The morning sun spilled over the courtyard, illuminating a set of stacked barrels, loose planks, and a few oddly shaped stones. Adam sipped his coffee, surveying the makeshift training area like a general assessing his battlefield.
Environment: controlled chaos. Targets: human-sized challenge. Opportunity: maximum comedic impact.
"Today," Adam announced, "you shall attempt your first full-scale transmutation. Optional: disaster. Correct: spectacle. Mandatory: flair."
Edward groaned, arms crossed. "Flair… again? I still don't know how to take you seriously."
Adam tilted his head, coffee in hand. "Optional seriousness. Correct: engagement. Now… observe."
Alphonse's armored hand hovered over a small plank. "So… this is like a… big test?"
Adam nodded solemnly. "Correct. Optional hesitation. Correct improvisation. And remember—coffee is your co-pilot."
---
Adam began by dramatically drawing an oversized transmutation circle on the ground, complete with stars, swirls, and—suspiciously—a stick figure juggling pebbles in the center.
Edward frowned. "Why is there… a juggling stick figure?"
Adam twirled his coffee. "Optional clarity. Correct: inspiration. The circle must inspire chaos as much as control."
Alphonse chuckled. "I… think I get it?"
Adam gestured wildly. "Step one: focus. Step two: intention. Step three: flair. Optional panic. Correct results."
Edward muttered something about insanity, but positioned a barrel at the center. Alphonse arranged a few planks carefully around it.
Adam clapped dramatically. "Correct preparation! Optional perfectionism. Mandatory enthusiasm!"
---
The brothers began the transmutation. Sparks flew, barrels levitated slightly, and planks twirled awkwardly in the air. Edward's barrel tipped too soon, slamming into Alphonse's planks and sending them scattering.
Adam reacted with perfect comedic timing: he leapt, caught a flying plank mid-air, flipped backward, and landed on one knee, coffee still in hand.
Edward blinked. "You… you just caught it?"
Adam sipped calmly. "Correct. Optional panic. Correct improvisation."
Alphonse laughed. "I can't believe that actually worked!"
Adam winked. "Correct. Chaos and skill must coexist. Optional doubt. Correct practice."
---
Another attempt. This time Edward concentrated harder. The barrels lifted, spinning neatly, planks floating in a coordinated orbit, and a pebble balanced perfectly on top.
Alphonse added a leaf for extra flair. Adam clapped, spinning around like a conductor. "Correct! Optional monotony. Correct spectacle!"
Edward's eyes widened. "It's… it's actually working… properly!"
Adam took a dramatic sip of coffee. "Correct. Optional astonishment. Mandatory celebration."
Suddenly, Edward's barrel wobbled dangerously. Adam lunged, performing a triple flip, grabbing the barrel mid-air, and tossing it safely back to the ground.
Alphonse's laughter echoed across the courtyard. "He… he just… did a barrel flip!"
Adam nodded, adjusting his coat. "Correct. Performance saved. Chaos contained."
---
The challenge escalated. Adam instructed them to combine the barrels, planks, pebbles, and leaves into a small "human-sized" structure. Edward and Alphonse hesitated, unsure of how to proceed without wrecking the arrangement.
Adam leaned in, whispering dramatically: "Optional hesitation is the enemy. Correct: bold action. Visualize success… with flair."
Edward rolled his eyes but tried again. Sparks flew, planks shifted, and pebbles twirled in midair. Alphonse's careful adjustments stabilized the structure slightly.
Adam performed a celebratory somersault, landing perfectly on the final plank. "Correct! Chaos integrated into structure!"
Edward shook his head, smiling despite himself. "I still don't know how we're not all dead yet."
Alphonse laughed. "Yeah… but it actually works!"
---
Adam guided them through several more attempts, each one more elaborate. He occasionally interjected with absurd "tips":
"Optional gravity! Correct aim!"
"Mandatory coffee breaks improve focus!"
"Optional straight lines! Correct circles!"
The brothers began to understand Adam's methods: improvisation, chaos, and flair weren't just nonsense—they were tools to maintain control under unpredictable conditions.
Edward finally grinned. "Okay… I get it. This is weird, ridiculous… but it actually works."
Alphonse nodded. "Yeah… it's like… chaos makes sense now."
Adam clapped, spinning once dramatically. "Correct. Optional confusion. Correct enlightenment. Transmutation: achieved. Chaos: optimized."
---
By sunset, the courtyard was littered with slightly bent barrels, spinning planks, and hovering pebbles. Edward and Alphonse's "human-sized" structures were standing—just barely—but functional.
Adam surveyed the scene like a proud general. "Lesson complete. Optional boredom. Correct: success. Mandatory spectacle. Remember: alchemy is not merely circles and stones—it's improvisation, flair, and coffee."
Edward shook his head, grinning. "I… I still can't believe this actually worked."
Alphonse chuckled. "Yeah… it's ridiculous, but we learned something important."
Adam adjusted his coat dramatically. Next stage… inevitable. Chaos… required. Performance… continuing.
The brothers exchanged a glance, unsure if they had just met a mentor, a madman, or a combination of both. But one thing was certain: under Adam Thompson's absurd guidance, alchemy had become both effective and hilarious, and the path to mastery had never been more entertaining.