting took place. Charles was one of the victim some said he had come to repent. But the real tragedy?
Eve was also a victim. She was shot. She fought for her life but death won. She died three days later in hospital. Juliette had died a thousand times but still lived. And now she was here.
"Umm….Ezekiel…" Her voice cracked "Eze…." Juliette suddenly broke down, her body trembling as she sobbed into her hands. I had never seen this side of her. I grabbed some napkins and handed them to her, placing my hand on her back. She clutched the napkins but didn't use them. Instead, she leaned onto me. Turns out her boyfriend CHRISTOPHER MILLER, had been cheating on her. She confronted him. He denied it. Their argument turned into a fight. So she left him.
"Wasn't I….enough…Eze…"she sobbed I pulled her into a hug.
"Calm down" I whispered trying to keep my emotion in check I didn't want to give her mixed signals. But as we talked and held her, my mind wandered.
(Who am I? What am I even doing?) She pulled away slightly wiping her tears with a napkin.
"Thank you" she said her voice calmer now.
I exhaled "Did you eat….on the way here?"
"Yes" she lied then her stomach grumbled. She blushed.
I smirked. "Liar" She pouted. "Aight, I'll make us something quick." I went straight to the kitchen, cooking fried rice and roast chicken. It took about 30 minutes. When I came back with the food. I was surprised to see her watching a stand-up comedy on Netflix. It was the same series I frequently watched. She looked calmer now, and I was glad. I placed the food on the table.
She smiled "Thanks"
"I didn't know you were into stand-up comedy."
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me"
"Is that so?" I met her gaze
"Yes"
I swallowed I couldn't do this anymore.
I tossed and turned in my bed, my body aching, but it wasn't from the fever. My mind was a mess.
(Ezekiel…what the hell are you doing to me?)
I pressed my face into the pillow, groaning in frustration. I could still feel his touch-the way his finger ran through my hair, the way his palm lingered on my forehead, the way he looked at me. Like he wanted something. Like he wanted me. But then his damn phone rang. And just like that the moment was gone.
(Juliette.)
I clenched my jaw. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't. I was just….confused. I exhaled sharply, sitting up. My body still felt weak, but my mind was racing too much to sleep. I reached for my phone, my fingers hovering over Ezekiel's contact. Should I text him.
(No, that's stupid.)
I threw the phone back onto the bed and ran a hand through my hair-
I needed to stop thinking about him.
I needed to stop feeling like this.
But I couldn't .
The vibration on my phone startled me. I had been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, drowning in my thought when my screen lit up.
Ezekiel: "You awake?"
My heart skipped. I stared at the message, my fingers tightening my phone. I could ignore it. I should ignore it. But I didn't.
Me: "Yeah"
The reply was instant.
Ezekiel: "How are you feeling?"
I hesitated before typing.
Me: "Better. Still tired."
A pause. Then…
Ezekiel: "Good. You should rest"
i frowned. That's it?. I stared on the screen waiting for more. Nothing. I exhaled sharply, tossing the phone onto the bed.
(Why did he even text me?)
I turned onto my side, gripping the pillow. I should sleep. I should stop thinking about him. But my phone vibrated again. I grabbed it quickly.
Ezekiel: "I wanted to check on you"
I swallowed. My fingers hovered over the keyboard. I could say thank. I could say goodnight. But instead I typed.
Me: "Why?"
I stared on my screen, my heart pounding. Three dots appeared. Then disappeared. Then appeared again. I held my breath.
Ezekiel: "Because I care"
I felt my chest tighten. I didn't know what to say. So I didn't say anything. I just stared at the message, my heart racing, my mind a mess. And for the first time in a long time…..
I didn't feel so alone.
I stared at my phone, waiting. Gabriel had read my message. But he wasn't replying, I sighed rubbing my temples.
(Maybe I shouldn't have said that)
But it was the truth. I did care. More than I should. More than I was willing to admit. I glanced at Juliette, still asleep on the couch. She had been through hell. She needed me. But so did Gabriel. And I was stuck between them, torn between the past and the present, between what was right and what I wanted.
I locked my phone and leaned back against the couch. I needed to sleep. I needed to stop thinking about him. But as I closed my eyes all I could see was Gabriel.
And i knew-
This was only getting more complicated.
Juliette stirred in her sleep, murmuring something I couldn't quite make out. Her face was still damp with dried tears, her breathing uneven. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. She had been through too much. I couldn't leave her like this. Carefully, I slipped my arms under her and lifted her off the couch. She was lighter than I expected, fragile in a way that made my chest ache.
She mumbled something again, her fingers weakly clutching my hoodie. I carried her to the guest room, laying her down gently on the bed. She shifted slightly, curling into the pillow.
I pulled the blanket over her. She stilled. Then, in the quickest whisper, she murmured, "Don't leave me."
I froze. For a moment, I thought she was awake. But when I looked at her, her eyes were still closed, lost in some distant dream. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm here." I whispered. She didn't respond.
I stood there for a moment, watching her before finally stepping out of the room.